Hi All,
Couldn't stop myself from posting today though I am supposed to stay miles away from this forum because of its strong addictive abilities and my own tendency to spend hours writing or replying to posts when I get into the IF mode.😉
But today's episode dragged me here by its emotional threads..😳😳
It was an awesome episode,one of the best to date.What I really loved was the CVs idea of helping Sona and Dev heal completely before moving into a new marriage.This is so important and even in real life people with strong emotional baggage find it difficult to establish new relationships because the old fear of getting hurt just keeps lingering in the sub conscious.
So what does it take to really really move on?
.Research says that healing of emotional trauma happens in phases.
Phase 1:
The first phase is shutdown or denial which is the mind's natural and immediate coping mechanism.The mind denies that anything awfully bad is happening and simply shuts down because the emotions are too overwhelming .This happened to Sona and Dev. When they separated, they both lived in denial for a long time. They also kept hoping that the other would return. But this phase normally lasts for a short period(or it may last for the entire period during which the actual trauma occurs)
Phase 2:
The second phase is stability.Once the immediate trauma is over,the mind searches for stability.It will cling to things or relationships which offered us stability in the past.The mind tries to do and find things that helps us to move on and build a future.It also shuts the bad memories and locks it away .Though we remember what happened we slowly start leading a normal life.We may experience triggers to the old nightmares on and off,but by and large we appear normal.
This is what Sona had started doing in all these years.She moved to towards Kolkota and looked to her parents for stability.Suhana gave her hope , stability and strength. Dev,on the other hand,cracked in this phase itself.He never attained stability in his life.This is because he had no one to turn to.Never too good with relationships,he now felt cheated by both Sona and his mom.He had nowhere to go for stability and support,no old memories or friends to help him.No wonder he felt like there was darkness all around.He never crossed stage 2 till Sona returned in his life.
Phase 3
Phase 3 is the best phase and completes the process of healing.It is about revisiting those emotions,intentionally or unintentionally. It may happen unintentionally if the memories suddenly re emerge or the person starts getting memory triggers by events that they were able to ignore with reasonable ease earlier. The person is now more stable and more capable of coping with the bad feelings and memories. If the person allows himself to feel those emotions completely and is able to talk about each of those emotions clearly with the person who caused that hurt ,these feelings will well and truly disappear.Then the memory lingers but the bitterness is gone.Most people find it impossible or extremely difficult to transcend Ph 3 because this phase requires tremendous courage.To face and feel those bad emotions again is reliving the same nightmare again.But more importantly,most people are not in a position to discuss their pain and trauma with the perpetrator of the pain.This is because the perpetrator is often no longer present or refuses to discuss it or acknowledge his role in it.This leaves the healing process only half done.
In Sona and Dev's case,the healing will be complete .They are facing upto their emotions.They are also discussing it with each other(the respective perpetrators).They are acknowledging each other's role in causing the pain.Ishwari has also acknowledged her role in the pain. Sona is very close to complete healing.Hopefully soon Dev will also go through his completely and then they can well and truly start a new relationship.😃
Hats off to he CVs for handling an issue as deep and sensitive as this so beautifully.👏👏😳
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