WHY I WANT A BABY ???
During the last few weeks, there is enough of discussion on baby''whether to have or not and about the right age etc'.. Given my experiences as professional relationship counselor and personal experiences of 2 year old, 14 year age gap marriage, I thought of giving my first try on the forum. Please bear with me.
Dr. Ashutosh POV:
Today I have everything in my life, my baba is back in my life and with Nidhi...my love, my wife I feel I'm the happiest man on the planet who found true happiness. Right after the marriage with my accident and mallika at my home, we haven't spent enough of time and we didn't have much privacy to discuss about our family and career plans. Before we could discuss anything DB hinted me to plan for children and I thought she made a right suggestion. I thought Nidhi will be excited about kids, as I always wondered over her ease with kids and whenever I close my eyes I see her smiling face jumping and hoping with kids. I felt little unhappy with her decision but I don't want to push her either. But the thought of starting a family, having kids is so strong and consuming, which probably I can only understand and answer'..Why I want a Baby????
My love for Nidhi is the most evolved, transcending the ordinary, the mundane yet the deepest. I am powerless against my feelings for her but tried to go of with my love as I think this is socially wrong. I would never want to rob her of her youth, her carefree spirit. Though I know, Nidh loves me immensely I choose to push her away so that she doesn't hurt her family as she would have to forgo many things by being with me. I choose anger and hatred in the eyes of my beloved rather than a life full of social pressures and moral scrutiny. I am ready to take the lifetime pain and misery to give Nidhi and her family their share of peace and happiness. I believe "If you love someone, let them go" and did it by pushing her from KGH, for my life. BUT, destiny has planned something very different and after so much of pain, sorrow we mutually accepted our love, later we'd faced tests, went through rough patches and finally got married'..and now we are ONE in all forms.
Nidhi has opened a new door to look out' to see the truth that lived alongside, introduced me to various colors in the universe many of them which I never knew''. The colors of relationship, the colors of love, sacrifice, forgiving and forgetting in the simplest ways.
Life is beautiful in all its facets ' beautiful, inspiring, thought-provoking and yet endearing and many journey with Nidhi is exciting, enchanting and I am experiencing the changing colours of life. When we recognize the truth; when we discover that it is part of us, part of the things we cherish, then what? Then we know it is time to think ' perhaps to act". Now I'm not afraid of the fact the difference of our age, our outlook, and our perspectives which defines our personalities''I'm prepared to embrace our differences with grace as they continue to exist in all phases of our lives. She never fails to surprise me with her actions and words and keeps me on toes to meet her. By now, I understand the Mantra behind the success of any relationship' is very simple''people who are radically different can stay together if they have the will and ability to" and I and nidhi have not just the will but the deepest love and now these is the time to start our family, to take our relationship to the next level.
The fact that I'm nearing 43 can never be changed and I won't grow younger anymore; I have lived half of life achieved the highest accolades in professional life, but at a personal life I have nothing except Baba. With nidhi, I started tasting relationships, family ties and boding which are very new; this new experiences have aroused my carving for a picture perfect family which I always dreamed to have; I have very sparse memories of childhood and most of which are bitter. Though Baba raised me as his son, nurtured my life and career with his love, he never gave me a family name, a social identity which at times hurts. As a person, I believe more in emotional bonding over family bonding, but in the society it is vice versa. When Baba gave his house to his grand daughter, my scars got deepened. I felt ditched for the second time'..it is not just the home; it is the legacy which ties me as his son, though I was never adopted legally. At the back of my mind, I'm still insecure with my life and my past experiences haunt me. I think this is the right moment and I want to seize the moment; I want my own baby, symbolizing our love, fulfilling my childhood dream of a picture perfect family and above all MY LEGACY. I want to live my childhood through my kids. Empathizing with an orphan is different from BEING orphan, which I was; what it means to have child for an orphan is something which an orphan can only understand, and NIdhi who has a family and friends, having a child is all about parenting and motherhood and for me it is something above all this.
I pretty well knew, she will understand my feelings, but I blame my own inability to express my inner deep felt emotions. God, please help me to overcome these insecurities. This is happiest phase of my life and I'm enjoying marital bliss. I never want to push Nidhi against something she is not ready to''but I unable to overcome the thoughts of having a child and I am unable to understand what is her problem to have a child when she handles them so well and when she is not very serious about career. As a medico, I think it is the right moment for her conception. Child is everyday revelation and we can never prepare enough mentally for starting a family; childbearing will never become a hurdle for my nidhi in pursuing her dreams, given the strong family support we have. With a child we become equals in relationship, now how much we say we are equals at the back of my mind she is always my cute, impulsive, kiddish bubbly intern and I love for the same traits and for her I'm her Boss.
For Nidhi, things can wait but not for me. More than age or society, the feeling to enjoy the fatherhood is consuming. I knew, she is never so serious about her career and given the chance she jumped out at shenshah's incidence. Even now, she joined KGH, just to spend time with me; though technically she has joined, she hasn't resumed her work. This profession needs dedication than intelligence, hands on training over theoretical knowledge. She has the spark and personally I want her to pursue a serious career, BUT it is she to make the choice. Pregnancy is not a handicap to pursue career, she can simultaneously pursue the things with a year break. I am ready to support her at all phases of life, if needs I'll go for sabbatical to fulfill the dreams of my wife, but right now I want a baby, which means a lot for me. I have no issues when she wants to have the second one as I am even ready to go for adoption if she wants to. Nidhi'..please give me a baby, your mini version, the little imp'.let me live my childhood through her in your lap.
Pyaar Kii Ye Ek Kahaani
