Posted:
[SATIRE]
New Delhi, July 28, 2014. Following several protests and riots over the perceived deception that some have termed "national disgrace", noted media personality Ekta Kapoor released the following clarification in a glittering ceremony held in the nation's capital -
"Thank you all for coming here.
"Ever since people started calling me a media-mogul, I have wanted to do a series about the real Moguls. Question was, who could I center it on? Babur was a dashing conquerer, to be sure, but he said that he didn't like India, and that may tick off the audiences that my advertisers target. Besides, I didn't want any mandir-masjid stuff in front of my studios, which can distract either my Hindu bankers or my Muslim bankers. As it is, we have enough trouble balancing regional politics and we do want advertising rupees from every region or religion.
"As we all know, Aurangzeb is no TRP puller either. We researched him, but couldn't find any angle that could be used to effectively exploit TV audiences.
"So we settled on Akbar. There is no Akbari-masjid controversy and he didn't kill his brothers or imprison his father either. If anything, he believed in giving everyone a second and a third chance, including those relatives who wanted to kill him. Our viewers, who too keep giving assorted criminals second and third chances in public office, will surely empathize with that suicidal impulse!
"However, let's be honest, how many TRPs can you get from being fair to all religions, and reorganizing tax and marriage-age policies? I mean, that would be like trying to make a blockbuster movie about Agriculture Ministry!
"So I called in my Natakiya Roopantar Team---these guys can turn that proverbial Agriculture Ministry from a useless 'kaam-chor' office it really is into a dazzling den of illicit sex, murders, and galactic intrigue!---and with their usual brilliance they came up with a new character best described as Yuck-Bar. Part Mughal, part 21st century Indian liberal, part Bollywood comedian, and all TRPs! My heart jumped with joy as I visualized money flowing out of the audiences' wallets straight into ours.
"However again, a media-mogul's life is never easy. My marketing people told me that not a single soul is going to even start watching a serial named 'Jodha YuckBar'. At first, we simply had to call it 'Jodha Akbar'. That would pull people in, thank you Mughal-e-Azam and Gowrikar for paving the way, and then we would slowly transform the viewers' experience into 'Jodha YuckBar'.
"Today I am pleased to announce that after nearly 300 episodes---most of which we had to waste on stuff like true love and social reform---we have finally accomplished that transformation. Yes, we are finally showing and our viewers enjoying 'Jodha YuckBar'! Therefore, it is with great pride and joy that I announce the new official name of our serial, what it was always meant to be: JODHA YUCKBAR."
[/SATIRE]
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