Posted:
Wow, what an absolutely amazing week of episodes! I was dying to come here and write an epic analysis after each episode this week, but real life got in the way, as it has a nasty habit of doing. 😡😆 I had to fight off sleep today and share my thoughts, because what the writers are doing is just so damn beautiful!!! Above all, I love that the conflict between the leads comes mostly from clashes in their own personalities, and minimally from outside interference. Even Ishwari only has the power to exacerbate problems that already exist between Dev and Sona, she isn't given the ability to create them. And thanks to the fact that we have such delightfully human and flawed leads, they are plenty capable of creating problems for themselves to work through, and a slowly unfolding plot for us to enjoy. This is such a refreshing change from the build-up to confession -- build-up to marriage -- build up to sex format that most desi soaps follow! I also absolutely adore the fact that we are watching a show where the couple just hang out sometimes, enjoying each other's company and some adorable banter. 😳
Now to dig in. 😃
The episodes after marriage gave us a clear idea of Sona's greatest weaknesses and vulnerabilities: she stubbornly defies any challenge to her competence, she worries about her position in Dev's life, and tends to hide her negative feelings until they bubble up into explosive anger. We saw Dev learning a little bit about each of these, and trying to manage them with patience and love. He gave her the space she needed when she was angry, was ready to be the first one to say sorry, even when they were both wrong; he responded strongly to criticism against her, and he tried very hard to communicate to her that he loved her just as she was, that she didn't have to change. Unfortunately, Dev's efforts fell short as long as they failed to address the core cause of Sona's insecurity: his relationship with Ishwari.
That's what this week was all about: flipping perspective and exploring Dev's most insecure and vulnerable side, in his relationship with his mother. I think the Vicky issue was introduced to allow Sona her first real glimpse of how Ishwari uses emotional leverage to trap Dev in situations that make him profoundly unhappy. At first, Sona was still wrapped up in her insecurity about Ishwari's hold on Dev, and allowed her fear to speak when she questioned him about changing the decision they had made together. The subtext: was he never going to value her opinion as much as his mother's? Was she always going to remain just a plaything for him while he and Ishwari made all the important decisions? Could they really be one unit when he excluded her from such an important part of his life? This is just my reading, but I think these questions also had a lot to do with Sona's willingness to put off sex. No sensible girl wants to feel like she's just there to fulfil physical desires, and I feel that Sona needed more emotional security to feel ready for that step. These are valid questions, but ones that could only be answered with both Dev and Sona changing their perspectives on each other.
Sona's anger is the kind that flares up suddenly and fades equally fast, because she is used to expressing it freely and getting it out of her system. Since she was also brought up in an environment of absolute morals, she tends to be more sensitive to the day-to-day hypocrisy and dishonesty of people. In short, she is easily angered, but her anger is pretty swiftly calmed through expression (while her insecurities simmer under the surface). Dev is of a completely different breed. Not many things truly anger him -- when he argues with Sona, we usually see more despair than anger -- but when those few sensitive nerves are hit, it becomes a much bigger deal. I think this also has to do with his upbringing... he developed a tough skin early on because he had to, and he is used to hiding his feelings from the world to protect himself. That means he has only two extreme modes: completely invincible or completely vulnerable.
With Sona, for the first time, he found strength instead of weakness in vulnerability. That's huge, but unfortunately, not yet enough to erase the years and years he has spent building up the facade of strength that has carried his family this far. When Sona chided him for his decision regarding Vicky's post, she (unwittingly, of course) became yet another person who was demanding strength from him instead of allowing his vulnerability, which I believe is what caused Dev to shut off from her completely, wanting her to make the first move towards reconciliation: he needed that reassurance that it was okay to be vulnerable with her once again. I am not defending Dev's actions; I think he acted like a right arse when he refused to answer her call, but I also see how his defence mechanisms must have gone into autopilot. Yet again, it took the idea of losing her (as he assumes he will when she finds the reports) for Dev to remember just who Sona is to him. She is not just another member of his family, demanding the impossible from him and expecting him to deliver with a smile; she's the woman he loves for being her beautiful, independent, and loving self, and whom he is privileged to have in his life because she chose him when she had any number of reasons not to. That was the moment that Dev's perspective snapped back into focus, and as a result, he was able to facilitate the same process in Sona.
I loved that scene when, as Sona is walking away with something clearly on her mind, Dev catches her and encourages her to share what is bothering her, addressing one of her major struggles of expressing her own insecurities. Reluctantly, she asks him why he lied to his mother about eating at her parent's house. Subtext: Is my mother's food not good enough for you? Do my parents... do I cause you shame in front of your mother? She once again hit that sensitive nerve: Dev's past and his relationship with his mother, and Dev's defences still flared up, but this time he was more willing to at least try to tell her why this is not a black and white issue for him, and BAM. That is when I saw the lightbulb go off over Sona's head. All this time, she has been reading Ishwari and Dev's bond as a threat to her own relationship with Dev, because after Dev's decision to break up in a unilateral bid for his mother's happiness, she bought into the facade of the perfect and unshakeable mother-son relationship. By revealing that all wasn't black and white, Dev showed her why his relationship with his mother, far from being a threat, was the very reason he needed her so much. And that is the precise moment I saw our beloved, self-assured and secure Sona snap back into herself, and boy was it a sight for sore eyes!
Immediately, she stopped pressing Dev for more information, stepped back and gave him what he needed most, and what Ishwari could never give him: time to be as confused and complex as he needed to be to figure out his feelings, and a safe space filled with love and positivity from which he can gather strength. I just find it beautiful that Dev created a safe space for Sona to share the feelings she was trying to suppress, and she created a safe space for him not to share the feelings he isn't yet able to understand himself. They showed an unprecedented understanding and compassion for each other in that moment, and I thought it was beautiful that that formed the prelude of their physical union. The way Sona planned the entire thing, and went out of her way to make Dev feel special and loved showed that she understood how she had hurt him by excluding him from her decisions about fitting into the household. The way Dev responded, completely absorbed in and enchanted by his beautiful, independent wife, and overwhelmed with happiness, showed that he understood just how precious she was, and why he needed her in his life.
P.S. I would love to hear all your thoughts, and I will try my best to reply, but please forgive me if I am not able to!
