Posted:
I have observed this with many parents they are rich powerful famous and capable but they fail in parenting
Take case of Jodha and Akbar. Both love Salim a lot. But they just do not understand or care to understand about him.
As a kid Salim was so terrified of his parents punishment that he did not tell them his arrow injured qadir in Mughal gardens while practising. Why? He was scared that his parents shall punish him. Once before he went out without informing both his parents shouted at him. That fear psychosis sets in as a child only that lasts till adulthood and for majority all life.
I mean yes even in 21st century we kids hide things from parents because we think they may get angry or object to what we are doing or restrict us.
Basically when freedom is curtailed in any relation be it parent-child, husband-wife, friends, inlaws etc people start lying and hiding. But why do they hide?
There are two major reasons for hiding or lying to family.
One you do not want to lose that relation or bring daraar in that relation.
Second you have no support whether financial,society wise etc if you revolt against family or they throw you out of house or restrict you from doing anything.
Even in 21st century society do not support kids but usually elders. If a son falls in love the parent opposes then society supports parents, even law covertly support parents only. The son or daughter will lose life or be isolated and humiliated at all stages for daring to love or choose a life partner. This is true of house big educated rich families lesser talked of smaller towns and villages.
With this context we can imagine what has gone wrong in Salim and his parents relation
Salim did one mistake- he hid fact that he hurt a child by arrow in Mughal gardens out of fear.
The best thing for JA would have been to tell him that next time no matter how big a fault come and tell us. We shall not punish/hit you. You can share anything to us without fear in life. And if necessary a nominal punishment like no playtime for 2 weeks could have set him in right path. Also giving compensation to Qadir and his grandmom like making him stay in palace would have been a great idea as they are lonely without anyone to take care of them. When haider/qutub etc can stay in palace why not a Qadir and his grandmom?
But Akbar wanted to set an example of justice out of a small child that too because it was his own son. Sometimes I wonder would Akbar be so harsh if salim was not his own son? I have observed usually parents are more tough standards for own kids than other kids in similar circumstances.
So Akbar sent Salim a small child to Qadir house. Now Salim as grown up loves Qadir and his gradmom and is not bitter at them. But he is angry at the circumstance in which he was sent off. If only Jodha or Akbar explained to him lovingly that as a king Akbar cannot be seen as lenient to his son in front of commoners hence although he may not have given such harsh punishment to other kids he gave it to salim, may be salim would understand. Second is Ruqaiah is hell bent on filling his ears against parents. As an adult he may not listen to Ruq but as kid he will think what she is telling is right as he is in vulnerable state.
The biggest problem with Jodha Akbar is they may love Salim but they never demonstrate it openly. I am not talking of that fake love of Ruq like hugging, kissing, shedding tears in front of Salim. Yes an human needs specially a child needs that kind of love from parents especially till he is 20-25 years. Later on he gets friends, wife, kids who can shower him with that love. But till 25 a child requires parents, siblings support and love and care and demonstrations of love. Else he become insecure and look for that love in friends and lovers etc. After all an human is a social animal he feel good and secure if someone cares for him even if they are far off. Because he knows in times of trouble they shall care for him and protect him in tough times.
That is missing in Jodha akabr. When Salim is in trouble when lonely he has no one to go and talk his heart out or tell his problems. Daniyal, Murad,Shakrunissa, Khannum and Aram his siblings are small. Qutub is there but he cannot advice as he is same age. Only one remaining is haider an elder brother but he is evil guy. So Salim never open up, he open up only when drunk up to Akbar as when you drink you lose fear, senses etc you talk freely.
Before announcing his engagement any mother-father should have talked to child saying we are fixing with this person ideally set up meeting(not possible in 16th century) atleast tell girl/boy name to the child. How much hungama Jodha did when she was not told Akbar was groom in muh-dikayi ceremony before marriage? She brought entire amer fort down angry, crying etc and misbehaved with Akbar and family. But the same Jodha Akbar shall make a big issue if salim opposes or speaks against his engagement announcement is it not?
Same is true for Akbar he killed 30000 civilans in chittor, killed many in wars to expand his kingdom, forgave abul mali, sharifuddin, adham and maham who tried to kill him, create diff bet him and Jodha etc but did not forgive Salim for hitting a child and running off from the place. He wanted to set precedence by giving him harsh judgement so that people do not assume that he was lenient towards his son or may be wanted Salim to learn not to lie and hide. Same way he sent off an child angry at its parents to the war field at a young age. What I was given to understand in story was that Salim never was visited by his parents, siblings etc. Did Jodha atleast write him regular letters to check on his welfare? Did anyone go and stay with him when he was wounded in war field to take care? Not really.
Till the age of 21-25 a child requires max attention from parents and company of siblings. After that wife and kids and friends do take over that role of family. Did Salim receive that? Not really. So he is angry and thinks no one loves him cares for him at home. He does not have grudge on siblings and friends and grand parents and step mothers because he never really expected them to fight for him or care for him. But he definetly had thought that his parents would be there but even after returning back there has hardly been a show of affection from them. I have not seen Jodha ask him if he ate? where he was at night? what is he doing?
Now every child turns rebellious from age of 15 till 25 even in 21st century and starts non cooperation and hiding from parents. Does that mean parents stop checking where the child is? what he/she is doing? etc no they do check. Rebellion is a phase of life for every child where it will never listen to anyone in family and wants independence and thinks everything is restriction. But a parent cannot stop being a parent at that time.
Jodha was concerned for Khyber as he was an animal man, she got sharifuddin pardoned, maham pardoned, a small girl whom adham eyed saved, she feeds murad and daniyal, plays with aram but she is aloof in her relation with salim. Same goes for Akbar but Akbar atleast hugs him once in a while. That should have improved by now. All this engagement mess etc would not take place. Salim would never want an haider an anarkali an qutub for emotional support and for love and care
if he had his family with him(ignore Ruq)
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
