ff: ''a many splendoured thing', update pg. 102 - Page 54

whenever prem wondered what had changed most when heer came into his life, the first thing he could think of was how knowing her redefined who he was.

he had always accepted that he was different from so many people around him. they had self-doubts about what they wanted, he never had. they questioned who they were, he never did. he had somehow always been able to see what was important, choose what he could do to the best of his ability, focus on doing it. and somehow, his choices had all just worked to be exactly what he wanted.

heer changed that. when it came to heer, he had no idea what he had wanted before. but when he met her, he knew that everything he had ever wanted, in his imagination or out of it, was heer.

he no longer lived defined within just himself. he lived defined by what she saw of him, what she felt about him. it was a new feeling, living as part of someone else. both exhilarating and frightening. and with heer, prem felt no fear. if he had been diffident with her earlier, it had been on account of other confusions. but she herself? she liberated him.

he revelled in her. he revelled in her eyes. he revelled in her smile. and he revelled in her touch. oh, how he revelled in her touch. with his mind free of any guilt or any dark thoughts or responsibilities, prem felt as if he been parched with thirst for heer's touch. and standing there, in the middle of her little apartment, the lights shining soft, prem drank and drank and drank of heer.

he kissed her till she ran out of breath, and then he kissed her some more after that. his mouth refused to part from her lips for more than a heartbeat before he had to return to it, as if to assure himself that she was still there. that he had full rights to her. that she was still his, only his.

he did not care how long it took. he was not going to let anything stop him. he just wanted to kiss her to his heart's content. and so he did.

and she?

she was limp and weak from his assault on her senses. her knees were weak, she could not stand without his arms around her.

but she would not let him go. no matter how weak his kisses made her feel, no matter how her thoughts fled with his touch, her arms remained wound around his neck, her fingers threaded firmly in his hair, holding his mouth locked to hers, for as long as he wanted it. for as long as he should want it.

someone had told her once -- was it ashlesha? was it in a movie? -- that that magic of a lover was in his kiss. they were right, she thought hazily. everything was in the kiss. prem gave her everything in his kiss.

he finally stopped when he started to sway himself. he looked down at her, her head tilted back on her neck held up only by his hand, and almost lost his head again when he saw her flushed face and her eyes drunk with pleasure. but he pulled himself together when he caught sight of her bruised arm.

''heer.'' she smiled drowsily at the sound of his voice that was both husky and shaken at the same time. prem thought that he was slowly going crazy and she was not helping one bit. he kissed the corner of her uptilted mouth and moved up to whisper in her ear. ''would you please stop smiling at me like that? there is something important i need to do, and i need to be able to think.''

''hmmm.'' the sound came from deep inside her chest, and reverberated through him as she snuggled into the curve of his neck.

''heer.'' he sighed, as his hands automatically curved around her back, her shoulders, seeking purchase all over her all at once, almost against his will. ''heer.'' the sound was strangled as he felt her burrow in the open neck of his shirt, seeking the warmth of his skin.

his arms tightened around her fiercely. when was he ever going to stop feeling like he would go up in flames when he touched her? the only way he knew of that he could get any relief was when he was drowning in her kiss. he could not remember feeling as greedy for anything as he was for her touch, her kiss. his only consolation was that she seemed to feel exactly the same way.

he lifted her into his arms, tilting his head back to accomodate her. she felt the cold soggy ice-pack roll off her arm. disturbed, her eyes flickered open to see it drop with a squelch onto the rug. and for a moment, her brows furrowed. her rug. the one thing that she had kept behind, of all the things that she had forced herself to give up in the rage of having been forced to give up her family so long ago.

heer drew up her head as prem carried her away. she wanted to tell him to stop for a second. she wanted to tell him to wait. wait a moment while she took away the towel, so that it would not taint the rug.

but it was not a moment that prem could not tolerate away from his heer. he had fought against his better instincts, his head and had won heer, all for himself. she was his, only his, in this present, forever in the future. and he would allow nothing to take her away from him.

when her distracted eyes sought to free herself from him, he content himself with exploring the slim shoulders that lay as an alternative in front of him as he walked towards the sofa. the slim shoulders, with the angled collar bones. that ended in the long elegant lines of her neck. and from there, the journey was short to the curve of her ears, and...

heer gasped, the feel of his lips at her ears, flooding all her senses. she moved to control it by taking possession of his mouth with her own. and that small momentary call from her past lay forgotten, getting drenched with waters from ice that had melted under the feelings of the present.

he lay her on the sofa, wanting to adore her pliant form, golden and infinitely seductive. but she did not give him the luxury of too much time, before she reached out to cradle his face in her hands, to tug his mouth back down to hers.

as always, time seemed to lose all meaning as they learnt the immense satisfaction that came with the freedom that came to lovers who had rediscovered themselves in at a new time and a new place in a love story that was, and always had been, forever.

they fretted and chafed against the layers between them. but when she would have tugged off his shirt, her elbow dug hard into his side. he laughed breathlessly when he heard her curse in pain. he wrapped himself around her, and tumbled her onto her back on the sofa, struggling for some sanity.

''darling.'' she was still caught up in the moment, tugging fiercely at the cloth oon his shoulders. ''heer.. please.'' his head swam when he felt the smooth skin of her belly against his own, and pushed hard to still her incediary movements against him.

''heer!'' his hands caught her head, holding it still as he kissed her into attention.

when he lifted his head, those wide eyes looked unseeingly into his and prem despaired. how could he want her so much?

''darling, stop, please stop.''

he watched as her eyes focussed, and then cursed himself silently, as her face turned a crimson red. surely, she did not think that... he had his answer as he felt her trying to push him off.

''heer. would you please listen to me?''

she mumbled, not looking at him. ''i'm sorry. i don't know what came over me. i.. if you can just move, i...''

in a swift movement, he sat up and before she could move away, he had captured her to sit on his lap, holding her firmly when she struggled to get up. ''heer, look at me.''

her face still red, she wasn't sure she heard what he was saying. wasn't sure she knew what she was thinking. all she felt was a strange embarrassment that what he wanted was not what she had wanted. and she could not bear that.

''heer'', he softly kissed the tip of her shoulder. and still she wouldn't look at him.

''heer'', he kissed her chin.

''look at me, please.'' he kissed her cheek.

finally he saw those eyes slip him a sideways look. and they had a hint of tears in them.

''damnit darling. look at me!'' at his loud command, she finally looked at him fully, startled.

he made sure that she was focussed on him when he said, ''i want you. i want you. i want you. i want you.'' and started to panic when the tears flooded her eyes. ''heer, please don't cry.''

''heer, i want you more than i can remember ever having wanted anything else in the world.'' he wanted so much for that hurt look in her eyes to go away.

''darling, is it wrong?'' he turned her face back to him when she would have turned away. ''is it bad that when i do make love to you for the first time, the next time, and forever after that, it'd be nice if it is perfect? and somehow,'' he traced the curve of her face, from brow to chin, ''i get the feeling that this sofa of yours is not quite going to make it perfect.'' he peered at her closely, ''is that okay?'

he watched her face lighten with understanding, and felt blessed when she gave him her one-tilt smile.

''oh.'' she said, in a small voice. ''i thought you would want to leave.''

she watched him shake his head at her slowly. she loved the deep smile in his eyes that light up the grave curve of his mouth.

''oh.'' she repeated.

''but prem?'' the puzzled pout on her face was not something quite deliberate.

''if you were not going to leave,'' she wriggled and settled more deeply into him, ''and you've already kissed me goodnight,'' she tilted her head back a bit to look into his face, ''what are you going to do now?''

prem's head was already moving down to her as he said, his voice husky with hidden laughter, ''make up for all the nights that i have lived and did not kiss you, heer. what else? ''