Originally posted by: kmmdesai
Hello Friends,
I am back with the next part. sorry for the delay. 😊Laptop problems and family wedding kept me from writing all these days.So here it is... I hope you will enjoy this.Entry 26:
This is Antara. I am very worried about Jodha. Since she came back from Diwane-e-khas, she has closeted herself in her room. She seemed very distraught. And she did not want to talk to any of us. She sent us out and said she wanted to be alone. I am very worried. I have never seen her so helpless and lost. I do not know what is going to happen. Kanha, please help my friend.
Entry 27:
I am writing this from a very lonely place. I am somewhere in Agra palace, in a very secluded room, where he placed me to be alone and think what I have done. Foolish man, does he not know that I am already alone and empty, just like this room. So much has happened in last 24 hours, it seems like a lifetime. I am unable to cope with this crushing loneliness and emptiness in my life. I am in a very dark place right now, where I cannot see any tiny ray of hope.
I was so happy, no happy is not the right word. I was so relieved that finally my mother has come to take me home. I was so tired of fighting, I was so tired of keeping my head over water all the time. I was so tired of this daily battle to survive. And at last like a ray of light at the end of a very dark and long tunnel, I thought my mother had come to take me home. But what happened is completely different. She rejected me. Amer rejected me. The family for whom I scarified my life and my dignity, rejected me. I had nowhere to go, no one to call my family. I could see only one way out, to end this misery for once and for all. I wanted that sweet oblivion. I did the only thing I could think of.
But he came in between again. He did not let me have my peace. What did he say after that? Oh yes, that he saved me only to save his and his kingdom's face, to save the prestige of his court and kingdom. What will people tell when his begum took this extreme step? So he saved me.
I am an object of pride. I am a puppet to be played for his pleasure. I am an object to be controlled and ridiculed. I am a commodity to be traded off in exchange for Amer. I am one of the many begums of Mughal Sultanate. I am a rajput princess of Amer. But the real Jodha is lost somewhere. There is no place for her.
Entry 28:
I am supposed to go with him to ajmer sheriff. I do not know what turn this will bring to my life.
Entry 29:
I argued with him again. This time it was for a separate tent. But he had already put up one exclusively for me.
Entry 30:
There was a commotion outside sometime back. Some rajvanshi had come to kill me. He said I was a disgrace to our community, that I married a Mughal. He said I bought shame to every rajvanshi. Yes, I bought shame to everyone because I saved my family and my kingdom, after the fact that all the males in my rajvanshi family failed to do so. When my own family has rejected me, sacrificed me and used me, when my own husband treats me like dirt, what can I expect from other people of my community. I took my frustration, my anger on him. Said he was responsible for everything.
Entry 31:
He came to my tent today, to prevent any further attacks. Again we argued. What is about this man makes me argue all the time? He brings out the worst in me. At one time he snatched my dupatta. I was so scared because his act, that in my defense I blasted him. I accused him of almost molesting me. But it turned out that he saved me from a snake.
When I thanked him for saving me, he joked about how he saved the snake, lest people say his wife is a killer of snake.
I wish Antara was here. I tell you, for the first time in so many days I smiled. It felt so alien in my face. I have forgotten how to smile, laugh and be happy.
Why is he being like this? If I did not know any better, I would say he is almost being nice. Is this another way to make me miserable? What is going on in his head?
Love
Kshithi
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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