papaG & Aditya's ghost : navigating parent-adult child conflicts - Page 2

Originally posted by: amrapali2

First of all Mango, the thoughtfulness and detailing in your writing is so good! You should consider writing articles. 😊

And I completely agree with your point about the in-laws. Initially, I was not very interested in seeing their story, since I thought that this was the typical ITV touch to the serial. So I used to fast forward the scenes. But I actually saw the last episode fully, and the fight that happened between them hit home. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think that their interactions and dynamic might be more realistic than a lot of Katha's reactions in the drama.

I find mamaG's character extremely interesting and nuanced as well. When mamaG was talking about how there is a sense of narcissism even in papaG's worry for her, that was spot on, since I have come across exactly situations like this. We need a female character in ITV who is able to bravely point this out. Yes she is calm, but I wouldn't say she is behaving like a robot; she is articulate in her views and is true to her character/personality. While I still am not very fond of papaG's character (especially after his last fight), I really appreciate that he actually listens to his wife, instead of completely refuting what she is saying. You can see that he is indeed processing the information, and wishes to be a good husband to her.

Also, I love the actors who play them both. I find the actress for mamaG quite graceful, with an old time kind of beauty. I'm sorry but I like her subtle acting way more than Viaan's mom 😆 And papaG used to act in Best of Luck Nikki on Disney India, a show that I love, so I have a soft corner for him!

thanks! I love mamaG. as I mentioned in another post, I feel that we can learn a lot by the way she is handling this conflict with papaG. she is showing there is a different way of putting across your point without being super antagonistic or dissolving in tears. she is really great to watch.

and I do have a bit of soft corner now for papaG because he reminds me of real life people I know -- big personalities but real softies at heart. 😂 also, if it isn't obvious, am obviously not in my 20s. . so being 30+ means me and everyone I know has been through that parent-adult child conflict stages -- so our view on how parents are meant to be and our relationship with them has changed. in your early 20s, you still have this kind of rosy view about parents supporting you all the time and are dissapointed when they are not. 😂..

and as I shared in another thread, I have had ringside seat to real life conflicts play out among my relatives (we are a rowdy gossipy bunch - 😂). so rather than "how can he say such words? how can he behave that way?" -- my reaction is: "what is driving this behaviour and what is needed for the situation to change? how do you resolve this conflict?" so my lens is a bit different when it comes to papaG.

I see a lot of parallels between viaan and papaG and I find it interesting that they show these men struggling with the same thing in some episodes. it is an interesting contrast in some ways.

I like that the drama is showing us how we can resolve interpersonal conflicts and what these men are struggling with: that is not something that happens in ITV often as we are mostly shown unrealistic filmi shortcuts. however real life is so much more complicated when it comes to interpersonal conflicts.

rather than labelling these characters as selfish or egoistical and putting these men in a box which effectively traps them from not changing, we are seeing the effects of their actions and having characters like mamaG show a mirror and say it is not acceptable.

-- how do you react when you are hurt? how do you handle anger, anxiety, depression (low feelings)? do you say mean things without a thought? are you aware of what you are saying and what that means to the person receiving the words? do you push people away and then are shocked when they leave you? why are you holding on to your ego? is it pride or a need for respect and validation? why do you not feel valued?

so those are the type of questions both viaan and papaG struggle with. and because they are from different generations, the way they struggle with looks different but ultimately it boils down to this: how do I communicate my hurt feelings in a better way? how do I feel validated in a way that does not hurt others?

another parallel I see between papaG and viaan is their relationship with money. a while back, I heard this comment which I found very interesting: in many households, men struggle to find a place and feel disconnected to their own wife and children. they feel that their only role is an ATM and that makes them feel more angry, discontent and not valued. this breeds further division within the family.

ultimately, this feeling of being an ATM is why papaG and viaan had such a negative reaction to katha. this sense of being used and that you are only needed for your money and not for anything else. now, difference between papaG and viaan is that papaG knew why she needed the money. but his resentment was so great that he pushed her. it took mamaG to make him realize his wrong. so while it may look like just ego, at heart, it is about the need to feel validated and when you don't, you stab with words.

I do hope that we don't get shortcuts (like they are magically changed) and instead we continue to see even side characters like papaG and mamaG have these arcs where they talk about these issues.

so definitely fun to see these real life issues play out in entertaining way in this drama. hopefully we continue to get good stuff as the drama goes on. :)

Mango, i am a fan of your writing. 🤗

The detailing in your writing is just amazing.👏 You analyze the character in detail and also you have such deep understanding about human nature. 👏 I wish i would have atleast 1% of such understanding. 😭

I don't now what to say. Just sharing this video of your fav character .Hope you will like it. Katha and PapaG were trying to fly a kite,sadly both failed.😆

Curtesy:Twitter

(1) 𝐊𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐚 𝐀𝐧𝐤𝐚𝐡𝐞𝐞™𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐲 𝐓𝐯 on Twitter: "Full Video uploaded on my Instagram account 🔗on my bio #KathaAnkahee #SonyTV #Katha #Viaan #AditiSharma #aditidevsharma #AdnanKhan #turkish #drama #1001nights #hindi #entertainment #telivision #kaviaan #kavi #vitha #kathasingh #viaanraghuvanshi #kaviaanera https://t.co/GMN3oQFjQZ" / Twitter

Originally posted by: amrapali2

Also, another reason I think that the in-laws are realistic is because ITV doesn't acknowledge deep rooted issues like this between older couples. They think that after marriage (presumably arranged marriage, if they are middle aged/older couples), it's all a smooth sailing. But that is not the truth at all. In fact, there is a high chance that there would be deep rooted issues that remain buried, especially after years of marriage. So I'm glad that the drama is portraying them. I just hope that they will keep portraying them in a mature light, instead of a shallow way.

so true! 😘 it is rather fun to see an oldie couple who are not obsessing over whether their son/daughter is going to get married. 😂 they have a lot more going on even though their children are settled and we often don't see that in dramas.

many aunties have told me that when the kids are out of the door, it is like they have to rediscover themselves as a couple and how they fit and that can lead to conflicts. some of this stuff is said in hilarious anecdotes like fights about going vegetable shopping where uncleji is having a meltdown because he can't recognize the vegetables on the list but insists on going to the market alone because he is desperate to get out of the house. 🤣

Originally posted by: Nabni_blr31

Mango, i am a fan of your writing. 🤗

The detailing in your writing is just amazing.👏 You analyze the character in detail and also you have such deep understanding about human nature. 👏 I wish i would have atleast 1% of such understanding. 😭

I don't now what to say. Just sharing this video of your fav character .Hope you will like it. Katha and PapaG were trying to fly a kite,sadly both failed.😆

Curtesy:Twitter

thanks for the compliment dear but really I am not so wise in real life. I had to learn that there are different perspectives in life and different ways of seeing the same people and that was not at all easy to learn because I am a stubborn person. part of that journey to more maturity was years of watching dramas!!!

no seriously, it is from dramas and forums like these -- in my early days of kdramas, I was very fortunate to not only have interesting dramas to watch but also participate in some great conversations. so I would say that I have grown a lot as a person because these conversations made me look at the same character from different perspective and try and understand why there are different reactions.

I really didn't know that people could have a different perspective on the same character -- that itself was so mindblowing to me! I really started paying attention to little details after folks would comment on them. so some of the plots might have been boring, stupid or utterly mindless, but the way people approached these characters really taught me about people, relationships and emotions.

I know that people think watching dramas is mindless but I think discussing even the stupidest of dramas can be enlightening about human nature. for me, what I love about dramas is that it is in some sense a safe way to discuss real life issues. so, yes, there will be fanwars but even within that, there is a whole psychology at work on why folks are reacting a certain way. so if we pay attention, the conversations can teach us about people, situations and emotions.

in real life, am more like papaG than mamaG sadly -- tick me off and you will hear me roar!!! 🤣🤣🤣 I need to learn from mamaG on how to handle conflicts with more grace. 😂

Originally posted by: Ritzzee23

Mango how do you always have so amazingly clear perspective of things I am amazed!! Reading your writings always move me to see things from all angle possible. How are you so clear in your thought?? 💗...

And the thing you talked about of parent n child both acknowledging each other as adult is such a South Asian problem. Parents find it very difficult to acknowledge the fact that the child is a grownup now. And the child also at times get tired trying to prove their maturity... I am saying this from my own personal experience. And if parents-child live together after a certain age, conflict are bound to happen..

The relationship that is parent-child seems such a simple one but it's truly so complex with ego, hurt, generation gap everything mixes into misunderstanding most of the time.

thanks for the compliment dear but really, I had to learn how to express. I think I do a better job of writing since I have had some experience with it now but verbally that is an area I still struggle though I have gotten better over the years. as humans, we are all continuing learning and growing no?

part of my growth was doing a personality test in my 20s and finding out I have more of an INTJ personality. that really helped me as I was struggling with certain interpersonal issues. folks in that personality group tend to struggle with communication because we process things very differently and have a different view of the world. finding that out was a real 'aha' moment for me. so I learned that providing context is key to how you frame your thoughts and that can help smooth over communication issues. we don't have to agree but at least we are able to hear each other out on why we have different perspectives.

especially online, we all come from different backgrounds, ages and experiences. so our reactions to characters and dramas are framed by those personal stuff but we often have no idea what is driving our reaction. so if we take a step back and give a little detail on how we are arriving at our reactions, it can help smooth things over in the forum. sometimes, it happens naturally and sometimes it happens over several conversation. basically you can agree to disagree but in the process, you learn about yourself and where you stand on certain issues. so that is always helpful to know and understand your own context to how you operate.

and regards to parent-child conflict, 20s is such a terrible time because of the whole shaadi and settling down aspect. parents have one view, children have another and there is a whole tug of war that happens. so yea, tons of conflict and it isn't just about control. it is about that transition to an adult relationship and all the teething issues that comes with it. it takes time but in most families, eventually that happens.

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

thanks! I love mamaG. I feel that we can learn a lot by the way she is handling this conflict with papaG. she is showing there is a different way of putting across your point without being super antagonistic or dissolving in tears. she is really great to watch.

and I do have a bit of soft corner now for papaG because he reminds me of real life people I know -- big personalities but real softies at heart. 😂 also, if it isn't obvious, am obviously not in my 20s. . so being 30+ means me and everyone I know has been through that parent-adult child conflict stages -- so our view on how parents are meant to be and our relationship with them has changed. in your early 20s, you still have this kind of rosy view about parents supporting you all the time and are dissapointed when they are not. 😂..

and as I shared in another thread, I have had ringside seat to real life conflicts play out among my relatives (we are a rowdy gossipy bunch - 😂). so rather than "how can he say such words? how can he behave that way?" -- my reaction is: "what is driving this behaviour and what is needed for the situation to change? how do you resolve this conflict?" so my lens is a bit different when it comes to papaG.

I see a lot of parallels between viaan and papaG and I find it interesting that they show these men struggling with the same thing in some episodes. it is an interesting contrast in some ways.

I like that the drama is showing us how we can resolve interpersonal conflicts and what these men are struggling with: that is not something that happens in ITV often as we are mostly shown unrealistic filmi shortcuts. however real life is so much more complicated when it comes to interpersonal conflicts.

rather than labelling these characters as selfish or egoistical and putting these men in a box which effectively traps them from not changing, we are seeing the effects of their actions and having characters like mamaG show a mirror and say it is not acceptable.

-- how do you react when you are hurt? how do you handle anger, anxiety, depression (low feelings)? do you say mean things without a thought? are you aware of what you are saying and what that means to the person receiving the words? do you push people away and then are shocked when they leave you? why are you holding on to your ego? is it pride or a need for respect and validation? why do you not feel valued?

so those are the type of questions both viaan and papaG struggle with. and because they are from different generations, the way they struggle with looks different but ultimately it boils down to this: how do I communicate my hurt feelings in a better way? how do I feel validated in a way that does not hurt others?

another parallel I see between papaG and viaan is their relationship with money. a while back, I heard this comment which I found very interesting: in many households, men struggle to find a place and feel disconnected to their own wife and children. they feel that their only role is an ATM and that makes them feel more angry, discontent and not valued. this breeds further division within the family.

ultimately, this feeling of being an ATM is why papaG and viaan had such a negative reaction to katha. this sense of being used and that you are only needed for your money and not for anything else. now, difference between papaG and viaan is that papaG knew why she needed the money. but his resentment was so great that he pushed her. it took mamaG to make him realize his wrong. so while it may look like just ego, at heart, it is about the need to feel validated and when you don't, you stab with words.

I do hope that we don't get shortcuts (like they are magically changed) and instead we continue to see even side characters like papaG and mamaG have these arcs where they talk about these issues.

so definitely fun to see these real life issues play out in entertaining way in this drama. hopefully we continue to get good stuff as the drama goes on. :)

Omg trust me, it's not obvious that you are 30+ 😆 I was actually surprised to hear that! But that makes sense since you have a sharp sense of perception which may probably come from the years of interactions and relationships you have had with others. I think you are definitely right about the parallel qualities between papaG and Viaan. Viaan also has some deep-rooted issues which result in him reflecting those issues onto Katha, especially in the beginning (when he asked for the ONS to 'test' her for example). PapaG also has issues, though they are different from Viaan's, which results in him struggling to be the husband that mamaG yearns for. Both Viaan and him struggle with being the person they want to be due to his deep-rooted issues. I am excited to see the development of Viaan and papaG, but also of mamaG and Katha's.

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

thanks for the compliment dear but really I am not so wise in real life. I had to learn that there are different perspectives in life and different ways of seeing the same people and that was not at all easy to learn because I am a stubborn person. part of that journey to more maturity was years of watching dramas!!!

no seriously, it is from dramas and forums like these -- in my early days of kdramas, I was very fortunate to not only have interesting dramas to watch but also participate in some great conversations. so I would say that I have grown a lot as a person because these conversations made me look at the same character from different perspective and try and understand why there are different reactions.

I really didn't know that people could have a different perspective on the same character -- that itself was so mindblowing to me! I really started paying attention to little details after folks would comment on them. so some of the plots might have been boring, stupid or utterly mindless, but the way people approached these characters really taught me about people, relationships and emotions.

I know that people think watching dramas is mindless but I think discussing even the stupidest of dramas can be enlightening about human nature. for me, what I love about dramas is that it is in some sense a safe way to discuss real life issues. so, yes, there will be fanwars but even within that, there is a whole psychology at work on why folks are reacting a certain way. so if we pay attention, the conversations can teach us about people, situations and emotions.

in real life, am more like papaG than mamaG sadly -- tick me off and you will hear me roar!!! 🤣🤣🤣 I need to learn from mamaG on how to handle conflicts with more grace. 😂

Yup your insight about dramas are spot on. This is what I try to say to my dad when he tells me to do something useful instead of just watching dramas 😆😆 Actually this is my first time in a forum like this (I joined while watching Katha Ankahee), and I find them so insightful because like you said, people have different perceptions of the same character, and you can find out about the different kind of views that people have.

By the way, what are some dramas you would recommend (any language) by the way? I am looking for some currently 😊

Originally posted by: amrapali2

Yup your insight about dramas are spot on. This is what I try to say to my dad when he tells me to do something useful instead of just watching dramas 😆😆 Actually this is my first time in a forum like this (I joined while watching Katha Ankahee), and I find them so insightful because like you said, people have different perceptions of the same character, and you can find out about the different kind of views that people have.

By the way, what are some dramas you would recommend (any language) by the way? I am looking for some currently 😊

I watch so many dramas that I tend to forget after a while. hahaha... but here are some that I enjoyed in the recent years.

kdrama: "bossam", "find me in your memory": those are the short 20 eps - one is historical and one is moden setting but they are not your typical romances. I liked them. both have great OSTs and stuff I can go back and listen.

if you don't mind something longer -- then check out 'five children' and 'be my dream family' - both are available in youtube on the kbsworld channel. directed by the same PD, they are fantastic family drama gems. 'be my dream family' is initially slow going but the characters are so well-written and shows a story of a father basically making peace with his adult children. I watched 'five children' with my mom and she loved it so much that she was chatting about it with everyone she knows. another favourite for many is 'what happens to my family?" -- also on kbsworld channel

thai: "pleng bin bai ngiu" (cheating spouse), "khaen rap salap chata". lakorns are a different breed of dramas altogether and are like ITV MILs on steroids. 🤣 cheating spouse was surprisingly indepth of relationships that are so messed up. interesting character study. the second lakorn -- stuff happens that you don't expect to at all. it was definitely entertaining.

turkish: if you have netflix, do check out 'kara para ask'. there are so many twists and turns and "what the?" reactions as people turn good and bad. you can find dizis on other sides but translations are okayish. if you can handle those, then 'sen anlat karadeniz' and 'siyah beyaz ask' are interesting watches when it comes to first season. sen anlat karadeniz ep 1 will have your jaws dropping and the bad guy will genuinely rile you up. siyah beyaz has crackling crackling chemistry and some very interesting conversations on whether you are good because of your background or just genuinely good. am currently watching 'yargi' which is set in the legal world and has interesting takes on justice and people caught in the system.

arabic: 'tango' -- I watched it on netflix but not sure if it is still there. think you can still find it online. another one of those tangled web of relationships that make you go "what on earth are these people doing!"

also you can find some great urdu (PK) serials on youtube. they are a different type of watching because they are so slow and don't have any of our typical ITV tropes. however, they can be entertaining. a recent one I liked was 'aik sitam aur' -- we had LOTS of fun laughing and discussing in IF. 😂

Mango ji, aap kuch jyaada hi achha nahi likhte ho.. Not fair 😆 Seriously, such a nuanced take on this dynamic.. Absolutely loved it❤️ I don't really have anything to add though.. Keep writing, I'm a fan 🤗😍

Originally posted by: kshitu_20

Mango ji, aap kuch jyaada hi achha nahi likhte ho.. Not fair 😆 Seriously, such a nuanced take on this dynamic.. Absolutely loved it❤️ I don't really have anything to add though.. Keep writing, I'm a fan 🤗😍

kekekeke... after posting, even I was wondering why I wrote so much for papaG of all people. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 🤣

people write poems and notes on MLs... but instead papaG inspired long, long essay in me.🤣🤣

viaan is not good ML at all -- we are having too fun laughing at him. 😂😂

blame it on harry and reactions to the weird book. 😂 made me think about family squabbles and the drama that happens.