Chapter 4:-
It was still dawn, bleak daylight slithered through curtains reflecting its faint light on dark walls of her room ….Nidhi sat, crouching, with her knees pulled to her chest, bending down her head ….her face clusters of emotions and her breath hitched like she is holding up something big and wide
She felt suffocated; exhausted inside her head, inside her painful thoughts …badly she needed a way out, from herself …
Stuffing her feet in racer shoes, she slipped outside from the safety of her home under bleak morning sky ….
She felt confused, fuzzy and more importantly she felt so inadequate for him, for everything around her "Don't you know by now Ms Verma that I am falling for you, I cannot lose you ...Ever"
Her heart flipped with joy, even in her despair she smiled by just remembering his dazzling smile but soon her face crumbled down as her ugly thoughts intensified inside her head completely overruling her short termed calmness
With her head bent down and shoulder drooped like she is carrying some unknown burden, she stepped out …
These early morning jogs is one of the habits which turned out as very good outlet for her when things went horribly wrong, people run to burn their calories but for years she ran to burn her thoughts, her emotions which she did not knew how to control nor sure what do with them anymore…All those years if anything saved her, if anything pulled her back to sanity are these small time she spent with her ….where she ran till her inside burned down to ashes and her despair dripped down along with her sweat until her inside freezed like her surrounding , with her calm and controlled expression and wearing racer shoes ..She ran all over the city like a person who never gets exhausted…
"Mind if I join ….?" Startled by the voice Nidhi looked up to find Anjie standing holding pair of running sneakers.
A delighted smiled crawled on her face instantly "Come fast …." She mumbled pulling Anjie by hand….
Stuffing her feet in shoes, Anjie joined and soon they ran past locality, out on deserted road, gasping, stumbling along the firm path way
"So what is happening? Any news from Ashuthosh?" after a while anjie asked her
Nidhi looked away guiltily….
Anjie was quick to gauge this expression "you met him?" she asked carefully
"yes…" Nidhi replied
" and …?"
" he said yes …." Nidhi gave a pale smile "he likes me ….!' She added in her meek voice
Anjie did not miss the spark in her friend's eyes, coming forward with a broad smile she hugged Nidhi "My goodness Nidhi ….I am so happy for you ….so so happy" Anjie replied tugging her shoulder
"So what did you replied ….?" Anjie asked expectantly
In turn nidhi just shrugged her shoulder "I did not say anything till now …."
The smile on Anjie's face wiped out to replace with deep frown "what's wrong ...? I thought you really like him!"
" yes ..but it does not mean I can trust him ….."
Anjie closed her eyes "trust!...do you think uncle is so careless that he will get you married to someone just like that ….beside he is not some stranger ….he is your baba's friend's son, common Nidhi ..get over it …" Anjie huffed out
"That is not the only reason ….you know there are other reason" Nidhi added slowly
" what are those reason …?" Anjie scowled
"He is perfect in every sense Anjie…. you know he is just perfect ...and look at me!" Nidhi stuttered
Anjie glared "I am looking at you….and I am not finding any flaws , you are beautiful , you are smart , you are self sufficient , you are well educated ….."
Nidhi cut short her words "at least you should understand me
"Don't tell me you still not over that Amar fiasco…" Anjie scowled.
Slumping down in stone bench, she clutched those stone edges for support "I don't know what to do Anjie ….Sometime I feel unfit, unworthy for everything …so much so that I can't stop those thoughts and it scare me to death…"crouching down Nidhi mumbled
Anjie gave her hopeless look "I don't understand why you feel like that …there is no reason to feel so low about yourself…..Nidhi"
"Anjie try to understand ….it was not only heart break which I dealt with …It is not only about trusting there is more to it"
" I knew this will come …." Anjie grumbled
"Anjie ….I feel he deserve someone much better than me ...not me who still carry the burden of past"
"Stop being such a saint, will you? And beside ...for god sake, its 5 long years since that Amar cheated on you left you for someone else...everyone in life goes through heartbreak one way or the other ..Learn to digest it "Anjie huffed out her anger
"I am not being saint ..." nidhi glared "but that's what I think ...That's what I feel, I feel so inadequate for him….tell me what can I do" Nidhi mumbled in her despaired voice
"ok give me one valid reason because of which you feel like that ...tell me one thing which justify this thoughts of yours" Anjie asked
Nidhi gave lost look
"see even you know these fear , insecurities are nothing but your false assumption" she paused
After a brief pause Anjie continued "can I advise you something?"
Nidhi nodded her head "show some spine to stand up for your happiness …for your worth, trust yourself at least now" Anjie replied in her brisk voice
Nidhi gave her hopeless look "I don't know how to get over this Anjie ….it's not in my hand"
"Of course it is in your hand …. Any person, anything can affect us as much as we let it …..You are equally responsible for your situation today Nidhi …you let Amar effect you even after he left ….somewhere you entertained this junk in your head …I am not worthy, I am not good for anyone...I am this, I am that …..You nourished these thoughts in your head...now it is fully grown and ruling you ….fault lies in you nidhi accept it" Anjie replied in exasperated voice
Closing her eyes, she staggered back ….her face reflected the havoc ignited inside her …throwing her arms in helpless manner , she stared at crystal clear blue sky …she tried to find reassurance , solace from her surrounding , from Anjie's word but she dint found ..In turn she felt bullied inside deep abyss of her helplessness where she is nothing but slave of her demons , her dark thoughts ,……which she only nourished , let it grow somewhere on the way. She felt so helpless, like weak shell of human where nothing is her hand "you are your own enemy...Fault lies in you" her conscience hissed….
Understanding the plight, Anjie took Nidhi's hand and murmured
"look at me …."
Nidhi stared back "I did not mean to hurt you …..I want you to be happy …" she paused
"Ashuthosh seems to be nice person Nidhi and even you like him …..It's been years since you actually liked someone and I don't want you to spoil it just because of your false assumption….you are worthy of him, for all happiness of this word"
Nidhi gave her silent look "now for a second, I want you to forget all about …your fears , your insecurities , those junk thoughts …everything ok and tell me one reason because of which you want to give a chance to yourself with Ashuthosh ….I just want to hear one reason, can you give me?" Anjie asked expectantly
After brief couple of empty seconds "I like him….." Nidhi murmured in hopeful voice
" see ….this is what you should do , whenever you get those thought , I want you to remember this …..I want you to stick to this thought ok?" Anjie asked
" will it help?" Nidhi asked with eyeful of hope
"I am not sure ….but definitely it will make a difference" Anjie smiled at her reassuringly
What did I expect when I agreed to meet Ashuthosh? What was that I looked for when baba asked me to meet him? Was it just a responsibility which I needed to fulfill for the sake of my ill father? Or Did I go to see whether this shattered heart of mine work at all? Which is shoved, pushed at far corner of my existence...or to check whether there is heart at all inside my numbed essence…?
And what happened? Did I succeed in finding my old self, those old emotions, the rush of blood, dazed eyes , thousand butterflies inside my tummy … After all these years did I felt it ?
With the dreams he is plowing inside my head and the blazing faith he is infecting, did I found myself again….?
After being like Ice princess sitting on my shrine holding my head high, with blazing eyes and ice cold void where my heart used to be…. He, his thoughts forcing me to stumble down.
Now sitting here in the stillness of my room, reliving his dazzling smile and the unhidden love which he expressed may be somewhere ice is melting and the rush of warm blood comforting me...may be somewhere inside I could hear beating of my heart …..May be Wound is healing, may be!
Nidhi entered her baba's room holding a cup of coffee. CV looked up from his newspaper and smiled at her "how is my daughter? How is office?" He asked putting aside the news paper.
"Fine …good huh bit bearable "Nidhi smiled sullenly
CV Chuckled "good to know that, situation in office is becoming bit bearable for you …" he mumbled sipping first sip of coffee…
"So what is happening? With you and Ashuthosh ….you decided anything or still in thinking mode?" He asked casually
" ohh not again baba .." She grumbled to herself, maintaining her composure "I am not sure …." she replied meekly
"But ...uhmm , Ashuthosh said yes…. he like me" she added slowly
Locking his eyes on her nervous self, CV replied "I know, Ashuthosh's baba called me yesterday…..they are happy with the proposal and they even said that they are ready to wait till you decide …." When she sat still, bowing her head down, he added "they are nice people nidhi; Ashuthosh is nice person …..I know his baba they are good people...you will be happy with him, beside you met him yourself ….and you just said he like you so what is the problem here?" he gave her puzzled look
" don't you like him ……? You can tell your Baba , if you don't like him …"
Shaking her head, she replied "I like him …baba"
"Then why are you holding back …."
" I am not …." She mumbled unsurely to find her baba extending his hand to straighten her curled up fingers which were clutching the side of the stand "Release the clutches …will you? He asked curtly.
"Release these clutches which is holding you back and then see the magic ….." he gave her reassuring smile...
" I can't " she replied sullenly
"You have to" he was stern in his voice …" trust me, you can …" he added when she sat still.
It's after sitting there thinking over her baba's word and struggling with her inside to decide ….she looked up at last and mumbled "I can't say yes just now, but do you mind ….. if I meet him some more time to get to know him better, I want to be sure before I decide …" she stared at her baba anxiously.
"It's 7.. if you call him now , he might take you out for dinner " CV smiled at her …
"Ohh Baba, thank you …." Nidhi grinned and dashed out of door to call Ashuthosh.
"Once he is shifted to ICU, Make sure to check for blood pressure and neurological observation for every fifteen minutes, and keep me posted on the progress" Ashu added before going out of OT
It was difficult surgery which involved craniotomy, to remove part of the bone from skull to expose the brain followed by removing the abnormal mass of blood vessels and replacing the bone flap back to its position. He was exhausted by the time he retunred to his cabin..
Dragging his tired self, he slumped on the chair and took his mobile to check for any miss call … joy spreaded over his tired face when he saw Nidhi's 3 miss call.
Without wasting single moment , he pressed call button and waited for her…after brief ringing he heard her voice in other end " you called ? " he asked earnestly
" yes …I think you were busy ?" she asked
" yes , jus now came back from one major surgery .." he replied
" ohh …how did it go ? Everything fine "
" yes , everything fine , it was arteriovenous malformation in brain and we managed to operate him on time …."
"huh! Such a difficult name, how you manage to remember it" She asked curiously in turn he chuckled …
" Can I ask why you called ….?" He asked slowly
" yes I think so …" she added smilingly
" and …?" he waited
"Can you take me out for dinner now …umm I mean if you are free?" She asked nervously.
" Are you asking me to come along for dinner just because you don't have company …or you want to go out with me "
"I was thinking about us from past couple of days" she stuttered "and I want to give a try…I want to know you better to say yes " she added
"Can I ask you something …?" he asked one more time
"Why are being so causal? , you can ask whatever eating you up ? She mumbled
"Why are you so scared to trust me with this ….? "
" I don't trust so easily .." she added
"Did anyone broke your trust …it is the reason?" he asked anxiously
"It's very private question and you should not ask such question in just first meet "
"We already met 2 times …." He sulked
" No comments …" she giggled
" so is it true then , someone broke your trust ….?"
" I said no comments …." She barked "I got it "he chuckled "be ready …I will be there in 30 minutes "he added before hanging up the phone.
Venue:-Hard rock Caf
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfzRlcnq_c0
You only know what I want you to
I know everything you don't want me to
Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine
Oh you think your dreams are the same as mine
Oh I don't love you but I always will….
I always will
I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
The less I give the more I get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don't have a choice but I still choose you
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will…..
"Bravo…" Nidhi exclaimed as soon as the band ended the song.
Ashu chuckled looking at her bubbly self…" what?" she glared at him
"Ohh nothing …looks like you are in high spirit today "Ashu mumbled
"Nothing like that …one should always appreciate others ….it's good thing to do" she winked
"Are you taking any Zen classes lately?" he gave a curious look
"What is that?"
"Its spiritual classes where they teach all this stuff …you know respect others, appreciate others ….." he chuckled looking at her annoyed face
"Very funny …." She pouted
"So tell me what kind of music you like ….?" Ashu asked her taking piece of chicken in his plate.
" why do you want to know ….?" She asked
"Because you said we should get to know each other and somewhere we should start ….isn't it ? how about Music " he replied
She nodded smilingly "the usual …..AR rehman and shubha mudgal uhmm sometime hard metal rock ….what about you?"
"Hard metal rock!!...how you will take that noise huh?"
" I like the energy they carry ….beside once you get a hang of it , you start liking it …..Now it's your turn "
"Baba is very great fan of rafi saab , when I was little boy…every Sunday they used to play Rafi saab's famous songs in radio , I used to sit with baba to listen to those songs ….and I ended up becoming his fan at very young age " he grinned .
"Same with me ….My friend Rohan, he is great fan of hard metal rock …and he rubbed the craze of rock music whenever he came to meet us "
Ashuthosh nodded his head after couple of minutes; he asked uneasily "this ….Rohan hmm is he your friend?"
"Yes, he is my good friend ….he was our neighbor just like Anjie ... 3 of us, we were great friends, and then he shifted to Delhi because uncle got promoted so …." She smiled
"What does he do?" Ashu asked.
"He is working in Delhi for some IT company ….and he is great singer! During college days he created band named "stop laughing"...it was great hit and so Mr. Rohan …he is born charmer you know…he never seize to amaze me with his talent" She smiled biting a piece of nachos.
Leaning back in chair, Ashuthosh tried to hide his irritation from her scrutinizing gaze.
"Are you jealous?" Nidhi asked abruptly taking him by surprise
"Of course I am ..." he sulked "What you expect, the girl I love, don't even care to praise me so gloriously like she do to her childhood buddy …" he sulked some more which made Nidhi go into hiccupping laugh.
"Ohh, you look so cute when you are jealous…." She chuckled
His frown dissolved and a small smile crawled on his face" it is the most cherished compliment I got till date….no one told me I am cute "he grinned
She giggled "there is no need to feel jealous" she winked "he is nowhere near, what you are to me …" she added in a daze.
All humor gone out of her eyes and the words wobbled out even before she could realize it, darting her face up to look into his intense gaze she felt sudden lunching in her tummy …..
"Glad to know that I mean so much to Ms Verma "He gave a triumphant smile.
Her face flushed and she blushed till her cheeks turned crimson red
"What about you …? Do you have any close friends like that? She asked desperately trying to get away from his gaze.
"Yes …..Armaan! He no longer stays in Mumbai but we still call each other...try to be in touch in between our busy life! "
"In US ...You dint had any friends?" she asked "Of course I had …. Lots of girl friends! "He chuckled
"Why are you telling me ….as if I care "she fumed
He chuckled some more "it's so easy to annoy you ….. "
"I did not know that you are such a sadist …. Jeez! You enjoy troubling me "she glared
"Buck up now only…..you need to stay with this sadist throughout your life "Which softened her as she gave one of her quick smile….
"But Good to know that Ms Verma is jealous and sometime get possessive too ..." he added
"You got it wrong, I am not possessive kind ...I believe in freedom and individual personal space …If I trust someone, I trust them throughout ...But if they break it , I won't trust them ever again that's how it work for me " she sounded bitter but perfectly in sync with her thought
"What if the person is someone you cannot live without?" he probed
"There is nothing like, you cannot live…" she mumbled giving quick smile" I can very well shut out the person if the situation arises …." she mumbled bitterly
"Did you ever do that? Umm, Shutting out someone you really liked?" ashu asked uneasily …
As if she is hiding something she bowed her head even down …she whispered "No…" she shook her head "by the time I realized ….I was almost destroyed" her voice was meek, hollow and sad ….sitting there looking at her dissolving self, Ashu realized he never heard or seen someone who is full of laughter one moment and shades of unknown darkness another ….he admitted, he never saw, anyone like her….
she never wanted to share those thoughts…it was so unusual of her to blurt out in daze, unwarily giving out pieces of her past…is it the presence of him which is making her open her heart? Or the faith he already infected which is building up this courage to spill the truth….
She tried hard didn't she? Even while passing the truth she tried hard to mention in softened tone, molding her inside and not to reveal her wound ….but she realized, she failed miserably to suppress the harshness which reached her tongue when the ugly past lurked in her mind …
She felt restless and unusually cranky whole night and it carried on till very next day……sighing in frustration Nidhi stared at her computer screen and tried to divert her mind.
Her cell phone buzzed showing message from Ashuthosh, quick smile lit up her face "busy …? "
Pressing reply, she typed "No, what are you doing?"
"Trying to get a hang of hard metal rock! "He typed
"Why so …?" she typed smilingly
"because someone I like, like this so …"
"Ohh…that someone liking rafi songs now"
" !!!" Ashu's message flashed on her screen …
Nidhi giggled "Can I tell you something?"
"I am curious and of course Anxious" Ashu typed and waited for her reply.
She smiled "you are not as rough as you sound like …"
"I am rude ..!!?"
"Sometime I find you are very sweet …." She typed
"I am flattered Ms Verma ….you made my day "she giggled "you very well know to insult me and praise me at the same time …aaapko dhaag deni padegi…uhmm definitely pun intended:-P" he typed
"huh??…I did not insulted you did I?" He laughed out imagining her annoyed face
"Yes you did just now, read your line properly MS VERMA!!"
"I said you are very sweet …..And don't shout at me!"
"You called me rude too …..And Did I shout at you?"
"Don't you know the use of capital letters equivalent of shouting?"
"Ohh is it ….I am very much novice in such things" he typed
" Arghhh….I don't want to talk to you , go away...looks like MR Arrogant not used to taking any compliments"
" hahaha…."
"What's so funny, why are you laughing? "She sounded annoyed.
" this is the fun part which I like the most …."
"Jeez, what a sadist …now I am having second thoughts about us "
Instantly her cell phone beeped with an incoming call
"Pick up my call …." He typed
"I will not ...I am off to bed now bye "
"I said pick up the call …." He sounded annoyed
"Stop controlling me …."
"Then start picking my call …."
"Jeez …..With whom I am stuck here"
Ashu laughed out loud "Just pick up my call for a second ..."
"Why so …?"
"I want to hear your voice …."
"Huh!!….from where you picked such a cheesy line"
"That's none of your business …now will you pick my call MS VERMA "
"Here you go; MR Arrogant is back with a bang …." Ashu chuckled reading her reply, he clicked on call button and within seconds...he heard her voice.
"Still mad at me ….?" His voice soft and cajoling
"Trying to be ...huh but I am not" She sounded annoyed but her voice turned soft as soon as she heard his cajoling voice…
"Good to know that …will you be free tomorrow, can we go out for dinner?" Ashu asked
"Hmm not sure ….I needs to finish some work in office" She heard him huffing out a disappointed sigh "but I am free for lunch tomorrow , is it possible for you ….??"She asked slowly …his frown disappeared and delighted smile crawled on his face "yes I think so, I will call you by 12 tomorrow ….Anywhere you have in mind?"
"I want to eat burger with extra mayonnaise and extra cheese…"
Ashu chuckled "you and your craze for junk food …once in a while try to eat some healthy food"
"Arghh, I am eating this for years nothing is gone wrong …now stop being a doctor….beside, will you be free this Sunday?"
"Why?"
"Rohan is in Mumbai ...and he and Anjie, they want to meet you, will you come?"
"Of course …" He whispered
"Thank you ….." she replied sweetly
"Ohh anything for my lady….." he replied making her go into delighted giggle as she hung up the phone with a final good bye….
As promised here is my chapter 😉, I do hope you people liked this chapter ...Do let me know how it came out and please do comment and Like ...Thank you 😃
Arjun
