Posted:
it's late here, and i'm desparately tired. i'm in real trouble at home 'cause i went from group session with my pals directly to p's house so i could see today's show that she'd taped for me. and had to wake up my aunt to get in. i so don't want to be me in the morning. but just now? my heart is still thudding heavily from the memory of prem's face as he looked at heer in a pale blue sari. somehow that look was hot and edgy and was full of barely-in-control prem. the same barely-in-control prem who heer pushed and taunted and got to explode with his confession that he loved her .... gosh! was it just three months ago? has my heart been in custody away from me only that far back? somehow it feels like it's been forever.
today, i feel like only doing prem-heer things. because everything else was sordid and cheap. it could be that nothing has a chance against the memory of heer's love and prem's desparation and rage. i don't know. but i swear that if i didn't close my eyes, i could see maggots coming out of kooky's ears. or that ratpal's suit was covered with the muck and the slime of his sewage home. or that his mother's teeth was filthy from her constant, greedy feeding. they all looks like vermin to me, fat maggots cravenly preying on dead bodies and sad memories. i'd have said they looked like dementors. but then dementors only feed off happy memories, don't they? these vermin had their eyes gleaming and mouths salivating at someone else's unhappiness. they are maggots. small, squirmy, disgusting. i will not think of them. i will not talk of them.
(in any case, i'm really whacked out -- and would ... um ... kinda prefer to talk about that hateful prem and his love, heer. seriously! that's the main reason...😆) so....
* heer thing: big, big heer thing. when laluchacha shooes everyone away from prem's room, meek, submissive heer doesn't follow. she goes where her heart it beating sadly and finds prem in his favourite spot (?) near the window. poor, soul-bruised prem whose face is still pallid with exhaustion and grief. whose eyes are barely able to lift itself to her loving look. and maybe that look of love is too much for him to bear, because his first words are "heer, i'm sorry...." and loving, magnificently prem-loving heer shushes him saying "it's okay, whatever it is, i don't need to hear. we are getting engaged, and it's because both of us wanted it. it's okay."
and i thought for a moment 'bout why she did that. why she stopped him from speaking? and it struck me: she has seen the photographs, she has seen the bangles. she thinks that prem was in love with someone else and still has her memory in his heart. and she thinks that prem wants to confess to her 'bout that love! and i totally fell in love with heer's big heart today. because she is really okay with his past. what a superbly sweet thing to say to him: "we are here, because both of us want this." telling him -- it's okay what you wanted before. i totally believe that i am who you want now. i totally believe that you choose to spend the rest of your life with me. i don't give two hoots for what has happened in the past. there has never been a lover like this. heer, darling heer, prem's heart is fully yours to know, to love, to hold. but his pain is still something for you to hear about before you can heal.
and i have no doubt that mein-bhagwan-nehi-hoon prem understood the gift that his heer was giving him -- the chance to be completely free of his past when he is with her. and that gesture - resting his face against hers! and when he held her, he held her close and tight. and against each other's shoulders, they shed unwilling tears. and when she drew back from him, and they looked at each other, a small smile dawned on their cheeks. something cracked and melted inside my chest and is still warm and wet in there. how do these two do it?? how do they take it to the next level, unlooked-for, unexpected? a thought unbidden echoed in my head: is't ... even remotely ... possible that out there in the world, one day, ...there could be...... hrrrm! *hitting myself on the upside of my head* stop it, kiddo. on with the bt,lt.
* gross thing: hey, told you i wasn't going to talk 'bout kooky! -- no, this gross thing was harman-maya. against prem and heer, they came across brittle and sharp. oh well. and then meher -- that was another odd situation! this is meher. brought up in the same principles and environment as heer. and she excels at playing sacrifice and subterfuge for harman and his brittle love? they made me feel even more tired: saying "been there, done that" would've been too much effort for this little menage a trois... seriously.
* prem thing: saying sorry to sanjana as he placed the urn gently among his memories of the poor dead girl. somehow, there was a sense of peace about prem at that point. as if he was beginning to reconcile himself to what had happened. as if he was calming down. it was true that his soul looked tired as he came down to the party (looking gorgeous nevertheless, drat the guy!) . but there was a peace that was completely at odds with the earlier rage. wanted badly to wrap him up in some peace and quiet at that point.
which *sigh* of course, the maggots (ratpal, ratty-mom, and dirtykook) were not going to permit him. poor, poor prem. because the moment he caught sight of simple, secretly smiling-to-herself heer coming down the stairs, all that inner serenity vanished like mist in the harshness of the sun! it was like every sane thought, every bit of civility, every inch of our gentleman prem was being stripped away with every step that heer took down those stairs! what was that look!?? i was suddenly gripped with... no, wasn't fear. not the fear that makes you run away from the sight of the maggots. i realised it was anticipation! the look on his face could've been terrifying 'cause it was the look of him losing control. all control. prem, out of control?? what can that be like? we've seen him do it twice before. and both times he grabbed hold of heer, yanked her close to him, hard, uncaring that it was hurting her, while he ground his passion out fiercely.
and now? this prem? what is he going to do now? and there was still an element of sanity in him, 'cause he actually turned and stalked away from heer. he knows that he can't deal with it in any sane fashion. and heer...?
* heer thing: of course, doesn't let him get away! oh, heer! go, go, go! said it before, saying it again. there has never been a girl like heer for fiercely making her lover know that she owns him heart, mind, body and soul! she is polite when things are calm. serene to the point of appearing callous. but when things are wrong, when things get heated, when things slip out of control, she has absolutely no qualms about facing the storm head on! of course she runs after him -- how dare he turn and leave her like this?? again??!!! she has had enough! omg! i loved it. i loved her. and my heart is still thudding heavily in anticipation for what we are going to get to see tomorrow.
* little things that are worth a mention in this context: the husband shushing kulraj-di (eeks! still thinking longingly of the old one) when she says "is'nt that...?" at heer's blue sari. he stops her from continuing! just like laluchacha or gayatri-mom could've run up to stop heer from continuing on her dreamy walk down the stairs to prem. it's as if they are all waiting -- waiting for heer to work her magic and unlock and frees the misery of prem's past? if i could breathe properly, one hour after watching the show, i'd be able to say that i'm nearly dying trying to wait to watch today's show. and i have two major class presentations where the profs are going to try to rip me to shreds. all i can think is "huh? try it. try anything to stop me from being alive at 8:30pm tonight!" 😆 oh, what is going to happen to prem-heer tonight???! argh!
highlight of the episode: what can i say? what should i say? let me not find the words! 😆
introducing the deepest love he could ever find....
which gets him the deepest peace....
which he then loses in a moment of a breath...
(photocredits: khushix
http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=1044267
)
omg!! was there ever such a wide gap between the expressions on these two faces before!??! argggghhh! they are making my mind boggle!! argh!
have i mentioned that i can hardly wait for tonight's show???!
today, i feel like only doing prem-heer things. because everything else was sordid and cheap. it could be that nothing has a chance against the memory of heer's love and prem's desparation and rage. i don't know. but i swear that if i didn't close my eyes, i could see maggots coming out of kooky's ears. or that ratpal's suit was covered with the muck and the slime of his sewage home. or that his mother's teeth was filthy from her constant, greedy feeding. they all looks like vermin to me, fat maggots cravenly preying on dead bodies and sad memories. i'd have said they looked like dementors. but then dementors only feed off happy memories, don't they? these vermin had their eyes gleaming and mouths salivating at someone else's unhappiness. they are maggots. small, squirmy, disgusting. i will not think of them. i will not talk of them.
(in any case, i'm really whacked out -- and would ... um ... kinda prefer to talk about that hateful prem and his love, heer. seriously! that's the main reason...😆) so....
* heer thing: big, big heer thing. when laluchacha shooes everyone away from prem's room, meek, submissive heer doesn't follow. she goes where her heart it beating sadly and finds prem in his favourite spot (?) near the window. poor, soul-bruised prem whose face is still pallid with exhaustion and grief. whose eyes are barely able to lift itself to her loving look. and maybe that look of love is too much for him to bear, because his first words are "heer, i'm sorry...." and loving, magnificently prem-loving heer shushes him saying "it's okay, whatever it is, i don't need to hear. we are getting engaged, and it's because both of us wanted it. it's okay."
and i thought for a moment 'bout why she did that. why she stopped him from speaking? and it struck me: she has seen the photographs, she has seen the bangles. she thinks that prem was in love with someone else and still has her memory in his heart. and she thinks that prem wants to confess to her 'bout that love! and i totally fell in love with heer's big heart today. because she is really okay with his past. what a superbly sweet thing to say to him: "we are here, because both of us want this." telling him -- it's okay what you wanted before. i totally believe that i am who you want now. i totally believe that you choose to spend the rest of your life with me. i don't give two hoots for what has happened in the past. there has never been a lover like this. heer, darling heer, prem's heart is fully yours to know, to love, to hold. but his pain is still something for you to hear about before you can heal.
and i have no doubt that mein-bhagwan-nehi-hoon prem understood the gift that his heer was giving him -- the chance to be completely free of his past when he is with her. and that gesture - resting his face against hers! and when he held her, he held her close and tight. and against each other's shoulders, they shed unwilling tears. and when she drew back from him, and they looked at each other, a small smile dawned on their cheeks. something cracked and melted inside my chest and is still warm and wet in there. how do these two do it?? how do they take it to the next level, unlooked-for, unexpected? a thought unbidden echoed in my head: is't ... even remotely ... possible that out there in the world, one day, ...there could be...... hrrrm! *hitting myself on the upside of my head* stop it, kiddo. on with the bt,lt.
* gross thing: hey, told you i wasn't going to talk 'bout kooky! -- no, this gross thing was harman-maya. against prem and heer, they came across brittle and sharp. oh well. and then meher -- that was another odd situation! this is meher. brought up in the same principles and environment as heer. and she excels at playing sacrifice and subterfuge for harman and his brittle love? they made me feel even more tired: saying "been there, done that" would've been too much effort for this little menage a trois... seriously.
* prem thing: saying sorry to sanjana as he placed the urn gently among his memories of the poor dead girl. somehow, there was a sense of peace about prem at that point. as if he was beginning to reconcile himself to what had happened. as if he was calming down. it was true that his soul looked tired as he came down to the party (looking gorgeous nevertheless, drat the guy!) . but there was a peace that was completely at odds with the earlier rage. wanted badly to wrap him up in some peace and quiet at that point.
which *sigh* of course, the maggots (ratpal, ratty-mom, and dirtykook) were not going to permit him. poor, poor prem. because the moment he caught sight of simple, secretly smiling-to-herself heer coming down the stairs, all that inner serenity vanished like mist in the harshness of the sun! it was like every sane thought, every bit of civility, every inch of our gentleman prem was being stripped away with every step that heer took down those stairs! what was that look!?? i was suddenly gripped with... no, wasn't fear. not the fear that makes you run away from the sight of the maggots. i realised it was anticipation! the look on his face could've been terrifying 'cause it was the look of him losing control. all control. prem, out of control?? what can that be like? we've seen him do it twice before. and both times he grabbed hold of heer, yanked her close to him, hard, uncaring that it was hurting her, while he ground his passion out fiercely.
and now? this prem? what is he going to do now? and there was still an element of sanity in him, 'cause he actually turned and stalked away from heer. he knows that he can't deal with it in any sane fashion. and heer...?
* heer thing: of course, doesn't let him get away! oh, heer! go, go, go! said it before, saying it again. there has never been a girl like heer for fiercely making her lover know that she owns him heart, mind, body and soul! she is polite when things are calm. serene to the point of appearing callous. but when things are wrong, when things get heated, when things slip out of control, she has absolutely no qualms about facing the storm head on! of course she runs after him -- how dare he turn and leave her like this?? again??!!! she has had enough! omg! i loved it. i loved her. and my heart is still thudding heavily in anticipation for what we are going to get to see tomorrow.
* little things that are worth a mention in this context: the husband shushing kulraj-di (eeks! still thinking longingly of the old one) when she says "is'nt that...?" at heer's blue sari. he stops her from continuing! just like laluchacha or gayatri-mom could've run up to stop heer from continuing on her dreamy walk down the stairs to prem. it's as if they are all waiting -- waiting for heer to work her magic and unlock and frees the misery of prem's past? if i could breathe properly, one hour after watching the show, i'd be able to say that i'm nearly dying trying to wait to watch today's show. and i have two major class presentations where the profs are going to try to rip me to shreds. all i can think is "huh? try it. try anything to stop me from being alive at 8:30pm tonight!" 😆 oh, what is going to happen to prem-heer tonight???! argh!
highlight of the episode: what can i say? what should i say? let me not find the words! 😆
introducing the deepest love he could ever find....
which gets him the deepest peace....
which he then loses in a moment of a breath...
(photocredits: khushix
http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=1044267
)
omg!! was there ever such a wide gap between the expressions on these two faces before!??! argggghhh! they are making my mind boggle!! argh!
have i mentioned that i can hardly wait for tonight's show???!
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