New FF: Sau Dard Ch17 pg67 Apr 19 - Page 39

The day his child was born had been a unique day. That day and that night was seared into Prem's mind and would stay with him until the day he died. As much as he wished to wipe out all memories of that night from his memory he couldn't. Those memories were going to be the death of him – he knew it.

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Past –

It was 2:30am, the streets of Mumbai were desolate. Heer was sitting next to him with a protective hand over her swollen stomach, almost like she was shielding the child from any harm. Prem on the other hand was a nervous wreck. His grip on the steering wheel was so strong that his knuckles were white. He remembered when Raaji Bhabi had had her baby, there were all there. However, this time it was only him, Heer and their baby. Raaji Bhabi and Nihaal Bhaia had wanted to come to the hospital but couldn't because someone had to stay behind and watch Sonny and Aayan. They had promised to get their neighbors to watch the boys in the morning so that they could join Prem and Heer. Raaji Bhabi assured Prem that deliveries took time, especially for the first baby, so they would be there for the birth.

Prem felt his heart drop when he suddenly heard Heer gasp and grab the handle of the door.

"Heer what happened?" he asked worried.

"Nothing…just…another contraction," Heer replied between breaths.

Prem glanced at his watch and noticed that the contractions were getting stronger and were closer together. Heer did her best to reassure him by saying that the pain wasn't too bad – the real pain is yet to come she had said. Heer once again relaxed and settled into her seat. However, that did nothing to calm Prem's nerves. The more he looked at Heer the more nervous he got. She looked like she was getting paler and paler every time he looked at her – the color was leaving her face. Prem tried to convince himself that it was all part of labor. After all, no one said labor was a walk in the park.

When they finally reached the hospital, Prem immediately checked Heer in and had the doctor paged. An orderly came out and wheeled Heer into a private suite that was waiting for her. Once the nursed got Heer settled into her room Prem went in and he didn't like what he saw. She was attached to IV's, monitors and some sort of belt was wrapped around her bulging stomach. Heer hand sensed his uneasiness so she called him over.

"These things are not as scary as you think," she began. "The IV is to keep me hydrated since I can't drink anything. This cord leads to a monitor that keeps tabs on my heart rate. And this, this belt is monitoring the baby's heart beat. Ok?"

"Ok," Prem said reluctantly.

Heer smiled at him and said, "Breathe…in……….out."

Prem did as he was told. When he realized what he was doing he let out a nervous chuckle. "Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?" he asked. "Aren't I supposed to help you breathe?"

Prem settled down just a little but nothing could ease his nerves completely. After about fifteen minutes Heer's doctor walked in to examine her. Before she began the exam she doctor asked Prem to go and get Heer some ice chips because that was all she was allowed to have at this point.

Prem returned ten minutes later. He had purposefully taken his time because he wanted to give the doctor enough time to check up on Heer. He was entering Heer's room just as the doctor was leaving and the look on her face didn't sit well with him. For some reason he saw worry and fear in her eyes.

"Is everything alright doctor?" he asked.

"Everything is as expected," the doctor said. "The contractions are going to get more powerful and closer together but she still has some time before she's ready to deliver."

The doctor had told Prem that she'd be back in a half hour or so to check up on Heer. That struck him as odd because when Raaji Bhabi was in labor the doctor didn't check up on her so frequently. But then again, he hadn't been in the think of things for Aayan's delivery so he could be wrong.

Prem pulled up a chair and sat next to Heer. He noticed how much more pale she looked as he fed her ice chips and stroked her head. When she was hit with contractions Prem held her hand, counting for her and telling her to breathe through it. As instructed in Lamaze class, Heer had her focal point – Prem – who she didn't take her eyes off of.

Heer was suddenly hit with a contraction that seemed to have been the most intense. Like always, Prem held her hand and counted for her while he encouraged her. "Breathe Heer, you can do it."

When it was over Heer slid back onto the bed and closed her eyes. Prem thought that she was just trying to recover from the painful contraction, but was startled when all of a sudden something started beeping. Prem jumped to his feet as two nurses rushed in and started checking both the baby's and Heer's vital signs. The doctor came in and ushered Prem out of the room, much to his protest. After what seemed like hours, but was in reality only a few minutes, the doctor came out. It was the look on her face that scared Prem.

"Doctor what happened?" Prem asked. "How are Heer and our baby?"

"Mr. Jhuneja your wife is refusing the epidural that I have recommended," the doctor said. "Taking the epidural would make this delivery a lot easier. She would feel less pain and if something were to go wrong we could perform an emergency C-section without delay."

"But why is she refusing the epidural?" Prem asked.

"Mrs. Jhuneja wants to have a natural child birth. I cannot go against her wishes but please see if you can talk her into it. I'll be back in a while." Just like that the doctor was gone.

Prem walked into the room to see Heer lying on the bed with her eyes closed, hands over her belly. Walking over to her, Prem sat next to her and holds her hand. When she opened her eyes, she smiled at him. Prem then tried, repeatedly, to get Heer to consent for the epidural. Needless to say, he was not successful.

"Heer I can't see you in so much pain. Why won't you take the epidural if it will lessen the pain?" he asked.

"So many women before me have delivered naturally. I want to do it with out the meds because I want to feel each and every moment of your baby's birth. I don't care how painful it gets, with you by my side I know I can do it," Heer said.

Prem was putty in her hands. There was nothing else he could do or say to make her change her mind.

It was nearly nine in the morning when the doctor finally declared that Heer was at ten centimeters and ready to deliver. As they took her into a prober delivery room Prem insisted on being with her. It surprised Prem when Heer had been the one to refuse. A short while ago she was saying that as long as he was with her, she could get through this all and now she was the one telling him to stay away.

"Heer, I want to be there when you bring our child into this world," Prem had argued. "We've waited so long for this. Don't take it away from me."

Heer finally agreed so a nurse led Prem to go get changed so he could be in the delivery room. A few minutes later when Heer saw Prem, she let out a soft laugh. He knew she was laughing at him because he was dressed in surgical scrubs and a hair cap.

What happened next completely astounded Prem. He couldn't believe what was happening right in front of his eyes. Seeing Heer bring their child into this world gave rise to new found love and respect for her in Prem's eyes. She was going through so much just to give him a child. He had always knows that no one could ever replace Heer in his heart or in his life, but for some reason this moment made that fact even stronger.

Heer held onto Prem's hand as one contraction after another ravaged her body. Finally, with one last push and one last heart breaking scream and it was over. Prem was stunned as he heard a high pitched cry pierce through the room. It was like music to his ears – his baby was crying, his child was crying. 'Wow, what a set of lungs,' Prem thought.

"Congratulations," the doctor said, "It's a girl. Would you like to do the honors?"

Prem was speechless as he cut the umbilical cord. The nurses too the baby to get her cleaned up and run the first battery of tests that they ran on all newborns.

"Heer," Prem called as he returned to her side, "Heer it's a girl! We have a daughter!" Prem leaned down and kissed her forehead before whispering "Thank you for giving me such a wonderful gift."

That is when everything went from being perfect, to turning completely upside down. The monitors that Heer was hooked up to began to been loudly. Before Prem could figure out what was happening he was hauled out of the room as nurses and doctors all scrambled. The wait nearly killed Prem. He was dying to find out what was happening to Heer but he didn't have any information. At a time like this he couldn't leave Heer alone and got to the nursery to see his daughter.

An hour had passed before the doctor finally came out with a firm look on her face that that made Prem's heart skip a beat.

"Doctor, what happened? Is my Heer alright?" Prem asked.

"Lets talk in my cabin," the doctor offered.

"But Heer…"

"Please come with me," the doctor said as she led the way to her cabin.

Once they entered she took a seat behind her desk.

"Doctor, what happened?" he asked. Prem noticed that she was unable to make eye contact with him. "Doctor you have to tell me something! This is killing me."

The doctor hesitated and as the seconds wore on Prem became more and more afraid of the unknown. Finally she took a deep breath and said. "Mr. Jhuneja I have some bad news. Please sit down."

""What happened? How is Heer and our baby?" Prem asked as he sat down like a robot.

"Your baby is perfect Mr. Jhuneja. She is 6.5lbs of pure innocence and beauty. Everything is fine. Her check up was perfect. Heer however…" the doctor trailed off.

"What? What happened to Heer?" Prem asked nearly jumping out of his seat.

"Mr. Jhuneja I was not supposed to tell you but now there is no point in hiding the truth," the doctor said.

"The truth? What truth? What's going on?" Prem asked confused.

"Mr. Jhuneja, from the beginning I had told Heer that was pregnancy was going to be complicated and her delivery would be difficult. I strongly advised her not to continue with this pregnancy because it posed a hazard to her own health," the doctor said.

"But…she told me everything was fine," Prem stammered. "She told me that after the first trimester it was ok, she told me she was going to be fine."

"I'm sorry but she lied. From the point when her pregnancy test came out positive I had told her that her life was at risk if she went through with her pregnancy."

"What?" Prem was in disbelief. This couldn't be happening. The doctor couldn't be saying what she was saying. "But I was at every check up with her. You said that everything was fine and progressing normally. Why didn't you tell me?!" Prem roared.

"First of all, I only said that everything was fine with the baby – the baby was healthy. Heer on the other hand was getting weaker as her pregnancy progressed. Her health was severely compromised. I couldn't tell you because of doctor patient confidentiality."

"I had every right to know," Prem said as his anger rose and he paced around the room. "I'm the baby's father and her husband!"

"When it came to the baby you knew everything. I couldn't tell you about Heer because she had specifically told me from day one that you were to get no reports on her health what so ever," the doctor said.

"What? But why? What would she do this?" Prem shrank back into the chair confused as to why Heer would take such a big risk.

The doctor went and sat in the chair next to Prem. Putting a comforting hand on his and said, "To her, giving you this baby was more important than her own life. She put her life on the line to give you this baby."

Prem sat there trying to process the past few minuets. Why would Heer do this? Why would she put her life on the life for his happiness? What the doctor said next shattered any and all hope Prem had.

"I'm sorry to say Mr. Jhuneja," the doctor began, "but that life is not going to be with us for much longer. Heer is now going in and out of consciousness. She has lost too much blood, add to that the fact that she was already weak from the pregnancy and the complications from the delivery. I'm so sorry but Heer doesn't have much time left."

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Past –

As Prem thought back to that moment – the moment he found out that he was losing his Heer – tears spilled from his eyes. As he looks back now, he can understand why Heer didn't want him in the delivery room to begin with. What should have been the happiest day of their lives had managed to turn into the worst day of his life. Even now as he thought about it his broken heart shattered some more and another piece of him died. He was nothing without his Heer. He never was and he never again will be.