Tia.0 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#1
I was discussing Balance since yesterday. Today's episode is a lesson on what happens when balance is maintained and lost.

Balance - http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=4736226

Balance: Part 2 - http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=4736858

First of all, note my suggestion to Sona on the first post. She chose a weak ally.

Not once Riya admitted that she booked the resort for Sona and Dev and helped her plan a surprise for Dev.

Even oblivious Riya knows that her mother is mentally imbalanced.

Also note: I mentioned that Sona should have taken bold Nikki into confidence. The moment she got Sona's text, she chirped the news to everyone.

If you want to win a battle, Sona, it's very important to choose the right ally.

Dev and Sona won the small battle by stealing a night from the miser Ishwari who wants to have list of every second of Dev's life. But the bigger storm were brewing in the background.

When they came back and Dev announced honeymoon plans, everyone was happy for him except four people -

Radha and Vicky, because they hate Sona.

Ishwari because she can't demand to go on a honeymoon.

And Neha, because she wants to do all that with her husband but her husband doesn't have money.

Ishwari showed her ace when she used Neha to get her way. Ishwari never uses her issues. She always uses her children and family to make Dev dance to her tune.

Today Dev showed excellent balance by spending time with both his mother and wife.

But Ishwari still takes examples from Dev's childhood for comparison purposes. When a child goes away from his parents, it's scary because they are children and vulnerable. But it's different for adults.

It's like saying, I used to change my child's diaper when he was a baby but he doesn't let me do it anymore.

Yes, that comparison is as ridiculous sounding as this.

It's not that Dev has never gone to business trips, but the difference is that he has never gone with someone he loves. Before he was guaranteed to not have fun alone in a hotel room and now fun is guaranteed. But the problem is not going away, the problem is him enjoying his outing.

Sona never asked nor demanded Ishwari's place. She very happily adjusted to her own place. However in a family when one person becomes unbalanced, every other relationship loses balance.

So Dev, since you learned to keep balance, maintain that (although precap suggests otherwise) and now you have to start putting the players into their rightful places.

First step is to make your mother stop making you feel guilty.

Ishwari says in precap: Don't you think talking about your honeymoon will make Neha feel bad? She also must want to go to honeymoon?

Me: Ishwari, here's some points for you to consider.

1. We are all very liberal people. But we are still not liberal enough to send a sister on a honeymoon with her brother.

So speaking to the brother about his sister's wish for a honeymoon doesn't help.

Instead, why don't you come up with a solution to make your daughter's wish come true?

First step to that is to send the said daughter to her husband so that she can go to her honeymoon or you all can also go on a trip together (far far away from Paris or even Europe), since money is no objection so that you can also talk about your trip. Sounds like an easier solution, isn't it?

Your logic makes as much sense as telling a married couple to not have children or discuss about their children because their widowed aunt wanted kids but doesn't have any. Doesn't cut through any logic whatsoever.

2. You keep making Dev guilty for any moment of happiness he tries to get. But why don't you tell your daughter that she should have stayed in her husband's home so that Dev doesn't feel uncomfortable watching her moping around?

You want to distribute Dev's wealth he earned between your children which they don't deserve, then why not distribute the guilt equally as well which Dev doesn't deserve?

Dev, see your mother's unfairness and recognise it before you ruin the fragile balance you managed to build.

And if it's impossible for you, then take the advice from Balance: Part 2 and let an unbiased and fair person handle the wheel.
Edited by tia.o - 8 years ago

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sona_naksh thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#2
agree wid u ...
ur diaper example may sound ridiculous but its d reality of ishwari ...
vibg thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#3
well said!
Ishwari is the the who disturbs the balance in Dixit family. Today, CVs showed that Dev has not forgotten his mother, his family, post marriage, like most boys do... Ishwari's fear! So, Ishwari can not use the excuse that Dev is moving away from her, not caring for her.

She claims to want happiness for all her children, esp. Dev.. but in reality... his happiness or other children's happiness is least of her concerns. his happiness is defined by how when where Ishwari chooses. girls' happiness.. she could care less about Neha or others. As a mother, what has she done to resolve or help Neha deal with her situation? She only thinks about Neha.. when Dev is happy and stealing a few moments to enjoy his life, for the first time... with his new wife Ishwari is damn mad that Dev is happy with his new wife.. he deserves every minute of this happiness. Dev has never experience such selfless love before. cause' his mother's love comes with strings and ties that suffocate him😭 Dev hasn't really lived life until now. He has been ishwari's workhorse, his slave😡 not really a son!

I don't think Dev will see Ishwari's mental illness yet. cause Ishwari uses the family burden to give Dev guilt trips. its never about her... her needs, her memories. Dev has been programmed since childhood to work hard for his family... and she never lets him forget that. his life is only dedicated to the family... nothing else.

REAL issue with Ishwari is...she thinks of Dev as provider, as man of the house, as HER man. disgusting or not.. that's mental illness!!!!!! many Indian mothers have a fear of losing their mama's boys like DEV... but what Ishwari feels is completely different. she is jealous of Devakshi's physical closeness because that's what she can not give Dev. She fears if Sonakshi gives Dev what he wants and needs... he'll be controlled by her. and Ishwari will lose her control over him... note: her fear is not that she will lose him, but lose her control over him! bottom line is... Ishwari wants to control Dev to satisfy her ego, her sacrifices, her efforts, her hardwork after her husband died.

Creating balance, maintaining balance, disturbing balance...is NEVER perfect in life. All parts of the equillibrum have to work together to maintain it. In this case, Ishari is a broken part that needs to be fixed, to be treated😆 Dev alone or Sonakshi alone or Devakshi together can not do it. For this to happen, Dev has to be deprogrammed or Ishwari treated for mental illness😆

As for Sonakshi... she needs to focus on hubby which she is doing. fight for her rightful place in Dev's life, which she is doing. And cultivate relationships with Rhea and Nikki and Neha to make a place in Dixit family.

Tia.0 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#4
Yep. Treating an adult like a child is ridiculous.

But Ishwari managed to hold on to that delusion because Dev continued to behave like a child to stroke her ego.

There's a reason people say that once kids become adult, it's time to cut the apron strings so that they can make their way without getting reeled back like a fish on a hook.

Originally posted by: sona_naksh

agree wid u ...
ur diaper example may sound ridiculous but its d reality of ishwari ...

vibg thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#5

Originally posted by: tia.o

Yep. Treating an adult like a child is ridiculous.

But Ishwari managed to hold on to that delusion because Dev continued to behave like a child to stroke her ego.

There's a reason people say that once kids become adult, it's time to cut the apron strings so that they can make their way without getting reeled back like a fish on a hook.


but Tia.. you forget.. ishwari is not a normal mother with normal fears or anxieties. her fears and anxieties are deep rooted in her delusions about Dev.
Shilky88 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#6
GOD ,Show me one positive side of Ishwari. She was too much in precap.
I am so fed up of this psychotic, insane woman.
With each episode and sequences my hatred for her is getting increased.

Shouldn't she be happy next day that her Son and DIL are back home - happy,safe n sound and most importantly they looked content with their married life now?
Everyone could make out from their faces that they just had s** and were happy.
I could see her jealous eyes. erghhh.
Not sure what was she worried or afraid of all night😕
Was she worried for DevSona's safety ?
or Was she afraid that DeVsona had to bunk home to make love?

sorry if I am sounding mean or insensitive ..but why she has to bring Neha's situation amidst all this.
Neha left her home due to some reason that we still don't know but does that mean every married couple in Dixit house will be deprived of their married and love life?
I will not be surprised if later she will ask Mama ji and Mami ji to sleep in different rooms so that Neha wont feel bad and left out.

Neha has different problems and instead of dealing with it or doing the root cause analysis for it Ishu is taking undue advantage of it.
I am surprised that nobody in Dixits house is willing to know the actual situations and reason that Neha has to leave her house.
I dont know if I am right or wrong but I have a gut feeling that Ishu will allow Neha to stay in this house till the time she can use Neha for her own selfish motive to distract Dev from his married life.
If at all Neha starts to speak up for Sona she will be shown the exit doors in the name of 'adjustments and compromises' by Ishu.
Tia.0 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#7
Even when some people tried to make me see that Ishwari and Dev's relationship is reality so it's all right, I have been saying over and over that just because it's reality, it's not natural and hence not normal.

I am fine with all sorts of relationship as we all are. But this is not a relationship, it's more like prison with life sentence.

Ishwari wants Dev to forever be a child. Why? Because children are easier to control then adults.

But she also wants Dev to be an adult when it comes to taking responsibility. Why? Because you can't dump responsibilities on a child.

But the bottom line is she wants a Robot who will do the tasks she wants, how she wants, when she wants and what she wants because she has his remote control in her hand.

The arrangement got disrupted when a new player came in with a more powerful remote for the robot which even the robot's system is better synced with.

So Ishwari is pushing the button hard on her remote to regain her control. But we all know what happens when you punch the buttons too hard on a device, the device malfunctions.

And that's exactly will happen if Ishwari keeps pushing the buttons while the robot's system is pulling him to the new, more powerful remote. What I suspect is a possible short-circuit which will cut off all connection for the robot from any remote..


Originally posted by: vibg

well said!

Ishwari is the the who disturbs the balance in Dixit family. Today, CVs showed that Dev has not forgotten his mother, his family, post marriage, like most boys do... Ishwari's fear! So, Ishwari can not use the excuse that Dev is moving away from her, not caring for her.

She claims to want happiness for all her children, esp. Dev.. but in reality... his happiness or other children's happiness is least of her concerns. his happiness is defined by how when where Ishwari chooses. girls' happiness.. she could care less about Neha or others. As a mother, what has she done to resolve or help Neha deal with her situation? She only thinks about Neha.. when Dev is happy and stealing a few moments to enjoy his life, for the first time... with his new wife Ishwari is damn mad that Dev is happy with his new wife.. he deserves every minute of this happiness. Dev has never experience such selfless love before. cause' his mother's love comes with strings and ties that suffocate him😭 Dev hasn't really lived life until now. He has been ishwari's workhorse, his slave😡 not really a son!

I don't think Dev will see Ishwari's mental illness yet. cause Ishwari uses the family burden to give Dev guilt trips. its never about her... her needs, her memories. Dev has been programmed since childhood to work hard for his family... and she never lets him forget that. his life is only dedicated to the family... nothing else.

REAL issue with Ishwari is...she thinks of Dev as provider, as man of the house, as HER man. disgusting or not.. that's mental illness!!!!!! many Indian mothers have a fear of losing their mama's boys like DEV... but what Ishwari feels is completely different. she is jealous of Devakshi's physical closeness because that's what she can not give Dev. She fears if Sonakshi gives Dev what he wants and needs... he'll be controlled by her. and Ishwari will lose her control over him... note: her fear is not that she will lose him, but lose her control over him! bottom line is... Ishwari wants to control Dev to satisfy her ego, her sacrifices, her efforts, her hardwork after her husband died.

Creating balance, maintaining balance, disturbing balance...is NEVER perfect in life. All parts of the equillibrum have to work together to maintain it. In this case, Ishari is a broken part that needs to be fixed, to be treated😆 Dev alone or Sonakshi alone or Devakshi together can not do it. For this to happen, Dev has to be deprogrammed or Ishwari treated for mental illness😆

As for Sonakshi... she needs to focus on hubby which she is doing. fight for her rightful place in Dev's life, which she is doing. And cultivate relationships with Rhea and Nikki and Neha to make a place in Dixit family.

Shilky88 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#8
I forgot to add me in my reply that your diaper example just cracked me up 🤣
GOD! That was hilarious
Tia.0 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#9
Yes, you got it exactly right. Ishwari, being the conservative woman, letting Neha stay at her place without a single attempt to contact her husband is not without any reason.

She is planning to use Neha as a bait because she can't guilt trip Dev when everything is hunky dory. She needs problems to make Dev go fix them instead of him living his life.

It's almost as if she thinks she is Batman and Dev Robin. They are the superhero team who rescues Dixit family from all issues. But now Robin isn't paying attention in crime solving so Batman needs crime to happen, so that they can bond over their heroism.

Originally posted by: Shilky88

GOD ,Show me one positive side of Ishwari. She was too much in precap.
I am so fed up of this psychotic, insane woman.
With each episode and sequences my hatred for her is getting increased.

Shouldn't she be happy next day that her Son and DIL are back home - happy,safe n sound and most importantly they looked content with their married life now?
Everyone could make out from their faces that they just had s** and were happy.
I could see her jealous eyes. erghhh.
Not sure what was she worried or afraid of all night😕
Was she worried for DevSona's safety ?
or Was she afraid that DeVsona had to bunk home to make love?

sorry if I am sounding mean or insensitive ..but why she has to bring Neha's situation amidst all this.
Neha left her home due to some reason that we still don't know but does that mean every married couple in Dixit house will be deprived of their married and love life?
I will not be surprised if later she will ask Mama ji and Mami ji to sleep in different rooms so that Neha wont feel bad and left out.

Neha has different problems and instead of dealing with it or doing the root cause analysis for it Ishu is taking undue advantage of it.
I am surprised that nobody in Dixits house is willing to know the actual situations and reason that Neha has to leave her house.
I dont know if I am right or wrong but I have a gut feeling that Ishu will allow Neha to stay in this house till the time she can use Neha for her own selfish motive to distract Dev from his married life.
If at all Neha starts to speak up for Sona she will be shown the exit doors in the name of 'adjustments and compromises' by Ishu.

randomramblings thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#10
Tia you are a wonderful writer with a good insight. i love reading your posts.
coming to your point 2 , yes i did see such situation in my family. We have a cousin who was divorced and started to live with her parents along with her kid. later on her brother got married. he had a son eventually and he would have second thoughts even to pamper his own child. do you know the reason he gave me for it. If i pamper my son in front of my sisters kid, the kid would feel the dearth of the father. i dont want this and he literally would NEVER pamper or even cradle the child in the living room!!!!!!!

Its such a ridiculous thing !!!!!, isn't it. if he had such opinion about caring for the kid, can you imagine what would his attitude to romancing his wife be!!!!!. AND THE WORST PART is his parents found it ABSOLUTELY NORMAL!!!!!!.. if fact, if he ever tried to even stand next to his wife in the presence of the family they would shoot him DEATHLY GLARES!!!

Having given the anecdote, let me tell you , its never that he did not love his wife or the kid. its just that the feeling of guilt of placing his own happiness on a higher pedestal was so ingrained in him, to the extent that it started to suffocate him.

I am not surprised that Ishwari used Neha's case as a trump card. Dev is on the learning curve. he will pick up for sure.

From the son who ate twice just because his mom stayed up late, to giving the same reason as his wife for returning on the next day, to not feeling apologetic when Radharani mentions about the honeymoon he has come a long way
had it been the same Dev, the minute he would have heard Radha Rani, he would try to convince his mom. ... here he ignored the fact that the family knew the reason for their staying out all night and yet was not hyper about it. infact he had the courage to openly admit that he and sona have plans to spend some quality time.


It is Ishwari who is still living in the past, i guess it was the emotional state of her that make her what she is now. She lost her husband who meant the world to her and what ever little Dev said as a child, gave her the must needed comfort that there is someone out there to look out for her. Someone who would be her SAATHI and HUMSAFAR.
So far what ever reminisces she has be it Dev declaring that he is never going to marry, or halwa or even the current not staying a single day with out her are all the words said by a 10 yr old.
we never get to see the adolescent or even the adult Dev saying any of these.




Edited by randomramblings - 8 years ago

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