Entry#5
I knew a hot shower was exactly what I needed that chilly January morning, not only to rid the morning chills but also to get over the jet lag and resolve the issue on hand so that I could head home to Mumbai and rest.
On entering the bedroom from the still steamy bathroom, I witnessed a stranger in my room. With her back towards me, she was busy working on something. It was only on observing her for a couple more seconds I realized she was organizing my desk.
I stood there motionless as she patiently collected my scattered clothes, skillfully folded them and neatly placed them on the table beside my suitcase. After arranging all my toiletries on the dressing table, she moved on to make my bed.
She was dressed in a plain uniform; the kind that most of the house keeping staff in the hotel was wearing. Yet, there was something about how she carried herself that caught my attention. There was this air of elegance about her countenance, a content smile on her face and a lovely tune playing on her lips as she scrutinized the work she had accomplished.
It was then that I noticed her, like really noticed her, the way a man would notice a woman. She had gorgeous straight black hair that concealed her face like a silken curtain every time she bent down. My fingers itched to play with them, rearrange them so that I could continue with my inspection. Her exquisite doe shaped eyes had this haunting familiarity about them. Her lips were full and luscious, the kinds you would never tire kissing.
Her sun kissed skin radiated in the otherwise dimly lit room. Her petite frame had just the right amount of flesh on it and curves in all the right places. I suddenly found myself imagining her lying there, on a tousled bed with nothing but the silk bed covers carelessly draping her body; the very same ones she had made not too long ago.
"Oh no" her surprised exclamation brought me out of my delicious day dream. The astonished look on her face, made it amply clear that she had not felt my presence or even realized that I had been watching her these past 15 minutes.
My eyes were arrested by the hazel brown eyes that were looking at me apologetically. Thinking back, she was the first to notice my near naked state and brought my attention to it with her averted gaze and fidgeting hands.
"Sorry, I mean" I was lost for words as I took in the delicate blush that was slowly creeping up her face.
"I am sorry sir. I should have made sure that the room was empty before I started my work here. I shall leave immediately so that you can have the privacy you may require." She indicated to the spare towel I held in my hands to dry my still wet hair.
"Ahem… thank you Ms." I squinted as I leaned forward to read the name on her badge.
"Ms. Dixit, sir." She gave me a shy smile, tucking her hair behind her ears, before she finally turned around and left the room.
======xxxxx======
"But that is not possible Mr. Sharma? I don't think you are trying to understand my problem." I tried hard to control my temper, but his suggestion was just plain outrageous.
"You do realize that I am a single man, who spends half his time in another continent. When I am in India I have to depend on others to take care of me, and you are telling me that I am supposed to take guardianship of a 20 year old girl? There has got to be some mistake in all of this." I explained with as much patience as I could gather.
Kiran aunty and my mother had both died in a fatal accident when they were on their way to Shirdi. Nishikant uncle, Dad's best friend since college days had been devastated after this news. Dad had managed to keep strong, but both their lives had changed drastically that day. And both moved on to handle the situation in their unique manner.
Uncle sold all his assets and resigned to live a reclusive life in the country, whereas dad found his solace in his still expanding business. In fact, my Masi's offer to take me to London and raise me was a boon to my dad, and he was more than eager to relinquish the responsibility of a growing and demanding teenager.
But this was 15 years ago. Since then I had lost my Dad in another fatal accident in London 4 years ago. And now I had learnt that Nishikant uncle had succumbed to Liver Cirrhosis due to excessive drinking a year and a half ago. For crying out loud, I hadn't even met uncle since he moved to Mussorie, where his ancestral home and family was.
"Sir, I have checked and cross checked the will. It very clearly states that 'Mr. Walia of the Walia Group of Industries, who resides at Walia Mansion, JVPD Scheme, Mumbai is to act guardian to my daughter until she is of age and is capable of handling herself and her property by herself'." Mr. Sharma repeated the same clause from Nishikant Uncles will for the 10th time that evening.
"I understand that Mr. Sharma, but you do realize that it is quite obvious that uncle meant my father and not me. Besides, from what you say, I understand that it has been a while since Uncle's death. So what took you so long to get in touch with me?" I calmed myself down. Very early in my life, I had learnt to take care of my responsibilities and if this was one of them, I had to figure out a way.
Mr. Sharma gave a fleeting glance to my lawyer and best friend, Tarun Sablok, who had a scared look on his face. This short exchange was evidence enough that Tarun had something to do with this delay in the passing of the information. Fortunately for him, Masi found that exact moment to call me.
As usual, Masi came to my rescue, and offered to come live with me in Mumbai. Her presence would help in the difficult situation as she could act as a chaperone and a guide to the girl, and plus Masi could come and live with me given that she was all alone in London now.
I gave a hard stare to Tarun before I reconvened my communication with Mr. Sharma.
"How soon does this girl need to get here? I may need a month or so to arrange everything, I hope it will not be an issue. If it is, then let me know right away since I may need to make an alternate arrangement for the time being. I mean can she plan on arriving here in a month?" I asked Mr. Sharma, who returned my question with a none-too-pleased expression.
"Now what is it?" I asked, thoroughly frustrated at this point.
"Well, there is the matter of her uncle and aunty. The thing is she has been living with them these past couple years and I am pretty certain that they will not be very pleased to let go of her. So, if you don't mind, can I make the suggestion that you go bring her here yourself, I am sure Bani would also appreciate that." As he finished this, I got the impression that there was more to this than what he was letting me on.
On further coaxing from me, he informed me that this uncle was not a very reputable man. He had been withdrawing large sums of money in the name of her education and expenses, but Mr. Sharma had recently found out that this money was used as an investment source in various schemes by the uncle, whereas Bani was currently supporting her own education.
This was the last straw to my patience. I had just returned from London, this time for good, and had been immediately summoned to Mussorie last week for urgent work related matters. Other pressing matters had come into prominence since my arrival in Mumbai and leaving again for Mussorie would be next to impossible.
With a promise to meet Mr. Sharma in Dehradun at my earliest convenience, I concluded my last meeting for the evening.
======xxxxx======
As I waited at the Dixit Residence to acquaint myself with my ward and her temporary guardian Mr. Shashikant Dixit, I recalled my early morning encounter with stunning Ms. Dixit. I had been out for a morning jog in the trails by the hotel and I had accidentally run into her.
It had seemed like she had appeared out of thin air, but her flushed face indicated otherwise. She was most probably running in the opposite direction, this combined with the morning chill resulted in the becoming pink blush on her face.
As her trembling body lay under mine, I was once again drawn to those deep chocolate eyes, screened by long eyelashes, and the wavering yet moist looking lips. The proximity of our bodies, and the sweet lavender fragrance were intoxicating my senses. I was slowly loosing all sense of propriety or even the fact that we were in full public view.
The desire to kiss her once again took over my being, and I found it hard to resist the urge this time. My craving lips met her trembling ones and it felt like the most perfect union ever. The next instant I was tasting those delicious lips, only to be pushed back by tiny fists that were now punching my shoulder. As soon as I shifted my weight a little, she pushed me and ran away from there, leaving me sitting there trying to comprehend what had just happened.
"Mr. Walia" a deep throated voice called me out of my beautiful reverie.
Our introduction was pretty uneventful and the discussion that followed thereafter was similarly monotonous. However, something about this man was making me uneasy, especially his cursory responses to my inquiries about Bani.
He did not give me a definite response about Bani's whereabouts or when she was expected to return, and I was getting a little restless since I needed to return to Mumbai by the end of the day. It was after almost an hour's wait that my attention was drawn by a wisp of familiar scent coming from behind me.
It was at this moment that I felt like a je*k of the first order and wanted to kick myself real hard. The girl standing in front of me was none other than the girl that I had so callously kissed this morning, that too in the middle of nowhere. And now I knew that she was the one I was made responsible for, responsible for her well-being.
As she noticed me there, rooted to my spot, the confident smile from her face faded and instead slight tears started to brim her eyes, threatening to fall at the slightest provocation. Somehow, the thought of being responsible for this state of hers yanked a cord somewhere deep inside me, making my heart wound.
I cursed myself under my breath, and was worried of the consequences of my thoughtless actions from this morning. I wondered if she would inform her uncle of what had happened this morning.
"Chachaji, mein abhi fresh ho kar aati hoon." Her melodious voice brought me back from my thoughts. It was after her departure, that I realized that my ward, a very wealthy one at that, was working as a house keeping staff at my hotel. A feeling of protecting her suddenly overcame me and I wanted to give her good for nothing uncle a good thrashing.
She soon joined us and we were formally introduced for the first time.
"Beta, you do not have to go to Mumbai if you do not wish. Your chachi and I can very well take care of you and you are more than welcome to live here with us." Shashikant Dixit intervened when I explained to Bani the reason for my visit. Bani was a little taken aback with my suggestion asking her to join me in Mumbai, a possible and quite expected response to my misdeed from earlier in the morning.
Mr. Dixit's statement sounded casual to a common bystander, but having seen the large amounts of sums withdrawn by him from Bani's account over the last couple of years, I knew what his intention was.
"Mr. Dixit, I would like to talk to Bani for a few minutes by myself, if you would not mind." Whatever thoughts he had of declining me were immediately wiped away by my don't try to cross me stare.
The first thing I did was apologize to her for my misbehavior and went on to explain to her the terms of her father's will. She seemed to be aware of it, and yet there were questions in her eyes. I explained to her why I did not avail myself earlier and she seemed to understand.
Once the initial shock had died down, she agreed to my offer and promised to join me in Mumbai in another week's time. I did not find this an opportune moment to discuss the misdeeds of her uncle and figured that I would let her in on it once she moved to Mumbai.
======xxxxx======
I had been in Mumbai for a fortnight since my meeting with Bani. It had been a very hard couple of weeks for me; on one end Bani's innocent, yet attractive face haunted me and on the other end the guilt for having dishonorable thoughts about my ward plagued me. And with these thoughts came the sweet memory of the brief kiss we had shared, the soft caress of her lips still fresh on my lips.
Masi was to arrive in another couple of days, and Bani had called to say that since her uncle was not doing well, her arrival would be postponed for another few days. This delay in her arrival was a blessing in disguise. It would give me the much needed time to get over my unwieldy desire for my ward.
But it seemed like fate had something else planned for me. The same night I received a call from a very distressed Bani stating that her uncle had locked himself in his study, and not too long ago they heard a gun shot from within the study.
I tried hard to pacify her and checked if the proper authorities were informed. She gave me an affirmative response however once the initial excitement died down, the phone on the other end went dead. Unsure what to say next, I asked her if she would like me to be there in case something inadvertent had indeed happened. With slight hesitation, she accepted that my presence would be of much help to her and her family. With a promise to check on her the first thing in the morning I disconnected the line.
The night however turned restless for me. The fact that she had started to look up to me in her guardian's capacity in the time of her crisis, made me feel worse. Trying to wipe out her image from my mind, I concentrated on packing my bag, unsure how long I will need to be in Mussorie this time. I was on my way to Mussorie on the first flight out of Mumbai.
======xxxxx======
I spent the next week in Mussorie. My initial plan was to check on Bani and leave with her, but she insisted that her aunty needs her for a few more days.
During one of our limited conversations, she informed me that since my last visit, her uncle had been behaving in a very weird manner. Of late he had been spending a lot of his time in the study, declining food and water. And then the evening when the unfortunate event happened, he was shouting on the phone just before locking himself up in the room.
The post mortem was clear and it was agreed upon that it was a suicide without any foul play. By the seventh day, chachiji was also doing better, except that she did not stop looking at me accusingly and was constantly asking Bani to reconsider her decision. Mr. Dixit had apparently confided in his wife that I was indeed the Demon reincarnated and I was the main reason behind his recent sorrow. He had also convinced her that my influence on Bani would not be appropriate and hence it would be better if Bani stayed with them in Mussorie.
Bani was however keen on returning to Mumbai, the city of her birth, the place she spent her early childhood. On Bani's insistence a small allowance was made to her aunt before we returned to Mumbai together.
======xxxxx======
Masi had already arrived during my absence, and was looking forward to meeting little Bani, as she fondly called her. Masi and Bani bonded famously, especially with the tales Masi shared with her of her youth and the time she spent with my Ma and Krishna Aunty. In Masi, Bani found the link to her long deceased mother, who she barely remembered now.
During the initial couple of days, Bani was having a hard time adjusting to the ways and lifestyle of the big city. She seemed lost and quite homesick. But Masi, who always had solutions to every problem, cleverly arranged a small welcome party over the weekend in Bani's honor. Only the closest family friends were invited, and it was here that Bani got herself acquainted with her new friends to be.
Roshni, one of my closest friends from college and now Mrs. Sablok, and Bani hit it off immediately and were soon best of friends. Nachiket, Roshni's younger brother and Bani's senior by a couple of years, promised to introduce Bani to all his friends. Tarun with his jovial nature also became close to her in no time. In Roshni and Tarun, Bani found mentors and elder siblings and in Nachiket she found a good friend and ally.
Her new found friends and Masi were vital to Bani's quick adjustment to the city. Each of these people became a permanent part of her life in no time. Bani, a quick learner, was soon transformed into an elegant beauty with polished charms, thanks to Masi and Roshni. Gone were the days of the slightly uncomfortable looking small-town girl; she was now Bani Dixit, daughter of one of the best business men of yesteryears.
With Nachiket's help, she had secured admission and was now attending one of the city's most reputed colleges to continue her education. When not with Roshni or Masi, Bani spent her free time hanging out with Nachiket and his friends. By early April, Bani had graduated from college and was enjoying her self thoroughly.
One evening on my way home, Tarun mentioned that Bani was an instant hit in the Mumbai party circuit and was the toast of the season with her charm and earthy good looks. In fact she was the favorite amongst the men and their eager mothers.
Never to be perturbed by mundane remarks, this latest bit of news found me in a foul mood. I found myself cloistered in my study for the better part of the evening with a bottle of Black Label and a throbbing headache for company.
Initially, I had tried to maintain my distance from Bani, getting over my inappropriate lust for her, but by then she had found friends in others. Today, I realized that not being a vital part of her life, like my friends and family, struck a sore cord in my heart. Jealousy and possession, two vices normally unknown to me, suddenly started to seep into my soul.
The conclusion that it was my entire fault, weighed down on me and the realization that I was just like other stiff necked guardians, who found that providing the ward with the money as and when needed, was my sole responsibility dawned upon me. I had never taken any active interest in her wellbeing nor had I encouraged her to rely on me with her difficulties.
Just as I made the resolve to set things right, a soft knock on the door broke my thoughts. I found the object of my contemplation at the door, staring intently at my hand that unknown to me was rubbing my sore temples.
"It was getting late for dinner and so Masi asked me to call you." Her soft voice barely reached my ears.
"You go ahead, I will be right there." I told her, catching my tone as I indicated to the half empty glass I held in my other hand.
"Maybe you should not drink so much if it gives you a headache." Her voice was loud and clear this time, exposing me to her free spirited side that I had heard about but never witnessed.
She quickly checked herself, and was now intently gazing at the almost empty whisky bottle that sat on the table in front of me. The look on her face made me feel like an ogre, did I scare her so much, I wondered. With my latest resolution in mind, I encouraged her to speak her mind.
"Do you want me to massage your head for you? It will make you feel better." She spoke up hesitantly.
My affirmative nod was all the encouragement she needed. She immediately walked behind me and started massaging my head and my shoulders, relieving me of all my tensions and worries. I was left light headed, refreshed and recharged once she was done.
"They say too much work and alcohol ages a man faster." She gave me a meaningful look before leaving the study and a dumfounded me behind.
For the first time in my adult life, I left the remaining alcohol untouched.
======xxxxx======
Over the next week, Bani and I would catch up once in a while. I was already feeling better about this growing understanding between us, when that phone call came in.
"Bunny?" an impatient voice asked as soon as I answered the phone.
As a rule, I discouraged answering the phone during breakfast, but the incessant ringing was pushing my patience to the edge.
"I think you have the wrong number young man." I snarled into the phone.
"I have the right number, I think. Can I speak to Bani? Bani Dixit?" said the confused caller.
"Can you call later? She is having her breakfast right now."
"But sir." He cut me off. "I am calling from the United States and I need to talk to her. Tell her it is Pushkar and she will leave everything else to talk to me." Came a prompt and confident response.
By now, Masi and Bani were both intently looking at me, curious about the caller. I looked at Bani, holding the phone in front of me. "Its some guy called Pushkar" I told her.
"Pushy?" The happiness with which she clutched the phone radiated on her face. The same nasty feeling from last week came back to me when I saw her that happy.
"Masi, can I take the call from my room?" she asked.
"No need. I am sure you can talk from here." The edge in my voice left her a little startled.
She moved away from the dinning area, and found herself a quiet spot in the far end of the living room.
"Pushy? Is that you? Itne mahino baad yaad aayi tumhe meri?" she pouted. From where I sat, I could hear her faint whispers.
"It's not like what you think, everything happened so fast, I forgot to send you a letter." she sounded apologetic. Given the distance it was hard to hear the other party.
"Nahi Pushy aisi baat nahi. The first person I had called was Sarla Ma, but then I remembered she was visiting you for a while. I then called Mr. Walia and he came and helped."
"The one you just talked to. Remember I had told you about him, his name is Jai."
"Haan wahi." She glanced my way, to find me staring back at her. "Just as he was before, khadoos."
I sat there wondering when she spoke to this Pushkar about me, if this is the first time he was calling her. However, realizing that I was not able to multi task, I went back to my eavesdropping, this time moving from the dining table to the sofa in the living room, pretending to read the newspaper.
"Haan aati hain na. Bahot yaad aati hain tumhari, aur Ma ki bhi. How is she?" Bani asked, as tiny droplets of tears escaped her eyes.
"Acha, tell me. How did you get my number? Did Chachi give it to you? Was she nasty to you? She does not talk to me properly since I moved here. And don't worry; I don't let that bother me anymore. Your bunny is a grown up girl now."
Soon they were chatting about something or the other. The call ended with exchange of email addresses and a promise to talk soon. The smile on her face that declined to disappear for the rest of the day, completely denied visiting mine. It was after almost a week that I sought alcohol that evening.
======xxxxx======
Early summer brought a lot of parties and outings in its wake. Masi always wanted to have a gathering at home or at our beach house in Ali Baugh. This was her way of socializing and introducing Bani and me to the family and friends we had left behind so many years ago.
Our first trip to the beach house was mostly uneventful. It was a smaller group of friends and some kids, besides our regular group of us and the Sablok family.
Bani and Nachiket were having the time of their life; they indulged in long hours of lazing in the pool, playing random games or swimming in the open sea. With the kids around, they always had a ready excuse to avoid us "grown ups".
In the last few weeks I had realized that every time we were around each other, we found our eyes locking more often than not. Sometimes, I would feel a pair of eyes on me and would find her looking my way. Other times I was the one at defect, the one who was found staring at her. But most times when our eyes met, there was a spark I felt, I wondered if she felt it too. For the short periods of time, I found myself transported in a world of my own, only to be brought back to the ground with a guilt in my mind.
The more time I spent with her, the harder it was getting for me to not be attracted to her. However, my nagging mind reminded me about the inappropriate nature of my thoughts towards my ward, the one I was responsible for. By now I had definitely moved on from the initial physical attraction, but what I sometimes felt for her, weighed heavily on my guilt ridden conscious.
On one such occasion, we were all having a picnic at the beach. Most of the people were enjoying the splashing waves, while Masi and I decided to sit in the shade and enjoy the warm breeze. Masi's voice brought me back from my indulgence in my favorite pastime of the weekend.
"Jai, are you thinking what I am thinking?" I was shocked wondering to myself if I was so transparent that Masi could read my thoughts. However, one look at her grim face and pursed lips told me otherwise.
"I am not sure Masi. Tell me what is bothering you and how I can help you?" I asked her.
"Beta, I don't know if you have noticed, but I think its time we thought about getting Bani married." My heart involuntarily missed a beat and I was not sure why. I remained silent, as Masi continued to spell out her thoughts.
"I mean, she has completed her education now. I had talked to her earlier, and she was certain she did not want to continue her education for the time being. So why don't we think of getting her married now. Its not that she is a kid anymore, she is almost 21 and of an appropriate age to marry."
"Are you sure Masi? I mean in this day and age, girls like to live their life and enjoy it. Marriage is not always the first thing on their mind." I argued.
"Yes, but Bani is not the kind of girl you talk about. She is very homely and sometimes I get a feeling that maybe, there is someone in her heart." She gave me a meaningful look before she returned her gaze to Bani and Nachiket who were now on the farther end of the beach.
My eyes followed Masi's gaze and the talk combined with the scene in front of me, sank my heart for an unknown reason. I suddenly did not like the pleasant atmosphere, felt gloomy and wanted to head back to the cozy confines of my study and the attached bar.
"Even Sarlaben was saying the same thing the other day." Masi continued.
"Sarlaben?" I questioned.
"Haan Pushy ki ma, meine unse baat kar li hain. Aur sach kahoon to mujhe nahi lagta unko bhi aitraaz hoga." I don't know why, but this did not sound very pleasant to my ears.
Bani and Pushy, I did not even know this guy, how could I hand over Bani to him just like that I thought.
Masi got up after a few minutes.
"Mein jaake Bani aur Nachiket ko bula lati hoon, bahot der pani mein rahenge to thand lag jayegi. Jai, you will talk to Tarun and Roshni?" She asked me before she left me sitting there dazed and confused.
Did Masi just indicate Bani and Nachiket? What is going on here, one moment it was Pushkar and now it is Nachiket. I decided to clarify with Masi as soon as I got a chance, but unfortunately the weekend passed away too soon, and I suddenly found myself buried under work on returning home.
======xxxxx======
Like Masi had predicted, Bani did suffer from spending too much time in the water over the weekend. By the second day, she was advised complete bed rest. Masi had called me earlier in the day, requesting me to bring home an extra laptop for Bani's use. Something to kill her time as she could not go to use the computer in the study she had said.
I found myself home early that day, earlier than usual. I sprinted up the stairs to check on Bani and make sure she was fine. For some reason, I was looking forward to seeing her again, and somewhere I was worried about her health too.
However, it did not seem to be the case with her, when I slowly opened her door, expecting her to be asleep as advised, I found her chatting away happily on the phone.
"Hmm, aati hain na yaad, par kya kar sakti hoon. You are not going to come running to see me, and I cannot possibly come to the US right now?" she spoke in the phone, her voice definitely sad.
I figured she was talking to Pushkar. She noticed me enter the room and indicated me to wait.
"Pushkar, I need to go now, yes someone is here" she said as she glimpsed my way, a smile on her face. "Haan baba, I will take care of myself. Yes I miss you a lot, and love you too. Take care." She signed off.
Her last words did not sit well with me, for an unidentified reason I had the sudden urge to rush out of there, the pit in my stomach making me sick.
She smiled up at me, as she saw me hesitantly enter her room. Despite the smile, I could see the fatigue on her face, the glow from her skin was gone and her eyes looked tired.
"I think you need to rest, I will check back on you later. And I left the laptop on your table, so that you are not tempted to surf right now." I said, my voice more stern that I had expected, surprising both of us.
She just nodded, the smile had quickly faded from her face and I once again felt like an as*. I didn't understand why this girl had this effect on me, making me say or do the wrong stuff and react to the smallest of things.
I close my eyes and think
what the world would be like without you
it sounds very strange but its true
there is a great attraction,
between us I can't deny
Tell me where this will lead,
and please don't lie
I think about you all day
you have the only thing steady,
in my world
Life without you would be a great loss
I need to know is it jus me,
or do you feel it too
do you think as often,
as I think about you
======xxxxx======
June 19th was going to be a big day for me. I knew of this when I woke up, but I had least expected the other happenings of the day, the turn of events would change my life completely.
It was the grand opening of my Dad's dream project. Once I took over my father's business, immediately after his death, I had completely concentrated on this project. My drive to working on this project came from the deep obligation I felt towards fulfilling the dream of my parents.
The Walia Presidency was the first of its class in Mumbai. Mumbai had seen a few hotels with private beaches and all the required tourist retreat amenities. However, never in Mumbai had anyone dared to introduce a casino as part of a retreat resort. Cost, land and bureaucracy were the main hindrances to a project like this in a compact city like Mumbai, one reason why it took me so long to solidify this dream project.
The Presidency not only offered one of its kind spa and retreat amenities to its benefactors, but also offered other amenities like casino, private beach, conference centers, world class dining and entertainment, private clubs and lounges, water sports and other adventure sports. It not only catered for out of town or country tourists but also the local people and businesses. Located along the coast of Arabian Sea, within minutes from both the international and domestic airports, gave the Presidency an added benefit. Plus the suburban location, offered easy access to the locals.
The government official who approved the project summed it as the best thing happening to the city of Mumbai, a solid step to achieving the Prime Minister's dream of converting Mumbai into another Shanghai, aided by the best in the Indian Hospitality business.
The last fifteen days had been busy; we were giving the locals a preview, and also offering some of our very regular clientele special viewings of the residential villas. They had all been very successful giving me very high hopes for today's grand opening. In the mean while, I did not have any time to attend to my family and friends, let alone join them for meals or anything else.
Despite my long hours, Bani was always around when I came back home. She made sure that I did not skip my meals and took enough rest. When I was working late, she would give me company in the study, of course chatting incessantly with her Pushy. She made sure she was omnipresent in my life, never letting her thoughts escape me for more than a few minutes.
I had left early that day for the private welcome reception in the evening, to be held in the conference center. Tarun and the rest were to join me later for the 8:00 PM inauguration and dinner, followed by a night of festivities. Masi had gracefully accepted to act hostess on my behalf, making this a very familial event, something that would definitely boost prospects in a country like India.
As Masi and I were at the grand entrance, welcoming our friends, our family made an entrance. The sight presented to us was beautiful, Tarun and Roshni looking as handsome a couple as can ever be. But the couple, sort of, that followed them was what caught the immediate attention of the shutterbugs.
Bani, adorned on Nachiket's arms, looked elegance personified, looking very beautiful draped in a red and black Manish Malhotra designed Sari. The media immediately launched into its bout of questioning, which Nachiket with his easy charms quickly avoided. I found myself gaping at Bani, I had always known how exquisite she looked, but today she had left me astonished too.
Masi's nudge, brought me back and it was her meaningful look that brought her words back to me. I had not liked what she told me, and they had bothered me thereafter, but today I saw the meaning of those words. I immediately made up my mind, though I could not fathom why my heart sunk with this decision.
Soon I was surrounded by all sorts of media and found my self very occupied for most of the evening, satisfying everyone's curiosity. But my mind and my eyes were engaged in an activity of its own. My eyes constantly followed her, my mind thought about the task I had set myself on earlier.
My heart flinched every time I saw her on the dance floor in the arms of a stranger, or even a known man. It beat hard against my chest, when she laughed at a joke her companion shared. It sunk when she gave them an indulging enamored smile.
The aftermath of this, was that I found myself at the bar, more often than I would have chosen or preferred. Finally, after downing a few drinks, I found enough courage to go ask the object of my musing for a dance. Even though she agreed to it, something about her mannerisms changed immediately. Her carefree behavior of the evening was gone and was replaced by her usual shy demeanor.
She danced beautifully, fit snug in my arms. Her soft radiating skin and deep eyes had me mesmerized for the entirety of our dance. Dancing had never been such a pleasant heart warming activity in my life, yet when the dance was over I felt robbed of my favorite toy.
Later in the night, when I had sometime for myself, I joined Masi, Tarun and Roshni. I knew Masi expected me to broach the subject that held most importance in her mind, and I did so with a weird knot in my stomach. As soon as the words, proposing an alliance between Bani and Nachiket had left my mouth, they approached our group.
Bani, who had over heard my entire spiel explaining my concerns and wishes to see her settled with a nice man of her choice, appeared none too pleased with me. Her eyes shot daggers at me, and without a word, she left the group and fled from there.
Unsure what to do, I followed her out to the secluded beach, where she was now sitting and quietly sobbing. Seeing her safe relieved my now wildly beating heart. As I sat down besides her, she moved away from me and I was left to face her back.
"Bani" I spoke up. "Please tell me what happened?" I asked.
She just shook her head and continued to cry, playing with the soft sand she sat on. Building some courage, I placed my hands on her slightly shivering shoulders. Turning her around, I placed my thumb under her chin and made her look up at me. I wiped her tears, and gently asked her to talk to me.
"Is that what you think of me?" she asked me accusingly, in-between her sobs.
"What?" I asked.
"A burden, you wish to relinquish to another willing man. A duty, which you wish to renounce at the first opportunity you get. Then why did you bring me here? My uncle offered to take care of me; you should have left me there." As she spoke, her sobs were slowly being replaced with anger. This was one side of Bani I did not know about.
"But when did I say that?" I questioned.
"Just now, a few minutes ago. Isn't that what you told Tarun bhaiya when brining up the topic of my marriage with Nachiket?"
"But that is not what I meant Bani. As your guardian, it is my duty to see you well settled and happy. Isn't that what your father would have wished?"
"Yes he would have, but unlike you he would have asked me first. He would not have been as presumptuous as you and made decisions on my behalf. And you are not my father; you are only my guardian, so why do you bother so much? As it is you are doing enough for me, let me be when it comes to my marriage.
Do you even know if I want to marry? Have you even considered what my dreams and aspirations are? Have you ever spared me enough thought to try to learn my likes and dislikes? All you have done is spend money on me, and now you are trying to compare your self to my father. You are not my father and don't try to be that. I don't need a father, do you hear me?" She screamed before she relapsed into hysterical sobbing.
I was unsure what to do or say anymore. I was left speechless by her little outburst and did not know how to comfort her. She was right; I was not her father and would never be. My heart knew that was the last thing I wanted to be. But I knew that what I was doing was for her own benefit. I decided to restart this conversation, and hopefully on the right foot this time around.
"I am sorry Bani for my inadequacy. You see this is my first time trying to fulfill this complex role of a guardian. I am not experienced in what a teenager needs or wants, I just went with what I deemed right."
"I am not a teenager." She hissed while I was still talking.
"Right, I am sorry again. You are a young woman." I smiled down at her.
"Will you please tell me what you want? I promise I will try my best to make sure you get your heart's desire." I continued.
She looked up at me, but this time, there was something in her eyes, something that struck a cord in my heart. A sudden urge to kiss away the tears from her face, surged within me. I clasped my hands, trying to control my emotions.
"I am in love." She declared. "And it is not Nachiket. And if I cannot marry the man I love, I would rather live alone. And it is a matter of few months before which I inherit my legacy. So don't worry I wont be a burden on you for long." She said with defiance, probably in response to the sudden hardening of my face.
As her words sunk in, I felt a deep pit in my stomach; an acerbic taste filled my mouth. With a lot of effort I asked her. "Who is it? Pushkar?"
That was it, she bellowed at me in response. "Don't you think you are as good an actor as the women you covert around with? Is it not obvious to you who I am talking about? Do I have to spell everything out to you?"
Deep inside me, I knew what she meant or rather who she meant, but at the same time a part of me told me her feelings were wrong and despite what I felt it was my job to discourage her. It would not be the right thing to do.
My voice came out more detached than I had wished. "I may be trying to be friendly with you but this does not give you any right to insult my friends or me. It is none of your business to comment about my female friends. They are exactly the kind of company I prefer, classy and sophisticated. They see to it that my every need is attained and they do not sob and whimper at the drop of a coin. Do I make myself clear? As to who you will marry, you have made it amply obvious to me, just now how mature you are about these things. Hence you will marry the guy Masi and I choose for you. Of course you will be given the option to have the final say, but that is it. Nothing more, nothing less, so get rid of these notions of love and independence that you have developed."
"Just go away." She was back to her screaming and I, however, was not in the mood to listen to her bark again and hence left from there with a heavy heart.
I rejoined my party, who all looked at me questioningly. But my resolute to not disclose to them my discussion with Bani immediately deterred them. Soon I was left alone there with my drink and Tarun for company.
"You know what your problem is Jai?" He asked me.
"Looks like you know the answer so indulge me please." My voice was mocking, but not something to stop Tarun.
"You are in love and you do not realize it. Maybe your heart does, but your stubborn head does not let you acknowledge it." I looked at him with disbelief.
"Take a look at yourself Jai, ever since she entered your life you are a mess. Your heart desires something and your mind says something else. We all have seen you in conflict, and your little reaction to her fleeing earlier did not go unnoticed by us either. Don't you think, my friend, it is time you did some soul searching and figured out what you want. And don't forget, that girl seems to be head over heels in love with you. Don't let her go, if you can help it." Tarun soon left me, leaving me behind with a lot to ponder on.
Soon the evening came to an end, everyone headed home. I hadn't seen Bani since the last time we spoke, but I was told that she had not returned to the party thereafter, instead she had headed home with a headache and sudden illness.
I sat at the bar, doing what I did best, drowning myself in alcohol. In my head I went over all my little encounters with her and before long, Tarun's words rang true to my mind.
I was in love with her, madly in love with her. I would be a fool to let her go, let her marry another man. And why should I give her away to someone else, when she was everything that I desired?
Maybe if I apologized to her properly, she would take me back. I made up my mind to talk to her at the first opportunity that presented to me and headed home.
======xxxxx======
I was way too drunk and depressed when I entered my room. I was too drunk with her thoughts, so much so that I could smell her in the room and feel her presence. I knew I had wanted her, but this whole love thing was new to me and was driving me crazy, making me imagine things.
You know you are in love when you see the world in her eyes,and her eyes everywhere in the world.
The winds blew into my chamber, feeling the cool sea breeze; I murmured a curse under my breath. I moved towards the balcony to close the wide French doors leading on to the private balcony. The curtains were drawn for the night; I cursed the servant who forgot to latch the doors, however.
The calm Arabian Sea that the terrace overlooked drew me to its quiet serenity. I stood there for a few minutes gazing into the dark horizon, listening to waves dying as they reached the shore. The night was unusually dark tonight, the moon hidden behind the dark clouds that announced the approaching monsoon. Yet, there was something magical about the whole night.
I again felt her presence, and this time there was more. I felt I was being watched. I turned towards the terrace adjoining mine, separated by a three foot marble banister. There was no one there, but yet I knew she was watching me. I shook my muddled head and turned to return to my room. Her scent entered my nostrils, drowning me further in my self pity, but I suddenly saw a ray of hope.
She stood before me, looking very seductive, one hand on her tiny waist the other on the door frame. I blinked my eyes, wishing that she disappears, hoping that my wild imagination had conjured her. I realized that it was actually her, not my musing. I took a few steps towards her, thanking my luck; I figured I would tell her my hearts desire. But before I could reach her she held out a hand, asking me to stop.
Dressed in a virginal white satin wrap, tied loosely around her waist, the soft mounds of her brea*ts peeking from where the lapels of her robe united. Her silky black hair that was left open danced to the rhythms of the wind. She looked like Venus, or may be even Aphrodite, who had descended here today.
She took slow seductive steps towards me, and her very husky soft voice called me out "Jai". This was the first time she had used my name and it sounded so musical when said by her. I was shocked and surprised seeing her in this form, something that I have never associated with my Bani. Yes I said my Bani; she does belong to me and me only.
She placed her dainty hand on my chest, her finger drawing small circles on my shoulders, causing my heart to race. "Isn't this what you want? A sexy and willing woman" she whispered in my ears. My eyes popped out, but wasn't this what I had implied to her a few hours ago? Can I really blame her for what I had myself told her?
"Bani" I tried to speak, when she placed her long index finger on my lips, hushing me. Rising on her tip toes, she brought her mouth within inches of mine, as she whispered again, "Shhh…You said what you had to Jai. It's my turn now." This time she placed a soft kiss on her finger, her lips slightly brushing against mine.
She deposited tiny, lingering kisses on my face and down my neck breathing life into every cell she touched. Her other three fingers joined her index finger at my lips. Her manicured nails enduringly traced my lips and she was killing me softly with her slow deliberate kisses. I stood there as still as I could, resisting the temptations thrown my way. My mind fought with my hands that wanted to gather her to myself. I knew this was wrong, and I placed my hands on her shoulders in order to push her away from me.
But the Gods had planned something else for us; the skies thundered announcing the first rains of the season. Scared of the loud rumbling, she scampered into my arms, and buried her face into my chest. As if on reflex, my arms were around her in an instant, holding her protectively against me. Both our chests beat wildly against each other, as we stood there thoroughly drenched within a few minutes.
She was the first to recover; slowly pulling herself away from me she looked up at me. Our eyes met for an eternity, each the mirror of the other, both dark with desire. Her soaked robe clung to her body like a second skin, making every curve of her body visible to my thirsty eyes.
Her body shivered in the rain, her moist lips quivered in the cold. I offered her the warmth of my embrace which she accepted without hesitation. She came back in my arms, our bodies providing each other the required heat. Unable to control myself, I placed a tiny kiss on her head, causing her to arch her head up towards me. Our craving for each other manifested, the longing was too hard to curb. She straightened herself to her full length, bridging the distance between us, until her lips met mine.
This was too much torture for a warm blooded man like me, propriety gone to the dogs; I held her face in my hands bent down to engulf her lips with mine in a soul stirring kiss. She responded to my demanding kiss with equal vigor, entwining her fingers behind my neck. Her ministrations encouraged my hands into an expedition of its own.
On its journey down an unknown path, my hands familiarized itself with her face and the rest of her proffered body. My hands slowly undid the tie around her waist and slipped inside, to find the soft flesh of her naked waist meeting my eager hands. In return, she slipped her hands under my shirt and held on to me as if holding on to dear life.
My sweet's embrace grabs hold
of something deep within my soul.
Her magic touch soothes my heart
and fills an empty hole.
My sweet's kisses are so soft and gentle,
more exquisite than fine wine.
Her slender fingers course through my hair,
sending shivers down my spine.
My sweet's gaze I dare not meet too long,
although it may be bliss.
For in her eyes of ocean blue,
I may fall into the abyss.
My sweet's an earth bound angel,
whose wings she had to shed.
If my sweet be my true love,
then my true love has hair of red.
My little minx had come to me today, with a mind to seduce me I smiled inwardly as I realized this. My lips, moved on to other destinations, placing tiny kisses on her face returning her favor. As I licked her earlobe and suckled on it, I could here her gasp against my neck. As I continued to have my way about her face, her soft moans encouraged me further. A sudden gush of cold air caused her body to shudder against mine, making me realize she was shivering from the cold.
Without a spoken word, I lifted her in my arms. With her arms impulsively wrapped around my neck I crossed the threshold into my room. She buried her face in the crook of my arm in order to avoid my gaze. Balancing her petite body in an arm and with the help of my leg, I shut the door to the terrace close and pulled together the drapes.
As I reached my bed, I looked at her once more, to find her give me an angelic smile and promising nod. I delicately placed her on the cool bedspread to find her shiver due to the sudden cool touch to her already drenched clothes. I pulled her into my embrace and showered her with more kisses, as I lay her down on the bed.
Assuming it to be the anticipation that caused my enchantress to shiver some more I slowed down, but realizing that it was the wet clothes, I quickly undid the sash of her robe, freeing her from the soggy piece of clothe. However, I was not prepared for what I found beneath. The tiny lacy number that she donned right now was enough to cause havoc in my body. Suddenly finding herself in the near naked state she was in, Bani rushed into me, hiding herself from my appreciative gaze.
I am not sure when I was rid of my wet clothing; but she continued the teasing with her lips and tongue through out the process of undress. Her almost naked body, now laid under mine, started to create mayhem in my body. I slowly lifted her to move her on top, but to instantaneously regret it. Being in an advantageous position, she continued to slaughter my senses as she placed kisses down my throat and advanced down to my torso.
Her fingers played with the expanse of hair on my chest, while she licked at my pulse before biting into the very spot. That was all I could take. Holding her face in my hand I asked her "Bani do you realize what you are doing to me?" Her eyes immediately lowered and her face colored.
Pulling her closer, I let her rest her head on my chest while I soothed her long hair down her back. "Are you sure you want me to continue?" I asked her one last time. She acquiesced by looking straight into my eyes and saying in her huskiest voice "I do".
Reversing our positions, with her under me, I continued to tease her. I cupped her brea*ts and pinched the hard peaks that invited me so Her groans reassured me to continue. As I trailed kissed down her body, she whimpered against the pillow she placed on her face and arched her body invitingly to my mouth. Soon she was devoid of whatever little clothing she still had on and we lost ourselves in the throes of passion and ecstasy.
Yaar Ko Maine Mujhe Yaar Ne Sone Na Diya
Yaar Ko Maine Mujhe Yaar Ne Sone Na Diya
Pyar Hi Pyar Kiya O~
Pyar Hi Pyar Kiya
Pyar Ne Sone Na Diya
Yaar Ko Maine Mujhe Yaar Ne Sone Na Diya
Pyar Hi Pyar Kiya O~
Pyar Hi Pyar Kiya
Pyar Ne Sone Na Diya
Yaar Ko Maine Mujhe Yaar Ne Sone Na Diya
Uski Chudiyon Ki Khanak Uski Woh Bindiya Ki Chamak
Uski Chudiyon Ki Khanak Uski Woh Bindiya Ki Chamak
Haai Kajre Ki Gazab Dhaar Ne Sone Na Diya
Haai Kajre Ki Gazab Dhaar Ne Sone Na Diya
Pyar Hi Pyar Kiya O~
Pyar Hi Pyar Kiya
Pyar Ne Sone Na Diya
Yaar Ko Maine Mujhe Yaar Ne Sone Na Diya
Uski Angdaai Ne Kya Kya Na Qayamat Dhaai
Uski Angdaai Ne Kya Kya Na Qayamat Dhaai
Dhadkanon Ki Badhi Raftar Ne Sone Na Diya
Dhadkanon Ki Badhi Raftar Ne Sone Na Diya
Pyar Hi Pyar Kiya O~
Pyar Hi Pyar Kiya
Pyar Ne Sone Na Diya
Yaar Ko Maine Mujhe Yaar Ne Sone Na Diya
Yaar Ko Maine Mujhe Yaar Ne Sone Na Diya
======xxxxx======
The next morning, when I woke up, I did not find Bani besides me. Afraid, I got up with a start and immediately regretted it. The hangover coupled with the sudden rush of blood to the head caused a sharp pain in my head.
I checked the time and was in for a greater shock, it was almost 10:00 am. I figured Bani must have left to her room in the morning in order to avoid any talks, but the fear that truly gripped my heart was what if she regretted what happened last night? What if she hated me for what happened? What if she left me like she had indicated last night at the beach?
My fear increased by ten fold, when I found a neatly folded note on my dressing table. I am sorry Mr. Walia for being such a burden on you and don't worry, you will not have to face me or my whimpering ever again in your life is all that was in the note. The writing was hurried and the note was tear-stained. Her words constricted my throat and I fell short of breath.
I got dressed in haste and hurried downstairs only to find Masi sitting by herself and Tarun on his way out. He left quickly and did not even reply to my inquiry about the reason for him being here this early in the morning.
Masi asked me to sit at the table while she got me my breakfast. I was looking around the house, trying to figure out where Bani was. Talking to her was the first thing I needed to do this morning, I also had to make sure she was doing alright considering what transpired last night.
"She is still sleeping." Masi said as she made her way towards the table. At least this settled my doubt that Bani had not left my house. However, seeing my deer in the head light look followed by the caught with a hand in the cookie jar look, she continued.
"I think she is tired from what happened last night. I am sure you can wait to talk to her till she is up later today. I would rather not wake her up, unless the house is on fire." Masi said with a knowing look.
I wondered what and how much Masi knew, my guilt was nagging me to confess everything to Masi. I was however still contemplating when Masi placed a comforting hand on my clenched white knuckled fist.
"When I came home last night, I saw her enter your room with a note in her hand. I figured she was leaving an apology about whatever little fight you had last night. But later in the night when I went to check in on her, she was not in her bed, in fact the bed was not slept on. That's how I put the two together. This morning when I went to check on her she was there, but the exhaustion was too evident on her sleeping face."
"Bygones are bygones son. What matters is what can be done to rectify the errors of the past. So what have you thought about next?" She asked me in a very polite, non-accusing tone.
"Masi, I think I need to talk to her. Convince her of my love and then if she will take me, marry her. But…"
"Don't worry about the will. I just talked to Tarun, he said you need not worry about the guardianship, its transferable for whatever little time is left and we can also come up with a pre-nuptial so that nobody can point fingers at you for marrying her for her money" I was truly lucky to have this woman for my Masi, there was never a thing she missed or did not think about.
"And I think marriage would be the most appropriate step. And don't worry, that girl loves you too much to not accept your suit, just be patient with her. She is a little feisty like her mother, and I am pretty sure you must have tasted a sample of her anger, given the self pity you were nursing after your little showdown at the beach. But beta, what surprises me is how long it took the two of you to realize your feelings." Masi added.
"Masi, time lost is lost, but I know better now. I will not waste anymore time I promise. I have to go now, check in at the Presidency. Promise me you will call me as soon as she is ready to talk to me." I got up and left after giving Masi a peck on her cheek.
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
======xxxxx======
I headed home immediately after receiving a call from Masi. Something in her tone gave me the wrong vibe and I was getting really impatient.
I knocked on her door, after Masi informed me that she refuses to leave the confines of her room. I entered after a soft come in gave me permission to enter.
"Bani" I startled her. I don't think she expected me to be home at this hour, or that I will be here to talk to her. Her gaze averted as soon as our eyes met.
"Mr. Walia, I am sorry about last night, it was my fault and you need not apologize to me about what happened. I would just rather have you forget about it like your other dalliances." she spoke with conviction and confidence. It was now my turn to be surprised.
"And don't worry about any other consequences. I know there will be no child, so do not worry." I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, since I was being rendered speechless by this chit of a girl with every word she spoke. I laughed a little when I realized that I had indeed woken up on the wrong side of the bed.
Anger flared in her eyes as she heard me laugh and saw me walking towards where she sat on her bed, writing something in what looked like a little diary. Actually she looked very cute right now, her nose upturned, her face held high and her eyes determined, but I knew this was a farce, an attempt to not expose me to her weakness.
"Bani, please tum mujhe bolne dogi? I promise I will be straight to the point." When she did not attempt to respond, I took it as my cue to continue.
"I am not here to say sorry for last night Bani. Though I do not agree with you about whose fault it was, because I being the more experienced one should have stopped you. Anyways, it was a mistake none the less." Her sharp intake of breath indicated that I was again treading on rough waters.
"What I mean Bani is that it should not have happened the way it did, it would have been right to happen once you were rightfully mine, the way I plan it to be. Yes, Bani you heard me right." I said when I saw her look at me with her tear filled eyes.
"You don't have to marry me, you know for what I did, sorry I mean what we did last night." She corrected herself, but her voice told me that she was on the verge of crying.
I moved closer to her and took her hands in mine. Lifting her chin with my spare hand, I continued. "I am not marrying you for that reason, Bani, please believe me. I have been very inconsiderate so far so please forgive me for being such an as*." She smiled despite the tears that were now flowing from her eyes.
Wiping her tears, I continued. "I am sorry I have made you cry so much, think so low of yourself, but honey trust me when I say this, it was because I was not a strong man. From the first time I saw you I felt something for you, I admit it was attraction, but over time it changed. However, my sense of propriety and my obstinacy was not letting me admit that I was falling hard for you."
"I realized it last night, and was going to come to talk to you, but instead I ended up spending the most beautiful and perfect night with you, my love."
My words caused Bani to blush, but at least she was not crying any more. "Sachi?" her innocent eyes asked me.
"Yes, and I don't know how to thank you Bani. But before I continue, tell me did I hurt you? I don't know what got into me, but I could not control anything at all." She immediately shook her head in protest and gave me a very becoming smile, letting me continue. "You know jaan, you brighten up my day with your smile, and I want it to be a permanent thing Bani. When you entered my life, I learnt how to live for others, with others. And last night, when you entered my room, I learnt that now I want to live with you and only you. I don't know when you entered my heart, but please Bani, promise me you will never leave.
By all this what I am trying to get to is," I paused, getting up I knelt in front of her and pulled out the little case from my pocket, the one I had purchased the first thing this morning. "Is that Bani, will you accept me and make me the complete? Make sure I remain the man you have made me into with your little ways?" I looked up at her expectantly.
Not an emotional man, my own words had affected me and my feelings had taken form of tears when I mouthed my proposal to her. I did not have to wait to hear her answer; she jumped into my arms and with a kiss on my lips made my day.
"But I have a condition." She interjected in my joyous moment.
Not sure what she had in mind, I looked at her with some apprehension.
"Well, we have to ask Pushkar if he will be able to make it here for the wedding." Not sure why we needed Pushkar here for the wedding, I asked her so.
"Well, how can I get married without Pushkar?" she asked me, very innocently.
This was the end of my patience. "Bani, are you marrying me or Pushkar?" I demanded.
"You" she replied with the same innocence.
"Then why do you need Pushkar, is he the pandit? No, right?" my frustration was apparent in my voice by now.
"Well, if he is not here, they who will give me away?" she smiled and placed another innocent kiss on my waiting lips, assuring me that it was me and only me that mattered to her. She explained to me that Pushkar, her classmate, and Sarla Ma, his mother, had become her foster family and it would mean a lot if they were present for the wedding. I promised her that this and every other wish will be fulfilled as long as she did not change her mind.
After spending a few minutes in each other arms, muttering sweet nothings to each other, we figured it was time to head down and share our happy news with everyone.
======xxxxx======
Within the next week, the pre nuptials were drawn out, but Bani vehemently rejected the idea. It was after a lot of persuasion that she agreed to sign them. The wedding date was also fixed 15 days out. Soon the preparations for the wedding started and we were married before the end of the month.
======xxxxx======
I hate this smell, I always did. Hospitals always made me uncomfortable. The sorrow, the misery always got to you. And if you have lived some of the worst moments of your life in a hospital, coping with the deaths of your loved ones, no one can blame you for that feeling. You could say that my family was cursed with vehicle related accidental deaths, but I was determined to be an exception, a survivor.
My bed was not very comfortable, however if you are constantly drifting in and out of consciousness, you cannot truly complain about it.
"He is sinking doctor" someone had screamed. I knew my time was up, and I wasn't trying enough either. I did not see the need for it. After an extended period of blur, I heard a voice. I think it was the doctor mentioning the faint likelihood of my pulling through and that they were trying their best. Everyone understood that this was just a sympathetic way of saying that all hope was given up.
"Naahiiiii. Yeh jooth hai Masi, aisa nahi ho sakta. Masi aap hi kahiye na inhe. Please Masi, why are you not saying anything?" a pained cry was followed by incessant sobs. My Masi was trying to comfort her, but the sobbing did not stop.
Was it her? Could it be true? Wasn't it just yesterday when that dreadful letter came in and she walked out on me?
It was due to this that I am so determined to survive. I know I can do anything for her, and if it involves fighting death, it's not a big deal. Her presence gave me the strength and vigor I needed to carry on and pull through.
As I lay in the bed, feeling her presence besides me, her soft hands caressing mine very carefully avoiding the various needles puncturing my arm. I can feel her sorrow and her pain, they match mine. I want to hold her in my arms and comfort her, tell her everything is going to be alright, only if I could manage to remain conscious for more than a minute.
I am not complaining of my bouts of comatose, they bring back the sweet memories of her. It's like reliving my every moment with her, all over again.
She is not crying anymore, instead she is talking to me, calling me out. I try hard to listen
"Jai, tum mujhe sun rahe ho na? I know you can hear me. Darling, I am very sorry about yesterday (*sobs*). Please mujhe maaf kar do, wapas aa jao. (*I can feel a tear trickle down my hand*)You know my life is incomplete without you. And we have just started our life together.
We still have to celebrate our first Diwali together. Diwali kal hai, tumhe yaad hain na? We have made so many plans for it. Phir pehli Holi bhi to aa rahi hai. I know you will say that last year I was in your house for holi. Par woh bhi koi holi thi, na rang lagaya na kuch (* I can feel a faint smile on her face*)
Jai you had promised me, to be by my side forever and ever. To grow old with me. To make lots of babies with me, so that we could together spoil them. You cannot go back on your words darling, you know that. Please Jai, mujhe maaf kar do, aayinda yeh galti nahi ho gi mujhse. Dekho mein apne kaan pakarti hoon.
Yesterday, when I read that letter, I did not know what to say or think. My heart told me to talk to you, listen to you, but my mind could not get over the implicative and hateful words in the letter. There was war going on within me, and I was left confused.
I knew that my uncle disliked you and had been disturbed since you visited, but you have to understand they were my only family before you came back Dad was always in his own world, they were the ones who actually raised me. They were not the nicest people, but they sheltered me when you failed to come. I did not even know if you would ever come.
The letter called you a murderer, of a man who was like my own father. I needed time Jai, to digest and discern that information. Deep inside, I believed you were not wrong, but I just needed that time alone.
And then I saw you running behind me, calling me out, not paying any attention to anything around you. You came rushing out of the gate, as I was getting into the cab. I saw you and the hurt on your face; I knew I was making a mistake. I turned around to come back to you, kiss off the hurt from your face, find the solace in your arms, but alas.
It was too late. I wish I had not been so rash and I wish I could reverse time. I wish I could right everything that ever went wrong in our lives. I wish I could save our moms from that accident 15 years ago. I wish I could convince dad to not move to Mussorie. I wish I could ask Uday uncle to not send you away. Oh Jai….I wish…I wish…I wish.
I have never shared this with you Jai, but there is no better day than today and no better time than now. I know you used to be annoyed when I followed you around as a child, especially when I named my teddy Jai. But I idolized you. I don't know when that turned into a crush and then into an infatuation. Growing up, when Dad was not drowning his sorrows in alcohol, he would talk about our life in Mumbai, show me pictures of everyone.
That's how you were always fresh in my memory. Not for once did I forget you. That day in the hotel, I thought it was you, but then how could it be? You were supposed to be in a strange country beyond the seas. And then the kiss, it took my soul with it. The whole day I spent crying, feeling like I was robbed of something, and when I returned home, it struck me. It was you all along, I felt relieved, but the guilt in your eyes, your apprehension, they pained me, right here (*she moved my hand to her heart, right above her left brea*t*).
Aur Mumbai aakar to tum ekdum se paraye ho gaye. Mujhe apni Masi aur doston ko saup kar jaise tumne mujh se haat hi dho liye. However, my infatuation for you persisted, and slowly turned into love. But you did not stop torturing my poor soul. You tried to get me married off, and then offered to marry me after that wonderful night. When you entered my room, I stopped breathing seeing the somber look on your face, afraid you were there to apologize.
But it was not a mistake Jai, it was meant to be. Jai that night I felt complete, mujhe laga ki meri zindagi ka maksad pura ho gaya. And you turned it into a faux pas, without even considering my feelings. That day I felt like running away, going far far away from you, somewhere where you can never reach me, never hurt me ever again.
Aur phir, you told me the truth, the fact that you loved me too. Maybe even more than I loved you. You promised to love and cherish me, always put my wishes above yours. You assured me that I will never cry, I will never be hurt. And today (*she cries once again*) and today you are breaking all those promises."
I try to lift my other hand, my body jerks a little, but she does not realize. She is lost in her own world, in her sorrow; does not realize that the one she is crying for is now moving, trying to communicate with her.
Her head lay on my palm now, the weight of it pressing my palm down, and I was starting to loose sensation in my hand. Slowly she stirs again.
"Aur ek baat bataoon." I look at her, wondering what else she is going to share with me. I notice a delicate blush creep up her neck and her face turning a delicate pink. With me in this condition, I wonder what is making her blush this way.
"Tumhe wapas to aana hi padega, mere liye na sahi." Slowly getting up from the chair, she positions herself on the bed. Taking my hand, she slowly places it on her tummy.
"Iski khatir tumhe aana padega Jai. Hum dono ko tumhari bahot jaroorat hai. Maine socha tha, jab tumhe bataoongi, tum khushi ke mare naach uthoge. Now I am hoping that this will give you a reason to pull through." Fresh set of tears left her eyes, flooding down her face.
"Bani" my lips quivered as my words found my voice. Emotion overwhelms me; I never knew she loved me so much. And now this new news, the happiness she just shared with me, I had to speak up.
Not sure if she heard me the first time, I move my hand a little on the side of her stomach, her weak spot. She instantly looks at me, shock and embarrassment clear on her face. Despite all this, she tries to smile. I cannot help chuckle a little seeing this comical expression on her face, resulting in more pain for me. The cause, the stitches I endured near my diaphragm and the nudge I received from my wife.
Slowly, I mouth a thank you to her, my Bani. My darling wife Bani, as she bent down to give me a slight peck. Soon she was back in my arms, in her rightful place, comforting my hurt, yet careful to not hurt me more.
We first started out as friends,
Nothing more and nothing less.
Then our friendship started to grow,
And we soon became obsessed.
I longed to see you smile,
Your laugh, your sweetness, your touch-
I wanted you by my side-
Oh, I had wanted you so much.
And now I have you
And I'm happy as I ever was.
Now you hold me close
And I gave in because...
All I ever felt for you was happiness
And all I ever said to you was true.
And when you smile at me-
I'm just happy to be with you.
Edited by ziddi - 18 years ago
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