~Abhigya OS - Without You~

Abhigya OS - Without You

By Simmi

Pragya

I looked on hopelessly as I watched him disappear out of the door, gone. I shook as I sobbed a shivering mess on the floor. I held my head in my hands as tears continued to roll down my cheeks.

What had I done?

This was all because of me, why had I messed things up? This was not what I wanted; it was me that should be out of this house not him. He didn't deserve this.

Everyone walked away shaking their heads as I sat there sobbing continuously. When would he come back? Would he come back? I didn't know and that worried me. How was I meant to stay here without him? I was nothing, nothing at all without him.

~

Abhi

I stepped out away from her and my Daadi, two people that meant so much to me. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest, I had no idea where I was going to go, what I was going to do. All I knew was that my Daadi whom I loved the most didn't want me, why would she? I had done so much wrong, I knew I didn't deserve her forgiveness.

But it wasn't just Daadi, it was her too. The image of her falling to the ground as I left flashed before me, she didn't deserve this. Why was she suffering for my mistakes? I had wronged her in so many ways but I still wanted to be with her because it was her support that kept me going.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I realise I had come to my flat. It was somewhere I came to calm myself down but this time I wasn't going back. I was here without her and without her I was nothing.

~

Pragya

It was night now as I watched the moon from the balcony and it reminded me of our silly yet memorable times we had spent here. When we had been drunk and tried to catch the moon, when I had hidden from his because I didn't know his reaction to my confession after the welcome party and before I knew it I was laughing but then the painful memory of the fact that he wasn't here started the tears yet again.

Where would he be now? How was he coping? I didn't belong here, not without him I didn't. I was only ever complete with him by my side, with him to look over me but right now he wasn't. I don't know if that makes me selfish but all I wanted was to spend my last moments with him in a joyful way, just like it used to be. He hadn't phoned or sent any message to inform that he was okay.

I looked out at the night's sky which was completely dark and dull just like my life at the moment. Was he looking at it too? Was he thinking about me as well? I heard my phone beep from inside the room and I ran in to see it was his message. I wiped my tears furiously as I read it.

Fuggy, don't worry, I am fine. I am at my flat. Will meet tomorrow, good night and make sure you sleep, it will be okay :)

I smiled at his heart warming message and it gave me hope but I knew he wasn't okay. I quickly replied back.

Hope you are okay, don't worry Daadi will forgive you after she thinks over things I will talk to her. Good night :)

I felt my heart thumping as I waited for a reply and my phone beeped again.

Thanks for everything fuggy, it means a lot. Good night

I smiled as I put my phone away and I had some hope. I would talk to Daadi tomorrow, she would listen to me. I looked up at the moon again as it shone brightly, maybe things could be better. I walked back to the room and lay down on the sofa as I watched the empty bed where he would normally be sleeping with his legs all over the place. I hoped that he would be back like that soon, even though then I wouldn't be here to watch him but these memories would be enough for me to cherish, even though it hurt to imagine living like this, forever without him...

~

Abhi

I smiled as I sent the text and then I looked at the photo of me, Daadi, Aliya and her. We all had that shine in our eyes, we were happy then. But now we weren't and I was at fault for snatching their happiness. Aliya had been wrong but she was still my sister and I wanted her to talk to but she had left. I wanted to speak to Daadi but she didn't want me either. Fuggy did but I couldn't go to her, not yet. She had done so much for me I didn't know where I would be without her support.

I looked in the mirror and hated the image that reflected back. This was what had become of me - the once happy Rockstar was now a mess, a liar, a cheat...

I lay down on the bed but it wasn't the same. I know she never slept next to me apart from that one time with the border but I felt empty without having her on the sofa to watch and make sure she was okay. I stroked the empty side of the bed where I longed her to be. I longed to wrap my arms around her but she wasn't there for me to hold.

I felt restless and it brought back the memory of that morning with the coffee when she had pulled me to herself in her sleep and I longed that hug from her but it wouldn't happen no matter how much I wanted it. Even if I were to go back and seek Daadi's forgiveness it would mean spending the rest of my life without her and I couldn't imagine that.

Never before had I gone to sleep afraid of tomorrow but here I was crying myself to sleep alone. My parents had passed away long ago but even then my Daadi and Aliya were always with me and after them there was fuggy but today I had no one.

Why were things the way they were? I don't believe in anything but whether she was a blessing from God, my luck or in my destiny I don't know, I didn't appreciate her when I had the chance and now no matter how much I try I can't have her. Daadi was right, we never realise someone's worth until they are gone and when we do it's too late. That was exactly what I had done, what good was it regretting now. She had become a part of me now and there she would always remain. Life was so different ever since she entered. She came and changed me my thought completely. How would I ever learn to live without her?