Sharing Responsibility..... Isn't it a team effort?? - Page 2

Originally posted by: dlavanya

See its very simple - sona is not asking dev to donlaundry , fold clothes and arrange his own wardrobe..
In the current situation, dev has to be literally spoon fed. He doesnt know where his shirts are his pants are his other stuff with in the closet. Just like he couldnt nit even find the halwa which was right infromt of him in the fridge.

So every morning and evening his mom keeps his the things he will need to wear that day snd he wears only that. One day ishu forgot to keep his night dress and he emptied the whole closet and he was not even looking at the clothes when he was trying to find it.. just like how my 5 yr old does. He takes all the toys out for no reason and makes mess..

Sona is asking to learn how to find things with out making mess. Onviously ehat ever he needs is present in that closet.. But he used to be spoon fed.. Those clothese that dev gave ishwari are the ones that he threw from closet .. Not the ones that cane out of laundry . I am sure kitchu bhayya would be doing laundry iron and bring the clothes to each member.
So this is not a big deal - asking ur husband to know how to take the clothes out with out his mom.. Who will be opening the closet to set it right multiple times in a day ..

Ps: this is equivalent to if you drop something on the floor you pick it.. We dont need to delgate this to others- that is not sharing. Again this is something that my 5 yr okd used to do , he either carelessly or intentionally drop somethibg while sitting at the dinner table and asks us to pick it up .. If we dont he starts whining.. Initially i used to pickit up as he is my raja beta ofcourse ;) but my husbnd stopped me after sometime. He made my son get down and pick it up couple of times ... Now he doesnt drop anything and is careful.. It is a life lesson.. You pick what you drop

Originally posted by: randommusings

All this cupboard n clothes drama started bcoz a day before Ish told Sona how she manages whole house work n cooking n wat not. Sona thought of sharing the load so Ish's work can be reduced. The thing Sona did wrong was not explaining properly to Dev why he has to do his own work..if Dev gets d point that it will reduce Ish's workload n stress he wud do the work without complaining.

n watever it is...big or small issue they can only resolve if they talk abt it with each other without getting angry or leaving the room. Here Dev has to put in extra efforts coz Sona is new in the house n he has to ensure his family members give Sona due love n respect. n Sona has to talk to Dev first before interfering in personal lives of family member like Neha, Vicki, Mami who are not supportive of her.

Originally posted by: sia.krpkab

Lets not read too much into it...

Dev drives them around. We saw him ferry around Sona so he can spend time and yet ensure she reaches home on time. Doesn't make him a driver.

Now Sona can't drive, she can't cook so she can at least pitch in to help him set his cupboard. Why not??

Edited by fanktlk - 8 years ago

Originally posted by: gmgi

Hi Divya
I actually loved that 😆
It was not something huge that she asked isn't it? Of course she can help him. But her intention was not to make him dependent on her. All these should have happened before marriage. Was she given any space there? Did they thought of another cupboard for her before? They thought of all this with Natasha. But why not with Sona? Even Dev assumed she will adjust. Just when she made known her presence in their room he became uncomfortable. He went running to his mother behind Sona's back.

Sona n her whole family used to help Asha when she used to work. Her folding clothes and arranging her wardrobe have been shown also. She just tried a Bose orientation that is all.
With marriage some changes happen. Dev prepared Neha's room according to her likes. The butterflies, the new cupboard everything so that she is comfortable. A girl coming to your home leaving everything behind for you and you don't feel it is not your responsibility to make her comfortable.

When she was not given her rights she established it herself and that was not comfy enough for him. Her problem was his dependency on his mother and he is resisting her attempts. Let us see how long he will do that until he understands what he is doing. When his mother demands too much he runs to Sona n when Sona's demands are too much he runs to his mother. He will learn it the hard way. If his whining to his mother will result in her taking the action he will end up hurting Sona more than if he had handled it himself

Originally posted by: Lady_Macbeth

You're missing a vital point here.

There's absolutely no privacy in Dev-Sona's bedroom ( which is, by the way , the only room where she has some right , and this is a place where she should feel at home , properly relax , and have some much needed privacy , not just for the newly married couple but for her OWN self ) and this is because Ishwari enters the room frequently to "help out" his co-dependent husband . That's the biggest issue here I think .

I definitely think Dev should either learn to help himself out with Sona's help if needed ( he could've asked Sona to help him learn and ask for time, Sona being most unrealistically understanding for a wife , would've definitely given it to him but no he'd run to Ishwari for every little thing like 5 yr old kid ) or else Sona should get her own separate room in the house where she can relax in the day time at least , decorate it as she wishes .

Originally posted by: fanktlk

No I kept the swing out of the discussion because here I agree with Sona. Here she needs her space. She can paint it red, green, yellow, pink for all I can but that needs to be a personal haven. Problem is trying to do everything at the same time.

Ever played chess, One move at a time.

Originally posted by: fanktlk

While I will never ever forgive Dev for the Asha Maa Aunty issue, I have a slightly different opinion with all the clothes drama.

While independence is important and each person should try and do his/her chores themselves, a little outside help won't hurt.

If Dev is bad at housekeeping skills then Sona is bad in cooking. So much so that when Dev visited her home she couldn't even serve him anything when they were locked inside.

Forget that she couldn't whip up a meal for herself. Dev came and made sandwiches... How making sandwiches is cooking is beyond me.. But Sona couldn't even do that.

One doesn't have to make a 7 course meal but basic survival skills should be present irrespective of gender.

We have seen Dev even cook for his mom as per Sona's chart. But he has never commented on her independence or dependence on her mother/ his mother / kichu bhaiyya.

Before marriage Sona never cooked, didn't she think of sharing her mother's load with a house full of 6 people.

During Neha's wedding Sona felt bad that she cannot cook, we had Dev say I will help you.

People will be ready to call Dev a chauvinist if Dev starts insisting that Sona should take care of cooking.

So now if Dev is not able to manage his clothes why can't Sona come up and say let me help you and slowly you will be able to do it yourself.