*Season 2, Week 12* Analysis Threade

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ltelidevara

@ltelidevara

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 8 years ago

#31

@ Shaavi and DQ beautiful posts.

I agree DIL MIL relationship is the most complicated of all the relationships. Very few lucky ones survive and strengthen their bond with the passage of time. I feel time is to be given for any relationship to strengthen. Two strangers can never communicate,interact or understand each other instantly. It takes time.

Most of the cases after a period of time the two ladies will get to know each other well and form a convincing equation that help them have their own space despite living together under one roof or separately. But in some cases there won't be any truce and things will go to such extent that either the son drifts apart from his parents or he will be forced to break up with his life partner. This situation can be avoided if either of the women I mean DIL or MIL acts with maturity and understanding. But it demands a great amount of patience,nobility,forbearance,selflessness,and above all commitment towards the man in question( son or husband)

Unfortunately for Dev both Iswari and Sonakshi lack the required amount of focus to make their relationship work and help them become inseparable as a team in which they coexist along with Dev with harmony and peace.

Iswari basically is not averse to Sona. She likes her and knows her virtues which she acknowledged many times . Her insecurities started when she realised how greater Sona's influence is there on Dev like when Sona made Dev participate in Pooja.Her fears magnified with time and she could not accept her waning influence and Sonakshi's growing influence in Dev's life. She was almost certain that with Sona in his life Dev will hardly need her to guide him or motivate him further. Ofcourse she then reconciled and brought Sonakshi into Dev's life but her fears and insecurities remained intact.So even when Sonakshi tried her best to win her heart she could not get rid of her first impressions and failed to even acknowledge Sona's effort to win her heart.

Sonakshi on the other hand rushed fast to win her MIL and in that process irked Iswari . Like so many of us felt she did not try to get closer to Dev and develop mutual understanding.Dev did try to point out but Sonakshi did not bother. She forgot that it is not possible to gain Iswari's good will within days of their marriage.She lacked the patience and foresight. Again and again she rubbed Iswari on the wrong side by meddling in Neha's matter and in some other issues.

I don't believe things would have worked positively if Dev interfered and councilled his mother and wife. I don't believe so. If he takes Iswari's side Sona will call him Mumma's boy. If he sided with Sona Iswari will think her son became henpecked. In real life also man's intervention complicates

Matters.Never solve problems.

It takes years to heal the cracks in a relationship. One thoughtless or impulsive step and the whole equation will change for the worst. I feel either of them should have taken it slowly. Iswari should have tried to be composed and calm though her insecurities still ruled her heart. Sonakshi should have acted smart by just being with Dev and involving less in Iswari's domain.

Ofcourse fate played a crucial part in damaging the relationships and there by the marriage. More than Iswari or Sona I pity Dev for the state of matters that ruined him inherently and made him live with so much heart break and pain.I am relieved that he has Soha now like a breathe of fresh air on his ruptured heart. I wish him happiness and mental peace. He deserves it for sure.

Edited by ltelidevara - 8 years ago

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thedramaqueen

@thedramaqueen

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#32

Please understand that when I am analysing a behaviour, I am not defending it. I am trying to understand why someone would act in a certain manner.

@jshukla- you respected mother in law is a classic example of how this cycle can be broken. Imagine if she had thought, once my dil comes home, I'll sit back and relax. She did not. She had no such expectations and in that process she made her whole family happy. She earned your true respect not just feelings of fear and anger.

A lot of working, so called modern mils are a joke in the face of this independence. They work in offices. But when it comes to the their sons, he should remain seated in their laps. Again, it's all down to power and control. They fear that their son will speak up against them and it's their household. They aren't ready to relinquish control. Both mil and dil need to work this out

As for taunts, the son and the whole family should stop this. But I have always seen this work better when the dil herself does it. Else the insecurities only get worse. These sort of mils are bullies (again a product of the system that sam talks about), and should be handled as such

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Lavanya

@KumbhkarnKiNani

Navigator

Posted: 8 years ago

#33

Originally posted by: JShukla
I could be a minority maybe, but I feel all problems can be sorted if people give due respect to people and relationships. it goes both ways. it does not require any complex relationship pattern understanding or loads of patience, empathy etc... Just say that you demand respect like any other person in the world. If still people fail to respect you why stay with such people ???
Sonakshi tried too much and I disagree with most who say that she was doing it for any kind of best bahu contest. she was genuinely trying the please the most important woman in Dev's life. Lets not discard her work saying she was doing it to win a competition. She wanted to cook for her husband. she wanted to do all that a DIL should do? what's wrong? she s doing it in her own house. She is not encroaching upon anyone else's territory. If Eshwari feels threatened, its her problem, not Sona's. Although I do feel Sona should have been allowed to complain at crucial junctures to Dev - Bday fiasco(Asha stopped) , infertility (again a little bit of Asha'a interference which mellowed Sona)...

No you are not a minority.A lot of people including me agree with you.I also agree with the best-bahu contest thing-it was never a competition for her.

@Bold-That is exactly the point.Sona genuinely tried to adjust with Ish and we cannot expect her to start demanding things from Ish so early into the marriage.My only problem is that she allowed GKB to trample her.There was absolutely no need for her to listen to GKB...she should have shut her up...it's her self-respect after all.

@Red-That's where I believe Asha's interference proved detrimental.The crux of the plot is that the marriage was always going to be doomed since they patched up the first time without resolving any of the underlying issues and Asha was the driving force behind the first patch up.I am pretty sure that the first patch-up and marriage was deliberately rushed by the makers so that the underlying issues don't get resolved and crop up again after marriage.As DQ often says,if they had dated for a few more months rather than jumping into marriage things would have been much much better.

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JShukla

@JShukla

Inactive

Posted: 8 years ago

#34

Originally posted by: gt2918

Hi JShukla.I really liked the kind of relationship you have had with your MIL despite of such contrasting backgrounds.Glad that it worked out well for you.👏
Well my MIL is a smart woman and minus the education, we are the same. 😉On second thoughts, she is a better and smarter woman

Since we are talking of Sona bearing taunts...I have a few questions and would love to know your opinion on them-
1.Dev and Sona had a proper love marriage.Hence both were aware of each others' family background.Sona was aware of Ish and her insecurities well before marriage.You remember that iconic dialogue of Sona when she confronted Ish after the 1st breakup-"Maine kabhi ye khel nahi khela ki Dev kiska zyada hai".This one dialogue perfectly sums up Ish-Dev had become a possession which she did not want to share.Sona was well aware of this.In such a situation what would be the perfect approach to tackle Ish-ignore her or try to please her ? Mind you Ish was pretty well behaved towards Sona for a major part of the initial post marriage phase.

Ish was not well behaved with Sona ever. she was being mean before marriage and was quite mean even after marriage. I can't forget Sona's first day at sasural.

2.I have a mixed opinion regarding GKB's taunts to Sona.Yes I blame Dev for not taking a stand against his Mami.He had a very normal relationship with GKB and there was no reason for him to put up with Mami's stupid behaviour.But the flip side is-What stopped Sona from giving it back to GKB.I am certain that Dev would never mind if Sona hits back at GKB-remember the 'muh dikhai' ceremony where she showed GKB her place.As a self-respecting woman why would you stay quiet and listen to a lady like GKB ?I can still understand her hesitation in expressing herself with Ish but GKB ? We may disagree here but I firmly believe that a wife can give it back to such obnoxious relatives particularly when your husband has no issue with it.Sona's strength,integrity and straightforward approach enabled her to take a stand for her family who had been wronged by the Dixits but why did the same strength prevent her from protecting her self-respect ? Does a wife always need her husband in such situations when she herself is self-sufficient.I may sound harsh but Sona allowed herself to become the victim of GKB's taunts.

again whether its GKB or Ishwari or Sona or Dev or whoever- one can always call people out when they are being disrespectful to you. Yes Sona can be blamed for being victimised. but if she had been hailing her self respect from get go, the mariage would have failed sooner.

Please note that I am not anti-Sona or pro-Dev.Since we have discussed Dev's character to death I decided to write more on Sona.

No . I think Sona's character is discussed a lot too . I am mostly Pro Sona. Hence I participate only in neutral topics in this thread. Yup Sona could have been a lot more smarter and conniving with regards to relationship. But she was and still is a simple clear at heart girl. She at least paid attention to her in-laws and respected them.

Edited by JShukla - 8 years ago

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Snehavinaya

@Snehavinaya

Explorer

Posted: 8 years ago

#35

Dealing with mil is always a problem only.
No matter whatever u do we are not going to get the best bahu title.
(99%) .
So my point is don't have to go out of the way to please anybody.
U be your true self.
They have to accept u like that.
Atleast we will be happy.
Always I try to be true to my conscience.
I won't sweet talk.
When I don't like something I will always put my foot down & say that.
Over the years, my mil understands my true nature & she accepts that.
I have never said anything bad about my mil to my children.

But, they understand things perfectly.
In fact they admire me the way I am.
I always tell them- u don't have to pretend to be someone that u are not.
It will be difficult in the long run.
Sorry, just put in my thoughts how to deal with mil.
I may be wrong- but it has worked

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Deepa

@deepsel

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 8 years ago

#36

Chits a very interesting doubt which invoked many justifiable responses and also which compelled me to share my views as well before snoring😆

MIL - DIL is like a two edged sword and we can't blame one party here for its failure especially with joint family being a rarity nowadays. Frankly nuclear families nowadays have reduced much of these problems and so is the affection and learning quotient of patience and compromise🤔(increasing divorce because you don't have much people to fight around is another side effect ).

It is never the matter of woman being woman's greatest enemy but its always about the danger of their rights being whisked away by a newbie. As I am yet to become a MIL, I will talk from a DIL perspective. If I want my MIL to see me like her daughter , I should first see her as my mother. If I want her to ignore and understand me for sleeping after sunrise , I should also realize to ignore her taunts about my cooking skills as her motherly advise instead of jibe.

Frankly I feel today's girls have more freedom and knowledge than our MILs but they are definitely more patient when it comes to commitment , so I have learnt to give her that space over her rights in the initial years. Agree it was not easy when I was so hotheaded with my superiority complex sky high dealing with their rural backgrounds but eventually I came through😆. I used to see her every jibe and taunt as insults until a day came when she bathed me (at unavoidable circumstances)after my water bag broke during first delivery and washed my stained clothes after delivery with the sentence " Shut your mouth and rest, won't a mother do this to her kid and who am I"? Those days changed everything except for the unspoken tears I had (no it was not from labor pain😳)! Even now I get irked by some unwanted issues but am a person who likes to remember good things about a person rather than holding on to their faults because that will never lead to peace in life. Lets face it, no person is perfect including you and me but still expect the other party to be always perfect ..how correct is this? Had I was adamant to get in fight with my MIL for those initial days immaturely, I would have never unmasked her love for me neither she would have seen my caring side for her. So yes it all will eventually end well with time and little bit of compromise.

Since I had already figured my husband's capability in balancing relationships in just one month into marriage 😆 I never brought him into the mix and saved lot of agony. What to say men never love to put into such situations and they are happy with each territory intact. Woman are socially and culturally programmed to adjust to any new environments easily which men struggle a lot especially in indian environments, so expecting them to change overnight from this years long immersed tradition is also foolish on our part. Ghar Jamai is still a taboo and considered inferior, the day when this mentality changes is the day DILs will be more accepting and we will be ready to debate SIL-FIL relationships instead😉😆

Excuse if this post didnt make any sense because I am literally sleep typing and have no strength to delete after typing so much😳.

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_Payalj_

@_Payalj_

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#37

Originally posted by: JShukla
I could be a minority maybe, but I feel all problems can be sorted if people give due respect to people and relationships. it goes both ways. it does not require any complex relationship pattern understanding or loads of patience, empathy etc... Just say that you demand respect like any other person in the world. If still people fail to respect you why stay with such people ???
Sonakshi tried too much and I disagree with most who say that she was doing it for any kind of best bahu contest. she was genuinely trying the please the most important woman in Dev's life. Lets not discard her work saying she was doing it to win a competition. She wanted to cook for her husband. she wanted to do all that a DIL should do? what's wrong? she s doing it in her own house. She is not encroaching upon anyone else's territory. If Eshwari feels threatened, its her problem, not Sona's. Although I do feel Sona should have been allowed to complain at crucial junctures to Dev - Bday fiasco(Asha stopped) , infertility (again a little bit of Asha'a interference which mellowed Sona)...

JShukla I will just like to say one thing, sometimes instead of being righteous and correct, one should be smart.

Instead of striving to adhere to principles, one should aim at happiness. After all ends should justify the means?

This is where Sona proved that she is bijoy daughter and this also proved to be her greatest downfall.

I am not saying that Ishwari and Dev were right, they being what they were, Sona was aware of it. So why not act smart? When you know Ishwari is insecurity incorporated, why encroach her home turf? Let kitchen remain her domain. Praise her cooking and home making skills and enjoy life.

You know your husband's greatest weakness are his emotions, why wear a mask of strength? You know he can't understand anything unless explains to him in black and white. Don't criticise his mother, criticise him for not being there for you.

When you are dealing with selfish people, why not be a bit selfish? What's wrong about deviating slightly from principles to ensure lifelong happiness?

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Drcs

@Drcs

Navigator

Posted: 8 years ago

#38

No . I think Sona's character is discussed a lot too in other threads. this one is pro Dev and I am mostly Pro Sona. Hence I participate only in neutral topics in this thread. Yup Sona could have been a lot more smarter and conniving with regards to relationship. But she was and still is a simple clear at heart girl. She at least paid attention to her in-laws and respected them. Can't say the same about Dev.

Jshukla I don't have the liberty to pinpoint, it's the mod's responsibility, but being an ardent reader of all the posts in this thread, I disagree with your view point ( I have highlighted it)..this is the only thread where you can see impartial, unbiased feedback...by generalizing this thread as pro-dev you have ignored many of the impartial anecdotes with real-life examples quoted by many...regarding you last sentence about Dev I can give umpteenth examples where he has ignored the taunts by Bijoymagnanimously...

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306969

Suspended

Posted: 8 years ago

#39

Payal..the above is adressed to Jshukla..but I wholeheartedly agree with this post of your s. But we both know Sona is a dumbo in such things.she is very naive in complicated relationship understanding. She felt ishwari will appreciate her home making skills. And road to marital bliss is via ishwari's acceptance.

I didn't expect her to understand that ishwari will not like it to see someone new being as good as herself in ishwari's core skills.

I am kinda worried about marriage now. I am in a relationship and all our discussions are making me worried about taking the plunge or not. 😆

Edited by IFfreak - 8 years ago

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JShukla

@JShukla

Inactive

Posted: 8 years ago

#40

Originally posted by: Drcs

No . I think Sona's character is discussed a lot too in other threads. this one is pro Dev and I am mostly Pro Sona. Hence I participate only in neutral topics in this thread. Yup Sona could have been a lot more smarter and conniving with regards to relationship. But she was and still is a simple clear at heart girl. She at least paid attention to her in-laws and respected them. Can't say the same about Dev.

Ah yes. I modified my post and edited out the points you said. I am Pro Sona and did not edit that. meaning I have no issues accepting that I will most often speak in her favor 😃 I am sure that is ok.