soo..ya. it sucks, but i tried to keep the same smushy feel as the previous parts 😆
UPDATE:
For the past hour, Pia had been conversing with the wedding planner. They were standing in the middle of the grand hall, yet to be luxuriously decorated, discussing the flower arrangements and the decorations to line the walls. Pia was monopolizing the conversation, as usual, as she dictated exactly how she wanted everything set up. The whole prospect excited her—picking the flowers, choosing the color themes, determining how and where the brilliant light arrangements were to be made. It awoke the inner passion for interior designing that she often kept to herself, and she reveled in the feeling of the excitement it brought.
Jai stood at a distance, hands tucked in his pockets, leaning against the wall. 'She has an eye for these things,' he thought to himself. He smiled, watching Pia talk animatedly as she pointed to the banisters that she wished to be covered in assorted flowers.
"She has an eye for these things, doesn't she?" Bani said as she walked into the hall, approaching Jai.
Jai was startled. "Uhm, ya. Yes, she does." He could barely get the words out without stuttering. He grinned to himself, finding amusement in how they often thought alike.
Bani had barely spoken to him these 6 months, even though they saw each other often she since had moved in with Pia. Every time he saw her, he still felt butterflies in his stomach. That occasional brush of skin, the unintentional slight bump that brought them closer just for a few seconds—each moment seemed to have carved itself into his memory. It was as if time slowed in these rare moments. Every now and then, she would utter a word or two—"Di left a message for you, it's on the counter"—head down, eyes never daring to look up at him. He barely spoke to her as well, often nodding in reply to her one-liners. It was hard for him to control himself, to suppress those sinful desires that should never have existed in the first place. And yet, whenever he had the opportunity, he watched her intently, tucking each and every memory of her carefully in his mind, so that his heart may savor them later.
Pia saw Bani come in and smiled at her sister. She walked towards Bani and hugged her tightly.
"Uff, Bani…there's so much to do! And so little time! But god, this all just seems so magical na? Okay come, you've got to help me with the color scheme." Pia dragged her sister towards the wedding planner, who held a big book of samples containing various images of decors.
Jai watched the ladies as they plunged into meticulous planning once again. He stared unabashedly for awhile, but when Bani looked up and saw him looking right her, he turned his gaze away, embarrassed. He buried his hands deeper into his pockets. "It's your goddamn WEDDING…what the hell are you doing?" he murmured under his breath. He gritted his teeth. It was going to be over soon. She was going to be gone. And he was going to be with the girl who he was going to marry in two weeks. Pia--the girl who wore a big diamond ring on her finger, the one who he had weaved all those dreams for—those dreams that he was going to make come true in just a few days.
After another half hour, Pia and Bani walked back to Jai.
"Sweetie, I'm sorry for making you wait this long. I know I told you it was only going to be 20 minutes tops, but you know how it is baby. One thing leads to another." Pia pouted as Jai drew her into a hug.
"It's fine," he said, and kissed her forehead. "Ghar chale?"
"Oh Jai! Mein tumhe batana bhool gayi…I actually have to go to a party right now. It's actually just a small get together with a couple of my friends, but I promised Shallu I'd go," Pia said excitedly. "That's okay with you right?"
"Oh yeah, sure. Do you need me to drive you?" Jai asked, smoothly hiding his annoyance at Pia's late night partying. It was already 8 in the evening, and she'd probably be out until after midnight.
"No, babe. Shallu said she'll pick me up. You can give Bani a ride home though, right?" Pia said, taking out her cell to call her friend, Shalini.
"Yeah, yeah of course." Jai spoke uneasily, not daring to look at Bani.
Just then, thunder began to roar. Rain began pouring down thumping against the hard earth.
"Darn. I hate it when it just starts raining like that. Okay you guys go ahead; Shallu says she's coming in 10 minutes. Drive safely babe." Pia kissed Jai's cheek and hugged Bani again. She walked back to the wedding planner, who was still noting down all the instructions Pia had given to her.
"Chale?" Jai asked, cautiously.
Bani nodded silently. They ran to the car, failing to avoid getting wet. Once they got into the car, Bani wiped the raindrops on her face with her dupatta, and attempted to dry her hair.
Jai took a sharp breath in. 'Why is she so beautiful? Oh god, no. No. I'm going to survive this. I am going. To. Survive,' Jai thought, over and over again. He relaxed in his seat and began driving, looking straight ahead.
"May I?" Bani asked softly, pointing to the radio in the car.
"Sure."
Bani turned on the radio, and found her favorite station.
She closed her eyes, and leaned back. She listened to the melodious tune, as a slight smile played on her lips. Jai looked at her. She seemed completely at peace, her features soft and radiated by the dim moonlight.
Jaage jaage
Soye soye
Tere naina
Sapnon mein
Khoye khoye
Tere naina
Jai's grip on the wheel tightened. He drove up the hill, entering the deserted highway. The rain continued thumping on the window panes.
Paaya tujhe to
sab mil gaya haan
ehsaas aisa ki sab khil gaya
jaise himalaya
khud pighal ke
saagar ban gaya
haan in palon ki
raanaaiyon mein
tum hi ho na
tere naina
haye naina
Bani's eyes opened. She looked at Jai, who was facing the road. She yearned to reach out to him, to stroke his cheek and hold him. She had been longing for him for so long. And now, he was right next to her. Sitting just a few inches away, trying not to look back at her.
Bani sighed and bit her lip. If she was going to torture herself, might as well go full out.
"Jai?"
madhosh raatein
Pal pal suhaani
Rut gaa rahi hai
Dil ke taraane
Saare nazaare chand taare
gungunane lage
In vadiyon ki angraiyon mein
Tumhi ho na
Tere naina
Haye Naina
"Hmm?"
"Kuch nahin"
"Bolo na…"
"Nahin, bas… yunhi."
"Bani.."
"yes?"
"I miss you."
Bani felt her heart stop, just for a moment. She could feel her insides clench at his words. There was a knot forming in her throat.
"I miss you too."
Something in Jai snapped when she whispered those words. He turned the radio off. He hit the brakes.
"No, you don't," he said harshly. "You don't. You don't even care."
"What are you talking about? You don't think… that this is hurting me?" Bani felt tears spring to her eyes, and quickly wiped them away. She didn't want him to see her cry. Not again.
"Hurting…you?" Jai looked at Bani coldly. "This is hurting you? I am the one getting married."
"And I'm the one watching you get married." Bani replied just as coldly, her voice carefully restrained.
Jai let out a breathless chuckle. "Acha?" Jai's expression grew dark as he felt the anger bubble inside him. He grasped Bani by her shoulders and brusquely brought her closer to him. The fire rose to his eyes. "Poor, poor you. But you know what? In just a few days, I'm going to vow to love and protect someone for the rest of our lives, and the lifetimes to come. I'm going to fill her maang with sindoor and I'm going to put a mangalsutra around her neck and promise her that I will always be there for her. I'm going to hold her hand as she gives birth to my kids, and I'm going to raise my children with her. I'm going to grow old with her, and spend every moment of my life worth cherishing with her by my side."
Bani's eyes were filling with tears that she couldn't hold back any longer. Why was he doing this to her? She didn't want to think about him spending his life with Pia Di, and she didn't want to face it either. But he was forcing her too, even though she knew she still wasn't ready. Was she ever going to be ready? She had to be. She had no choice…right?
Jai shook her slightly, breaking her reverie. "Do you know what it's like… feeling like it's all wrong? That it doesn't feel right thinking about that kind of life with her anymore?" He closed his eyes, taking a sharp breath in. "Each and every moment I can't help but despise myself for feeling like this, for wanting something different than what I have. I hate the way that you make me feel Bani. But it's not like you understand." The fire in Jai's eyes died down, as his voice wavered. He let Bani go and turned away from her. He wasn't going to let her see him become weak in front of her…he didn't want her to have the satisfaction of seeing how much she affected him.
Bani couldn't control it anymore. To hell with control. She let the tears flow freely as she struggled to catch her breath.
"I don't understand? I don't understand? Do you know how hard it's been for me not to break down in front of you? To beg you to be with me, and not her? Do you have any idea what it feels like watching you hug her and kiss her and flirt with her every single day? I hate myself for hating her. I never thought I would feel like this towards Pia Di, but I can't help it. I can't, because no matter how hard I try, I can't forget that night. And I can't forget everything we've shared. And I can't let go of you." Bani sobbed uncontrollably.
"You didn't even want me. You don't want me," Jai said weakly, still not looking her in the eye. She had been the one to reject him, not the other way around.
Bani laughed mirthlessly. "I don't want you?" Bani leaned towards Jai and turned his head towards her. "You have no idea how much I want you."
Bani's words shocked Jai. He had never seen her act so boldly--Bani didn't seem like the person who would express her desires outright. And yet, she never failed to surprise him.
Jai wiped her tears, his fingers lingering on her cheeks. He brought her face closer to his as their foreheads met. Jai's lips pulled up into a smirk. "Really?"
"Really."
"I don't believe you."
Bani looked up, and moved away from Jai. Jai was almost sorry he said those words—he wanted to have her close to him again, he wanted to breathe her in and hold her and kiss her senseless.
Bani opened the car door. "Get out of the car," she whispered.
"What?"
She turned to him, her eyes no longer welled up in tears. Rather, they held strength. Defiance. Lust. "Let me show you exactly how much I want you Jai Walia."
Members Lounge
CID
