Posted:
Part Eleven~
Prerna sighed loudly as she looked out of her window, exactly five days had passed since she had seen her boss, everyday at work she had gone out of her way to ignore him, she had been lucky enough to not bump into him, a part of her felt stupid for feeling so sad, she hadn't even known him for long but she had liked him, gone all the way to his house in order to tell him only to find him going to a party with the woman who had nearly lost her, her job.
In all honesty she had hoped for better, hoped cancer wouldn't come between them and that she could just be treated normally, but clearly that option wasn't possible. Huffing she stood up when a heavy hand slammed onto her door "Alright, i'm coming" pulling it open she shook her head "No"
Anurag placed his hand between the door "Wait, just hear me out"
"There's nothing you can say to make this better and certainly nothing I wish to hear" she crossed her arms over her chest "Just go home"
"Not until you listen to me" he wasn't going to give up so easily, the five days without her had been torture, everytime he saw the ghastly yellow walls in his office he couldn't help but think of how she had brightened up his life, her laugh could be heard echoing around the workplace serving only to hurt him even more, he had been an idiot and he just wasn't prepared to lose her so quickly
"No, I don't want to listen, never in my life have I been embarassed like that, I trusted you with something and you knew how I felt about being treated differently yet you still did it and ontop of all of that you thought it was a good idea to take Komolika as your date, the woman who cost me my job, the woman who locked me up and could have killed me, so don't you dare come in here trying to act like you're different from everyone else because you're exactly the same" she shook her head "My father died from cancer too, he was always treated like shit, never even treated like a human and when he died, you know what we got for his funeral, nothing, f**king nothing but a card apologising for the loss, everyday he came home from work and cried because he was so depressed, I don't need you to remind me that I have cancer you know why, because" she lifted her hand to her hair and ripped the wig from her scalp and dropped it on the floor, her real hair was short, stopping mid neck and thin. "Because I know better than anyone that I have cancer" her chest heaved with each breath "Everytime I look in the mirror I know, the looks I get are enough, the sickness is enough, I didn't need you ontop of it all, i'm not clueless Neil I just don't act like i'm dying but that seems to be what you want so" she grabbed the box from the drawer and pulled off the lid "These tablets are the size of my thumb and I have to take them twice daily, these are in the morning, these in the night, these for pain, these for sickness, these for being dizzy, ontop of all the shitty herbal remedies that make me feel disgusting, then there's this bucket I keep beside my bed because I vomit every few hours, all the creams because my skin is dry, the tissues because I cry, the massage oil because my muscles are thinning, anything else, I know cancer because I live it so don't you dare try and remind me of SOMETHING I ALREADY KNOW" the tears rolled down her cheeks, eyes a dark red and whole body shaking with the anger "Get out, I don't want you here"
Anurag didn't move "I opened your letter, i'm going to read it to you"
"I know what I wrote"
Ignoring her he began "Somewhere along the way I stopped dreaming of happy endings, of a charming prince and a happy life, one day I just started living. But to start something means something must have ended right? Well, it didn't.
In order to live I did not stop dying, I just stopped reminding myself that I was" he stopped to look up at her then looked down again "I came here today to tell you so many things, I was going to confess that i've watched the stars shine on so many dark nights, but nothing shines brighter than your eyes when you're smiling, I was going to say that i've been living but i've never felt as alive as I do when your hands are touching mine, I was going to say I like you Anurag Basu, I like you a lot, but i'm not going to say any of those things" he closed the door softly "I'm just going to say hi, hi means we've started an interaction, that interaction won't be over until I say goodbye and if those words never pass my lips then what we share never ends, even when I die, even when I don't survive"
"Just stop, why are you doing this"?
Ignoring her request he read on "I'm sure you think i'm crazy and maybe I am, but it's hard to stay sane when your body is racked with a pain so intense even breathing seems difficult, it's hard to stay afloat when your lungs are drowning in mucus because all you can do is cough up blood, it's hard to stay normal when the cells in your body become abnormal and start to kill you from within, it's killing me slowly to know one day i'm going to have to look you in the eyes, your honey brown eyes that are far too sweet for someone like me and i'm going to have to let you go. We should have met before, when I was well and healthy and death wasn't knocking on my door, but we didn't because fate is cruel and I can't have you, even though I want you, even though you're worth it, I am not worth the pain"
Prerna looked away "Please stop, this is cruel" she begged "You don't need to do this, we both know what it says"
"So I hope when i'm gone and you're struggling to find the answers to questions that make your heart constrict, that you'll think of me as the girl who wasn't dying, that i'll be your Miss Sharma, the woman who should know when to keep her mouth shut but never quite learnt, the woman who taught you to smile and eat icecream in the cold because it's always better that way. I hope i'll be the woman who taught you happiness, who taught you how to let go and be free, I hope you learn to fly Basu, soar across the sky and remember me, because up there somewhere i'll be watching, whispering innapropriate comments and laughing as you nearly fall" Anurag stepped closer so his chest was touching her arms then looked into her eyes, he knew the letter off by heart so folded it and placed it into his pocket "I won't forget you Basu, so don't you dare forget me, and please, no more Mona Lisa, you are the finest piece of art I have ever set eyes on, a masterpiece in itself, so next time you want to look at something irreplaceable, something unique, look in the mirror Basu and there you will see, the man I was looking at, the only man I ever wanted to be made just for me"
"Great, you're done, you can leave now"
"No"
"What do you mean no, this is my house"
"Im here to say i'm sorry Prerna, i'm an idiot and I hate myself, I was a lonely man until you came along and now i'm lost without you, I don't just see you as a girl with cancer, i'm just scared i'll lose you but it looks like I already have, I just want you to know that I won't forget you, that I will try my very best to live by the lessons you taught me and that I like you too, even though you're definitely crazy, it turns out crazy is just my type" cupping her cheek he ran his other hand over her hair "You've never looked as beautiful to me as you do right now" kissing her forehead gently he stepped back "You know where I am if you ever want to get ice cream in the cold"
Prerna shook herself out of her daydream "Anjali I have literally imagined a million different ways this could go between me and him, neither of them are happening right now and i'm not even sure I want them to happen, I dunno he really hurt my feelings"
Anjali nodded sympathetically "I've known him for years, i'm not saying forgive him i'm just saying that sometimes there are things that happen that we don't see, logically he wouldn't want you to come to a party if you needed to rest but I can't explain why he took her with him, look I have a date but I can cancel and-"
"Nu uh, don't even think about it, you go, I want to go to the graveyard anyway so i'll be fine, I want all the details when I get back, kay"? Kissing her cheek she turned away
~'~'~
Komolika looked down at the letter in her hand "Prerna and Anurag sitting on a tree, kill me, kill me, kill meee" she rolled her eyes "Such a shame he will never see the letter hm" throwing it into the burning fire she sat back and sipped her coffee
~'~'~
Prerna dropped to the floor on her hands and knees, eyes darting from left to right, moving one knee forward she accidentally pushed it onto her scarf, choking she yanked at it then bumped her head "Ouch"
"Miss Sharma"? Anurag looked beneath his desk "What are you doing"?
"Uh, playing hide and seek what does it look like"? Glancing up she rolled out then stood up "Merger files are on the photocopier, invoices on your desk and planner in the top drawer"
"So we're just acting like we're okay now"?
"We are okay, my only mistake was thinking you were my friend, you're my boss and that's all you'll ever be Sir" she nodded then pulled open the door "Buzz if you need me"
Shoving his hand across his desk he pinched the brim of his nose and turned toward the window then slammed his hand on the buzzer "Miss Sharma, come back"
Ducking her head around the door she looked at the floor "You called"?
"You want to act like you're only my worker, that all we share is a working relationship so, pick that up" he ordered, eyes never leaving hers
Doing as he asked she rushed to put everything in place and stood up "Done"
"What, no sarcastic comment"?
"Do you want a sarcastic comment"? She raised a brow suspiciously
Komolika pushed open the door "Anu, meeting, oh hey Prerna" she smiled sweetly
He nodded "Give me two minutes" he held up his hand then lifted the box from his chair and placed it on the floor "This is the first box of faxes sort through them, second box is upstairs"
"I work for you, i'm not your slave, look at the dust on these things, why do you even want them sorted"?
"Always give the help something to do"
The slam of the door made Prerna flinch as she bent down, eyes teary and hands shaking
A long update and a fast one:'))
CID
