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'My brand of Heroin'
A hopeless junkie...that's what he has been reduced to?
What happened to the 'Mr Attitude' whom the whole college feared more than the whole group put together? Went for a vacation or died a premature death? He didn't know which option to favour.
He hated himself at the moment, Maanik Malhotra HATED himself right now...perhaps more than he hated the very creature behind his undoing!
Even though there's as much chance of him admitting to it as India playing FIFA World Cup.
'I hate you'...it has become his favourite mantra to chant every time his Goddess Nandini is around. On her face or in his head.
Yes he hated Nandini. He hated that child-woman who has successfully become the very object of his dangerous obsession.
His very own personal drug supply. His personal brand of heroin!
From the very moment she has faced him, stood up to him, he have been establishing ways in his head to torture. Only because she has DARED. She has dared to challenge the feared 'Fab 5'. She has dared to challenge the Mighty Malhotra!
If only he could have known that a punishment for 'Daring' would snowball into such a sick, sadistic game of wanting to see her suffer, see her bow down to him, see her follow him like his shadow. Even he couldn't deny that it was sick! But it was tempting and HOW!
Him being the 'Tyrant Master' and her being his 'Slave.'
He didn't even realize when he got carried away.
How the sadistic need turned to addiction and how this need to see her, be around her, touch her smooth skin every time he got the chance reached scaring levels and turned to obsession.
He knew there was no way he would chose Nandini over his best friends or Aalya. But the moment Aalya gave him the ultimatum, he knew he was out of options.
But he didn't realize that freeing his 'spot' once and for all would mean this!
The moment he saw her coming in with Harshad, he saw red! He have come to know her well enough that wouldn't make him think lowly of her. But the fact that she was no more his slave...no more his made his insides burn. It seemed more or less like the side-effects of not having his drug-supply for a long period of time.
He knew she hated him just as much, perhaps more. But at least she used her brains more than he did...he'd give her that. She was a peace-lover.
The moment she said 'Please'...he was lost for words. Those big beseeching eyes, coupled with that attractive pout...oh WHY does she has to be so innocently alluring? This was so unfair!
They were supposed to be at either sides of the pool to avoid 'trouble'. But of course, that didn't stop him from staring at her like the moron he is!
Oh how on earth was he supposed to pull this off? Being at the same place as her and not being able to touch her, feel her?
He was happy in a way as it was obvious that Nandini didn't harbour any romantic feelings for Harshad. But how long is that going to comfort him? How long does it take for a girl to get attracted to a suave, good-looking guy who has till now been the 'knight in shining armour.' He wanted to snort in derision at that thought.
But before he could do that, another scene awaited for him to behold...Nandini in DHRUV'S arms!
There...went the smirk out of the window.
Dhruv...of all the people? And he was forced to think like this as the look they were sharing didn't look 'we're just good friends' from any angle!
He badly wanted to smack/hit something. May be an unprovoked attack on that stupid Harshad wont be that bad an idea.
But that would hardly do anything to his pent up frustration. Frustration at that child woman!
He cannot 'command' her to smile whereas the likes of Harshad and Dhruv- no he shouldn't categorize his buddy in this manner- can just make her.
To add insult to injury, it was Dhruv who rescued Nandini when she fell inside the pool when he so wanted to.
All he wanted to do was to pick her up like a sack (like he usually does) and carry her away and then...
STOP IT MAANIK. He commanded himself. Its bad enough that she already considers him a nemesis, he cannot complicate matters further. He wanted to stop thinking about her.
But could he?
His brand of heroin was no more his.
The need was so strong, so over-powering. It seemed to consume him inside out. He wanted to see her, just once. He promised himself he'll be a good boy. He didn't like to think that he had already seen her throughout the better part of the day, first he barged into her house, then the poolside party. He also didn't like to think that no sane male human being would knock the doors of a girl's house who was alone in her house, without a parent or a guardian and an ill brother to take care of.
But then, hadn't he crossed all sorts of lines in the recent past? And wasn't his obsession/addiction was way past the boundaries of sanity?
So he ringed the calling bell, anyway.
He let out his frustration colour the words of his sentences through the small gap where he saw Nandini. Of course the child-woman just got angrier as she didn't realize that he's actually letting his guard down, making it obvious that he's FIFTY SHADES OF GREEN.
He would have indeed broken the door down in his madness, but a small, sane part which luckily still existed warned him against it. 'Her brother' it said, and he couldn't argue further.
So he just threatened to do so, making Nandini finally open the door.
He felt...calm.
He knew he couldn't come in the middle of the night to have a chit-chat over a cuppa, she might have actually called the police, or get a mini heart-attack- his money was on the former.
So he came with a purpose. He was about to entrust this child-woman with the most sensitive information...something he's never shared with ANYONE. Information about his buddy, Dhruv- his illness, his medication, the history behind his illness, the nature of attacks etc. Something he hoped would benefit both his bro and hers'.
Why? Because concern for them notwithstanding, he was a hopeless junkie.
He has been reduced to a puppy who just wanted to bounce around her, waiting for her with a wagging tail to pat him.
This was pathetic...more than pathetic, it was unhealthy. He feels cold and detached from everyone. He wouldn't be surprised if one fine day, Aalya would publicly announce their marriage- to tie him to her or their break-up- to let go of him. He would be doomed either way.
But amidst all this, amidst all the madness, the bullying, fights, squabbles...it has always been her innocence that came to him like a breath of fresh air.
The very innocence which has always been there in those beguiling pools of darkness that were her eyes.
And the very innocence which will sure as hell be the death of Maanik Malhotra- if not literally.
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Bindi
