Iswari the Indian Parent How Wrong is she? - Page 3

Originally posted by: SabitaParmar

Awesome post dear. Had read it twice

Originally posted by: ltelidevara

I am working as a lecturer in a reputed institution that has its group of colleges begining with Plus two,Graduation,post graduation,Management studies ,Engineering and Medical college. And I come across all kind of students and interact with their parents since I work as the coordinator cultural wing and Vivekananda study circle. I wrote the actual facts I observed during my interaction with students.It is ninety percent parent's choice while ten percent chose their course free of will.So I stick to my point. Indian parent mostly dictate terms in deciding the future of their children.

@K Mena
Even now instead of accepting her faults done with respect to Neha, she blindly pus all blame on Dev. Hell Dev was only a child when Ishwari decided on what and who is to do what. How can she blame a child for another child's situation. That's

Originally posted by: pkbdas61

That is a point that is difficult to contest. The whole experience stated points in this direction! Also it is parents who discriminate... yes, they are changing but not fast enough.

I wanted to add my story to this... I am from AP too and born and brought up in Tirupati before I moved to USA for Masters and then eventually settled down there.
Both my mom and dad are professors of Physics and both have Phds from IITs. One think i am proud of is my family as many relatives i know, no one has ever discriminated between boy and girl.
My mom and dad wanted me to be a doctor or even a teacher like them but I chose engineering and chose my own path and so did my brother. But my parents never forced us.
Yes one thing my mom made sure when i was in school and not studying when i should be is to warn me " Do what ever you want and play how much ever you want but you have to get 91% or more ".
I know not sure why 91% and not 90%.. My mom and dad helped us through out our studies and really encouraged us to do Phds after our Masters.. they wanted us to achieve atleast as much as what they have achieved.
But never pushed us and we never did Phds either. Same thing with marriage, I chose my husband - he is not telugu but a maharashtrian... only question my parents asked when we told them was " are you sure ? " ... So I feel blessed to have a family that understands the importance of letting kids decide. ... But I have had so many friends who were married and sent off when they were in 3rd and 4th year of engineering.
atleast 50% of the girls in my class were married by end of engineering and more after masters.. there were very few girls who got to work and be independent before they married.
I have to tell you these girls were married to guys who they didnt know and they were not even happy to get married at that time. But, who will convince their parents.
This was almost 15 yrs ago.. I am sure the story might be different now and the percentage of girls getting married that early may have decreased a lot but it is there nonetheless.

Originally posted by: dlavanya

I wanted to add my story to this... I am from AP too and born and brought up in Tirupati before I moved to USA for Masters and then eventually settled down there.
Both my mom and dad are professors of Physics and both have Phds from IITs. One think i am proud of is my family as many relatives i know, no one has ever discriminated between boy and girl.
My mom and dad wanted me to be a doctor or even a teacher like them but I chose engineering and chose my own path and so did my brother. But my parents never forced us.
Yes one thing my mom made sure when i was in school and not studying when i should be is to warn me " Do what ever you want and play how much ever you want but you have to get 91% or more ".
I know not sure why 91% and not 90%.. My mom and dad helped us through out our studies and really encouraged us to do Phds after our Masters.. they wanted us to achieve atleast as much as what they have achieved.
But never pushed us and we never did Phds either. Same thing with marriage, I chose my husband - he is not telugu but a maharashtrian... only question my parents asked when we told them was " are you sure ? " ... So I feel blessed to have a family that understands the importance of letting kids decide. ... But I have had so many friends who were married and sent off when they were in 3rd and 4th year of engineering.
atleast 50% of the girls in my class were married by end of engineering and more after masters.. there were very few girls who got to work and be independent before they married.
I have to tell you these girls were married to guys who they didnt know and they were not even happy to get married at that time. But, who will convince their parents.
This was almost 15 yrs ago.. I am sure the story might be different now and the percentage of girls getting married that early may have decreased a lot but it is there nonetheless.

Lovely post!

Originally posted by: ltelidevara

@K Mena
Even now instead of accepting her faults done with respect to Neha, she blindly pus all blame on Dev. Hell Dev was only a child when Ishwari decided on what and who is to do what. How can she blame a child for another child's situation. That's

My actual post is directed towards concluding Iswari is not at fault for not providing education to Neha.

I don't think she is blaming Dev. She is telling the facts. If she feels Dev is the reason for Neha's present situation her love for Dev will become a myth. So it is not the case.

Iswari feels guilty for Neha but what she did in her past is not abnormal. Parents generally opt to offer education to one child if they can not afford to do it for two.

But she did blame Dev too for what Neha went through all her life. Remember the episode when after Ranveer visits with divorce notice, Ishwari went to Neha's room and then to Dev-Sona's room. Its there when she said, we two are responsible for what Neha is feeling about the injustice done (something on similar lines), whereas, in reality Neha only blamed Ishwari for what she had done. Ishwari beautifully put equal blame on Dev and made him super guilty.
I for one have never said a word against Ishwari opting to educate one child only in the situations she was in. Any parent might have had done the same as what she did. Its the behaviour of hers towards Neha which is bad parenting or no parenting at all and it continues till date.

Originally posted by: pkbdas61

You are very lucky to have been born into a home with educated parents, Lavanya. I have also been as blessed, with my dad a distinguished army officer and my mom an educationist. In this kind of an environment, the situation is different and further we constitute a minority of the populace that is so blessed. My statistics refer to the larger populace of parents from struggling socio-economic backgrounds and who have larger dreams for their sons, lesser dreams for their daughters!

Parents sacrifice unimaginable extents to educate their sons and go the distance in taking loans for their daughters marriage. Come 19, the daughter is considered old for marriage and if there is a delay, it is treated as if the heavens are going to fall. Like you said, the girls are married into families and homes that are completely alien to them.. and with it their dreams come crashing down. In the thousands of cases that I have dealt with were parents who were clerks, vegetable sellers, mid-wives, tailors, carpenters, electricians, peons, drivers, maids...sons get educated and daughters passed on to new homes as if a job has been done...

In my start ups, I used to drive the diversity factor at the workplace.. used to hire girls in the final year of engineering but when it came to joining time, a year later, only a handful turned up. The rest got married. Then after joining and within 2 years most girls used to get married and just one or two remained. This trend too is changing but not fast enough.

Lavanyaji Yes Like Pkb Das ji said you are lucky to have your choice in your education as well as marriage. But really the percentage of such lucky people is far lesser than those who have to abide by their parent's choice.Like I said in my post Mytri my student topper who stood first even among autonomous colleges,ours being one such,has to sacrifice her MBA dreams for her brother.It is the bitter truth . I came across many cases where girl's are forced to take a back seat to help their brothers move forward.

Lovely post!










Quite natural. Human mentality . As for Iswari believing her to be the God,she very well knows