*looks around the piles of MCAT books just waiting to be touched*
*glances at the paperwork she needs to fill out for her medical school application*
Blah!
*realizes she doesn't care at this moment* 😆
*sigh* You know I read this chapter the day you posted it. I kid you not - the DAY you posted it! I was at a meeting and the judge I was supposed to meet with was 2 hours late. So I was online on IF from my phone and I read this whole chapter in a fairly occupied room. Needless to say, the jolts of anger that vibrated my body were a cause for concern to some! 😆 But OMG dude! I can see how you'd think I'd already read this chapter. What I had said has some uncanny similarities with what the characters are actually going through - but is mein mera koi kamal nahi hai! It's all you! You write so well - you make me feel what the characters are feeling and you do that with such precision that I'd be a fool to miss it! 😳 So trust me on this one. It's all you!
About the commenting - I think I have quite a lot to say here (which is why I've waited so long to reply) although I am not sure all of it will make sense.. 😆
*sigh* You know, sometimes I wonder if this is even POSSIBLE - if it's even possible for you to care for someone to such a selfless extent that you only care for their happiness with no regards to your own. I really do wonder. *sigh* And Dutta's so completely engulfed by Nakku's existence (even though she isn't present around him at the moment) that it makes me feel k chahey real life mein aisa ho na ho, we can definitely find such selflessness in stories. And even though he is selfless ABOUT her, he is quite selfish about EVERYTHING else. In his selflessness for her and her happiness, he has disregarded everything else and everyone else. Is that presentation really that important? Has there never been a project of more monetary value to the company than this one? And as you've already said, even if this was the one most important monetary gain his company had every seen, would it matter if it wasn't for the fact that it brought him closer to his "Nasha"? And what about the need to relocate - did he really need to pack up his bags and leave? Was he being selfless for her and her "happiness" or was that an act of selfishness on his part - to preserve himself from all "pain" related to "Nasha" even though it might have caused great distress to his co-workers and employees? He even left behind his mother - all to get away from "Nasha"... Was this a selfless act where Dutta gave up his mother for Nasha or was this a selfish one where Dutta distances himself from his mother in order to preserve his own sanity? So then my question really becomes, is selflessness of this magnitude even POSSIBLE without an equally high volume of selfishness that accompanies it? And I totally realize that this is so not related to the FF - but this is just something I ALWAYS notice i.e. Selflessness and selfishness are two very essential attributes of true love - without one you definitely cannot have the other. At least from what I've noticed. But enough of me yapping on.. 😆*sigh* Nakusha... She wants so hard to forget everything in her life - to escape from the pain and the burden of her life that it's no surprise that when she thinks of herself she imagines a girl who is literally "invisible" to the world. She uses phrases like "hidden behind the darkness" and "blended into life" and to me it feels like it's her way of emoting her desire to "disappear" and leave behind all her pain and troubles. She was a simply girl with simple desires - all she wanted was to keep her parents happy, to have a loving family, to be intellectually satisfied and to have the support of a man that loved her, respected her and understood her. She didn't expect him to be at her beck and call, but a cool glass of water at the end of a hard day was one of those simple effortless things that she's expected from her partner. And now that she doesn't have ANY of that, I can totally see how she might be exhausted and broken - gosh I felt exhausted for her!
Mrs. Nakusha Ravi Singh. I have never hated a name more! I just had to say it! *stubbornly folds arms over chest* 🤢
Okay... Let me just say this before I turn into Hulk and erupt in a fit of rage. I UNDERSTAND why Nakusha did what she did. I UNDERSTAND why Nakusha reacted how she did. I UNDERSTAND why Nakusha's scared of her husband. I UNDERSTAND. I know she doesn't have support - with her parents almost nonexistent and no one there to take care of her, I can see how her spirit is crushed and how she's just lost the will to fight and the view of the bigger picture. There is so much pain around her that she just doesn't even realize that she can step away from all of it should she choose to. I get it! I understand.
BUT! Dammit I DO NOT LIKE IT!!! GAHHHH!! Dammitdammitdammitdammit!!!! *fumes in anger* GAHH! Okay. Alright. Can I dare to present a different scenario of what I would have liked to have happened when Nakku saw her watch and realized she was late? I'd like her to comfortably walk back to her apartment. Without fear or discomfort, I would like her to enter and close the door. Head for the kitchen and get herself whatever her heart desires without even a hint of rush in it. And when that a**-wipe showed up reeking of alcohol she'd ask him to stick it where the sun don't shine. But since he's too drunk to know his a** from his face I would not expect him to understand. Instead I'd expect him to be a jerk and ask her about her alleged extramarital affairs. At which point I'd like her to remind him that since he wasn't man enough to satisfy her physically or monetarily he had NO right to question her! And should his little heart desire, he could go drown himself in a puddle of his own vomit. But since he is still quite a thick skinned moron I'd expect him to try and lay his filthy paws on Nakusha. And that my friend is when Nakusha would have slammed that glass that held her water as HARD as she could on his head. Followed by a full swing of her tight fist-ed arm onto his temple. And when he was down on the grown trying to catch his balance, I would expect Nakusha to stomp on his family jewels with all her might. And she could repeat that process for the next thirty seconds. After which she'd tell him in a calm voice that the next time he tried to touch her she'd saw his arm off along with a few other appendages that he might hold dear. *takes deep breath* THAT is what I would appreciate Nakku to do!! *vibrates in a fit of rage*
And it's not like Nakku isn't angry at what had happened - she was! At the pier, when she's throwing her shoes and asking where "he" was, she's totally angry! She's angry at how her life has turned out and she's angry at her inability to stop it (yet). And she's frustrated. And I know I'll get to see her anger directed to the rightful recipient in the future - I just know that. But that doesn't mean the wait is any less tormenting. *sigh*
*sigh* *sigh* *sigh* Dutta KNOWS something is wrong! He KNOWS he needs to be at the pier. He KNOWS. He doesn't know why.. but he HAS to be there. It's like an invisible force tugging him towards the pier and he can't understand why (at least not consciously) and a part of him doesn't want to understand because then that would mean that his Nasha is in trouble and that is more painful a thought than he'd like to bear.
And when he gets to the pier, I love how he is "content" to be around his Nasha (even though he doesn't know it yet) like he's home. And simultaneously he's also overcome by anxiety and anticipation for something that isn't right - only he doesn't know what yet! This mix of emotions with his thoughts and feelings being pulled in two different directions - *sigh* I can so appreciate that! I loved it!! Really did!!
As Dutta looks at a "figure" by the pier it's like his "dormant soul is brought back to life" - *sigh* *sigh* *sigh*... Do I even need to say anything here? You don't know what you're missing till you find it - and that's what I feel has happened to Dutta in that moment. For years he's been telling himself that he's okay and that he's gotten over Nasha. That the fact that she's married with someone else and "happy" is all that matters and he has been able to live his life entirely in spite of that knowledge. He has been telling himself that day in and day out. But NOW when he finally lays eyes on "her" and her heart beats back to life - NOW he knows how juvenile he was being when he'd thought that he was ever living without her.. *sigh* *sigh* *sigh*
So.. Would it be too much of me to ask for the next episode? 😳 And you'd it be too harsh for me to ask for Nakku to stomp on Ravi's family jewels at least twice in one of the coming chapters? *innocent muh* Please..!!
Edited by -Fivr- - 15 years ago
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