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CHAPTER 107:
It was the morning of Bani's ghod bharai, the whole house was a buzz with people running around doing various jobs; the decorators were doing the main hall, the florist was beginning to set up the floral arrangements, the caterers were setting up their make-shift kitchen so that they could begin preparing for what they had to cook. Even between all of this the family had managed to sit down for breakfast; this morning it wasn't anything special, just eggs and toast with fruit and juice, because no one had time to make the traditional desi breakfast, that just took too much time. Everyone was gathered at the dining table doing various things. Rano, Anu and Jigyasa were discussing the program for the evening, who was doing what (that sort of thing), Sahil and Adi were discussing the main point for the meeting that they had today. Massi and Dadi were animatedly discussing the soon to be newest member of the Walia Khandan.
Soon they were joined by a tired and bleary eyed Jai (remember, bechara got no sleep that night b4 due to Bani's odd cravings), and an excited looking Bani. They walked over to the table and Jai helped Bani get into one of the chairs, and then greedily took a cup of black coffee form Anu as she held it out to him.
B- Toh, my darlings, aaj sham ki planning kaise chal raha hai?
Jig- Bani, tum jaante ho ke hum tumhe kuch nahin bata sakte, yehi humara shaart tha remember?
R- Yes Di, aap humse kuch nahin pooch sakte.
B- Kya yaar, aaj hi toh party hai, phir aaj batane mein harj hi kya?
A- Nahin, saab kuch surprise hi rahega…manzoor hai toh bolo varna hum abhi isse cancel kar sakte hai.
B- Nahin! Cancel nahin, main kuch nahin poochungi!
Then like an innocent little child Bani began digging into her eggs like she hadn't eaten in days.
J- Aacha mujhe batao, hume ghaar kitne baaje aana hai?
(Jigyasa and Anu were busy serving Massi and Dadi breakfast so Rano answered; without looking up at him)
R- Jaab chahe aap ghaar aasakte hai, it doesn't matter.
J- Nahin woh hume bhi toh tayar hona hai.
R- Kiske liyeh? (still she was looking down)
J- Aare ghodh bharai ke liyeh.
(at this point all female eyes were on Jai; Jigyasa and Anu stopped serving Massi and Dadi, Rano was glaring at him like he had lost his mind and even Massi and Dadi had childish grins on their faces)
R- Jiju, kya aap pregnant hai?
(Sahil and Adi burst out laughing)
J- What nonsense, of course not!
R- Yehi toh main kehne wali thi, what nonsense!
J- Kyun?
Jig- Kyun ke bhaia yeh rasam sirf aurtein ke liyeh hai, mard ke liyeh nahin.
J- What!? That's not fair…
A- Jiju, fair ho ya naa ho, it doesn't matter…baas aaisa hi hai.
M- Haan munna, humara yahaan toh yehi rewaz hai.
J- Magar…
Adi- Aare yaar, samajle ke tujhe entry nahin milega.
R- Haan, aab aap behes karna chod dijiyeh. Maine aap saab ladkon ke liyeh bahar lawn mein intezam kiya hai, so don't worry, you will have something to do as well.
J- Yeh tik nahin hai…mere pehle bache ke godh bharai hai aur main moujud nahin honga…I want to be there for my baby.
(suddenly, SOMEONE, had and out burst)
B- Haan haan, aapko toh sift bache ka fikar hai! Meri toh bilkul nahin hai! (Jai let out a soft groan in an oh-my-god-not-again sort of way, everyone else looked on amused as Bani fell into one of her moods again) Jaabse main pregnant hui hoon taabse aapko toh baas bache ka fikar hai!
J- Bani, how can you say that, I take care of you too…I always ask how you are feeling and how you are doing.
B- No you don't! Aap khabi yeh nahin poochte ke 'Bani, tum kaise ho?' aap humesha yeh poochte hai ke 'Bani tum aur bache kaise ho?'
J- Magar…
B- Aare bacha toh mere undar aaram se hai abhi, lekin aapko yeh nahin jaana ke main kaisi hoon? Kya mere kamar mein dard hai, kya mere pair sooj gaye hai, kya mujhse kuch kaana hai?
J- Aare raath ko hi toh maine tumhare liyeh woh fries vagaira lekar aaya.
B- Haan, lekin aap tab gaye jab maine kahaa ke aap mujhe aur bache ko bhukha rakh rahe hai.
J- Errr…(Jai knew that she caught him there)
B- Haan, haan…aab hogayi naa bolti band!
J- Main toh sirf bacha…
B- Phirse! Sure, sure aap zaroor aayega, after all its YOUR baby's party, just forget your wife who is carrying YOUR baby! (Bani folded her arms over her chest in displeasure) Jaao, mujhe yeh party nahin chahiyeh!
"KYA!" everyone yelled at the same time.
R- Come on Didi don't be a baby! (Bani glared at her) Ok, wrong choice of words, I meant, don't be a spoil sport.
B- Hmph!
Everyone was looking at each other, how were they going to pacify Bani now. The party was only a few hours away, everything was ready. Slowly but surely, all pair of eyes landed on Sahil, who was busy eating his toast. He looked up and everyone and shrugged his shoulder; it was only when he saw the hint of desperation in Jai's eyes that he decided to do something. He put his hands up to show everyone that he would take care of it.
S- Bhabi, aap aaise maat kahiyeh…
B- Nahin, main kuch nahin jaanti baas mujhe yeh godh bharai nahin chahiyeh!
S- Dekhiyeh bhabi…woh kya hai naa ke…aap bhaia ke baton ki ghalat matlab samaj rahi hai.
B- Kya…ghalat aur main…never!
S- Meri baath so sun lijiyeh…please.
B- Tik hai, bolo kya kehna hai.
S- Woh kya hai naa…ke, yeh Walia khandan ka pehla waris hai, aur toh aur yeh bhaia ka pehla bacha hai.
B- Haan toh?
S- Toh aaj sham ko saab rishtedar, friends,well wishers etc. aa rahe hai naa… aapko aur iss bache ko ashirwad dene ke liyeh.
B- Haan toh?
S- Toh, ek baath toh aap bhi manange ke iss nanhi si jaan ko jitne ashirwad aur duaein mile utna hi aacha hai, kyun ke already aapki pregnancy mein complications aa chuka hai.
B- Hmmm (Bani's eyes teared at the thought of anything happening to her baby now)
S- Toh saab ke saath saath Bhaia bhi aapna ashirwad dena chate hai, after all, ek bache ke liyeh saabse zyada zaroori hai uske ma aur pitah ke ashirwad, hai naa?
B- Haan, of course.
S- Toh issi liyeh Bhaia aana chate hai. Don't get me wrong, yeh party toh aapke liyeh hi hai, after all, aagar aap nahin hote toh yeh kushi ka paal kabhi nahin aata…so celebrations ke saath saath bache ko bhi hum saab ka ashirwad miljayega.
B- You are right…ok tik hai, (Bani turned to Jai) aap aa sakte hai.
(Massi was quite impressed with Sahil for coming up with a crock of a story like that)
M- Tik hai, Munna aa sakte hai Bani aur bache ko ashirwad dene ke liyeh.
S- Magar Massi, hum?
M- Tum kya?
S- Aare Massi hume bhi aana hai, kyu Adi bhaia?
(Sahil turned to Adi, but sadly for him, Adi pretended to be on the phone, when in reality there was no one on the other line)
D- Kyun re, kya tere pet mein bacha pal raha hai?
S- Haan!
(the girls looked shocked at first and then fell into a fit of laughter)
M- Besharam! Ladkiyon ki mehfil mein aane ke liyeh kya kya bahana bana raha hai!
S- Magar…(Sahil knew that talking to Massi was an already lost battle, so he went for the easiest victim…Bani) Bhabi, aab aap ki kuch samjaiyeh naa.
B- Main kya kahoon? Vaise bhi, wahan tumhara kya kaam?
S- (got up and went next to Bani) Aare bhabi, bache ka cacha bhi ashirwad dena chate hai. Aur zaara sochieyeh…aap ka khayal kaun rakhega?
B- Aare, saab toh hoga naa.
S- Nahin bhabi, zaara sochiye; Jai bhaia toh aapke liyeh kuch kar nahin payega, kyun ke khud toh sharm ke mare kahin chupkar baitega.
J- Hey, I will not!
Adi- Come on Jai, hum saab jante hai ke tu ladkiyon ke aage kitna sharmata hai! (this cause Jai to blush a little bit, and Bani had to urge to pinch his cheeks so she did, just like a little child)
S- Haan, yeh theeno (indicating Rano, Jigyasa and Anu) toh bohot busy honge. Ek toh guests aur party ko sambhalna hai, upar se unka program bhi sambhalna hai.
B- Haan, lekin phir bhi…Massi aur Dadi hai naa.
S- Don't mind huh, Massi and Dadi are my hot mama's, but saach baath toh yeh hai ke dono budhi hogaye hai.
(this caused both motherly women to let out a loud gasp)
D- Oye, budhi my foot! Abhi toh main jawan hoon! (she said it in the most filmy voice possible)
S- Whatever, basically, aagar main (Adi kicked him under the table) I mean, aagar hum honge to hum aapka tikse dekh bhal kar paiyenge.
B- Baath toh sahi hai…umm…Massi…
M- (looked at Sahil who refused to make eye contact with Massi) Tik hai, aajao, tum ladkon bhi aajao.
S- (got up and hugged Massi) Thank you Massi! (and then kissed her cheek)
M- Haat! Thank's tu mujhe nahin, Bani ko deh, kyun ke main usse naa nahin keh sakti.
S- Thank you Bhabi! (he then hugged Bani)
(Everyone sat amazed at how easily Sahil had spun a cock-and-bull story about why they just had to have in at the godh bharai; sadly, they had to admit, he was damn good)
The girl had all gone out to the spa to get manicures, pedicures, hair done; jus to get Bani to relax a bit and to pamper her. Of course, needless to say, the bill was being footed by none other than their Jai Walia; he almost cried when handing over his credit card to Rano, because he still remembered the last time the girls had gone shopping, he remembered like it was only yesterday.
Massi and Dadi were talking a nap so the guys were all upstairs in the study. By this time, Sahil had called Ranveer and invited him to the party as well; he was practically family, and if they were going to be there it was only natural to invite Ranveer as well. Jai wanted to do something special for Bani. She hadn't been wrong when she said that he didn't really ask how she was doing. When he did ask it was always with the baby added to the mix. So now Jai was going to show Bani just how much he loved her, not because she was giving him the most precious gift in the world, and not because she was the mother of his child, but instead, because she was his wife…that is all that mattered. The problem is that he still had to figure out how to do that because he had no idea. They guys were trying to help him out.
S- How about a gift, aap Bhabi ke liyeh koi aachi si gift laana.
Adi- Idiot, gift toh dena hi hai, it is a must, so that cannot be the special thing.
Ranv- Poem…recite a poem for her.
S- Poem aur Bhaia, woh bhi 50 aurtein ke samne…you have to be joking right.
Adi- (began laughing at a memory from their college days) Aare, yaar pooch maat ke how horrible he is!
J- Hey, I am not that bad!
Adi- Oh yeah! College mein ek assignment tha, take a famous poem and re-write it in your own way. We both got the classic 'Roses are red. Violets are blue.' Aab main Jai ki style mein aarz karta hoon…ahem ahem (clearing his throat)
"Roses are red, violets are lavender. I can be blue like a bruise, you can be yellow like a lemon; together we can make green…the color of moss."
"What!" Sahil and Ranveer yelled.
Soon they guys all fell into a fit of laughter and could barely breathe. Only Jai was left with an embarrassed scowl on his face.
Ranv- Jai yaar, what the hell was that!?
S- Sunke lag raha hai ke Bhaia medicine, gardening, colors aur botany ki lecture deh rahe the, woh bi ek saath.
That caused the guys to laugh ever harder. They were literally holding their stomachs and rolling on the floor. The usually articulate and well spoken Jai Walia couldn't give a proper poem in front of a class full of teenagers.
J- Shut up! Bohot hogaya! You are all useless. Aab suno, I have an idea.
Adi- Ji kahiyeh Mr. Sher-o-shairi
(Jai just glared at him)
J- Main sooch raha tha ke kyun naa main Bani ke liyeh ek gaana gaoon?
Ranv- Aare wah, great idea.
S- Yeah, I like it too..
Adi- Kaunsa gaana Jai?
J- Err…good question. (after a minutes thought) Hey, how about 'Aaye ho meri zindagi mein' from Raja Hindustani.
Adi- That is a chick song!
S- Yeah, the lyrics are something like 'mere mang yuhi bharna tara haazar banke'. Unless you are planning on Bani bhabi bharing your mang…stay away from that song.
J- Man, that was a good song. Ok, how about 'Pehla nasha, pehla khumar. Naaya pyaar hai naaya intezar'
Ranv- Haan, aacha gaana hai…classic.
Adi- Nahin chalega. First off all, you don't want to sing your hormonal wife a song about you being drunk…its not good. Second, yeh koi naaya pyaar nahin hai…doh sal hone ko chala hai.
S- Haan, aur phir intezar kis baath ki?
J- Aare bache ki.
S- Lagta hai ke aapne subha ki drama bhul gaye hai. The point is to focus on Bhabi, not baby!
J- Oh yeah…shit…aab kya karoon!
Adi- How about 'Maula Mere'
J- No, already karchuka hoon pehle.
Ranv- Umm…how about the song 'Hasaye Bahi, Rulaye Bhi' from Darling. Romantic gana hai, lekin saach bhi hai. Bani bhabi make you laugh, lekin aajkal rulati bhi hai.
J- You are telling me.
S- Lekin gaana toh aacha hai, it's sweet and you can still get away with it.
Adi- Haan, mujeh yeh gaana bohot pasand hai.
J- Ok, done…aab…lyrics…
Sahil went online and found the lyrics for Jai and printed it out. Jai spent the next 2.5hrs trying to get the lyrics right. The guys were beside themselves because he was taking so long just to learn lyrics…it shouldn't be that hard! Sahil was about to kick his brother off of the song singing idea and do it himself.
The girls had gotten home and had started to add the final touches to the main hall where the party was going to be held. Rano, Anu and Jigyasa were all running around making sure that everything was perfect. They were being beyond anal, but they didn't care; this party was for Bani and they all knew that she deserved only the best, especially after all that happened with her in her life. Anu was out with the caterers making sure that the food was being prepared properly and that it tasted good; Jigyasa was in charge of making sure that the flowers looked alive and not like they were dying. Rano was instructing the decorator where to add more streamers and what not. The only thing that they were waiting for were the balloons.
It was soon evening and the party was going to begin in about 1.5hours. Anu and Jigyasa were up with Bani getting her ready, while Adi and Sahil were coaching and quizzing Jai to make sure he had to song down. Rano was muttering curses at her phone as she tried to call the person who was supposed to deliver the balloons. She was walking up the stairs to go to her room when she heard a phone ringing behind her. When she turned, her anger hit the roof, she nearly dropped her phone, and almost tripped as she slowly descended the stairs; she blinked over and over to make sure that she wasn't dreaming.
R- Yeh…yeh kya hai?!
Man- Memsab yeh balloons hai jo aapne order kiye the pichle hafte.
R- What!? Yeh balloons maine order nahin ki! Maine pink aur blue balloons order ki…yeh saare ke saare to black hai!
Man- Nahin, mere order pe toh likha hai ke '100 black balloons'.
R- Hum yahaan Baby Shower celebrate kaar rahe hai isse liyeh blue aur pink! Hum koi kala jaadu ki party nahin deh rahe hai. Aap jaiyeh aur mujhe pink aur blue balloons la dijiyeh.
Man- Memsab, aab toh nahin hoga, mujhe ghaar jaana hai…mere pados mein jo uncle hai, unki beti ki paati ki behen ki dewar ki biwi ki maa ki funeral hai.
R- Toh! Aagar yeh aapka bhi funeral hota, toh bhi main aapko jaane nahin deti!
Man- I'm sorry lekin main aur kuch nahin kaar satka.
R- Teri toh…
Rano was about to rush down the stairs to put a good number of chatas across this guys face when she felt someone holding her back. She turned to see Ranveer holding her back.
Ranv- Rano, relax…
R- Kya relax, guests thodi der mein aate honge aur iss…iss admi ne mujhe 100 black balloons dehna chate hai…main tujhe nahin chodungi…(she tried to move but couldn't) Ranveer chodo mujhe…
Ranv- Bhaia aap jaiyeh.
R- Ranveer, kya kaar rahe ho! Don't you dare leave or I'll kill you!!!! (she yelled at the man)
Man- Lekin iss balloons ka main kya karoon?
R- Kya karoon? Kya karoon? Abhi batati hoon.
Rano somehow managed to get out of Ranveer's grasp and flew down the stairs before he could stop her. She pulled something out of her pocket that looked like a box cutter. She went toward the man ready to stab something. The man cried out in fear when he heard a pop.
R- Yeh…yeh kariyeh aap aapne kaala balloons ke saath (one by one Rano kept popping the balloons with the box cutter; every pop caused by the balloons cause the man to scream louder; it wasn't until Ranveer finally got there that Rano stopped)
Ranv- Rano! Kya kaar rahi ho?
R- Aur kya karoon mein! Yeh balloons aur iss admi ki aarti utharoon!?
Ranv- (looking at the man) Maine aapse kahaa naa ke aap jaiyeh.
(Ranveer didn't have tot ell him twice; the man literally ran away leaving the balloons behind)
R- Oye, inhe bhi lekar jaao (she yelled at the running man; then she turned to Ranveer) Aab main kya karoon!? Mujhe tayar hona hai aur upar se…
Ranv- Tum jaao, go get ready. Main toh tayar hogaya hoon, main dekhta hoon…I'll see what I can do.
R- Magar tum…
Ranv- No, don't worry. I will take care of it.
R- Really, are you sure?
Ranv- Haan baba, bilkul aab jaao.
Rano reluctantly left to go get ready hoping and praying that Ranveer could do something to fix the situation. Ranveer on the other hand looked back at the black balloons and had no idea what to do. He had said he would take care of it on impulse because he didn't want Rano to stress over it. In reality he didn't know what the hell to do himself.
Ranv- Aab kya hoga? Aagar maine kuch nahin kiya, toh Rano mujhe maar dalegi. (after a pause) Idea!
Ranveer quickly ran up the stairs and to the study where the guys were at. He was on a mission to make Rano happy and nothing was going to stop him…even if he had to give up his every last breath in achieving it.
In less then 30 minutes Rano managed to get ready. She was going to go check on what Ranveer had done in terms of the balloons but before she could go Anu called her to help with Bani. Nearly an hour after she left Ranveer to handle the balloon crisis, she was finally able to check on him again. She tried looking for Ranveer but she couldn't find him; she looked in the main hall, the outside area, everywhere she could think of. She was about to give up and call him when she heard muffled sounds coming from one of the rooms downstairs. She went towards the door and almost fell on the floor when she saw the scene in front of her.
The room was nearly filled with pink and blue balloons, blown to perfection. Colored ribbon and scissors were on the floor, open packages of balloons were all over. And there, in the middle of the floor were Ranveer, Sahil, Aditya and Jai; they were all sitting on the floor, Indian-style (knees bent); the sleeves of their kurtas rolled up and each with a balloon attached to his lips.
R- Aap saab kya kaar rahe hai?
Ranv- Woh (he got up and removed the balloon that was sticking to his lips) Woh, maine kahaa tha naa ke main uss balloon situation ko sambal lunga…toh yeh lo…sambal liya.
R- What…
S- Rano kya dushmani hai tera hum saab se?
R- Kyun?
Adi- Pichle 45min se hum yahaan baite baite balloons blow kaar rahe hai.
J- (out of breath) Woh bhi, by ourselves, on our own breath.
S- Phew…I'm getting light headed (he then flooped down on the chair)
R- You mean you blew up all those balloons by yourselves?
Ranv- Haan, (proudly) All 80 of them…baas kuch aur baki hai.
R- Oh my God…you are all losers; but mostly Ranveer.
Adi- Oye, ek toh teri help kiya hai humne, aur uparse tu hume loser bula rahi hai.
Ranv- Kyun, maine kya kiya? (confused)
R- Umm…ek baath batao…koi aaya tha help karne?
Ranv- Haan, woh kya naam tha…
R- Ramu
Ranv- Haan woh hi. Lekin maine socha ke hum charoon hi kafi hai iss kaam ke liyeh.
J- Kya yaar, we could have used Ramu's help.
S- Kaam se kaam we wouldn't be this out of breath.
R- Jij you wouldn't be out of breath at all.
Adi- Huh?
R- Woh kya hai naa, ke Ramu ke paas helium tank tha. I thought that Ranveer might go get balloons to blow up so I thought the helium tank would be faster. Woh tumhe tank dene aa raha tha, aur tumne usse bhaga diya… (she started laughing) aab bhugto.
J- Ranveer!
Ranv- Err…
Rano left the room laughing her head off. It was so sweet of Ranveer to do this for the party but dear lord, had the man no brains what-so-ever. Rano could hear balloons popping as she walked and could hear Aditya, Sahil and Jai yelling obscenities at Ranveer. She was sure that they were chasing him around the room. Rano quickly sent Ramu with the tank so that they could finish on time.
Almost another 30-45min later the guest had started arriving. The guys had managed to get the balloons up and ready and it looked great. Rano grinned as she noticed Ranveer standing with Massi and Dadi while the three guys gave him murderous looks from across the room. Rano went upstairs to go and get Bani since most of the people seemed to be there already. Ten minutes later, a flushed and angry looking Rano rushed downstairs.
M- Rano, kya hua…Bani kahaa hai?
R- Upar hai, neeche aane se mana kaar rahi hai.
Ranv- Aye haye, kyun?
R- Didi keh rahi hai ke usko moti lag rahi hai uss outfit mein issi liyeh woh nahin aa rahe hai.
S- Does she…I mean does she look fat.
R- Of course she does, she is 7 months pregnant…she sure doesn't look like a Victorias Secret model!
D- Rano, tumne kya yeh baath usse kaha?
R- Dadi darling, mera dimag kharab hogayi hai ke main Didi se yeh kahungi?
J- Thero, main dekhta hoon.
R- Nahin! Don't you date go up there!
J- Why?
R- Anu Di ne kaha ke hume aapko bulana chahiyeh…
J- Haan, toh bula lete.
R- When Didi heard that suggestion…haila…Didi toh aur gussa hogaye.
Adi- What?
R- Haan, Didi toh aapka surat tak nahin dekhna chate. Didi kehte hai ke iss saab ki zimedar aap hai.
J- Kis saab ka?
R- Woh hi, her weight gain, her pain, her swollen feet, the fact that Ekta keeps splitting up her favorite jodi…basically everything wrong in the world is your fault at this point.
M- Aab kya hoga?
R- Main dekhti hoon, I'm hoping ke iss ice cream ko dekh kar Didi ki mood thoda tik hojaye.
Rano ran upstairs to manao her hormonal sister and everyone else looked at Jai in sympathy.
Adi- Lagta hai ke woh hasane/rone wala gana perfect hai tere life ke liyeh…
J- Yeah…too prefect…
…Ch 108…the Godh Bharai…promise…full of masti, fun and romance :o)
JAZ
Channel V Dil Dosti Dance
Arjun
