Hi my lovelies with perfectly functioning ankles!! Thanks so mch for pouring in so much love!!!
Yes, we are nearing climax soon, hence I decided upon random updates!! I try and keep an update once in two three days but no promises Haan!!
A part of me just wants to post rest all parts together in impatience, but the writer in me wants to do justice to every chapter!! Hence the slow pace!! Let's just say by next week the story will be over!
So on that note, happy reading!! And please do keep commenting!
Much love!
Chapter 8
I was worried for her - she was overworking. She always did, but this was too much. I hadn't seen her in the last two days, I hadn't heard from her either, and whenever I tried contacting her, she was busy - I wanted to talk to her, find out if she was fine - daadi told me she looked really tired nowadays, and even after sharing the same room, I never got to see her - was she just busy or was something wrong? I wanted to talk to her desperately and tell her things I never thought I would tell Pragya. I wanted to firstly tell her about Tanu - that Tanu was getting engaged to Nikhil in a short while. I wanted to tell her that all this while I was spending time with her, I was just helping her out with Nikhil - I wanted to tell her, I had moved on, Tanu's proximity to Nikhil didn't bother me anymore, I wanted to ask her if she was ready to look beyond Suresh and give life another chance. No I wasn't in love with her - but I was used to her, she fit my life so perfectly that it felt she belonged right there - I didn't want changes in my life. If she was willing, I wanted to give this marriage a fair chance.
I was surprised to begin with, when my driver called to inform me that she had refused to use the car - my intuition was right, there was something amiss. However I couldn't put my finger at what exactly went wrong - I haven't done anything to hurt her, and as far as my knowledge goes, no one else in my family either has, not the ones that count anyway. I decided to wait, and confront her that day - I knew she would be tired, but this had to come off, I decided to keep it short, but nonetheless have the conversation tonight. I was standing by the balcony waiting, when my eyes fell on something slightly out of place. Here in Hill Road - it is quite a posh place, unless your pockets are heavy, there are very little chances that one could afford to even rent a place here. Then what were the couple in a rickety old scooter doing here? That to so late at night? It took me another thirty seconds to realize that the scooter stopped right outside our mansion, and once the lady got off, it was unmistakably the silhouette of Pragya. When the man took off the helmet to talk to her, my doubt found justification - it was Mr. Double Battery for sure. Something in me felt irked seeing the view before me, but I hadn't still questioned it then - Pragya had refused my car to be dropped by this man is such a rickety vehicle? Was she that annoyed with me? But my thoughts were clouded the next moment when I saw the two sharing a very intimate embrace before she walked towards our mansion - my blood boiled in irritation - so this was the reason she was busy? No, no one in my household had irked her, she wouldn't care if they did even - who were we anyway? Her life revolved around Suresh right? I quietly walked back to the room - in a few minutes she walked in - she was startled to see me awake but she didn't stop by to exchange words, even though I was staring right into her eyes - she just looked away and walked towards the closet determinedly.
I waited for a second debating whether to confront her or not - but what was the point anyway? She was with the man she always loved, why would she want to give this farce of a marriage a try? Why would she care to know about Tanu anyway - when her love life had sorted after eons and the man she loved reciprocated to her feelings? It didn't matter whether I wanted to give this marriage a chance - clearly she didn't. I decided to let her be - I was too irritated to talk rationally anyway, so I left for the recording room.
The next month passed that way, Pragya was happy in her own life with Suresh - she hardly spent time at home, I hardly got to see her - I also purposely stayed away from home to avoid her - but every time we were around and Suresh would call, it would irk me, every time she smiled seeing his call, my blood would boil. I felt violated, I felt Suresh was there everytime we both spoke, if not physically, at least in her mind. I cursed myself for not being upfront like Pragya was, when she set limits for Tanu. I wish I could do the same for Suresh. I was way better than Suresh - infact there was no competition there at all, but still why did Suresh get the one person I want to call my own?
I thinks all of this hit the pit on my birthday, when she arranged an extravagant party for me, she was present throughout the time as my wife in my arms - for the world. Her smile didn't falter for a moment even, but it didn't reach her eyes either, I knew she was on duty. It was also the day, I had realized that I had reached my threshold of acceptance - I wanted to be free, it was too claustrophobic for me. I decided to have a word with her and tell her about what I want - I wanted to tell her that I can't have this going this way and I wanted to give it a chance - there could be two outcomes to this, either she would tell me she loves Suresh and wants to be with him, or she would know that she could come back to me too - I would give her choices to ease her decision - I needed clarity, even if she chose Suresh over me, I wanted that out in the open between us, so that she didn't need to pretend and I didn't feel exhausted.
I was sitting on the bed waiting, tonight I was going to talk to her and clarify things for sure. She was still in the closet changing. Then when she came out, in one moment everything changed.
***
I was feeling very weak for a few days, I could feel the last months excessively demanding work schedule taking its toll on me, on that I kept doing chores for Bulbul and Purab's impending wedding. Of course I would come home late to avoid him, and would also wake up early so that I could leave without having to talk to him - in a way, things between us had gone back to the initial days of our wedding, and in ways, this was very different, the coldness between us used to sting me.
But today, throughout the time I was at the party with Abhishek, I was not feeling right, my head was spinning slightly for quite some time, owing to the mild fever I was neglecting for about a week now - With Bulbul's wedding right round the corner, I couldn't afford to fall sick now - unwillingly, I had decided to take the next day off from work - I knew Abhishek would most probably be around and not like the fact that he wouldn't be able to sneak Tanu in tomorrow, but I really needed some rest. Once this was decided, I was coming out of the closet, I had changed for the night, after the party - but the moment I stepped out, my head, without giving any prior notice, started spinning at an alarming pace and before I knew it, I lost my balance, all I remember seeing before everything went blank was Abhishek, with a look of horror in his face was running towards me.
Suddenly I felt awake, but my eyelids were too heavy to move, my body was aching like I have been beaten with ramrods shortly before I woke up - As much as I wanted to battle my eye-lids, they were stubbornly against me, so I decided to rest for some more while before trying. But within minutes as my body became responsive to the things around me, I felt a pair of hands on my hand, it was gruff and big, I was too disoriented to think much, but then I heard a door creak open, and the man holding my hand, who I suppose had dozed off, seemed to jerk awake. It was followed by voices, "Puttar, how is Pragya now? Is she conscious yet?" I heard a very concerned daadi's voice. The man next to me moved it seemed, before I heard his voice, "Daadi Pragya is much better now - but unfortunately hasn't gained consciousness now" came Abhishek's voice. Then heard my mother's voice, I am not sure if she was there all along or she came in with daadi, "Betaji, what is the doctor saying, why isn't she gaining consciousness? Is she going to be alright?" my loving erratic mother seemed nervous as ever, but what soothed me was the gentle way in which Abhishek was soothing my mother promising her I would be okay - from the conversation around me, I gathered the doctor had diagnosed me with stress fatigue, and had suggested I rest amply and do not do much travelling - people around me were now discussing in hushed voices about my impossibly busy schedule and how all that had to be stopped now for a while.
I opened my eyes, it was late in the night I guess, I don't know when I passed out again, while I was hearing their conversations, but now I truly felt awake. I stirred a little and immediately felt a body next to me go terse, this time the hands were soft and feminine. I was a little disappointed that this wasn't Abhishek. Nonetheless I found it easier to open my eyes this time, and when I finally did, an alert and apprehensive face of Bulbul came to view, she looked tired and worried and mumbled, "Di" after a little while - In fact I was happy to have Bulbul here - I needed to get a few things in place. I was overtiring myself just to avoid Abhishek and that in turn was taking it's toll on Bulbul's wedding preparations - I would make sure that didn't happen any longer - If Abhishek needed Tanu, he would have her, without my interference.
Bulbul looked unsure while I told her what I wanted, she looked at me with suspicious eyes and questioned if I had a fight with Abhishek, I denied it, it was also true - when did Abhishek and I interact enough to have a fight nowadays? But after convincing her that, because I needed rest and so I won't be able to run around helping our mother with her wedding preparations, I suggested, I moved with ma and Bulbul to our Chembur home until the wedding - that way ma could take care of me without worrying about me being away, and I can help ma with all the list making and accounting that can be done from bed - I also cited this would be the last time we could stay like the olden days when we all stayed together! Bulbul, though suspicious at start, seemed to buy my story by the end - she promised to talk to the families about it..
The next day when I was moved to a cabin, Abhishek came to see me. But he wasn't alone, Suresh had come with him - as much as I liked seeing Suresh there, I felt hurt and disappointed that Abhishek didn't come to see me alone - what if I had something personal to discuss, to tell him? He was my husband after all - but moments after that I realized the irony, he was my husband but was I his wife? Maybe he consciously wanted to avoid the one on one confrontation and hence he brought someone along? I sighed, and spoke to Suresh, giving Abhishek a cold shoulder all the while - he didn't seem too enthusiastic to talk anyway - and deep down that was hurting me. After a while, when Suresh was leaving, Abhishek got up to leave with him, but before I could think properly, I asked Abhishek to wait behind for a moment - because I wanted to talk to him - he looked surprised, and that look cut through me, but today I was going to set myself free tonight. As he turned to look at me with mixed emotions on his face, I made a point to look him into the eyes, "What is it?" he asked most nonchalantly, it broke me, but I kept a steady and confident voice as I answered, "After I get discharged, I want to stay with Bulbul and Ma until Bulbul's wedding". He looked at me surprised, and had only muttered a "but." However, I didn't let him complete his statement - "No Abhishek, Ma needs me. And I need to be there, closed to my loved ones" I had said. His face was clouded for a moment, and for a split second I thought he looked vulnerable, but before I could look through, he was back to his indifferent self, as he said, "Okay then - that can be arranged. Anything else? "No" I replied curtly. Then he just turned around and left. At the same time, a lone tear escaped my eyes.
CID
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