She lay so still and pale, so lifeless that he might have wondered otherwise if not for Dr Mehta's assurance outside.
He walked upto her bed and stood beside it, wondering how to alert her to his presence. He did not have to try hard. She opened her eyes as if on cue. It was almost eerie, her ability to sense his proximity. It had always made him feel uneasy.
She turned her head slowly to the right and looked into his eyes. For the first time in his life, he found himself looking away unable to meet someone's eyes! Why did she make him feel so guilty? How was he responsible for her act? Why did he feel like he had committed some crime!
Offence is the best form of defence, as they say!
"What were you thinking?"
Her lips moved slowly, the words a mere whisper.
"Don't know!"
His temper flared.
" You don't know? You go ahead and try to kill yourself and you don't know why? After you've been saved, you ask to meet a man who is nothing to you, as opposed to your entire family and the man you are to marry, and you don't know why?"
The last words came out so loudly that the duty nurse poked her head in through the curtains. One glare had her scampering away in fear!
"What did you think? That my heart would melt? That I would go down on my knees and profess undying love? If so, you picked on the wrong man, lady! I am not the one to be moved by emotional blackmail!"
"Why did you come then?"
"I came as your dean, I came as a doctor who had been informed that a patient wanted to meet him! Not as some besotted lover rushing to his beloved's bedside, mind you!"
She closed her eyes again and swallowed hard!
Did he have to be so harsh? Couldn't he have let her down lighter? Been just a little nicer? Like he had pointed out, she was a patient after all! No, not after the stunt she had pulled. He needed to knock any silly dreams out of her eyes. Dreams he had done nothing to encourage. He was not that sort! He did not make false promises. He had not with her either. What happened between them happened with mutual consent, after he had clearly warned her not to have any expectations.
"Could you please do me a favour?"
"What?"
"Could you please go along with my story that you are reason for this?"
He was astounded.
"What do you mean? You are going to tell your family that I am reason why you wanted to kill yourself? And I have to play along? What do you take me for?"
She swallowed hard again even as she shook her head with great effort.
"Not like that. Remember the patient we lost two days ago? He was the first patient who died under my watch! My family already knows I took it bad. I am going to tell them that you pointed out to me that he could have been saved but for negligence on my part! I was so consumed by guilt since then that I found it hard to live with myself. Unable to handle the pressure, I inadvertently overdosed!"
He was taken aback by the convoluted explanation. Or was it so convoluted after all?
He looked at her suspiciously.
"Is that why you did it?"
Her lips curled dryly.
"What do you think?"
He did not know what to think.
"If I had died, there would have been no need to offer an explanation. My reasons would have turned to ashes along with me! Now that I am alive, I have to come up with something else. If I had the courage to tell them the truth, I wouldn't have attempted to kill myself in the first place!"
Had her near-death experience addled her brains? Or had they addled his?
Dr Mehta chose that moment to make an appearance.
"Dr Nidhi...you asked for five minutes. I've given you ten. You are not getting anymore concessions, so what if you are one of our best doctors. You clearly are not as smart as I thought!"
The last was said with a sideward glance at Ashutosh.
Ashutosh had had enough. He turned around to leave when her voice stopped him.
"I'm really sorry, Sir. I swear I will not repeat this mistake again. I know my promise cannot bring back a dead man but, please forgive me if you can!"
The die was cast!
He could only nod his head before leaving.
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Why had she done this?
He had thought he knew her as well as he knew himself. In fact, he thought they understood each other better than anyone else in the world. It was a bond formed when they were mere toddlers, bawling their eyes out on the first day of kindergarten. They had shared all their secrets with each other, covered up for each other when they had gotten into trouble with their parents, been there for each other when they had lost their pets, always and forever together. When they had started having feelings for each other, they had turned to each other to help them understand what was happening to them. Together, they had discovered they were in love with each other, together they had discovered that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. Then, two days before the wedding, she had attempted suicide. And he had not even had an inkling that something was wrong? What did this mean? That he did not know her after all? What if she had gone? Would he have been able to survive her loss?
Rohan's thoughts were broken when Dr Ashutosh Mathur stepped out of the ER. Why had she asked to see him, ahead or her family and he himself? What did this man have to do with anything?
Before he could think any further, Ashutosh had stepped up to Nidhi's father.
"I am sorry, Sir. It appears that I am to blame for Nidhi's hasty actions!"
They were all shocked, Rohan most of all! What did that mean?
"I had pulled her up over the loss of a patient! I had no clue she would take it so much to heart, that she would do something as stupid as this! Please forgive me!"
Col Verma shook his head.
"You only did your duty, Sir. How were you to know that she is such a sensitive girl! It is not your fault!"
Dr Ashutosh nodded uneasily.
"Sir, I am Rohan, Nidhi's fianc. Is she completely out of danger? Can we go in and see her now?"
Dr Ashutosh looked at him strangely before nodding his head.
"Yes...yes...she is out of danger...no reason to worry anymore...they will be shifting her to a private room shortly...you can all see her then...and I think Dr Mehta will permit you to take her home tomorrow most likely...the hospital is committed to making sure she is fit and fine...she is very dear to us!"
"Thank you, Dr Mathur...Nidhi has told me a lot about you...thank you for your kindness towards her!"
Rohan turned to look at Anjie in surprise. She was Nidhi's friend from medical school. Maybe that is why Nidhi had chosen to speak to her about her hospital colleagues.
There seemed a strange exchange of looks between Dr Mathur and Anjie before he left in a hurry, after nodding at them all!
All Rohan wanted now was to see Nidhi, hug her hard and assure himself that she was well!
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His convertible raced down the highway, the breeze a strong force against his face.
It was what he did always, when he felt the need to think, to sort through his feelings.
He needed a clear head to think, more now than any other time.
Why was this all happening? He had bedded many women before but there had never been any messy emotions at the time of parting. Both parties had been clear on the score and that was that! Was he foolish in thinking the idiot understood things just as well as any of his ex-girlfriends? His first instinct that evening had been to steer clear, when he had seen her holding her face up to the skies, rejoicing in the blessing of rains that they were showering on her. It was at that moment that he had first recognised that she was a woman. Till then, she had just been another doctor, a good colleague. She had been unlike any women he had known in the past! No make up, no fancy clothes, no flirtatious ways, no nothing! Just an ordinary woman with fairly ordinary features. Until he had seen her face transformed. She had soaked in the rain, much like the parched earth does. Her transparent face reflected the joy and the pleasure she derived from feeling the water cascading down her form! A glimpse of that expression and Ashutosh had been turned on like never before in his life. It was like all the blood in his body suddenly coursed southwards, making him so full of want, a hunger that he was suddenly convinced that she alone could appease! It had been late evening, he was leaving the hospital and heading towards his car when he had caught sight of her in the small garden that lay beyond the hospital parking lot. A flash of lightning had lit up her face and lo behold, Ashutosh was captivated as never before. She had suddenly looked directly into his eyes, as if she had sensed him watching her. There had been an exchange of looks, more potent and powerful than any physical caress he had known before. She had then walked away in the direction of her car, without saying a word. No explanation, no apology, none of the social awkwardness that he had otherwise seen her display. It was as if the rain had washed away all her uncertainties, leaving her as sure and confident as Eve herself!
He had known then that he had to have her, come what may! And the perfect opportunity had presented itself at the Annual Gala Ball in Delhi!
Edited by Sujatha.rao - 12 years ago
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