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This ff is dedicted to Shruti Chopra, she asked me as part of MOTW to write a short story on the line of perfect life. And she made me think what is Perfect Life? It depends what your definition is of Perfect Life. Is it to have a loving husband, good kids, and house of your dreams, ideal job and lots of money?
How can a Life be Perfect if there is nothing left to strive for to…nothing left to desire? For me Perfect Life would be to have goals and aspirations to strive for. To embrace life with whatever it gives you…to overcome its ugliness and make life worth living for someone who is less fortunate than you…what could be better than a simple thank you.
The story is inspired by the word 'Badasurata', I guess we don't really pay much attention to it until it is used in a context where one's conscious is questioned at how or on whom it is used.
Badasurata – Part One
Life by Sarojini Naidu
CHILDREN, ye have not lived, to you it seems
Life is a lovely stalactite of dreams,
Or carnival of careless joys that leap
About your hearts like billows on the deep
In flames of amber and of amethyst.
Children, ye have not lived, ye but exist
Till some resistless hour shall rise and move
Your hearts to wake and hunger after love,
And thirst with passionate longing for the things
That burn your brows with blood-red sufferings.
Till ye have battled with great grief and fears,
And borne the conflict of dream-shattering years,
Wounded with fierce desire and worn with strife,
Children, ye have not lived: for this is life.
The pain seared through her as she felt the hot spoon burn her skin. Tears rolled down even as she tried to contain them. "Maa….." she pleaded, looking at the enraged face of her mother.
"Kamini…can't do one thing properly like I ask." Kiran exploded at her daughter or to be precise her step-daughter. She had hated the first-born child of her husband ever since she had set eyes on her. Kiran couldn't wait for Bani to grow up so she could get her married off and out of her house. Eventually against Nishikant's wishes she had got Bani married off to one of her distant aunt's son, but her happiness had been short lived as withing five months Bani was widowed and was sent back to her mayaaka by her in-laws.
Since her return Kiran had never failed at least once a day to shout, hit or hurt Bani with cruel words. The first thing she had done was to have her hair shorn, saying Bani didn't need to look beautiful anymore, "Badasurata rehegi toh hi aacha, nahi toh muh kaala karke rahegi." Nishikant had looked helpless at the pain in her daughter's eyes as she pleaded with him to stop her hair being cut off. Now clad in a cotton sari with her head covered, Kiran tiraded, "I told you we are having guests today, important guests and I want everything to be perfect. This is perfect rishta for your sister Pia and I don't want anything to go wrong. Go back to your room and stay there. I don't want to see your abhagan face today."
Bani quietly ran off to her room and lay down on the bed and wept copiously…the pain from the burn forgotten, by the deeper pain evoked by her mother's cruel words. She had just stepped out to the bathroom and forgotten to turn the stove off and that had set her mother off.
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Pia looked at herself in the mirror several times, adjusting her pallu or her jewellery. She was excited as the guy coming to see her was none other than Jai Walia, the eldest son of Uday Walia, who owned the biggest chain of hotels and restaurants in the country.
She went downstairs and was greeted with an overdose of affection by her mother while her father just gave her a warm smile. Kiran turned to Nishikant, "Doesn't she look like a model Nishi? This sari is just perfect on you Pia."
"Thanks mom. Kitni mehngi thi…it should look perfect." Pia crooned.
Kiran patted the seat beside her and said, "Come sit here, they should be here soon. Nishi why is Rano not here yet? I told her to be early."
Nishikant just said quietly, "Rano had a late class today and she didn't want to miss it. Her exams are soon."
"When will that girl learn being smart will not get her a rich husband, she should learn from Pia…how to look beautiful for a man."
Nishikant cringed at Kiran's remarks. Nothing can change Kiran's attitude towards her daughters, her only goal was to find a rich husband for Pia and Rano so that they will have an easy life. The sound of car pulling up outside distracted them and Kiran stood up and rushed towards the door, eager to welcome the guests. Pia just smiled at Nishikant and stayed put in her seat.
With introductions over, Kiran with help from Pia served refreshments, all the while extolling virtues of her favourite daughter. She failed to notice the smirk on the faces of Jai's masi and sister Jigyasa. The two women gave each other the knowing a look; the scene in front of them had been played out too often. These mothers, whose only goal was to push their beautiful, self-absorbed and conceited daughters at the prospective groom. Jai on the other hand had a blank look on his face. He eyes did not even flinch as the two women fluttered around him.
It was a shock when half an hour later, a voice yelled, "Papa…" followed by a two figures almost running down the stairs. The younger girl was dressed in simple cotton salwar kameez whilst the other woman in cotton sari with face almost covered with her pallu. The younger girl stood staring at the group. Her eyes were blazing with anger and her face red. She looked at Nishikant and pulling Bani forward, she pulled her pallu down and turned her cheek towards him, "Dekho yeh Di ka haal. Kehti hai thoda jaal gaya khana banate waqt. Mujhe toh kuch zyaada lagtaa hai." Nishikant stared painfully at the bright red burn now bubbled up.
Recovering quickly he said, "Rano tum Bani ko hospital le chalo," and taking money out of his pocket he put it in hand, "Taxi se jana aur wahan se phone karna mujhe."
In the meantime Jai, masi and Jigyasa stared at the shorn head of the young woman, the angry burn and her subjugated demeanor. It was masi who spoke up, "Jai beta, why don't you drop them off at the hospital. Ranveer phoned to say he would be working late. You can ask him to see to the girl."
Jai stood up and before he could move, Kiran blurted out, "It's ok, they will take the taxi. Please sit down. It's only a small burn mark from hot oil."
Jai ignored Kiran's request and turned to Nishikant and said, "Excuse me sir but I will drop them at the hospital and ask my brother to look after her injury and return back."
Pia glared at the backs of Rano and Bani walking out with Jai. Kiran's face turned red with anger at Rano's action.
Jai Walia glanced at the pallu-covered face of the woman sitting with her head bowed on the back seat. He had been shocked to see the shorn head…he had read about the widows hair being cut off in the bygone era, but in the twenty-first century, where India boasted to being on its way to becoming a developed country soon. Surely an educated man like Nishikant did not believe on following the old tradition. And what about the injury to her face…how can she burn her face so much from splattering oil as Kiran had said. A wave of disgust swept through him for Nishikant and Kiran. He looked at Rano, her eyes were still angry and seemed preoccupied with her thoughts. At least someone in that household had some sense.
An hour later Jai returned informing Nishikant Bani was waiting to be seen by Ranveer. After a hasty dinner Jai left with masi and Jigyasa informing he will be in touch.
The door had just closed and a furious Kiran rounded on Nishikant and let her anger loose. "Kya samajti hai Rano apne aapko? Kitni baar kaha hai usko ke Bani ko chod do uski kismet pe. Acha hai ke hum usse ghar mei rehni ki jaga di hai nahi toh uski jaisi kitni ladkiyaan sadak pounch jati jai. Kher aane do isko…"
Ten more minutes of ranting followed against Rano and Bani with an odd remark thrown at Nishikant.
It was quite late when Rano and Bani arrived back. Luckily Kiran had got tired off waiting and had retired to bed but Nishikant had waited up until they arrived. He smiled at the two girls as they came in and asked Bani how she was feeling. Bani in her ususal quiet manner replied, "Baba mei theek hoon, thodasa dard hai but doctor ne dawai di hai, mit jayega." Looking around she asked, "Maa kahaan hai?"
"Soh gayi hai. Tu bhi sohjaa. Fikar na kaar." Nishikant put his hand on her head and patted it lightly. He looked at Rano and said, "Thank you beta. Ek tuhe hai iss ghar mei jisko Bani ki parhva hai."
Rano looked at Nishikant angrily, "Papa aap kyun maa ko daante nahi. Yeh maa ki baje se hua hai. Kyun Bani di ki saath aisa karti hai woh."
Nishikant just gave a sorrowful look to Rano and said, "Beta teri maa zyaadi ziddi hai. Kuch nahi suneti. Kitni baar samjaye lekin…"
Bani hugged Nishikant, "Baba aap sojaye. Mei theek hoon baas aap dono ka pyaar kafi hai mere liye."
Tears rolled down Nishikant's cheek as he watched Bani walk upstairs with Rano. She was an exact replica of Laxmi his first wife. Bani did not deserve this kind of life…she was still young…she could still get married, except Kiran had made sure now that will never happen. Kiran's words "Badasurata rehegi toh acha hai" reverberated inside his head.
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Jai Walia too had stayed up until his younger brother Ranveer had come home. Tired from his long shift, Ranveer wasn't too happy. He too grumbled about Bani's injury saying it had been caused deliberately and how young women still refused to divulge the culprit's name. What was the matter with people, who still refused to come out of living in the dark ages? Jai just sat and listened to Ranveer. He knew how he felt. Probably saw cases like that several times a week at the hospital… young women mistreated by their own family or someone close to them. Once Ranveer had exhausted his list of complaints, he looked at Jai and smiled mischievously, "So did you finally found my bhabhi or not?"
"No!"
"Kya bhaiya. How long are you going to take? Masi will not entertain my getting married before you. And you know I am in hurry to get married." Ranveer moaned
"Why have you found a girl a already?" Jai asked.
"No. How can I look when you are not even engaged?" Ranveer retorted.
"I am not stopping you." Jai stated.
Ranveer laughed and said, "I know, but masi would kill me if he she found out I was chasing a girl."
"Any way what was this girl like that you saw today?"
"Oh the usual, you know look at me, I am so beautiful and the typical mother…her daughter is perfect for marriage to any rich guy who will jump to it."
"Those two women that were at the hospital are not related to her?" Ranveer asked.
"Yes, the one with the burn is an older sister and the other the youngest. I must say the youngest has some spunk. Told her dad right off in front of us."
Ranveer agreed, "Yes she is feisty. You should have seen her try and get Bani to confess who had caused the injury."
"So you like her than?" Jai teased.
"Bhaiya I only just met her. I don't know…she seems ok." Ranveer flushed as he spoke.
Jai laughed and got up, "I was just teasing. Let's go to bed."
The next few days passed and masi and Jigyasa waited for Jai to say whether he liked Pia or not. Both masi and Jigyasa did not like Pia. Jigyasa wanted a girl who would take over the running of Walia Mansion from masi…someone who would take care of not only Jai but also the rest of the family.
Late at night Jigyasa walked in from one of her many social engagement and seeing the light on in the study she went in.
"Jai bhaiya, you haven't gone to sleep yet?" she asked.
"Oh hi Di, I just had some work to catch up on." He replied.
"Bhaiya, what are your thoughts about Pia?"
"Umm…I haven't given it much thought yet. Maybe I should meet her again. I mean the other day I didn't get much chance to talk to her or anything. May be I should take her out to dinner away from her mother…just the two of us. What do you think?"
"If that is what you want to do, it is fine by us. It's just that it's bad manner to keep them waiting." Jigyasa finished.
"Di don't worry about it, I will sort it out."
"Fine, good night then…" Jigyasa left the study leaving Jai pondering about Pia, something that he had pushed to the back of his mind. May be he will go and see her, this way he can also check up on Bani. A slow smile formed when he thought of Bani… for a moment two dark eyes flashed before him, the same expressive eyes that had looked shocked when Rano had pulled her pallu down. Jai wondered why all of the sudden he was thinking about her when it was Pia who should be monopolizing his thoughts.
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Bani was awakened from her nap in the afternoon by the ringing of the doorbell. She hurried downstairs pulling the pallu over her head as went. Kiran was at a friend's and Pia had gone shopping leaving Bani alone in the house. She opened the door and was surprised to see Jai Walia standing there.
"Can I come in?" Jai asked when she failed to ask him in.
Coming out of her daze Bani quickly stepped aside so he could come in. "Pia has gone shopping, " Bani informed him.
"I will wait for her if you don't mind." Jai told her.
Bani didn't want to tell him stay, but it was not her job. Kiran would be upset if she found and so she asked, "Would you like something to drink?"
Jai ignored her question and asked, "How is your face healing?"
Taken aback by his question, Bani's hand involuntarily went to her cheek. "It's much better thank you." And then as an afterthought, "Please tell Doctor Ranveer I am very grateful to him."
"I will and now could I get a cup of coffee while I wait for Pia."
Bani hurried to the kitchen to make him coffee. She dialed Pia's cell and told her to hurry back home as Jai Walia had come to see her.
Setting a cup of coffee, Bani started to walk back to the kitchen, but was stopped in her tracks by Jai. "Are you going to leave me all by myself?"
Bani couldn't tell him she wasn't allowed to talk to others, especially those of opposite sex and so she just mumbled, " I am sorry but I have some work to do."
Getting bored of waiting, Jai picked up his coffee mug and wandered around looking at family photos, mainly of Pia winning some awards or something, with an odd photo of the Dixit family. He stared at one of the photo tucked away in the corner, Nishikant and Bani…Bani dressed up as a bride, looking at her father with a wide smile and sparkle in her eyes. With her golden brown complexion and average features, she wasn't as beautiful as Pia but there was a glow there that would make someone look at her again. Where did the girl in that photo disappear?
He walked out of the sitting area and turned towards the back of the house and found Bani in the kitchen sitting at a table cutting up vegetables. Her pallu had slipped and small wisps of hair growing now covered her once shorn hair. The scar on her cheek was still red but seemed well on its way to healing.
Bani looked up as he stepped into the kitchen and she hastily pulled her pallu up to cover her head. Jai stood in front of her and pulled her pallu down, "Why do you cover your head up inside the house?"
"You don't understand…you can never understand that I am not allowed to lead a normal life now. A woman who has lost her husband is not seen as person any more… she is just burden to her parents."
"What about your in-laws?"
A bitter laugh came and a flash of hatred darted in her eyes, "Why should my in-laws look after me? I have nothing to offer…I even lost the baby that would have been their son's last nishani."
Curiosity aroused…wanting to know more about her life, Jai asked softly. "Tell me about your husband?"
Tears sprang in her eyes as she said abruptly, "I can't talk about it."
Irritated, Jai snapped, "Can't talk about it or will not talk about it!"
Just then there was sound of front door opening, Bani looked at him and said, "You had better go before Pia…"
Before she could finish Jai had already moved out of the kitchen and Pia seeing him come from the back of the house asked him curiously, "Why did you go to the back of the house? Where you looking for bathroom?"
Jai putting on his blas voice, "No I just wanted a drink of water."
Pia exclaimed, "Where did Bani di go? Couldn't she offer you a glass of water?"
Jai not liking the tone of her voice said smoothly, "Actually she did make me coffee, but I felt thirsty afterwards for water and was going towards the kitchen when I heard you come in."
Bani slowly came out of the kitchen and looked apprehensively at Pia, "Pia do you need anything doing?"
"Haan, could you get two glasses of water please."
Jai arched his brows at Pia and said, "Pia why don't get a glass of water for me. I came here to see you not Bani."
Colour rushed to Pia's cheeks at the taunt thrown by Jai. "Why don't you sit down. I will be back with water." And Pia stormed towards the kitchen. Bani gave a soft smile to him before walking back to the kithen.
Pia glared at Bani as she followed her into kitchen. "Why are standing and watching the tamasha now. Fill up two glasses with water."
Bani went and filled two glasses with water and put them on the tray and handed the tray to Pia. Before she left, Pia gave a parting shot. "You are lucky, mama is not here, otherwise…"
Jai smiled as Pia came in carrying glasses of water, taking one he said, "Thanks. Now are you free this evening, I thought I would take you out for dinner."
Pia's mood changed instantly gone was the anger she had for being ordered to get him water. Laughing frivolously she said, "Sure Jai, I think we need to spend time alone to get to know each other."
Jai's thoughts were on a different line. I don't need to know anymore Pia, I think I know what I need to know about you, but I don't my seeing you for a while, if it will leave door open for me to come in this house and see Bani.
Jai smirked, "Do you think you can get ready in half an hour?"
Pia said pertly, "I will take you up on that and get ready in less than half an hour."
As soon as Pia left, Jai went towards the kitchen with the empty glasses. He was disappointed to see Bani was not there. Hurrying out of the kitchen he looked up and down the hallway, but did not see anyone. He curtailed urge to walk upstairs and find Bani.
Less than twenty minutes later Pia arrived, dressed in a short black skirt and a bright red halter neck top. Pia twirled and asked, "How do I look Jai?"
Jai gave her an appreciative look, "Very sexy Pia. But after marriage you will not be able to dress like this. I have some rules of how Walia bahu should behave in public."
Pia tutted, "Oh how old fashioned Jai. You are the most coveted man in this country, you know bachelor of the new millennium. And such an outdated thinking."
"Pia I have a more modern outlook than you or your family. If my sister is widowed, she would be given the right to live her life with dignity, I would never allow anyone to shorn her hair or hide her away in some hole."
Pia upset at his remarks, "Jai you have no right to throw these accusations. Bani has been refuge in this home after her in-laws threw her out. My mother has been kind enough to give her a roof over her head and food to eat."
Jai just smiled at her, "Then don't accuse me of being old-fashioned when I say that I expect my wife to behave in certain way, after all it is about my prestige."
Irked by the tone of the conversation, Pia just asked quietly, "Are we going out or not?"
"Yes, I did say I want to get to know you. I don't want there to be any misunderstandings between us after marriage."
The dinner was a mundane affair, Pia's conversation ability revolved around fashion, clubs and partying. She complained about the food, about the service and spent more time criticizing the dress sense of other female diners. Jai bored with her self-glorification tuned her out and his thoughts returned to Bani. Eventually Jai made called an evening to the end and dropped Pia home. Before stepping out of the car, Pia smiled and held her cheek out to him, Jai obliged by giving a chaste peck.
When he reached home, masi, Jigyasa, Ranveer and Rano were sitting around chatting. He was greeted with laughter as the three women were laughing while Ranveer looked embarrassed. Seeing Jai, masi stood up and asked him to join them. Rano smiled at him as he took seat and asked, "How was you evening out Mr Walia?"
Jai arched his brow, "Mr Walia nahi, Jai. And tell me how do you think my dinner date with Pia was?"
Rano giggled, "Boring…"
Ranveer asked, "Why did you say that Rano?"
Rano retorted, "Pia can only talk about herself. Her sentence usually starts with 'I…' Lets just say she and I have different outlook on life, people and priorities. Plus she has no respect for Bani Di."
Looking at Jai she said, "She like my mother has just one ambition…to be married a rich guy."
Jai asked, "And what's wrong in wanting to marry a rich guy?"
Rano looked at him disdainfully, "You are not serious about her are you?"
"I did not say I would marry her. I just want to know what's wrong in marrying someone with money?" Jai emphasized the question again.
"A relationship between two people cannot be built on money. There has to be respect, understanding, and friendship and there has to be love. How can two people live together if they have two different goals?" Rano countered.
Jai answered, "Sure two people can still be together and have different goals as long as they give each other mutual support."
Rano laughed, "Believe me Pia has only one goal…to be the centre of attention all the time. There is no room for other person to share the limelight with her." She paused and gave a thoughtful look at Jai, "You need someone like Bani di. Pity she was married of to Mohan. I think you two would have made a perfect jodi."
"What was Mohan like?"
Rano went quiet for few moments and then said quietly, "I don't think I have the right to say anything about Mohan. Let's just say I am glad he is not in her life."
Several seconds of silence followed her remark, until masi said on the lighter note, "It's getting later, Ranveer why don't you drop Rano home?"
"No masi, I can make way home in a taxi please. Ranveer had a long day at the hospital, I am sure he is tired."
Ranveer stood up, "It's no trouble. I don't go to sleep until late anyway. There are always case files that I like to look over or answer emails. Lets go."
Ranveer and Rano left, leaving Jai watching her thoughtfully. Masi and Jigyasa watched him in deep thought and left him alone.
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.(Martin Luther King, Jr)
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The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only way that the mediocre and vile can be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that. We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
Still Life With Woodpecker (tom robbins)
Rano and Ranveer developed an easy friendship over next several weeks. Ranveer found Rano to be smart, sincere and appreciated her keen interest in his work. Jai on the other hand had hard time being in company of Pia but since it gave him an opportunity to meet and talk with Bani he put up her. His visits to the Dixit home with the opportunity to find Bani alone were not always fruitful. Most of the time Kiran would be there and then he would have to pretend to he had popped in to see Pia.
It was Ranveer who on one of his many phone calls to Rano asked if she and her Bani di would like to come to dinner at his house.
It was with lots of argument with Kiran that Rano finally got her way and Bani was allowed to go with her. Kiran had insisted Bani only wear a white sari and keep her head covered all the time while out of the house. She warned Rano that she was responsible for Bani and to make sure she wasn't left alone.
Friendship is the finest balm for the pangs of despised love.(Jane Austen)
Bani felt dwarfed by the inside of the mansion. She had never seen a room so big and so grand. The rich colours, the silk covered sofas, carved teak furniture's and artwork and portraits hanging on the walls. She stared at Rano who did not seem at all affected by the house, but then Rano took everything in her stride, it did not care much what others thought, one of the reason why she would fight with Kiran on her behalf.
Masi welcomed her warmly and brushed her hesitation away. Bani sat down gingerly next to masi on the beautiful sofa. Rano made herself comfortable on another sofa and Bani listened as she chatted away so naturally with masi. After a while Jigyasa joined them, she looked at Bani sitting quietly not saying much and realized how uncomfortable she must be feeling being in their home, a home so far removed from what her reality.
She asked masi if she could show Bani around, just to make her feel a little more relaxed. Jigyasa showed her the kitchen and the dining room along with pooja room downstairs. Upstairs she took her into her bedroom and masi and a guest room. There were more rooms upstairs but most of them were similar except for Jai's room, which had been her parents. It was the biggest room in the house with attached study, a large bathroom and also small room that Jai had converted into sitting area, complete with entertainment system. Jigyasa did not feel comfortable showing this room to Bani. When they returned downstairs Jai and Ranveer had arrived.
Jai smiled as they come and sat down. Bani gave a shy smile to both Jai and Ranveer. Dressed in the white sari and looking fragile, Jai's mind wandered to the art piece he had seen in his travels, 'Water Lilies In A White Bowl With Red Table Cover' by John La Farge. He had stared at the beautiful pure white water lilies floating in the bowl…two lilies almost perfect. If the piece had been on sale he would have bought it. There were lot of reproduction of the same painting you could buy, but there was something missing in the reproduction that was in the original.
Masi's voice broke his reverie, "Jai kahan kho gaya?"
Jai gave a blank look and said, "No where masi," then looking at Bani, "just something I remembered suddenly." Masi had prepared the dinner and it was simple and tasty. She had kept it completely vegetarian, as she knew from Rano that Bani did not touch non-veg dishes. Masi with help from Bani got dinner set on the table and they all sat down to a leisurely dinner. Rano kept the conversation going all through dinner. She always found a topic to talk about. Bani noticed the glances exchanged between Rano and Ranveer. She liked Ranveer, he had been kind to her at the hospital and now here in his home he was even more likeable. He and Jai shared a special bond, more like brothers than mama-bhanja relationship. In fact the whole family was nice…she thought wistfully, Pia was a lucky girl.
The sad look on her face did not go unnoticed by Jai and wondered if someone said something to bring the sadness into her. She had been smiling more as the dinner had progressed, in fact she had even laughed at joke Ranveer had said.
The evening came to an end to quick for Jai. He wished he could have had the opportunity to talk to Bani alone, but with masi and Jigyasa around he had not dared take any such step. Jai dropped them home with a promise from Rano that they will come again. Jai took out two gifts from a bag and handed one each to them saying he hoped they would like it.
Rano took the gift from Bani before they entered the house as she didn't want Pia or Kiran taking it away from her. Kiran was still up and glared at Rano complaining about how late it was. She looked at gifts in Rano's hand and asked what they were? Rano just replied they were gifts from her friens. Saying good night she and Bani walked upstairs. In Bani's room Rano gave her the gift and asked her to open it, tearing the paper away she reavealed a book 'Raj of Rani' by Tapti Roy. Rano picked up the book and looked at the back cover and then smiled as she gave it back, "You will like reading it, it's a life story of Jhansi ki Rani. Jai has picked a nice gift for you."
Bani put her book aside and said, "Open yours then."
Rano ripped the wrapping to reveal another book, a book of poety, 'Unforseen Affection and Other Love Poems' by Jayaprabha. "Interesting choice!" Rano remarked and immediately sat down and started reading.
Looks by Jayaprabha
Looks
From two eyes
Dart like needles
Roam freely on flesh.
The looks never
Look into the face
The words never come from the heart
They crawl on the body like white ants
Disgust every time I see them.
Those eyes
Belong to a million classes
But their looks are all the same.
Only one signal
In those looks
Hunger like a salivating dog's
An ugly bear-fist
Chases you even in dreams
No difference between day and night
In this thick forest
No place at all
To escape these looks
On the road
In buses, classrooms
Behind your every step
Wounding
Some part of the body
Looks tipped with poison
Keep pricking you
Frightened
I want to disappear
Into the distant sky, into emptiness
But
Escape is no solution
So I began to teach my eyes
The sharpness of thorns
To fight those poison looks
Now to chase away those eyes
I fight with my eyes
Timid eyes which
Cannot look straight
For two seconds
Run to the underworld
A day will come
When women in this country have
Thorns
Not only in their eyes
But all over their bodies.
(Translated by Velcheru Narayana Rao and A. K. Ramanujan)
It was quiet late when Rano left Bani's bedroom, she read couple of the poems out to her and they discussed it quietly. It was only when Bani yawned that Rano decided to call it quits.
to be continued...............
How can a Life be Perfect if there is nothing left to strive for to…nothing left to desire? For me Perfect Life would be to have goals and aspirations to strive for. To embrace life with whatever it gives you…to overcome its ugliness and make life worth living for someone who is less fortunate than you…what could be better than a simple thank you.
The story is inspired by the word 'Badasurata', I guess we don't really pay much attention to it until it is used in a context where one's conscious is questioned at how or on whom it is used.
Badasurata – Part One
Life by Sarojini Naidu
CHILDREN, ye have not lived, to you it seems
Life is a lovely stalactite of dreams,
Or carnival of careless joys that leap
About your hearts like billows on the deep
In flames of amber and of amethyst.
Children, ye have not lived, ye but exist
Till some resistless hour shall rise and move
Your hearts to wake and hunger after love,
And thirst with passionate longing for the things
That burn your brows with blood-red sufferings.
Till ye have battled with great grief and fears,
And borne the conflict of dream-shattering years,
Wounded with fierce desire and worn with strife,
Children, ye have not lived: for this is life.
The pain seared through her as she felt the hot spoon burn her skin. Tears rolled down even as she tried to contain them. "Maa….." she pleaded, looking at the enraged face of her mother.
"Kamini…can't do one thing properly like I ask." Kiran exploded at her daughter or to be precise her step-daughter. She had hated the first-born child of her husband ever since she had set eyes on her. Kiran couldn't wait for Bani to grow up so she could get her married off and out of her house. Eventually against Nishikant's wishes she had got Bani married off to one of her distant aunt's son, but her happiness had been short lived as withing five months Bani was widowed and was sent back to her mayaaka by her in-laws.
Since her return Kiran had never failed at least once a day to shout, hit or hurt Bani with cruel words. The first thing she had done was to have her hair shorn, saying Bani didn't need to look beautiful anymore, "Badasurata rehegi toh hi aacha, nahi toh muh kaala karke rahegi." Nishikant had looked helpless at the pain in her daughter's eyes as she pleaded with him to stop her hair being cut off. Now clad in a cotton sari with her head covered, Kiran tiraded, "I told you we are having guests today, important guests and I want everything to be perfect. This is perfect rishta for your sister Pia and I don't want anything to go wrong. Go back to your room and stay there. I don't want to see your abhagan face today."
Bani quietly ran off to her room and lay down on the bed and wept copiously…the pain from the burn forgotten, by the deeper pain evoked by her mother's cruel words. She had just stepped out to the bathroom and forgotten to turn the stove off and that had set her mother off.
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Pia looked at herself in the mirror several times, adjusting her pallu or her jewellery. She was excited as the guy coming to see her was none other than Jai Walia, the eldest son of Uday Walia, who owned the biggest chain of hotels and restaurants in the country.
She went downstairs and was greeted with an overdose of affection by her mother while her father just gave her a warm smile. Kiran turned to Nishikant, "Doesn't she look like a model Nishi? This sari is just perfect on you Pia."
"Thanks mom. Kitni mehngi thi…it should look perfect." Pia crooned.
Kiran patted the seat beside her and said, "Come sit here, they should be here soon. Nishi why is Rano not here yet? I told her to be early."
Nishikant just said quietly, "Rano had a late class today and she didn't want to miss it. Her exams are soon."
"When will that girl learn being smart will not get her a rich husband, she should learn from Pia…how to look beautiful for a man."
Nishikant cringed at Kiran's remarks. Nothing can change Kiran's attitude towards her daughters, her only goal was to find a rich husband for Pia and Rano so that they will have an easy life. The sound of car pulling up outside distracted them and Kiran stood up and rushed towards the door, eager to welcome the guests. Pia just smiled at Nishikant and stayed put in her seat.
With introductions over, Kiran with help from Pia served refreshments, all the while extolling virtues of her favourite daughter. She failed to notice the smirk on the faces of Jai's masi and sister Jigyasa. The two women gave each other the knowing a look; the scene in front of them had been played out too often. These mothers, whose only goal was to push their beautiful, self-absorbed and conceited daughters at the prospective groom. Jai on the other hand had a blank look on his face. He eyes did not even flinch as the two women fluttered around him.
It was a shock when half an hour later, a voice yelled, "Papa…" followed by a two figures almost running down the stairs. The younger girl was dressed in simple cotton salwar kameez whilst the other woman in cotton sari with face almost covered with her pallu. The younger girl stood staring at the group. Her eyes were blazing with anger and her face red. She looked at Nishikant and pulling Bani forward, she pulled her pallu down and turned her cheek towards him, "Dekho yeh Di ka haal. Kehti hai thoda jaal gaya khana banate waqt. Mujhe toh kuch zyaada lagtaa hai." Nishikant stared painfully at the bright red burn now bubbled up.
Recovering quickly he said, "Rano tum Bani ko hospital le chalo," and taking money out of his pocket he put it in hand, "Taxi se jana aur wahan se phone karna mujhe."
In the meantime Jai, masi and Jigyasa stared at the shorn head of the young woman, the angry burn and her subjugated demeanor. It was masi who spoke up, "Jai beta, why don't you drop them off at the hospital. Ranveer phoned to say he would be working late. You can ask him to see to the girl."
Jai stood up and before he could move, Kiran blurted out, "It's ok, they will take the taxi. Please sit down. It's only a small burn mark from hot oil."
Jai ignored Kiran's request and turned to Nishikant and said, "Excuse me sir but I will drop them at the hospital and ask my brother to look after her injury and return back."
Pia glared at the backs of Rano and Bani walking out with Jai. Kiran's face turned red with anger at Rano's action.
Jai Walia glanced at the pallu-covered face of the woman sitting with her head bowed on the back seat. He had been shocked to see the shorn head…he had read about the widows hair being cut off in the bygone era, but in the twenty-first century, where India boasted to being on its way to becoming a developed country soon. Surely an educated man like Nishikant did not believe on following the old tradition. And what about the injury to her face…how can she burn her face so much from splattering oil as Kiran had said. A wave of disgust swept through him for Nishikant and Kiran. He looked at Rano, her eyes were still angry and seemed preoccupied with her thoughts. At least someone in that household had some sense.
An hour later Jai returned informing Nishikant Bani was waiting to be seen by Ranveer. After a hasty dinner Jai left with masi and Jigyasa informing he will be in touch.
The door had just closed and a furious Kiran rounded on Nishikant and let her anger loose. "Kya samajti hai Rano apne aapko? Kitni baar kaha hai usko ke Bani ko chod do uski kismet pe. Acha hai ke hum usse ghar mei rehni ki jaga di hai nahi toh uski jaisi kitni ladkiyaan sadak pounch jati jai. Kher aane do isko…"
Ten more minutes of ranting followed against Rano and Bani with an odd remark thrown at Nishikant.
It was quite late when Rano and Bani arrived back. Luckily Kiran had got tired off waiting and had retired to bed but Nishikant had waited up until they arrived. He smiled at the two girls as they came in and asked Bani how she was feeling. Bani in her ususal quiet manner replied, "Baba mei theek hoon, thodasa dard hai but doctor ne dawai di hai, mit jayega." Looking around she asked, "Maa kahaan hai?"
"Soh gayi hai. Tu bhi sohjaa. Fikar na kaar." Nishikant put his hand on her head and patted it lightly. He looked at Rano and said, "Thank you beta. Ek tuhe hai iss ghar mei jisko Bani ki parhva hai."
Rano looked at Nishikant angrily, "Papa aap kyun maa ko daante nahi. Yeh maa ki baje se hua hai. Kyun Bani di ki saath aisa karti hai woh."
Nishikant just gave a sorrowful look to Rano and said, "Beta teri maa zyaadi ziddi hai. Kuch nahi suneti. Kitni baar samjaye lekin…"
Bani hugged Nishikant, "Baba aap sojaye. Mei theek hoon baas aap dono ka pyaar kafi hai mere liye."
Tears rolled down Nishikant's cheek as he watched Bani walk upstairs with Rano. She was an exact replica of Laxmi his first wife. Bani did not deserve this kind of life…she was still young…she could still get married, except Kiran had made sure now that will never happen. Kiran's words "Badasurata rehegi toh acha hai" reverberated inside his head.
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Jai Walia too had stayed up until his younger brother Ranveer had come home. Tired from his long shift, Ranveer wasn't too happy. He too grumbled about Bani's injury saying it had been caused deliberately and how young women still refused to divulge the culprit's name. What was the matter with people, who still refused to come out of living in the dark ages? Jai just sat and listened to Ranveer. He knew how he felt. Probably saw cases like that several times a week at the hospital… young women mistreated by their own family or someone close to them. Once Ranveer had exhausted his list of complaints, he looked at Jai and smiled mischievously, "So did you finally found my bhabhi or not?"
"No!"
"Kya bhaiya. How long are you going to take? Masi will not entertain my getting married before you. And you know I am in hurry to get married." Ranveer moaned
"Why have you found a girl a already?" Jai asked.
"No. How can I look when you are not even engaged?" Ranveer retorted.
"I am not stopping you." Jai stated.
Ranveer laughed and said, "I know, but masi would kill me if he she found out I was chasing a girl."
"Any way what was this girl like that you saw today?"
"Oh the usual, you know look at me, I am so beautiful and the typical mother…her daughter is perfect for marriage to any rich guy who will jump to it."
"Those two women that were at the hospital are not related to her?" Ranveer asked.
"Yes, the one with the burn is an older sister and the other the youngest. I must say the youngest has some spunk. Told her dad right off in front of us."
Ranveer agreed, "Yes she is feisty. You should have seen her try and get Bani to confess who had caused the injury."
"So you like her than?" Jai teased.
"Bhaiya I only just met her. I don't know…she seems ok." Ranveer flushed as he spoke.
Jai laughed and got up, "I was just teasing. Let's go to bed."
The next few days passed and masi and Jigyasa waited for Jai to say whether he liked Pia or not. Both masi and Jigyasa did not like Pia. Jigyasa wanted a girl who would take over the running of Walia Mansion from masi…someone who would take care of not only Jai but also the rest of the family.
Late at night Jigyasa walked in from one of her many social engagement and seeing the light on in the study she went in.
"Jai bhaiya, you haven't gone to sleep yet?" she asked.
"Oh hi Di, I just had some work to catch up on." He replied.
"Bhaiya, what are your thoughts about Pia?"
"Umm…I haven't given it much thought yet. Maybe I should meet her again. I mean the other day I didn't get much chance to talk to her or anything. May be I should take her out to dinner away from her mother…just the two of us. What do you think?"
"If that is what you want to do, it is fine by us. It's just that it's bad manner to keep them waiting." Jigyasa finished.
"Di don't worry about it, I will sort it out."
"Fine, good night then…" Jigyasa left the study leaving Jai pondering about Pia, something that he had pushed to the back of his mind. May be he will go and see her, this way he can also check up on Bani. A slow smile formed when he thought of Bani… for a moment two dark eyes flashed before him, the same expressive eyes that had looked shocked when Rano had pulled her pallu down. Jai wondered why all of the sudden he was thinking about her when it was Pia who should be monopolizing his thoughts.
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Bani was awakened from her nap in the afternoon by the ringing of the doorbell. She hurried downstairs pulling the pallu over her head as went. Kiran was at a friend's and Pia had gone shopping leaving Bani alone in the house. She opened the door and was surprised to see Jai Walia standing there.
"Can I come in?" Jai asked when she failed to ask him in.
Coming out of her daze Bani quickly stepped aside so he could come in. "Pia has gone shopping, " Bani informed him.
"I will wait for her if you don't mind." Jai told her.
Bani didn't want to tell him stay, but it was not her job. Kiran would be upset if she found and so she asked, "Would you like something to drink?"
Jai ignored her question and asked, "How is your face healing?"
Taken aback by his question, Bani's hand involuntarily went to her cheek. "It's much better thank you." And then as an afterthought, "Please tell Doctor Ranveer I am very grateful to him."
"I will and now could I get a cup of coffee while I wait for Pia."
Bani hurried to the kitchen to make him coffee. She dialed Pia's cell and told her to hurry back home as Jai Walia had come to see her.
Setting a cup of coffee, Bani started to walk back to the kitchen, but was stopped in her tracks by Jai. "Are you going to leave me all by myself?"
Bani couldn't tell him she wasn't allowed to talk to others, especially those of opposite sex and so she just mumbled, " I am sorry but I have some work to do."
Getting bored of waiting, Jai picked up his coffee mug and wandered around looking at family photos, mainly of Pia winning some awards or something, with an odd photo of the Dixit family. He stared at one of the photo tucked away in the corner, Nishikant and Bani…Bani dressed up as a bride, looking at her father with a wide smile and sparkle in her eyes. With her golden brown complexion and average features, she wasn't as beautiful as Pia but there was a glow there that would make someone look at her again. Where did the girl in that photo disappear?
He walked out of the sitting area and turned towards the back of the house and found Bani in the kitchen sitting at a table cutting up vegetables. Her pallu had slipped and small wisps of hair growing now covered her once shorn hair. The scar on her cheek was still red but seemed well on its way to healing.
Bani looked up as he stepped into the kitchen and she hastily pulled her pallu up to cover her head. Jai stood in front of her and pulled her pallu down, "Why do you cover your head up inside the house?"
"You don't understand…you can never understand that I am not allowed to lead a normal life now. A woman who has lost her husband is not seen as person any more… she is just burden to her parents."
"What about your in-laws?"
A bitter laugh came and a flash of hatred darted in her eyes, "Why should my in-laws look after me? I have nothing to offer…I even lost the baby that would have been their son's last nishani."
Curiosity aroused…wanting to know more about her life, Jai asked softly. "Tell me about your husband?"
Tears sprang in her eyes as she said abruptly, "I can't talk about it."
Irritated, Jai snapped, "Can't talk about it or will not talk about it!"
Just then there was sound of front door opening, Bani looked at him and said, "You had better go before Pia…"
Before she could finish Jai had already moved out of the kitchen and Pia seeing him come from the back of the house asked him curiously, "Why did you go to the back of the house? Where you looking for bathroom?"
Jai putting on his blas voice, "No I just wanted a drink of water."
Pia exclaimed, "Where did Bani di go? Couldn't she offer you a glass of water?"
Jai not liking the tone of her voice said smoothly, "Actually she did make me coffee, but I felt thirsty afterwards for water and was going towards the kitchen when I heard you come in."
Bani slowly came out of the kitchen and looked apprehensively at Pia, "Pia do you need anything doing?"
"Haan, could you get two glasses of water please."
Jai arched his brows at Pia and said, "Pia why don't get a glass of water for me. I came here to see you not Bani."
Colour rushed to Pia's cheeks at the taunt thrown by Jai. "Why don't you sit down. I will be back with water." And Pia stormed towards the kitchen. Bani gave a soft smile to him before walking back to the kithen.
Pia glared at Bani as she followed her into kitchen. "Why are standing and watching the tamasha now. Fill up two glasses with water."
Bani went and filled two glasses with water and put them on the tray and handed the tray to Pia. Before she left, Pia gave a parting shot. "You are lucky, mama is not here, otherwise…"
Jai smiled as Pia came in carrying glasses of water, taking one he said, "Thanks. Now are you free this evening, I thought I would take you out for dinner."
Pia's mood changed instantly gone was the anger she had for being ordered to get him water. Laughing frivolously she said, "Sure Jai, I think we need to spend time alone to get to know each other."
Jai's thoughts were on a different line. I don't need to know anymore Pia, I think I know what I need to know about you, but I don't my seeing you for a while, if it will leave door open for me to come in this house and see Bani.
Jai smirked, "Do you think you can get ready in half an hour?"
Pia said pertly, "I will take you up on that and get ready in less than half an hour."
As soon as Pia left, Jai went towards the kitchen with the empty glasses. He was disappointed to see Bani was not there. Hurrying out of the kitchen he looked up and down the hallway, but did not see anyone. He curtailed urge to walk upstairs and find Bani.
Less than twenty minutes later Pia arrived, dressed in a short black skirt and a bright red halter neck top. Pia twirled and asked, "How do I look Jai?"
Jai gave her an appreciative look, "Very sexy Pia. But after marriage you will not be able to dress like this. I have some rules of how Walia bahu should behave in public."
Pia tutted, "Oh how old fashioned Jai. You are the most coveted man in this country, you know bachelor of the new millennium. And such an outdated thinking."
"Pia I have a more modern outlook than you or your family. If my sister is widowed, she would be given the right to live her life with dignity, I would never allow anyone to shorn her hair or hide her away in some hole."
Pia upset at his remarks, "Jai you have no right to throw these accusations. Bani has been refuge in this home after her in-laws threw her out. My mother has been kind enough to give her a roof over her head and food to eat."
Jai just smiled at her, "Then don't accuse me of being old-fashioned when I say that I expect my wife to behave in certain way, after all it is about my prestige."
Irked by the tone of the conversation, Pia just asked quietly, "Are we going out or not?"
"Yes, I did say I want to get to know you. I don't want there to be any misunderstandings between us after marriage."
The dinner was a mundane affair, Pia's conversation ability revolved around fashion, clubs and partying. She complained about the food, about the service and spent more time criticizing the dress sense of other female diners. Jai bored with her self-glorification tuned her out and his thoughts returned to Bani. Eventually Jai made called an evening to the end and dropped Pia home. Before stepping out of the car, Pia smiled and held her cheek out to him, Jai obliged by giving a chaste peck.
When he reached home, masi, Jigyasa, Ranveer and Rano were sitting around chatting. He was greeted with laughter as the three women were laughing while Ranveer looked embarrassed. Seeing Jai, masi stood up and asked him to join them. Rano smiled at him as he took seat and asked, "How was you evening out Mr Walia?"
Jai arched his brow, "Mr Walia nahi, Jai. And tell me how do you think my dinner date with Pia was?"
Rano giggled, "Boring…"
Ranveer asked, "Why did you say that Rano?"
Rano retorted, "Pia can only talk about herself. Her sentence usually starts with 'I…' Lets just say she and I have different outlook on life, people and priorities. Plus she has no respect for Bani Di."
Looking at Jai she said, "She like my mother has just one ambition…to be married a rich guy."
Jai asked, "And what's wrong in wanting to marry a rich guy?"
Rano looked at him disdainfully, "You are not serious about her are you?"
"I did not say I would marry her. I just want to know what's wrong in marrying someone with money?" Jai emphasized the question again.
"A relationship between two people cannot be built on money. There has to be respect, understanding, and friendship and there has to be love. How can two people live together if they have two different goals?" Rano countered.
Jai answered, "Sure two people can still be together and have different goals as long as they give each other mutual support."
Rano laughed, "Believe me Pia has only one goal…to be the centre of attention all the time. There is no room for other person to share the limelight with her." She paused and gave a thoughtful look at Jai, "You need someone like Bani di. Pity she was married of to Mohan. I think you two would have made a perfect jodi."
"What was Mohan like?"
Rano went quiet for few moments and then said quietly, "I don't think I have the right to say anything about Mohan. Let's just say I am glad he is not in her life."
Several seconds of silence followed her remark, until masi said on the lighter note, "It's getting later, Ranveer why don't you drop Rano home?"
"No masi, I can make way home in a taxi please. Ranveer had a long day at the hospital, I am sure he is tired."
Ranveer stood up, "It's no trouble. I don't go to sleep until late anyway. There are always case files that I like to look over or answer emails. Lets go."
Ranveer and Rano left, leaving Jai watching her thoughtfully. Masi and Jigyasa watched him in deep thought and left him alone.
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.(Martin Luther King, Jr)
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The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only way that the mediocre and vile can be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that. We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
Still Life With Woodpecker (tom robbins)
Rano and Ranveer developed an easy friendship over next several weeks. Ranveer found Rano to be smart, sincere and appreciated her keen interest in his work. Jai on the other hand had hard time being in company of Pia but since it gave him an opportunity to meet and talk with Bani he put up her. His visits to the Dixit home with the opportunity to find Bani alone were not always fruitful. Most of the time Kiran would be there and then he would have to pretend to he had popped in to see Pia.
It was Ranveer who on one of his many phone calls to Rano asked if she and her Bani di would like to come to dinner at his house.
It was with lots of argument with Kiran that Rano finally got her way and Bani was allowed to go with her. Kiran had insisted Bani only wear a white sari and keep her head covered all the time while out of the house. She warned Rano that she was responsible for Bani and to make sure she wasn't left alone.
Friendship is the finest balm for the pangs of despised love.(Jane Austen)
Bani felt dwarfed by the inside of the mansion. She had never seen a room so big and so grand. The rich colours, the silk covered sofas, carved teak furniture's and artwork and portraits hanging on the walls. She stared at Rano who did not seem at all affected by the house, but then Rano took everything in her stride, it did not care much what others thought, one of the reason why she would fight with Kiran on her behalf.
Masi welcomed her warmly and brushed her hesitation away. Bani sat down gingerly next to masi on the beautiful sofa. Rano made herself comfortable on another sofa and Bani listened as she chatted away so naturally with masi. After a while Jigyasa joined them, she looked at Bani sitting quietly not saying much and realized how uncomfortable she must be feeling being in their home, a home so far removed from what her reality.
She asked masi if she could show Bani around, just to make her feel a little more relaxed. Jigyasa showed her the kitchen and the dining room along with pooja room downstairs. Upstairs she took her into her bedroom and masi and a guest room. There were more rooms upstairs but most of them were similar except for Jai's room, which had been her parents. It was the biggest room in the house with attached study, a large bathroom and also small room that Jai had converted into sitting area, complete with entertainment system. Jigyasa did not feel comfortable showing this room to Bani. When they returned downstairs Jai and Ranveer had arrived.
Jai smiled as they come and sat down. Bani gave a shy smile to both Jai and Ranveer. Dressed in the white sari and looking fragile, Jai's mind wandered to the art piece he had seen in his travels, 'Water Lilies In A White Bowl With Red Table Cover' by John La Farge. He had stared at the beautiful pure white water lilies floating in the bowl…two lilies almost perfect. If the piece had been on sale he would have bought it. There were lot of reproduction of the same painting you could buy, but there was something missing in the reproduction that was in the original.
Masi's voice broke his reverie, "Jai kahan kho gaya?"
Jai gave a blank look and said, "No where masi," then looking at Bani, "just something I remembered suddenly." Masi had prepared the dinner and it was simple and tasty. She had kept it completely vegetarian, as she knew from Rano that Bani did not touch non-veg dishes. Masi with help from Bani got dinner set on the table and they all sat down to a leisurely dinner. Rano kept the conversation going all through dinner. She always found a topic to talk about. Bani noticed the glances exchanged between Rano and Ranveer. She liked Ranveer, he had been kind to her at the hospital and now here in his home he was even more likeable. He and Jai shared a special bond, more like brothers than mama-bhanja relationship. In fact the whole family was nice…she thought wistfully, Pia was a lucky girl.
The sad look on her face did not go unnoticed by Jai and wondered if someone said something to bring the sadness into her. She had been smiling more as the dinner had progressed, in fact she had even laughed at joke Ranveer had said.
The evening came to an end to quick for Jai. He wished he could have had the opportunity to talk to Bani alone, but with masi and Jigyasa around he had not dared take any such step. Jai dropped them home with a promise from Rano that they will come again. Jai took out two gifts from a bag and handed one each to them saying he hoped they would like it.
Rano took the gift from Bani before they entered the house as she didn't want Pia or Kiran taking it away from her. Kiran was still up and glared at Rano complaining about how late it was. She looked at gifts in Rano's hand and asked what they were? Rano just replied they were gifts from her friens. Saying good night she and Bani walked upstairs. In Bani's room Rano gave her the gift and asked her to open it, tearing the paper away she reavealed a book 'Raj of Rani' by Tapti Roy. Rano picked up the book and looked at the back cover and then smiled as she gave it back, "You will like reading it, it's a life story of Jhansi ki Rani. Jai has picked a nice gift for you."
Bani put her book aside and said, "Open yours then."
Rano ripped the wrapping to reveal another book, a book of poety, 'Unforseen Affection and Other Love Poems' by Jayaprabha. "Interesting choice!" Rano remarked and immediately sat down and started reading.
Looks by Jayaprabha
Looks
From two eyes
Dart like needles
Roam freely on flesh.
The looks never
Look into the face
The words never come from the heart
They crawl on the body like white ants
Disgust every time I see them.
Those eyes
Belong to a million classes
But their looks are all the same.
Only one signal
In those looks
Hunger like a salivating dog's
An ugly bear-fist
Chases you even in dreams
No difference between day and night
In this thick forest
No place at all
To escape these looks
On the road
In buses, classrooms
Behind your every step
Wounding
Some part of the body
Looks tipped with poison
Keep pricking you
Frightened
I want to disappear
Into the distant sky, into emptiness
But
Escape is no solution
So I began to teach my eyes
The sharpness of thorns
To fight those poison looks
Now to chase away those eyes
I fight with my eyes
Timid eyes which
Cannot look straight
For two seconds
Run to the underworld
A day will come
When women in this country have
Thorns
Not only in their eyes
But all over their bodies.
(Translated by Velcheru Narayana Rao and A. K. Ramanujan)
It was quiet late when Rano left Bani's bedroom, she read couple of the poems out to her and they discussed it quietly. It was only when Bani yawned that Rano decided to call it quits.
to be continued...............
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