Together, Forever... (Premeer ff) - upd pg 7, pt 8

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Posted: 16 years ago
#1
heyy guyys.. i was thinking tt i will start my very own, and first kis desh mein fan-fic...
coz for one reason, though i love the leap, i dont like the idea of prem and heer being separated for so long... and secondly, because it is a kekta mai show, the same things keep getting prepeated over and over again...
so i thought why not rewrite the story my own way??
if u all think this idea is good, then i will continue the story...
i have already written abt 2 parts... from the time heer was accused of the affair by prem, when he came and fought with her at the restaurant...
how abt tt...?
if the responses are good, then i will post up the first part or so by today...
and also... any idea what title i shud give the ff??
something significant... i wud ask esp indiandoll and andhara... and meera (issit...) coz i have read all their one shots... and love their stories, and esp the titles... so if esp u 3 have any gd suggestions, plz giv them to me...
Edited by NehAditya8791 - 16 years ago

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Posted: 16 years ago
#2
Part 1
Heer returns home, dragging her feet, after leaving the restaurant where Prem had entered and accused her of having an affair with Raj. She packs her bags and gets ready to leave despite Lalit and Meher objecting and trying to convince her otherwise.

Prem enters the house soon after, and Lalit tries to speak to him, but to no avail. Prem then accuses Heer in front of the whole family. Lalit, who still believes in Heer, tries to intervene but fails to do so. Prem continues to shout at Heer, but Heer looks at him with pleading eyes, trying to convince him of her innocence.

Finally, when Heer cannot take it anymore, she takes up her bags and leaves. As she is going out of the door, Raj enters. He tells Heer he will speak to Prem and make him understand, but Heer tells him not to. Raj protests, but finally gives in to what Heer is saying. Prem looks on in anger, as well as sadness that the love of his life, Heer, though she may have deceived him, is leaving him.

Vikas and Tannu especially, are crying, or rather, bawling, because their Heer Mami is leaving them. Meher, Kulraj, Kiran, Preet, Harman, Lalit, and Ashlesha also have their eyes filled with tears. Even Maya, who has hated Heer for a long time, seems to be saddened, and softened. The only person who seems absolutely delighted in all the current happenings is Gayatri ' she practically smiles at seeing Heer leave, though no one sees her do so.

Prem retreats to his room, and Preet wants to follow him to make him understand, but Lalit stops him from doing so, saying that let him first understand the grievousness of what he has done first, and accept his mistake. Prem enters his room and throws whatever stuff that gets in his way ' the flower vase, some stuff on the dressing table, some files lying on a desk, the pillows on the bed.

He then goes to the window, and looks out. Near the gate, he sees Heer and Raj talking, and Raj is touching Heer's shoulder. Prem's eyes are blinded by tears and his anger, and so he blinks to get rid of them. In that split second, he sees Raj picking up Heer in his arms, and carrying her to his car, which is parked outside the gate.

This is the last straw for Prem, as he closes the window in anger, and goes to a cupboard in the nearby room to take out a bottle of alcohol. And Prem drinks all his sorrows away, as Lalit, who has been keeping a close eye on Prem, looks on helplessly, with tears in his eyes.

Edited by NehAditya8791 - 16 years ago
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Posted: 16 years ago
#3
anyways.. i just thought shud post the first part for u all to get an idea of how i write...
this part is mainly descriptive... coz, there was no need for any dialogue, as i felt... since it already happened in the actual show,... (the time where prem confronts heer in the restaurant, and heer decides to leave the house... before ash "sleeps with prem")...
hence, u all wud already know the dialogues... i just wrote this so tt i cud tell ya which way my version of premeer's love story is heading...
and dont worry...
in my story, there wont be a leap... well, maybe of a few months only... but i myself cannot stand premeer being separated for so long... so i will write it in tt way...
plz do not forget to comment...
oh yeah, and just to tell ya guyys... the next part will also kinda be descriptive, wit only one or two dialogues, but the part after tt onwards, then if u guyys want... then i will start adding in more dialogues...
i just wanna know how u generally like this first part
cute_1790 thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#4
hey nehaditya!!
m really liking ur concept n even i cant see dem seperated for long time so m happy dere is no long leap..few months will be fine.....
n i guess heer must have faint n she must be pregnant....
thank god u didnt add dat ash bitchiness.......i wish she was good in show also as she is in ur story....
plz update next pat soon plz if u can PM when u update....
PrincessPatel77 thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#5
omg continue soon
love ur concept
continue soon eagerly waiting for the next part
can u please PM me????????????????
P.Kamaljit.Sean thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#6
hey
nice concept
loving it
do cont sooon....
mani18 thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#7
loved ur concept...
du cntinue asap
Ishaana thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#8
yea luv ittt 😊
doo continue soonn !!
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Posted: 16 years ago
#9
really???
u guyys liked it???
wel then... though i have to tell ya... its gng to be a short ff... not tt parts, as i just wanna try out...
but anyways... the 2nd part will be up soon
just have to finish writing the last bit
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Posted: 16 years ago
#10
Part 2

Prem drinks away his sorrows, but Heer seems rather lost in hers. A day after "the worst day of her life," She is sitting on the bed in Raj's house, and remains silent even when Raj comes to her with a plate of food.

"Heer, kuch toh khao." Raj prompts, but Heer still doesn't respond, and keeps on saying Prem's name instead. But Raj doesn't give up, and continues "Dekho Heer, agar tumhein kuch khana nahin hai, toh mat khaao. Lekin, kam se kam apne hone waale bachche ke baare mein toh sacho."

Hearing Raj say that, Heer finally comes to her senses and looks at him. Then, Raj sits down beside Heer on the bed and feeds her. When she finishes, he puts her to sleep, and goes out of the room, looking sadly at her as he watches her drift off.

~ FLASHBACK ~

Heer meets Raj at the outside, main gate of the Juneja house, after she leaves. Raj asks her what the matter is, and Heer tells him. Raj gets angry, that Prem doubts Heer, and thinks Raj and Heer are having an affair, when the truth is that Raj and Heer are just friends - and Raj does love Heer, but only like a friend, or like brother does to a sister.

He wants to go and make Prem understand, but Heer stops him, and tells him that she needs some time away from Prem to think about what she has to do next. So, Raj walks alongside Heer, as she heads towards his car, parked outside the gate.

Thinking of all that happened between her and Prem puts a real stress on her mind, and to top it all off, she has been feeling some uneasiness and dizziness. Finally, the incidents take a toll on Heer, and she faints in Raj's arms. Raj has to carry her to his car, and does so, unaware that Prem is watching is from above.

So, Raj takes Heer to his house. On the way, Heer wakes up in the car, but when she is walking up the steps to Raj's house, she again faints. Raj gets really worried, and so after laying Heer down on a bed in one of the bedrooms, he calls the doctor. The doctor gives the diagnosis - Heer is pregnant.

~ END OF FLASHBACK ~

The next day, Heer wakes up, and makes up her mind to phone Prem, and tell him the news, that she is pregnant - with his child. Heer doesn't know, and doesn't really care what his reaction will be, but she feels it's her duty to tell him, since afterall, he's the father, even if he does, or does not believe her. She tries to phone Prem on his mobile first, but he keeps cutting her call. She then calls on the home number, and Gayatri picks up. Gayatri sweet-talks to Heer, making Heer believe in all that she has said - as she has been doing for the past month or so.

Gayatri puts the phone down, and then begins talking aloud ' to Veera's picture. She mentions all what she has to do separate Prem and Heer, in the name of Veera ' even hiring the blackmailer to threaten Heer, and instigating Prem to think that Heer and Raj are having an affair, because she knows that whatever Prem does, he will believe her to Heer, as he thinks of her as his God. And then Gayatri goes away.

In another corner of the house, Meher also decides to call Heer, and ask her if she is feeling alright. However, she finds the phone engaged, and finally decides to use her mobile to call Raj's house, since she knows that Heer will surely be with him, as he is the only one who can take care of her at the moment, after all the accusations. However, Raj's number is also engaged.

Zoom out on Meher, and zoom in on Heer, who is shown holding on to the phone with shock, and heavy tears in her eyes. Heer thinks back to what just happened a few minutes ago.

~ FLASHBACK ~

Gayatri speeks to Heer on the phone, after which she puts it down and begins to talk out loud to Veera's picture. She confesses to all that she has done - her crimes, her hatred for Heer, her love for Prem, and her selfishness for her daughter Veera, and the rest of her kids too. She then walks away. And unaware to her, someone has been listening along all this while to Gayatri - one of her innocent victims. Heer, herself.

Heer holds the phone with tears in her eyes, and in shock too.

~ END OF FLASHBACK ~

The phone finally slips from Heer's hand, and Heer too faints again and falls on the floor.

Edited by NehAditya8791 - 16 years ago

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