Suyash. Brilliant write up. It was a pleasure to read. The last 5 minutes you are talking about is something that I have been trying to explain the last few days. But am not able to as it is not that straight forward. 😃 . As you said Sonakshi came a full circle in today's episode. The answer to your question lies in the memories that she remembered. Before Dev came and confessed that he loves her, she is shown to tell Elena how much she loves Dev frequently, almost every day. During Natasha track Sonakshi is shown to share what she really feels with Elena every time ending with kind of disappointment. The talks at those times almost always ended with comparing herself to Natasha. This made her believe that she should become someone like Natasha if she is to be with Dev.
When Dev came and proposed to her, it was kind of a dream come true for her. But she kept feeling that she was living a dream. She pretty much keeps repeating that. During their courtship phase, Sonakshi is not shown to talk with Elena about how much she loves him, it is more about how much Dev loves her. When he kept postponing the revelation of their relationship coupled with Ishwari and maami's taunts, she became disheartened. For her it was like her fears were true. That she was not "good enough" for him, that is why Dev was having second thoughts. But he had his own dilemmas. When he came to tell that Ishwari agreed, she was surprised and couldn't believe her ears. She had expected to the contrary. She was not so confident about Ishwari's approval at that time. The events that followed kind of confirmed her suspicions. She looked for support from her family especially her father, but didn't really get any when Bijoy asked her to rethink the alliance. Her baba's words made her feel sure of Ishwari's disapproval as well as shook her trust in herself. That it was as she feared, that fairy tales were not for her.
When Dev broke up with her citing his mom's disapproval of her, for her it was like her nightmare come true, like waking up from a dream. At first she couldn't believe it was happening, but then accepted it saying to herself that it was her fault to have dreamed big. When she came back she hoped to once again get her baba's support. But that didn't happen. What happened was quite opposite. Bijoy told her that she should just get over it, that she was above such petty things. Although she was the youngest who at that moment needed her family in her most vulnerable moment, Bijoy here forced her to be the head of the family and kind of become the eldest. She shut her feelings and told herself that fairy tales were not for her, it was for small girls like how kids in US stop believing in Santa Claus when they become 7 - 8 yrs old. She told herself to grow up.
When she got married, once again thought that maybe she was wrong about not being the right choice for Dev. But every incident and event that followed started to break that trust in herself again. The whole time during her marriage she is shown to dress and behave like Natasha. The way she looked at it was Ishwari disliked Sonakshi but had liked Natasha. Ishwari had told Dev that Natasha was the right choice for him. Dev himself tells this when he comes to Bose house before engagement when he was confused regarding his feelings. She hoped to gain Ishwari's approval that way. Since she was not herself, she didn't really trust Dev's love. She thought that if she was herself, Dev wouldn't love her. That she had to maintain Natasha persona to continue to have his love. She started getting disconnected with her fairy tale. She stayed that way til now.
When Dev said "haan" for Nisha's question regarding his love for Sonakshi was unexpected for her. She had thought that Dev felt he had settled for second best and not the Best for him. But his haan told a different story. The other things followed also pointed in the same direction. That all her fears we're unfounded. That Dev had never thought of her as anything less than his equal. That he had accepted her wholeheartedly and not her projected image of "perfection". All the fbs are something that shows her, her fairy tale dream, rain dance where they became kids, him loving her flaws and shortcomings yet making her feel special, complete and perfect. Where she thought he had never understood her found that not only he had understood her but had been part of that understanding. It was like a batti jali moment for her very similar to Dev realizing that he loves Sonakshi only when his sisters asked him to look deep within himself.
If Dev had a monologue in front of the mirror, Sonakshi did it in front of her house dancing in gay abandon. She did not feel that she needed to hide herself anymore. And usually the youngest of the family is a kid no matter how old they are. I am saying from personal experience and not intended to hurt anyone. 😆 . Like the time she eats chips and drinks soda thinking about Dev and Natasha's engagement. She at that minute forgot everything else similar to how Dev was during courtship and marriage period. In both these times he is shown to act like a kid, not like a suave and successful business man. Like the time he says "who's the man" after hitting the golf ball without realizing that his secretary is in his room or all those times when he asks her to do things stubbornly. She had finally become free of her self imposed exile. Hence she acted the way she did.
Edited by Shaavi - 8 years ago
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