legit talk.

All my gushy, mushy, squealy, fangirling aside..let's talk the real talk.

Cabir's relationship with his mother was always shown as this perfect equation between a single mother and a teenage son. They were chilled out, comfortable, close to each other. It was the only functional familial equation in all of Fab5. So it impacts us all the more when all the serious questions are being asked via them only. Because we love this equation, we want it to flourish. I know I sometimes think that Cabir should just get back to his mother and be the shielded, protected, loved boy again. But it's such an injustice to him considering all that he's going through so I always stop. Because this functionality has issues and they aren't any Baba e Adam ke zamaane wale issues, they be the issues that we're all facing.

It's no secret that I was always supportive of Cabir's homosexuality. As a viewer I was interested in seeing a positive and real portrayal of a homosexual teenager living in today's society. But there's also this thing that his problems didn't strike me as something close to home. Because the society I live in, there's no big issue of homosexuality as opposed to India who has a secular constitution. It was always somewhat of other man's story to me. I know so many of us connected to it on a personal level because they've had a personal encounter with homophobia via friends or family. I haven't. So even my best approach to it would be incomplete because the important factor of personal involvement is not present here. But what I did connect to today was Cabir bringing up the friendship issue.

I was waiting for it on some subconscious level. For a show title Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan, it can't go on long without addressing the issues of the Yaariaan in question. Fab5 means friendship to us, they are the perfect example of, "Friends are the family you choose." Sure they have their issues and their fights but at the end of the day, they represent to us that kind of friendship and love that some of us wish we had and those who do, they just make it cherish it more. But that's just us. Society, specially parents, do no regard our friendships with the same love and respect that we do.

Now, I know that it's not universally true. Some parents are chilled with our friendships. Heck, they even treat our friends like a part of the family. But a huge ratio doesn't. I know my friends are sometimes not treated with the respect I want them to be treated to. Cabir's mom said that blood family comes before friends. I asked, why? Cabir's only family is his mother and she deserted him when he needed her the most. Cabir retorted saying that she was once again pulling in society's rules and boundaries between them and he wanted an out from them, and I agreed.

Cabir bent down to pick Manik's guitar. Was it a horribly servant-y thing to do? No. Cabir's mom thought so. I know I sometimes go an extra mile for my friends and my mother is all, "why do you only do this? Why don't they?" And I go all speechless. If friendship is something which is completely our own decision, they are the relationships that we make, why does the society in shape of family try to dictate us as to how we should treat our friends? I am not talking about the bad and negative company, I am talking about the positive one. Like I have a friend who has helped me a LOT. Literally. My 3 AM friend. I love her. But there are times when my mother wouldn't like something she did and she'd go all, "Ye tou aisi hi hai." And I'm all...why?

Friendship is supposed to be selfless. No give and take. So why are we taught or asked to keep track? Of who paid the bills, who did what, who gave what, who took what, etc. We feel free with friends, but when that moment is passed why are then we being interrogated by it? Why are we expected to always keep the family first, regardless of how they treat us? For instance, let's talk Cabir. Cabir knows Manik is not doing ehsaan on him, Manik knows he's not doing Cabir any favor. But Cabir's mother came, gave one look to them and went all judgmental ke ye tou ghulam bann gaya friends ka. This whole scrutiny that we feel. Ye kaise ajeeb se society rules hain which only suffocate us?

Bad company, bad influence of friends is not the question here. Purely in terms of context, after all Cabir has gone through, is he wrong to want to put distance between himself and his mother? He yearns for her but when it comes to a person's individuality, is it wrong for one to move away from the family which only pulls you back and suffocate you? Do the parents have to have control on each aspect of our life? Why is there such a fundamental lack of trust on us? Why do we always have to fight for our freedom, even the simplest freedom of being happy on our own terms? If friendship is the medium via which we discover who we really, truly, actually are...why aren't we free from the influence of our parents/family/society even there?

RES.

From a mothers point of view she is trying to help her son out of so calle devil whch she will son realise is not ..i want my bira all happiness.he had went through enf ..she neeeds to understnd this boy need her a lot..i cant get y she isnt even trying to understand cabirs point of view..chaloo maybe in future she does,..and love uuu for this post

. I have always thought cabir n his mom shared a sweet n chilled our relationship.she will understand. She is behaving like what a normal parent do. We aren't free n won't be coz this is how our society works.

Originally posted by: fan145

From a mothers point of view she is trying to help her son out of so calle devil whch she will son realise is not ..i want my bira all happiness.he had went through enf ..she neeeds to understnd this boy need her a lot..i cant get y she isnt even trying to understand cabirs point of view..chaloo maybe in future she does,..and love uuu for this post

Cabir's request is simple - he wants his mother to stop judging him from a society's POV and just treat him as her son. He doesn't want the rules of society coming between them. His mother doesn't understand that. And I doubt she would. Parents in general have gotten so used to seeing their kids from a societal POV that we are being completely disregarded on individual level, at least that's what I think.

A child's happiness should be above all societal pressures. As a parent, you are the sword and the shield for your child, that wall of defense for your child. Many people in their search for legitimacy from society forget that when push comes to shove, in terms of help, this same society will not be bothered.

Originally posted by: lostmymusic.

Cabir's request is simple - he wants his mother to stop judging him from a society's POV and just treat him as her son. He doesn't want the rules of society coming between them. His mother doesn't understand that. And I doubt she would. Parents in general have gotten so used to seeing their kids from a societal POV that we are being completely disregarded on individual level, at least that's what I think.

Originally posted by: panidarang

. I have always thought cabir n his mom shared a sweet n chilled our relationship.she will understand. She is behaving like what a normal parent do. We aren't free n won't be coz this is how our society works.

That's my whole point. Why does society work like that? For a woman so awesome and chilled as Cabir's mother, why is the influence of society so high on her that she refuses to acknowledge what her only child needs - understanding. Homosexuality is a big issue and her reservations on that can be understood but undermining his friendships and self-respect? Making him come back to her not because she's ready to talk but because society dictates ke family comes first. Why?

Originally posted by: AnomanderRake

A child's happiness should be above all societal pressures. As a parent, you are the sword and the shield for your child, that wall of defense for your child. Many people in their search for legitimacy from society forget that when push comes to shove, in terms of help, this same society will not be bothered.

What sucks the most is that a child gets that shield and support from them all his life but at the point when he really needs it the most, that support is taken away from them and then comes the whole, "We're the parents. Hamare ehsaan hain tujh per. So do as we say." Shitty thing this whole society..

Originally posted by: fan145

Lemme say one thng ..its nt just cabirs mom ..even my parents always sees me from societial point of view like u said ..can someone explain y is it like tht ..bira actly had raised an impt legit qn ..yy...u knw wat ..my parents they dont like me watching sports ..cz i am girl ..they says girls r supposed be all humble and all..bt i used to watch ..they make blabber sometyms bt thn they will say no use explaining it to u ..only will realise aftr marriage..kyun..y ..😕

Even I'm the same yaar. I cited realy examples in my post. Parents refuse to be our friends. Then parents refuse us the right to be ourselves with our friends. I thank God that I don't have such suffocated environment with my friends, it's better than most, but the question still lingers - do our lives really start after marriage? For girls is it all about going from one prison to another? Shaadi se pehle baap ki suno, shaadi ke baad shohar aur bachon ki suno. And wo log, hamare friends, jo actually hamari sunte hain...unke saath apni relationship naap tol ke hisaab se rakho. Jaen tou jaen kahan..