FF: KUCH LUV JAISA - LAST pt pg-72 NOTEpg-75 - Page 51

Chapter 24

Both of them rushed AS to the hospital, she was straightaway admitted in the ICU. He paced up and down the corridor anxiously, his mother must have heard everything, angry with himself he closed his eyes tightly and moved his hand back through his hair in tension. She creased her forehead seeing him worried, he must be going through hell she thought and went close to him to ask," sahab kala tai aur leela tai ko phone kar dein?" he shook his head in negation, there was no need to inform the sisters, it was already quite late, he would tell them in the morning, he took out his cell to call baaji," main baaji ko bula raha hoon thodi der baad tu uske saath ghar chali jaiyo ..main yahin rukta hoon." She stopped him from calling, she wouldn't go back with baaji without him, she too would stay back. He stared back at her for not listening to him but she was adamant on not leaving him alone, she pulled his arm and made him sit on the waiting chair. He leaned back and rested his head on the wall behind, he couldn't stop thinking about AS, she had loved him more than his real mother would have had she been alive, he remembered his childhood when she fed him with her hands, when he got hurt she was there to attend his wounds, he slept soundly on her lap forgetting everything and everybody around him. She not even once made him feel that he was not her real son, infact when he came to know the real faces of his sisters she was the one who stood by him against her daughters supporting him. After which he distanced himself from his family, became aloof and recluse but she still loved him the same, he became quiet and didn't interact with her much but she knew what he was going through, she could read his eyes, the pain, the hurt, the loneliness didn't go unnoticed by her. When seema broke his heart and left him, he once again found solace in her arms and peace by sleeping on her lap, not many words were exchanged between them but her act of brushing her fingers through his hair relieved him off all his tensions. Ever since she had fallen ill he was by her side, did everything possible to comfort her, didn't wish to lose her at any cost in fact one of the reasons behind his getting married was that she wanted him to settle down in life. All he wanted was to give her happiness but today he had given her the biggest grief possible. He clenched his jaws and curled his fingers in a tight fist cursing himself for being such a horrible son. Nakku noticed his distressed expressions and pressed his arm lightly, he opened his eyes which had tears in them to look at her, his voice quivered as he spoke," agar AS ko kuch.." she shook her head in negation," kuch nahin hoga AS ko ..vishwas karo sahab."

The doctor came out of the ICU both of them stood up to inquire about her health, the doctor informed them that AS's kidneys were already not functioning well, she was on dialysis and now her blood pressure had shot up tremendously because of which she suffered a heart stroke. They were trying to bring down her blood pressure and after which she would have to undergo bypass surgery. He collapsed on the chair and held his head in his hands, what could be more terrible than this? The fear of losing her shook him completely, he heard her say," sahab bappa sab theekh karenge." He lifted his head as she pointed towards the lord ganpati's idol in front of them, he gazed at it for a second then replied," nahin..tere bappa mujhe sazaa de rahe hain." She knotted her brows in confusion, why did he think that bappa was punishing him? He continued further," maine ek maa ko uske bacche se alag karne ka socha..uski sazaa toh milegi nah?" he had thought of committing the sinful act of separating his child from his mother, how could he not be punished for it, tears welled up in her hearing this and she slowly lowered them. She wanted to tell him not to blame himself for all this but words didn't escape from her mouth, she simply interwined her fingers with his. He pursed his lips in disgust, he had failed as a husband, as a son and now as a father too. How would his child love him back on knowing that he snatched away his mother from him as soon as he was born? and Why? because his father had lost faith in relationships? Just because his father had been betrayed by people around him for that he was thinking of punishing him and his mother? Were they really at fault? If he dared to dream about a child on whom he could shower all his love then why did he make his mother pay the price for it? He turned his neck to look at her, she was gazing the floor with her eyes downcast, for the first time he managed to feel the pain she must be going through in parting with her child and that too just for his sake and happiness. A child which was growing inside her for so long, whose heart beat, whose every small little movement she could feel, that child he wanted to take away from her. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, he hated himself for being so insensitive and ignorant towards her. He wasn't AS's real son yet he was so deeply connected to her that today the thought of losing her broke him and his heart into pieces then what she must be going through to separate from her own flesh and blood? He wondered, he could only wonder and curse himself. A while later he felt some weight on his shoulder, he turned his neck one more time and found her sleeping on his shoulder, he freed his hand from her firm hold slowly then carefully placed her head on his lap and stroked her arm gently while resting his head on the wall behind.

He came out of his slumber as the hospital started buzzing around, she too straightened herself and began rubbing her eyes. They both went to visit the doctor who told them that AS's blood pressure had come down and in a few hours from now she would undergo the heart surgery. He asked if they could meet her, the doctor allowed them to do so. He immediately rushed out of the cabin, she followed him behind but stopped at the door and said," sahab aap mil lo ? main tab tak ghar mein sabko bata deti hai." He nodded his head and handed over his cell phone to her so that she could inform baaji and everyone about AS. He pushed the door slowly and entered quietly, various machines were attached to her to monitor her heartbeat and pulse. He pulled the stool and sat near her, she turned to look at him," AS ab apko kaisa lag raha hai."he asked softly, she turned her neck and replied," afsos (sad) ho raha hai.. apne zinda hone par humein afsos ho raha hai." He narrowed his eyes in confusion, why was she talking so bitterly? Why was she upset to be alive? He took her hand in his and asked," aap aisa kyun keh rahi hain?" she took her hand back instantly and said," toh kya karein? Hum kabhi soch bhi nahin sakte the ki tum sirf ek bacche ke liye nakku se shaadi karoge." She shook her head in disappointment, she had never imagined that he would do something like this, marrying a girl just to get a child from her and then asking her to leave him and the child and go away? she was so happy to see him getting married, to see his family getting extended. She had thought at last he had found a true companion in nakku who would be by his side forever, but she was so wrong, she was ashamed of him," humein tumse ye umeed nahin thi..ye din dekhne se pehle hum mar kyun nahin gaye." He lowered his head in shame as a tear trickled down his cheek, all he wanted was to see her happy but today she didn't wish to live anymore thanks to him. When he had laid down those conditions before nakku at the time of their marriage he had not thought about the consequences of his actions, his one selfish and mindless act had ruined nakku's, his child's and now his mother life. Everyone except him were suffering because of him. He covered his face with his hands in self disgust and cried silently, she raised her hand to reach out to him but stopped midway, he heard the door open, stood up abruptly and went out at once.

Nakku stared at his retreating form in surprise then shifted her gaze to AS who was gesturing her to come to her. She stood near her and saw AS joining both her hands to seek forgiveness," nakku beta humein maaf karde." She immediately held her hands to stop her from apologizing," nahin AS ..ye aap kya kar rahi hain?" AS creased her forehead and said," dutta tere saath aisa karega humne kabhi soch bhi nahin tha." She bit her lower lips and replied," sahab ki ismein koi galti nahin hai..aap unko dosh mat do." AS pursed her lips and thought his son was never good at judging people, earlier he trusted everybody blindly which was why they took advantage of him and left him after playing with his feelings but when he had decided to marry nakku she had thought for the first time he had made the right choice and the way she looked after him, the way she brought back that lost smile on his face, the way they both took care of each other only reaffirmed her belief that she was made for him. AS pursed her lips and spoke," dutta nadaan hai ..usey teri bahut zaroorat hai ..tu usey kabhi chod kar mat jaana." AS held her hands pleading her not leave her son, tears shimmered in nakku's eyes she didn't wish to give her false promises, she had left everything on god and her destiny, she pressed AS's hands and said," aap araam kariye AS ..chinta mat kijiye sab theekh hoga." Worried leela and kala too came in to inquire about her, nakku moved back to allow them to meet her then left the room silently, AS's eyes followed her as she went out. He was outside having a word with the doctor, she stood beside him, he turned to look at her, his eyes were red without meeting her gaze he said," tu yahin ruk main tere liye kuch khane ke liye laata hoon."

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The whole family waited outside the operation theatre when AS was taken in for the bypass surgery, an endotracheal tube was inserted and secured by an anaesthetist and mechanical ventilation was started. The surgeon opened the chest and examined the heart then bypass grafts were harvested. At the end the heart was restarted and AS was shifted back to the ICU to recover. Everyone anxiously approached the doctor when he came out, he informed that the surgery was successful and if all went well then within a weeks time she would be discharged. They all sighed in relief, dutta glanced at Bappa's idol and let out a silent thanks. She was still under the effect of anaesthesia but kala, leela and roops wished to see her once even though she was asleep, the doctor allowed them, they hurriedly began walking towards the room along with baaji and nakku. After taking a few steps nakku noticed that he wasn't there she stopped and looked behind, he was still standing where he was, she frowned at him and asked," aap nahin chalenge?" he nodded his head and replied," tum log dekh lo main zara doctor se dawaiyon ki baat kar ke aata hoon." Although She didn't seem convinced with his excuse but then thought may be he wished to meet AS when she was awake, she went in quietly leaving him behind. A while later he walked slowly towards the room and peeped in through the glass window then before anybody could see and call him in he walked back to the doctor's cabin.

A couple of hours later AS gain conscious and found her children surrounding her bed, she gave out a weak smile indicating that she was fine now but her eyes searched for him, he wasn't there, at least that's what she thought unaware that he was standing alone out watching her through the glass window. He didn't have the courage to face her again, he was too ashamed of himself moreover he didn't wish to disturb her by his presence. Late in the evening he sent everybody to patil niwas including nakku who insisted on staying back with him but he didn't allow her, she needed proper rest and told her to come back in the morning all fresh. She left him reluctantly as he sat outside the room on the waiting chair keeping an eye on AS.

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With each passing day AS's health improved as she began recovering well thanks to the love and support of her daughters who stayed by her side throughout the days along with nakku while dutta most of the time kept himself busy by discussing about her progress, went home for some time just to fresh n up then stayed during the nights alone. Babi insisted on taking nakku along with her, he too didn't protest this time but nakku refused straightaway, she couldn't even think of leaving AS in this condition. It had been more than five days and he hadn't come to see her even once though she was kept updated about his whereabouts by nakku and baaji but still deep down she knew he was avoiding her. One night he was dozing off on the chair out when he suddenly heard her coughing, he rushed to her room by the time he had reached the door step she had stopped coughing. He was closing the door and was about to leave when he heard her ask," andhar nahin ayega?" he thought for a second then stepped in with eyes downcast and stood near her bed. She raised her hand gesturing him to sit down, with lowered head he sat on the stool. She looked at him and asked," naraaz hai humse?" he shook his head, no he wasn't upset with her, how could he be? She smiled and wondered then why was he not meeting her eyes? she said," phir humse nazrein kyun chura raha hai?" he lifted his head slowly as his eyes moved towards her, she could see the pain and remorse in them," hum nahin jante ke tere dil mein kya hai par hum nahin chahte ki tu nakku ke saath koi nainsaafi kare." She didn't know what was stopping him from accepting nakku's love when she knew that only nakku had and could make his life complete but if he still wished to live in his past then he had no right to destroy her present and future. He too now didn't wish to seek happiness by making her sad in any manner possible, he had already disrupted her past by overlooking her feelings but now not anymore. AS asked him hesitantly," kya tu aaj bhi seema se ..pyar ..karta hai?" he shook his head instantly, he no longer loved seema but was still somewhere living in his past. She heaved a sigh of relief and raised her hand to touch his head affectionately," kabhi socha hai nakku ke ghar chodne ki baat ne tujhe itna pareshan kyun kiya?" he took her hand in his and glanced back at her, his eyes seemed so innocent and vulnerable at that point of time, the question raised of him getting upset when nakku mentioned about leaving him after child birth hit his heart straight. If this wasn't enough the next question jolted him further," reh payega nakku ke bina?" he pursed his lips to remain strong but couldn't stop his eyes from getting moist, for the first time he parted his lips to speak," nahin janta." He really didn't know why the conditions that he himself had laid down were now disturbing him, he had no clue whether he would be able to live without her but his mother had all the answers, she could tell him but here telling wasn't required, self realization and acceptance on his part was needed " agar nahin janta toh soch ..isey pehle kahin der na ho jaye."she suggested. For long he was avoiding to find answers to these questions, for long he was letting his mind rule his heart and suppress his feelings, for long he was living under this confusion and blaming his past for casting a shadow on his present but then for how long could he continue doing this? He had to face reality and stop being in his illusionary world where everything happened as per his whims and fancies. He pressed her hand softly and asked," AS aaj main apke saath so sakta hoon?" she smiled back at him and nodded her head, in his younger years whenever he was upset or confused he used to sleep on her lap peacefully, she would brush her fingers through his hair and all his tensions used to get released, he missed doing that, he missed sharing his problems with her. He kept his head on the bed and closed his eyes as she stroked his head gently.

In the morning nakku came with baaji and brought breakfast for him. He appeared a lot more relaxed and at peace today. He felt her gaze on himself and looked up from his plate, she smiled and asked him," apki baat ho gayi AS se?" he frowned at her in surprise, how did she know that he had finally spoken to AS? He didn't reply on the contrary questioned back," tujhe kaise pata?" she too didn't answer back, just continued to smile, his de-stressed eyes and less anxious face said it all. He shook his head thinking this woman understood not only what his lips said but also what his silence said. After finishing the breakfast he went to meet the doctor and she went to see AS. He was relieved to know that AS was making good progress and would be discharged in another two days. Happy on hearing this news he came out of the cabin and headed towards AS's room to find her refusing to have that bland vegetable soup, he chuckled on thinking that refusing nakku was not at all easy and he was right a minute later AS was having that soup. He glanced at nakku, she always succeeded in getting her way out, she would be an excellent mother without any doubt.

Late in the evening when he was sitting with AS, kala and kishore came in, " bhau aaj raat main kishore yahan ruk jayenge..tu ghar jaa." He nodded his head in refusal, he was fine here and didn't mind staying back for the night," nahin tai..main theekh hoon yahan." Kala shot a helpless look at AS to convince him to go back home, AS nodded her head and said," dutta tu din raat yahan rehta hai ..dekh kitna thak gaya hai..raat ke liye chala jaa." It was true he was tired by staying up late and not sleeping properly but still he didn't wish to leave her side. Seeing him not move kala once again spoke," kya bhau tujhe humpe vishwas nahin hai? Do din ki toh baat hai phir AS bhi ghar aa jayegi." He shifted his eyes from kala to AS who gave out a reassuring smile that she was fine," ghar par nakku ko bhi toh teri zaroorat ho sakti hai nah? Phit humari kahi hui baat par bhi toh tujhe sochna hai." He shook his head, they were right he was worrying unnecessarily, she was a lot better now and soon would get discharged. He got up to leave but paused at the door and turned back to look at her, who nodded her head up, he smiled and blinked his eyes, he would definitely think about his actual feelings towards nakku.

Slipping his hands in his pockets he left the room only to stop in the corridor, he turned his neck to the left and saw the idol of lord Ganpati, he walked towards it, lit the lamp before leaving the hospital.

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