A Fan-Fiction//OurLoveWillHealUs\\Chapter 13(b)! SENT via PM - Page 8

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AdreamerA thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#71

Originally posted by: mananneetu

its really interesting!!!
i loved the prologue too
nandu is really innocent...
now manik is going to bring deewans down through nandini...i dont feel it right nor i feel it wrong too...
i jst hope nandini will find out true colour of her family soon.
bt after reading prologue i think she will know abour it only after her marriage..
anyways update soon
nd i cant send a buddy request as i hve some problem in my account..so can u plz pm me even if i dont send buddy request!!!



Ya for this ff will surely send you the PM.. 😉
avneetkaur28 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#72
Ok soo...
first of all thank u for d pm...
and as uh asked for my feedback...
soo here I am...

m really sorry...
I couldn't pm uh ...
so m commenng...

This is one of d finest writings I have read till now...
d plot of d story seems to b really interesting qnd attractive too...
d prologue was awsmmm and left me all curious to know what is gonna happen further...
and d characters are very good... but yaar I personally don't like amrish puri sir... I don't know why but somewhere in a youth based story he bieng their father is a bit distracting...
otherwise eveything was good...

and then d first chapter...
commendable uh were...
it was of quite a good length. ...
I liked it...
and each and every event was quite clear in front of me...
great going girl...
fab 5's bonding and their past was very well written and then d bonding between deewan's was also was very nicely described...
and navya's track need to be improved and improvised a little... I don't know why but it is lil disconnected with d story...
or may be it's just first update that is why I am feeling it...
but rest of all it was perfect...

now m done with my lecture...
this was truly what I thought of your story...
I will surely continue reading it...
do pm me for further updates and yaah...
d other story of your's that is ROYAL BUT DISLOYAL FATE... I will read it by tomorrow and then comment...

Keep writing...
continue soon...
love...
Avneet... (Avi...)
aishubangia thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#73
Wow.. nice update... i noe ke nandu ko bacahne ke liye manik aayegaa... n tq 4 the pm... would luv 2 read more.. update soon
AdreamerA thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#74

Originally posted by: avimakkar

Ok soo...
first of all thank u for d pm...
and as uh asked for my feedback...
soo here I am...

m really sorry...
I couldn't pm uh ...
so m commenng...

This is one of d finest writings I have read till now...
d plot of d story seems to b really interesting qnd attractive too...
d prologue was awsmmm and left me all curious to know what is gonna happen further...
and d characters are very good... but yaar I personally don't like amrish puri sir... I don't know why but somewhere in a youth based story he bieng their father is a bit distracting...
otherwise eveything was good...

and then d first chapter...
commendable uh were...
it was of quite a good length. ...
I liked it...
and each and every event was quite clear in front of me...
great going girl...
fab 5's bonding and their past was very well written and then d bonding between deewan's was also was very nicely described...
and navya's track need to be improved and improvised a little... I don't know why but it is lil disconnected with d story...
or may be it's just first update that is why I am feeling it...
but rest of all it was perfect...

now m done with my lecture...
this was truly what I thought of your story...
I will surely continue reading it...
do pm me for further updates and yaah...
d other story of your's that is ROYAL BUT DISLOYAL FATE... I will read it by tomorrow and then comment...

Keep writing...
continue soon...
love...
Avneet... (Avi...)



Thanks a lot dear for reading and commenting on my story.. 😊
And will surely keep in mind whatever you have said.
AdreamerA thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#75
Chapter 2: An Unexpected Meeting.

"Sometimes the smallest decision can make the greatest impact in your life."


Now I was getting nervous. Actually I started feeling helpless. I was about to say something to that bas***d but heard A manly voice behind me, "Tera dil me thikane lagau!"

It was a sharp and threatening voice. I tried to look back but couldn't see HIS face. That bas***d's attention too shift on HIM from me.

"Ab tu kon se??", He asked in his Haryanvi ascent.

"Vhi jiski ab tu parchayi bhi dekh ke darega..", I again heard THAT voice.

Those three idiots laughed. One of them said, "Dekh yeh herogiri karna band kar aur ja yahan se.. Tere liye yhi behtar hai..". I tried to get out of his grip Because that road side drunkard's touch was really irking me now, "Leave me!!"

"Ab tu udhna band kar aur chup chap khadi reh yahan samajh me Aya..", the man holding me said looking at me. But I was constantly trying to get out of his grip. Suddenly I felt an another hand on my hands backward. "Chod ise..", I again heard THAT voice but this time it was just near my ear, a low but fierce threat. Don't know why but I shivered at HIS touch and voice.

"Kyun chodu? Teri Bhabi hai..??", the man holding me said looking at HIM.

"Uski nhi par meri hai..", I heard an another voice a bit far away. It was a chirpy one. He continued, "Dekh chod de use.. Vrna yeh Jo tere saamne khada hai na tere chehre ka naksha bigad dega.. I swear.."

"Dekho tum logon Ki bhalai Isi me hai Ki is ladki ko yahan chodo aur chale jao.. Khamkha panga le rhe ho..", this drunkard's one of friends said.

The man holding me leaned towards me or should I say to the MAN behind me and said, "Chal ek offer hai tereliye.. Tu bhi maze leliyo iske (Pointing at me) number dede bula lunga.. Par abhi chala ja yahan se mood bahut acha hai kharab na mar..".

I was feeling really disgusted at that time. This India and these bloody people.. If it was in my hand then I would have never came back here.. But what's happening? One by one someone or the other is coming.. It's not less than a typical Bollywood scene.. First just help me get out of this bloody jerk's grip then keep on passing your so called heroic dialogs. Wow! I didn't know God would grant me my wish so fast..

I could feel HIS grip tightened on the hands which were holding me and in no less time HE freed my hands from that jerk's. HE grabbed my arm and pushed me backwards. I couldn't understand anything and was about to trip by the sudden action of HIS but there was one more pair of hand to catch me. Wow one almost pushed me to the ground and the other one comes and help me. God! What's happening with me today? I looked upwards and found a handsome but cute looking guy in blue tee. He asked me with concern, "You okay?" I nodded absentmindedly. I think he was the owner of that chirpy voice. But why did he called me 'Bhabi'? I wondered. He made me stand properly and now my gaze shifted towards HIM.

HIS back was facing me. HE was having a good height, sorry a very good height. HE was a well built guy. I could only see HIS grey blazer and black jeans. A sudden urge of seeing HIS face aroused in me. Well it's so unlike Nandani Deewan that by just hearing a man's voice, feeling HIS touch and seeing HIS back can really attract me towards HIM. I came out of my thoughts by the massive punch that HE gave to the man who was holding me. I looked at the guy who saved me from falling, "Tumhe apne dost Ki help nhi karni? Vo akela hai aur Vo teen..". I asked him. Don't know why but I started worrying for THAT man. He laughed, "Nhi.. He doesn't need me.. Yeh sadakchap gunde hai inke liye hmara Manik hi kafi hai.. And vese bhi pee rakhi hai inlogon ne.. Ek mukka khayenge iska aur seedhe neeche zameen par..". A confused expression came on my face. That guy folded his hands and stand taking the support of my car. He looked at my confused face, "Enjoy the show!", he said pointing towards HIM.

He was right HE started beating those drunkards as if they were some mere insects. Three punches and some leg kicks of HIS were enough to make them crawl on the ground. I almost fall down seeing HIS heroic moves. That guy again catched me, "Tumhari abhi bhi har jagah girne Ki adat gyi nhi na.."

"What?", I was confused with his comment. He realised what he said and was about to say something but I heard police's siren. Cops came and held those drunkards and finally I could see HIS face when HE turned to talk to the inspector. Gosh! HE was dead handsome. I just wanted to go to HIM and... Wait Nandu! Get hold of yourself. First time in your whole life you are smitten by someone's looks. But no doubt HE'S a Greek god. I wish I could just..

That inspector took me out of my wild thoughts, "Maam.. We are really sorry for whatever happened.. But ap chinta mat kijiye in logon Ki hum achi khatirdari karenge inki jail me.. Bus apko hmare sath police station chalna pdega apni statement dene ke liye.."

I was about to reply but HE didn't let me, "Vo kahin nhi jayegi.. Apko Jo bhi statement leni hai.. Yahin lelijiye.."

"But Mr. Malhotra..", that inspector said nervously.

"Hey it's okay.. I don't have any problem.. Me chalti hun apke sath statement likhwane..", I said. HE came in front of me, "Mene kaha na tum jail nhi jaogi..". HE said this with so much authority that I was stunned for a minute. The inspector seeing the look on HIS face didn't argue further and asked one of his man to take my statement there only. I replied to their questions and finally it was completed.

I came towards HIM and his friend to thank them. They have really helped me a lot.

"Thank you so much Mr. ... Umm.. Manik.. Right?", I said unsure of HIS name.

"Your Welcome.", HE said coldly. HE didn't even looked at me. How can someone be so rude?

"Yaa he's Manik only.. Btw hi.. M Cabir Dhawan.", HIS friend said forwarding his hand. Thank god! Atleast one of the two has brains!

I shook my hands with him, "Hey.. M Nandani Deewan..!"

"Cabir let's go..!", HE said going towards HIS car.

"Arrey uski keys nhi mili hai abhi tak Manik.. Aise kese hum chodke ja sakte hai ise..", Cabir said.

"No it's okay.. I will manage.. Vese bhi you guys have already done a lot for me.", I said looking towards Cabir. HE came back and stand in front of me, "Yhin hai uski keys.."

"What do you mean?", I asked HIM.

HE came close to me. HE was constantly staring at Me. For the first time we both were so close to each other. I was lost in those chocolaty eyes. HIS hands went inside the back pocket of my shorts and HE took out my car keys and showed me keeping them in front of my eyes. My eyes widened and my mouth opened in a big 'O' shape.

"How can this be possible? Tumhe kese pata chala Ki meri keys meri back pocket me hai..", I asked HIM surprisingly. HE rolled his eyes and keep those keys on my hand. I again asked, "Are you a magician?" I could hear Cabir's laugh at my question.

HE was still staring at me, "Cabir chal!"

"Okay bro..", came the reply. HE went away after HIS staring session, sat in HIS car and went off and I kept staring at HIS direction with an astonished look. Who was HE? I looked at the keys. "What's happening with me?", I asked myself.

I got a call from Abhi bhai. I picked it up.

"Yah.. M just coming..", I told him and cut the call. I took a deep breath and sat in my car and drove towards home.

-----

"So ab chale.. Vo safely apne ghar keliye nikal gyi hai..", Cabir said as soon as he saw my car going. Actually Cabir and Manik was in the ice cream parlour in front of the bar. They were sitting at the table from where they could easily see the road.

"So what? Vo ghar jaye na jaye.. I don't care.", Manik replied looking into the menu.

"Han obviously tujhe kyu farak pdhega.. Teri toh ice cream favourite hai isliye tu yahan ake Beth gya.. Right?", Cabir said. Manik gave him a deadly glare, "Dhruv Aliya ko surprise date pe leke Gaya hai.. Aur hum dono bhi bahar aagye.. Toh obviously jab hum vapis jayenge toh Mukti hme kha jayegi.. Toh isliye uske liye ice cream lene ke liye yahan aya hun.. Taki Vo ice cream khaye.. Hme nhi.."

"Han Han Mukti Ke liye hi Aya hoga tu yahanpe.. Aur kya reason ho sakta hai..", Cabir said sarcastically.

Manik ignored his comment and resumed seeing the menu.

After few minutes Cabir asked Manik, "Vese ek bat puchu.."

"Hmm..", came The reply.

"Tujhe pata tha Ki Nandani yahan pe hai?"

"No. It was AN UNEXPECTED MEETING."

"Ek baat aur puchu..", Cabir said after some time tapping his mobile on the table. Manik closed his eyes in frustration, "Bol!"

"Tujhe kese pta chala Ki Nandani Ki car keys uski back pocket me hai?"

"Uski bachpan se adat hai.. Har cheez apni back pocket me rakh ke bhul jati hai..", Manik replied seeing the menu.

Cabir smirk, "Yadaasht toh bahut achi hai vese Teri.. Sabkuch yaad hai Tujhe Han.."

Manik looked at him, "YOU ARE RIGHT. SAB YAAD HAI MUJHE.. AUR CHAHKAR BHI NHI BHUL SAKTA ME SAB..", he said with a little anger. Cabir looked other side. Manik again said handing him over the car keys, "Tu gadi start kar.. Hmara order aagya hoga me ice cream leke Ata hun..". Manik went away.

'Kya yaar Cabir! Kya kar rha tha aur kya kar Diya..', Cabir thought to himself.

-----

I reached home putting up a smile on my face because I really didn't want them to get any idea about whatever happened. If my brothers cum body guards got to know about those bas***ds, they will kill them for sure and top of that there was joy in our house after a long time. The case was solved and Arya was back. So I didn't want to to spoil their mood at any cost.

"Nandu tune itni der kahan laga di? Tune toh phone pe kaha tha Ki tu bas aa hi rhi hai..", Navya came in the hall saying this.

I was about to reply her but then bhaiyya came, "Seriously Nandu! Itni der lgadi tune.. Kahan reh gyi thi sab thk toh hai na?"

I was again about to say something but Dad interrupted, "Ab kuch bolegi bhi Nandu Ki nhi.. Sab thk toh hai naah?"

I folded my hands across my chest and stared at them.

"Nandu bol na..", this time it was Abhi bhai.

"Arrey aplog use kuch bolne doge.. Tbhi toh bolegi naah..", Arya said keeping his hand on my shoulder.

"Seriously yrr guys! BAs bhi karo.. Mumbai hai yeh.. Traffic tha bahut hogyi late.. Ab aagyi naah..", I said moving inside and keeping my bag on the table.

"Par Nandu..", Navya was still not convinced.

"Navya!! Stop it ok.. Tum na Bhabi avtaar me aarhi ho seriously.. Aj party hai na.. (Navya nodded.) Toh chalo phir ready hote hai..", I said dragging her to the stairs to go up in Navya's room.

"Yeh ladki kbhi nhi sudhregi..", I heard Dad's comment from downstairs.

-----

I was finally ready and looking myself at the mirror.


Nandani's Dress:




"Nandu you are looking very beautiful..", Navya came and complimented me. I looked towards her, "OMG Navya! You are looking damn hot in this sari." She blushed, "Kya Nandu.. Kuch bhi bolti ho tum.", she said wearing her earrings.

"No no no Navya! Aj toh bhaiyya flat tumpe.. Sachi bol rhi hun..". Navya just blushed at by comment.


Navya's Sarree:



I was just touching up my makeup when bhaiyya came in the room usually busy in his phone. I coughed to gain his attention, "So me chalti hun.. You guys enjoy!", I went outside winking at Navya.

"Apki shirt nikal di hai.. Change krlo..", Navya said.

"Han bus do min..", came the reply. Bhaiyya was still busy in his phone. He was smiling looking at this phone's screen. Navya tried to gain his attention, "Harshad ji.."

"Han bolo.."

"Hum kese lag rhe hai..?"

Harshad once glanced at Navya and then again got lost in his mobile and replied, "Very nice.."

Navya was obviously disappointed at his comment, "Ap ready hojaie.. Hum niche preparations dekh ke ate hai.."

"Hmm..", came the reply.

Navya went downstairs.

-----

Everyone came down and the party was going in full swing. I was at the bar counter and was drinking but not alcohol. I was not in a mood. I was trying to get HIM out of my head but nothing was working. HIS face and HIS words were not going out of my head. Who was HE? Why was HE so bossy? And how did HE know where were my keys?

"Hey Nandani!", I came out of my thoughts listening to a voice. I looked upwards and found Vikrant. He was the son of our business associate.

'Oh God! Bus Isi Ki ane Ki kami reh gayi thi..', I thought.

"Hey Vikrant!", I wished him too.

"Arrey Nandani you forgot.. You used to call me Vickey.."

"Exactly! I used to call you that.."

He laughed, "Anyways. So London me sab kesa raha.. I mean tumhara designing ka course.."

"It was fine."

"So its good na Ki yeh case solve hogya.. Itna bda ilzaam tumhari company pe.."

I cut him inbetween, "Offcource it's a good thing Vikrant."

'Chep Kahinka..', I thought.

"Ladies and gentlemen now it's time for a dance..", Dad announced.

"Chlo na Nandani let's dance..", Vikrant said forwarding his hand. I was thinking how to get rid of him.

"Hello Vikrant..", Arya came between us.

"Hey.", Vikrant replied in uninteresting tone.

Arya looked towards me, "Chal Nandu.. Lets dance.."

"Sure..", I was really happy. He helped me to get rid of that jerk.

We moved towards the dance floor and started dancing.

"Thanks bhi nhi bolegi ab?", Arya asked me.

"Thanks kyu?", I asked.

"Tujhe us idiot se bachaya aur kya.."

"Oh.. So tu meri help karne aya tha.."

"Aur nhi toh kya.. Teri shakal pe saaf saaf dikh rha tha kitni mushkil se baat kar rhi thi tu us se.."

I laughed, "Lekin use toh kuch samajh nhi Aya na.. Chep hogya yr gnde wala.."

"Chal ab mene Teri itni bdi help Ki.. Ab tujhe bhi mere liye kuch karna pdega.."

"Ohho.. Jese mene toh Teri help kabhi ki hi nhi.."

Arya made an innocent face, "Acha kab?"

"Itna shreef bn ne Ki koi zarurat nhi hai.. Bachpan se Teri sari girlfriends me hi patwati aa rhi hun.."

"Han aur Teri choose Ki hui ladkiyon Ki vajah se hi toh zindagi kharab ho gyi meri..", Arya started doing his drama.

"Han toh Teri choice kesi thi.. Kya naam tha us ladki ka.. Yah! Suzanne.. Ab usne tere college Ki fresher's party me kya kiya tha.. Mujhe yaad dilane Ki zarurat toh h nhi..", I said laughing.

"Ok fine now just stop it!", he was fully irritated now. I laughed more. He glared at me. I controlled my laughter, "Ok fine.."

-----

(Nandani's POV ended)

"You serious? Manik srf Nandani ko safe dekhne ke liye Mukti ka bahana maarke ice cream parlour me wait kiya??", Aliya said beaming with excitement. Cabir nodded with a smile.

"I can't believe this Cabir.. Matlab hum Jo soch rhe the Vo Sai hai..", Mukti said.

"Han Mukti.. Abhi tk toh srf mujhe shak tha.. But aj jis tarah se Manik ne un gundon ko peeta na.. Ek second ke liye toh laga Vo unhe maar hi dalega..", Cabir replied.

"But guys what about Nandani?", This time it was Dhruv.

Cabir stood up from the bean bag, "Mujhe nhi pta Dhruv.. Manik ke is plan se agar Kisi Ki life me sabse zyada effect pdhne wala hai toh it's Nandani.. Ek baar Ke liye galat bhi lgta hai.. But agar Nandani ke future ke bare me sochu toh it's right."

"Han Cabir.. Manik yeh sab Jo kar rha hai.. Vo Alag reason Ki vajah se kar rha hai and hum alag reason Ki vajah se.. Manik had gone through alot and Nandani is going to go through alot. They both will be needing each other. Un dono ka pyaar hi ab un dono ko sambhalega..", Mukti said. Cabir smiled and nodded, "So guys hum Manik ka sath denge is plan me.. Manik aur Nandani ke liye..", Cabir said forwarding his hand. And one by one Mukti, Aliya and Dhruv kept their hand on his.

-*-*-*-*-*-

So here goes the second chapter.. Hope you all like it.. Do give reviews or suggestions and even criticism.. Some of you didn't like Amrish Puri as Nandani's Father.. Well, I felt the same but when I was writing the CS I didn't get any other idea.. So if you have any replacement.. Pls Let me know!

kewlgirl thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#76
Great story
Full filmy hai boss 😆

Bt y did u take so long to update 😕


Next time dnt delay it for so long

Thanxx for d pm
AdreamerA thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#77

Originally posted by: kewlgirl

Great story

Full filmy hai boss😆

Bt y did u take so long to update😕


Next time dnt delay it for so long

Thanxx for d pm



What to do dear? It's not easy to handle two-two stories..
Lizbeth thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#78
Loved it.. Exctd to knw many things. Pls try to post thoda sa early
avneetkaur28 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
#79
It was a very nice update...
for sure...
some small small things... were very cute. ...
like... d keys in nandinis back pocket...
and when nandu thinks that they can carry on with their filmy talk after leaving her hand... it was epic...
and then nandinis attraction towards manik is gonna b fun...
and of course maniks concern... it was agn cute...
and then vikrant thing... hahaha... chep. .
N lastly fab 4's talk... m getting curious to know what was it actually related to...

And about nandinis dad... I think Ayub khan will go with d character...
its all on uh further...
thnk uh very much for the pm...
keep writing. ...
continue soon...
Avneet... (Avi...)
AdreamerA thumbnail
11th Anniversary Thumbnail Navigator Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 9 years ago
#80

Originally posted by: avimakkar

It was a very nice update...
for sure...
some small small things... were very cute. ...
like... d keys in nandinis back pocket...
and when nandu thinks that they can carry on with their filmy talk after leaving her hand... it was epic...
and then nandinis attraction towards manik is gonna b fun...
and of course maniks concern... it was agn cute...
and then vikrant thing... hahaha... chep. .
N lastly fab 4's talk... m getting curious to know what was it actually related to...

And about nandinis dad... I think Ayub khan will go with d character...
its all on uh further...
thnk uh very much for the pm...
keep writing. ...
continue soon...
Avneet... (Avi...)



Tysm dear and will consider your suggestion. 😳

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