Ashuthosh:-
When we were 13, our class teacher announced 2 day's school trip. We were excited and everyone started making plans …. Our teacher asked us to get money and register within 2 days so that they can estimate number of seating and start making necessary arrangements ….
I ran to my home all happy and hopeful thinking about the little money I saved by doing few odd jobs. that night quietly I ripped open the closed lid of my money bank….but my hands clasped only thin air, I was worried … my tummy lurched with fear and a kind of confusion blurred my head … .I stumbled across, towards my bed … pressing my forehead to remember, where I kept …my money?
Sitting there, I remembered baba……coming out of my room during earlier evening , bowing his head lower, like a guilty kid who has done something wrong …
"Ashuthosh, we have to register within 2 day…don't forget" Nidhi's words mingled with my worry
I stared outside; the streetlight outside my house shined, penetrating its fluorescent light inside my darkness….
My empty pocket ached when Next day I saw everyone registering for school trip, my sadness got lost in excitement and joy of others …
I returned back home dejected and angry …Later when Baba slept I threw away my money bank as thick tears rolled down my cheeks...I heard its clinking sound on thick pavement of stony road ….And I cried with anger and disappointment !
Next day, when I returned back from PT class...I saw a small bulge in side pocket of my worn out bag , when I zipped it open , I saw crisp notes and few coins stuffed inside my bag like a little secret …I looked around unsure of this much money.
I caught hold of Nidhi's gaze who suddenly turned her head when she met my gaze….
"Nidhi, I don't want this money ….My baba promised that, he will pay for my trip by evening " I lied giving it back to her
"This is not my money ... "she shook her head "I think your baba only kept it and forgot to tell you .." she looked away, One look at her face, I knew that it was her; she is the one who kept this money ….Not my baba…
"You can't even lie Nidhi ...Cannot even lie properly "I mumbled but in return she just nudged my shoulder to hurry up so that I won't miss out on my fun trip.
"All Set?" I turned around to find Armaan standing beside me …
"Yeah Armaan, where are those 2 interns ….we have to leave in another 30 minutes."I looked around searching for those 2 ….
"They are on the way ...Bass aate hin honge "
"It's already late Armaan …"
In return he just chuckled "they are not late, you are early …..I know, I can understand you can't wait to see your girl ..." Armaan grinned
"Shut up Armaan "I yelled back
" Armaan …" I peered at his side
" hmm"
"Something is wrong …." I swallowed hard as I remembered Nidhi, the hesitancy in her eyes and that uncertainty whenever she looked at me …Her every glance, every action exhibited that she is avoiding me . it's been 3 day since she came to meet me , even when I called , I could hear the change in her tone …stiff and up to the point.
" whats wrong? " Armaan nudged my shoulder
" I don't know something is wrong ….She is not behaving herself lately" I mumbled lowering my head
" who Nidhi ? ..why you feel so ?, did she said something ….?" Armaan asked me
How can I explain to him , even though she did not said a word but her silence told me something is wrong , something is eating her up..infact she does not has to tell me anything ….how can I tell him …
" No …it's just I feel so "
Armaan sighed "Ashu, I don't think so ...there is any problem, she must be genuinely busy ...stop reading in between line, you will mess up" he patted my back
I shook my head "Question is not about ignoring me …..It's about; something is wrong "I muttered and suddenly stopped as I saw her getting down from her car ...
She just smiled and came towards us. I saw a spark in her eyes, bright happiness when she met my gaze..But it is for a moment but then again a kind of gloom surrounded her …
"Hello Nidhi …" Armaan shook her hand
"Hi, Armaan …Ashuthosh "she smiled awkwardly…I saw Armaan staring at both of us curiously.
"Nidhi …Ashuthosh was just complaining about you "Armaan uttered ...
Startled I looked at him "ohh ..he was just telling that you are avoiding him, you are not behaving yourself lately …"
I glared at Armaan " Armaaan…..what are you doing " I hissed
He pushed me away " .. …Ashuthosh ..why you think so …Armaan , no …I was just plain busy " I found her stuttering …
" ohh then it is settled …See Ashuthosh she was busy , happy " Armaan grinned at me , I got this urge to smash his face
" Nidhi ..Sorry , I didn't mean that way ..I was just worried that..That...because I thought you are kind of sad…"
She stared at me "from when you started becoming so formal with me …you don't have to be sorry, and good to hear that you were missing me ...I….I mean to say that you thought ...I was ignoring you …what I mean to say is …"she just stopped in middle ….Armaan gave us amused look.
" I will be back Ashuthosh …baba asked me to call him once I reached.." she moved away
As she left, I punched armaan hard on his chest "what was that all about ..?" I yelled at him
" what? , I was helping you …?" he mumbled making a sad face .
" that Is not helping …you made us both so uncomfortable …"
"but if you don't ask , how you will come to know …what is going on in her head ?" he asked me
" Armaan , few things ….we ..we should not ask , its better if left it unsaid …"
" yes I know ….better left unsaid" he gave me one of his sarcastic look " and you are seeing the consequences of it ….aren't you Ashuthosh …." He yelled back at me ….
We stood like that for seconds "Armaan …..I think she is lying , she is hiding something , I feel so …" I mumbled after a while.
"Even I think so ….." he patted my back as I moved to join Nidhi to visit our Medical camp.
Rohan:-
Once upon a time …I thought I love her, I liked to spend time with her and watch her break into boisterous laugh…. I liked the sound of her voice, which always made me turn towards her irrespective of where I am ...It is during those time, when Ashuthosh was around and I was more possessive and greedy for her attention, it is those times when I failed to realize that all my liking towards Nidhi born out of nothing but my insecurity and my resentment towards the bond which she share with Ashuthosh …I was desperate to get in a place which is of Ashuthosh's….
It is during those times, when Ashuthosh wrote about his love in his secret dairy, it is during those times when nidhi was unaware of everything and when Ashu was madly in love with her ….
It is just a day before Nidhi's birthday, when I decided to tell Ashuthosh that I like Nidhi...That I really like her.
I remember his wounded look and confusion on his face …He opened his mouth thousand times desperate to tell something but in end I saw him swallowing something hard and bitter down his throat….
It is during those times, when Ashuthosh swallowed all his unexpressed emotions down his throat and disappeared in thin air …It during those times I liked Nidhi, I thought I really love her ……
"Rohan, is this true what I heard ….?" Dad asked me
I looked down unable to take the fury and anger which is spilling from his voice"...your mother just told me that you don't want to get married ….what is this all about , will you please answer ?"
" dad …I am too young to ….to commit to any relationship .." I mumbled
" too young ….?"
" And besides , I mean marriage is big thing , before I get into this ..I just want to be sure ….that ..she is the one " I wheezed
"She is the one! Are you serious …..Nidhi is not some stranger, you both grew up together and beside ….aren't you the one who confessed that you like Nidhi?"
"Yes dad….That's what ...I like her …but I never loved her ..."
"Rohan …you broke that girls heart …."
I felt like a traitor, like a cheater who broke everyone's heart …" dad …we are just taking some time off, it's …." I mumbled
"….its time you grow up Rohan. , Nidhi's family, they are our old friends and … I don't want to ruin all those relationship just because of your stupid decision ….whatever it is sort it out …you hear me " He hissed.
As he left …I get this urge to shout, spill all about it …that I don't love her...yes , I thought that I loved her but I didn't ...I just dint loved her at all …….it was just big huge mistake , my desperate attempt to fit in group , in a place which is of Ashuthosh's …
How can I tell him???
Nidhi: -
It was my birthday, I was turning 18 …. When Rohan came to me holding a bouquet of flower and box of chocolate and asked me grinning like a fool "will you come out with me?"
I was taken aback and I dint knew whether to say "yes" or "No" and "yes' just slipped out …
I don't know why said "yes"...maybe it has something to do with his smile or may be because of the bond I share with him from childhood days … by that time I knew him too well and I found no harm in going out with him…
But later, at night ….. As I stared outside towards Ashuthosh house, for a second...I wished...It was Ashuthosh not Rohan …. That thought crossed my mind just for a second but even in that second …I was happy and I was smiling!
But right now …This, what I am feeling right at the moment, did not lasted for a second but...it freezed right here and that Is all I can feel …it is as if a silent alley of my genetic structure suddenly became active and started exhibiting altogether different emotions inside my body …it is like not knowing, not feeling anything like this before, not even with Rohan and finding this sudden deep emotion towards this one person all at once …..
"Nidhi …DR Ahana is coming with you, you both can cover those surrounding places near temple and I will go with your friend Ridhima, towards south …. " I was jerked out of my thoughts as I heard him speak
"Ok …"
"These people, there situation is bad …they are living in ruin " he mumbled looking around those houses which looked like shack
"Its draught and their poverty …and I heard there is no hospital nearby, they have to travel nearly 25-30 km to find one …." I asked him
" yes ….I can see there is perfect condition of cholera here , I asked Dr Ahana to keep me posted on such cases "
"Ok"
" Nidhi…." I looked up to find him gazing at me as if he trying to gauge my confusion
"What is it ?" he asked me
"What is what? "
"is it Rohan ….? Did …Hm..you fought with him or something ?"
" No , we never fought …." I lied
" good ….."
"Sometime you are sad …..And aloof" he asked
" I am fine .." I lied again
"From when you started hiding everything from me ….?" He asked looking straight into my eyes
" it is from the moment you started hiding everything from me …." I snapped back ….Those words came out even before I realize that
"hide what ?" he looked at me in confusion
" What Armaan asked the other day …..That you loved someone, you never told me …you hid all those things from me …"
He averted his eyes …..
" so is it true then ….? "
"Don't take Armaan's words seriously Nidhi "I found him gasping for words
" then what about that secret dairy….where you wrote those lines for her …" I could not hide my jealousy which I felt for the first time when I laid my eyes on those lines nor today I could hide ….
He shrugged his shoulder "what happened?" I asked
"Nothing happened ….."
"And you loved her …?"
He did not spoke for a long time ……after a while he looked up and wheezed his words "yes …."
His eyes were bright when he confessed about his love and they were sad too, but strangely I could not muster enough strength to ask him who it is ….Not sure why? May be because deep down I feared that it is me or……… may be because I feared it is not me...not me at all whom he loved .
Ashuthosh:-
How many times, I imagined this very situation, Situation where in I confess my love but the reality is far too contrast to what I imagined it to be …
There were times , when I thought of telling her , how I really felt , I convinced myself even if I lose Rohan's friendship but still I will have Nidhi. But when I truly I understood, that I lost her for rohan….for days I struggled with my inner self to hide it inside.
For days, I behaved as if it did not really mattered and I am happy for both of them …Daytime , I avoided them and spent time under piles of books and in the evening I made excuses and stayed away from them ….usually I sat at lake side , watching sun die over the horizon ..Chewing my lower lip, I struggled to capture my thoughts in piece of paper…..
But I ended up scribbling few words and nothing more than that because...what I felt for her looked bigger than words; it always looked bigger than words …!
"….mild fever, abdominal cramps, nausea and unusual sleepiness …." I checked report form which Dr Rahul handed over to me…
A skinny boy, most probably 10 yr old come to my side, he complained about unusual pain in his abdomen …without wasting time , we started oral rehydration to replace his lost fluid …
" from when he is having fever?" I asked lanky man who seems to be his father
"From 3 days …." He replied
"And you haven't, took him to a doctor "
"We have to travel a long way to visit one and …." He stopped in middle
I looked at him as to continue "…. I asked my friends for some money to take my boy to a hospital, but I could not arrange it …." Looking down, he mumbled.
"We have to wait for his reports, to diagnose what exactly is wrong with him, till then give him liquid bland food and…make sure you give him clean and boiled water …." He nodded scratching back of his head.
" Sir , will you come often …? " he asked me "It will be really helpful …if you come here once in a while"
It is not only poverty and hunger but when I saw their sullen faces, I realized they were struggling with lot many problems …
People are dying not only because of lack of hope here but also many are dying because of lack medical facilities ….
"Yes, we will come here very often …." I patted his back reassuringly as I thought of ways to help these people ….ways to save these lives.
Rohan:-
At first, when we were together, .there was something which drived us together, even our arguments were not so heated, not so intense …we always found a way to clear our differences and make this relationship work….
Yet inspite of all this, I could not muster enough strength to end this relation because losing nidhi means losing flavor of my childhood ….
But last summer when I took nidhi to nearby falls which she so wanted to see , I realized that we were not meant to be together ….We met after long break , as in I was busy with my career and she was busy with her travelling and helping with other people losses ….
All the way, as we drove towards falls listening to bob Marley and munching pop corn …..I felt we are far more tired than excited to see each other and more settled than enjoying each other's company …there is thick silence between us, which already started suffocating me and I saw same look on her face ….
When we came back from that trip ,I sensed Even if we end up together, which was highly doubtful but if I loved her, or I think that I love her but it does not matter because I felt she is going to end it …I felt that one day when time comes, she get tired of putting up with our difference, with the me and everything….because I knew, deep down that ….She is too much for me, for a person who could not stay loyal for long. I knew that we are wrong for each other. …
So that day, I jumped up the gun even before she could ….and that's how it happened, that's how I ended this
I waited patiently for nidhi to pick her call; after sometime I heard her voice in other end...she looked distracted and irritated hearing my voice
"Hello Nidhi …"
There was a long pause and slowly she spoke " yes Rohan .." her voice sounded cold , devoid of any emotions
I swallowed and mumbled ..." I just called to make sure you are fine …"
" I am fine .." she replied curtly
"Nidhi ….you should understand why I did that ……we were not meant to be together , it was going no where "
" ok …"
" Nidhi , I dint mean to break your heart…I had to make things right " I blabbered ,
"Break my heart???...infact rohan you did a favor by showing your true face" She snapped back
I struggled to find a word to make nidhi understand because Nidhi hating me is last thing I need in my life "How can you do this to me …? She gasped in between her words
"We were wrong for each other …"I barely mumbled
"…Not we ….Rohan, you are wrong, always has been …because truth is you cannot think beyond yourself , when you came into my life …because you wanted this relation and you ended because you did not wanted this relation …it is simple as it if "
"That's not true …" I
"Rohan, do me a favor …." She wheezed her words
" what ?"
" don't call me again …"
" ok " I responded and disconnected the call ….
I stood there for a long time …as Dad's words and Nidhi words came crashing on me , and when I looked back at me …believe me , I looked like the same person nidhi described ..Someone, who cannot think beyond himself, selfish, greedy and ugly in his own way ….
Nidhi:-
I don't know when Ashuthosh came and stood beside me, I lowered my eyes as his questioning glance darted through me. He must heard everything and came to know everything by now ….and suddenly I overcame with feeling as to how to handle this situation
"Nidhi ...I just came in to say that, dinner is ready …so you want to join" he asked staring straight at me
I could not stop my tears nor control shudder which broke through my body …He reached out for my hand and I grabbed onto his.
"Nidhi, when you're ready to talk about it, I'll be here. That's what best friends are for." He mumbled
I let the tears fall.
"What you want to know when you already came to know everything …." I gasped in between my sobs
He tightened his grip around me, protectively …..Involuntary, I let my head fall on his chest, soaking his shirt with my salty tears …May be due to venting out all my suppressed anger or may be the safety which I found in his arms …..I felt lot better as I clinged on to him
" Are you fine now…" He asked with full of concern
" Yes , lot better …." I smiled staring at him "lot more than I felt lately " I mumbled and slipped back into his warm embrace , to a place where I feel safe and lot better ….
Sorry , sory for being so late ...My laptop is crahsed and I had to wait for my brother to finish his work then only he showed some mercy and gave me his laptop ...
Next part , I will try to give by thursday , if not possible ...can i post it this weekend ? because show will end this turday and will forum be open after that ...?? Let me know about it
And plesae do comment , let me know about this part ...😃
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