AkhDa FF- Pyaar Kiya Toh Nibhana *NEW Author's Note* Page 65 - Page 32

Originally posted by: manuluvpari

Omg it's beyond words
I have no words to explain
My eyes filled with tears and
My throat choked while reading
This emotional part
Even prolouge n part 1 brought
Tears and gave pain in my heart
Its totally amazing

Isi baat pr ek sher arzz h
Bin savan barsaat nhi hoti
Suraj dube bina raat nhi hoti
Aur aapke updates bina din ki shuruvaat nhi hoti. 👏

Beautiful story and superb writing👏 A heart wrenching tale with flashbacks at appropriate places make this story so touching😊 Loved it😛 Please do update it soon and I would be glad if I can get a PM for this.😛

Ohh my khuda 😲😲! what a beautiful update jaan.. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Muaawhh.

M speechless m completely speechless. 😳😳 U knw what ? dis is my favr8 story I loved it so much I read all parts of dis story prologue n two chap's b4 bt i was waiting foh ur nxt chap n when I gawt ur PM I feel m on cloud 9 ( coz dis is d first PM from ur syd which I gawt) 😃😃 . I read d story it was sooo touching. 👍🏼 While reading my heart was on my mouth 🥺 it was heart taking n breath taking. 👍🏼👏👏👏 Literally I cried v hard while reading 😭😭😭 it was damn touching story.😭😭. haayye u r juzz phenomenal azra.. 🤗 I bow down to U foh writing dis beautifully, brilliantly n emotionally.. 👏👏👏⭐️⭐️👏👏👏⭐️⭐️ I juz loved it to d core. ❤️ ❤️ Really love u & ur stories both Tu jahan mai wahan n dis pyaar kiya toh Nibhana . ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ u dnt knw how emotional I'm while reading dis update I literally cried, 😭😭😭tears rolled out from my eyes.. 😒 😒 haayye its was soo touching yawr n d best part & highlight was where " jalal luked out ov d window 2 view his palace as he saw her evrywhr he saw jodhu listening 2 salima as she recited verses 4rm d Qura'an foh her, he saw jodhu walkng wv moti to give R'tee, he saw jo in his garden,feeding d pigeonz n he again saw her on d terrace while flying kitez wth rahim. He refused 2 blink as he dnt wnt his most beautiful dream 2 end. All he cUd C was his jodha he didn't even care foh his blood which was flowed 4rm his wrist. All he cud c was his jo everywhere". Wow what a beautiful moment !!!!!!! 🥳 👏👏

Glad to c hamida is by her loving daughter-in-law. And as ov nw jodha is all set 2 leave d palace.. 😳I hope & wish dis two unite soon 2gthr.. 😳😳😊

I loved it d way u portray all d emotions was juz superb. 👏👏👏👏⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️👏👏👏👏 D way u write n d song was perfect foh dis update 👍🏼 ... d way u used d song in between with 2 lines haayyeee I jus simply loved it & it touches me a lot.. 🤗

U, Namy n Bhavz di r an inspiration foh everyone.. 😃😃 I feel Blessed & Glad to have U 3 phenomenal writers in my life. 👏👏👏👏👏⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️(TOUCHWOOD) Bless U AwL 😊 🤗

Hats off foh writing dis beautifully, brilliantly n wonderfully.. 😊😊👏👏👏

M speechless , speechless, speechless.. 😳😳😳 U r beyond any words dearr... 👏👏 feel like hugging u tytylyy 🤗 🤗 🤗

I dnt have words 2 xpress. 😕 And I do read ur updates n I was a silent reader on ur threads En since dis is my first review on ur thread I dnt even knw what I've written. 😳😳 🥱 Whateva comes on my mind I wrote it. 😛 Sorry foh my useless review I still dnt hv any words to describe how brilliantly n smartly u've written.😎 👏👏👏 I bow down 2 U Azz.. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ all I want 2 say m soOo touched with ur lovely update. 🤗 🤗

Plz update ur nxt part ASAP namy ki jaan 😉😉

Originally posted by: aanchal_c

Hey Guys!! Az here 🤗and I'm back with a brand new story hot off the press (my head) lol🤣... Aanchal my lovely will be posting on my behalf... Thank you Aanchal!!!❤️ So please let me know what you think😳😳😳

Disclaimer:

All characters belong to Balaji, Zee and Ekta Ma'am. I'm merely borrowing them to play for awhile. I do not make any money from this. I do not mean to disrespect any religion or group nor do I wish to disgrace any real historical figure through my story, I'm merely using the characters of the show to tell my story. Hope you like it...

Pyaar Kiya Toh Nibhana

Prologue

How could you run, how could you fight, when doing so would hurt that beloved one? If your life was all you had to give your beloved, how could you not give it? If it was someone you truly loved?'
Stephenie Meyer, 'Breaking Dawn'

She was dying... She could feel it. Her body was wracked with unspeakable pain. She convulsed in agony. She could not see past it, could not think beyond it. Khwaja Shera who was her Hakim Sahiba, a few baandhis and her Ammijaan amongst others were yelling at her, screaming instructions at her but she could neither bring herself to comprehend nor care about what they were saying.

The shock of another contraction shot through her body, lifting her clean off the bed. There was blood everywhere. She began to cry... 'Hakim Sahiba... M..My baby! Save my baby please!' She was delirious. She had lost too much blood. If she didn't push the baby out quickly soon she and her baby would be dead. 'Begum Sahiba!' Khwaja Shera said to her, 'I can only save both of you if you help me! You are very weak and your baby is dying. I can let the baby die but if you want to save it you will have to suffer through a labour worse than death!' 'I f...fear neither death nor pain. I will die if I have to but please save my b...baby Khwaja Shera!' She could barely speak through the agony, the anguish and the tears. She fell back on the bed. Everyone around her wept in pity at the torturous sight. The poor young Begum was truly in hell... 'He's always wanted a child!' She cried... 'He doesn't need me as much as he needs his heir! Please let me die! Save my baby!' He doesn't care about me... She thought, her heart breaking... But the Begum couldn't be more wrong...

'Let me in please I have to see her!' His tortured voice could be heard over the threshold. His sweet, melodious, slightly deep voice acted as both a balm and acid to her wounds... She moaned and began to cry out loud at the onslaught...

Khwaja Shera had never had to deal with such a delivery in her entire life! She was fond of this Begum of her Shehensha. She was intelligent, beautiful and she could control the Shehensha like no other. She had chosen to walk through hell for her husband and her baby. She loved them more than anything in this world... 'Allah help her!' Khwaja Shera begged as she tried to get the baby out. 'She's willing to die for her baby, she has suffered so much pain and sorrows... give her strength Maula!' Khwaja Shera's prayer could barely be heard over the Begum's blood-curdling screams...

Jalal's panic permeated inside the chamber. Hamida Bano's features contorted in annoyance. Here a woman was giving birth under the most dangerous circumstances possible and her son wanted to be let inside! 'Does he not understand?' She cried.

'Don't mind him Malika-E-Azam!' Jiji Anga responded, 'Any father would be worried sick!' 'Not Jalal...' Hamida Bano responded bitterly. She still remembered every taunt, every barbed comment and every bit of cruelty. Their story was destined to be written in blood...

'Don't let him in here!' The wailing Begum cried out. She fell back on the pillow trying to breathe through the torment that burned like acid through her womb and into her very flesh. She began to see black spots and her vision began to blur. The darkness beckoned her with its comforting arms but she could not go there yet. She had to make sure her child was safe, she would endure whatever suffering and agony for that. Khwaja Shera yelled in panic and the Begum began to push again. She felt an explosion in her womb. She screamed like she was being murdered. She fell back onto the pillows and her eyes misted over with the memories of how she came to be here... How they came to be here... 'I am in love with you.' He had told her. Her memories flashed quickly before her eyes... Her head began to throb and then, without warning... Another contraction hit her with a vengeance but they didn't hurt as much as her heart... Nothing could compare to that pain... 'I love you too Shehensha'... She had returned his feelings with equal fervour... They had kissed, hugged, held each other and made it a habit to fall asleep in each other's arms. He was such a kind and generous lover. She remembered how their bodies had collided in the throes of passion, how he had kissed her and worshipped every part of her womanly form, how he had entered her with such fervour and how he spilled his love into her. She cried in misery as she remembered him whispering to her over and over again how much he loved her as sleep took them into a waiting embrace... How she wished those days could return... She recalled wanting to clutch onto him as a lifeline that morning they had woken but her arms felt cold in an empty bed as she opened her eyes to a cold empty heart... 'How could you do this?!' 'I could never truly love you, not after what you've done!' The voices all screamed in her head. Sometimes it was hers and other times it was his...

A mighty pain to love it is, and 'tis a pain that pain to miss; but of all the pains, the greatest pain is to love, but love in vain.'- Abraham Cowley

She cried, not only because her womb was failing her but because her heart had failed her as well...

Teri khata hai mere jiya
Unnpe bharosa kyun tune kiya

Piya Aaye Naa- Aashiqui 2

Khwaja Shera left the young Begum to get more hot water. The second she stepped out though, she nearly collided with the Shehensha. He had rushed to her. 'You have to do something! Let the baby go if need be but please... Please save my wife! I'll find away to beget more children but she is invaluable to me...' He whispered in complete distress. He held fast onto Khwaja Shera's hand... Begging for his life. He looked at Khwaja Shera, covered in blood and began to sob brokenly... 'Shehensha I am doing my best! Muaaf Kijiye I have to get back, Begum Sahiba's condition is critical...I have to go!' Khwaja Shera saluted him and ran. By the time she had returned she saw Shehensha sitting numbly on the floor. He looked like he had collapsed there. His open eyes were glazed over in grief and he was deadened with shock as he listened to his wife fighting for hers and his child's life...

Jalal wanted to die. He'd do anything to protect his Begum and his child. I am being punished... He thought... But his punishment was nothing compared to the agony that his wife was enduring. He sat numbly, listening to her scream. Her cries would haunt him for the rest of his life that he knew with absolute certainty. They were driving him mad. He knew that he would lose his sanity purely by listening to those screams. He sat frozen on the floor awaiting his fate. He prayed ardently to Allah for a miracle. 'Don't do this for me, do it for her... For my Begum! Save them Maula... Aap toh Rahim hain na? She has suffered enough pain because of me... I love her... I love her more than life itself! I'll do anything, be anything, and give up anything to protect her!' He raised his hands, looking up to his God weeping. He was a broken man, completely shattered...

A last agonized cry, the loudest by far echoed through the chambers... Then all was silent... Lightning split the sky brightening the darkness and rain began to pour in a sickly symphony. It was in this utter darkness and despair that the heir to the Mughal Sultanate took his first breath of air. He wailed. A good sign, a sign of a healthy baby. He kicked and cried. He was so tiny... So vulnerable... The Begum heard his soft wails... 'Give him to me...' She whispered. She was so weak. Khwaja Shera cleaned the baby and put him in his mother's arms. The past few months of this difficult pregnancy had taken its toll on the young girl and she cried openly. 'He's so beautiful!' She exclaimed as she clutched her baby close to her. 'He has your eyes...' Hamida smiled at her. 'Take him Ammijaan...' She told Hamida as the women began to clean her up... She was fading fast... She knew it...

Hamida Bano could not stop her tears. 'Ya Allah! Yeh kya mushkil hain?' She didn't know whether to cry with joy for the birth of her grandson or weep for the suffering of her daughter-in-law... The Begum looked so pale... A corpse. Hamida sat with her for a few minutes. What happened next in that chamber would become the best kept secret of the entire Sultanate in all of history. After that, Hamida looked gravely at everyone in the chamber, Gulbadhan, Khwaja Shera, Moti, Reva and Jiji Anga, making them vow to never speak of this night again. She dismissed them and took her grandson outside.

'Jalal?' She called gently. Her lifeless son suddenly sprang up. 'Ammijaan?' He called her, his eyes pleaded for her comfort. He needed his mother to reassure him. He looked as vulnerable as the baby in Hamida's arms. Hamida was crying. 'M..Mubarak ho Jalal. You have your heir. It's a healthy baby boy.' Jalal smiled slightly. He was happy... He was finally a father! But before he could feel the happiness of fatherhood by taking his baby boy into his arms he needed to know... 'Ammijaan? How is she?' Hamida looked down. She couldn't face her son. 'Ammijaan?' His voice broke. 'Ammijaan bataiye! Woh theek toh hain na?' Just then Khwaja Shera came out. Jalal looked at her grave and bitter expressions. The baandhis looked at him in pity. 'Jalal...' Hamida handed the baby to Jiji Anga and she took her son's shoulder in comfort... 'I'm sorry... We couldn't save her... Woh ab iss duniya mein nahin hain...' Hamida's voice hitched as the tears began to flow. She looked down but squeezed her son' s shoulders... Begging him to understand... To be all right... 'Woh mar chuki hain!'

Jalal looked at her blankly. His body began to shiver and he shook his head in denial... 'N...nahin... No! It's not possible. She would never leave me like this. Ammijaan you're lying to me. Tell me it's a lie! He was yelling now. 'Tell me it's not true!' He clutched onto his mother desperately and cried... 'No... ' He wiped his tears. 'She's just doing this to torture me...' The grief was driving him to denial and insanity. He bypassed his mother and tried to go into the chamber. He had to see her for himself! He had to wake her up. She wasn't leaving him to raise their child alone! She's a survivor! He thought... She could get through this! She had to...He had gotten near enough to the chamber to see his aunt Gulbadhan crying while placing a white sheet over the body. He was about to storm in a stop her when his mother yanked him away... 'Jalal sambhaliye apne aapko! I had warned you that you could only appreciate a good thing when it's gone... It's too late Jalal she's left us! Do you hear me?!' Hamida shook Jalal trying to bring him back to his senses. He tried to block it out. She couldn't die on him. 'Hosh mein aaiye Jalal! She's dead! Woh mar chuki hain!' Jalal's entire world came crashing down...

Sab jhoothe jhoothe vaade thhe unke
Chal peechhe peechhe aaya tu jinke
Woh piya aaye na

Ab sabhi unn khwaabon ki tu dagar chhod de
Ab sabhi unn khwaabon ko tu khud hi tod de
Woh piya aaye na

Teri khata hai mere jiya

Har khata ki hoti hai koi na koi sazaa
Gham likhe ho kismat mein to ban hi jaati wajah
Ab sabhi gham ashqon mein simat se gaye
Ab sabhi aansu palkon se lipat se gaye
Woh piya aaye na

Sach laga tha jo bewajah
Humko woh bharam ho gaya hai
Bhor aane thhe jis fasaane mein
Woh khatam ho gaya
Bhoole hum bhoole woh
Kaise sabse kahein baat yeh

Ab chalo hum dheere dheere bihal se gaye
Ab chalo hum jaise bhi ho sambhal se gaye
Woh piya aaye na

Teri khata hai mere jiya
Unnpe bharosa kyun tune kiya

Piya Aaye Naa- Aashiqui 2

'Nahin!' He yelled. He left his mother's arms and raced out the Harem. His mind was clouded by grief, regret and agony. Hamida had given birth to him. As his mother she could feel his anguish... She ran after him, trying to stop him.. 'Jalal! Jalal rukiye!' She screamed. 'Guards follow us!' She screamed. They followed Jalal who raced back to his chamber. Hamida was not far behind. She called Atgah Saab for help. She feared that Jalal would try to hurt himself in his current state... And she was not wrong...

There is a brief moment when all there is in a man's mind and soul and spirit is reflected through his eyes, his hands, his attitude. This is the moment to record.' - Yousuf Karsh

Jalal entered his room and began to trash it. He flung his divan over, cleared his dressing table, tore at his sheets and yelled. The sad and frustrating thing was that he could have his way with these inanimate objects, but he had no control over his fate... He was a widower. He kicked at his table until it broke. He banged his fists against the walls in agony. His body started to ache but Jalal didn't care. She died because of him! He wanted to feel her pain...He wanted to die... He trashed the chambers until his arms bled but no matter how much of pain he gave himself he could never make up for the things he had done... His mother and Atgah Saab walked in with some guards and they tried to subdue a grief-stricken and suicidal Jalal. I can't live without her... He thought... At that moment she was all he could see. Her smile, her lit-up eyes, and then her blood and her tears... He wasn't a father then, nor was he a son or an emperor... He was just a man who had lost his love. He was being selfish... He knew this somewhere in his consciousness... He wasn't thinking about his new-born baby, nor his mother, nor his empire. He just wanted to die...

He struggled against the guards and flung them off. He smashed his head forcefully into the mirror, his loss driving him completely mad... 'Jalal!' His mother cried... 'Shehensha!' Atgah screamed... They caught hold of him again... 'Shehensha please hosh mein aaiye! Come to your senses!' They held him fast. Jalal was weaker from the loss of blood and from his head wound. His mirror lay shattered on the floor, each and every piece coated with his blood... 'Let me go!' Jalal wailed... 'I don't deserve to live!' Atgah signalled one of the guards to get the Hakim while the rest of them held Jalal down as he struggled. He wanted to hurt himself further... 'Jalal please stop it...' Hamida cried. Soon the Hakim came and they tried to subdue a hysterical Jalal with a sedative. He screamed in pain at his loss as the medication took effect on him... He called for her as the tranquilizers clouded his senses, dragging him into the dark abyss of unconsciousness...'Jodha!'

How was it? Good? 😛Bad?😭 Should I continue? 😳I'll only update this story if I get a positive response and that too only after my exams unfortunately... 😭😭😭I'll focus on Tu Jahan for now but I wanted to write this story because this idea had struck me all of a sudden. So lemme know guys!!😃😃😃

Originally posted by: Az3003

Chapter 1 Disclaimer Applies

Please Note: This chapter contains Self-Mutilation. Not for sensitive readers or readers under 16.

Chapter 2

I tried to forget you, but the harder I tried, the more I thought about you- Anonymous

Her vision swam no matter how hard she tried to focus. All she could sense was that she was in a cool dark room, with no windows, no ventilation. Some candles offered solace from the blackness around her, but they danced like twinkling stars before her hazy vision. Her body had been through unspeakable shock and trauma. She was exhausted from the labour. She had no will to continue. If her body was traumatised by the labour than her heart was scarred by his cruelty, his indifference. The biggest mistake she had ever made was making him her life, and now he had spurned her and left her to die. She could not help but feel a small semblance of joy however... I am a mother... She wept silently to herself. Other women would be resting in bed with their little angel in their arms, while their family would surround them to bless them and celebrate with them.
Jodha had no regrets about that though. After her fateful night with Jalal she had gotten used to waking up alone in a dark empty room. But no matter how hard she tried to be strong, she only ended up fooling herself. Her vision hadn't even cleared properly when her tears began to fall and her battered body heaved miserably. Her heart bled. She wanted to see her baby boy but she tried to console herself. She had known the second she found out about her pregnancy that her baby would never be her own. How could he? When every decision had been taken out of her hands. He would be the heir to the Mughal Sultanate, he'd follow a different faith, a carved out destiny. Jodha had always dreamed of freedom even as a little girl. That was why she'd escape her palace on her horse so often. Normal people took little things for granted like being able to go where you want, feel the fresh air on your face without a battalion of soldiers crowding you. For poor captive Jodha, nothing compared to riding her steed across the planes of Amer, and yet her own child will have to suffocate in a palace without his mother to comfort him. She would never have wanted that for him. The idea of being away from him killed her. In the nine months that she had carried him in her womb he had become a part of her. She had tried, she had reasoned with herself and tried to force herself not to become attached to him, but how could she not? This was her child, flourishing in her womb, a little vulnerable being entirely dependent on her for survival.
Her worry for her child's fate plagued her throughout her pregnancy. The idea of having her flesh and blood taken away from her was a trauma that she couldn't bear. It was so bad in fact, that she was ill the entire nine months. She couldn't sleep and she barely ate. Most women would have their husbands at their side during these difficult times but Jalal could not be bothered about her. After their affair he only ever came to the Harem to taunt her, spend time with Ruqaiyya or to flash a pretty Baandhi in her face before taking her back to his chamber. Jodha's heart would constrict at the sight. It would flutter in her ribcage like a caged bird yearning for love, comfort, respite and freedom. She could not even bring herself to be jealous; she could only try to put on a brave facade until he left before stumbling blindly into her chambers weeping brokenly.

When one's body is weak and tired it yearns for mental peace in order to rest, but poor Jodha... Neither could her body rest in peace nor could her mind. Her fear of being separated from her child had finally come true. 'Ruqaiyya will raise the baby right...' Jalal would tell her... 'This is my baby as well Shehensha...' Jodha could not help but speak up defiantly. Even with her self-esteem destroyed and in tatters her Rajput fire refused to die. Jalal's angelic features twisted in a sardonic smirk. His smug expressions mocked her. 'Do you really think you have a say in this Jodha Begum?' He began to laugh mockingly. Jodha felt her courage began to wane. Then, without warning, Jalal grabbed her wrist with lightning speed and caged her hands in his. He squeezed her wrist until her bangles began to break, 'You can't even take care of this baby now when it's in your womb! Forget raising the baby Jodha Begum. I'll never let my child be fed and raised by a Rajput wretch who grew up hating Mughals and you had better learn to take better care of your health.' For a brief second, only for a second, Jodha's chest heaved with hope, her heart dared to swell with pleasure... He cares about me... She thought... Jalal saw the hope in her doe-like eyes and his expression darkened, 'I don't want anything to go wrong with this pregnancy Jodha Begum. I want this child to be born healthy and you need to do whatever it takes to make that possible. It doesn't matter what you do with yourself after the birth... You could go drown yourself in a well for all I care...' And just like that... Jodha's pitiful heart, which had dared to hope and dream, was shattered all over again. Jodha squeezed her dulled eyes against the pain a laid back on her simple mattress in the dark chamber.

Nothing hurts more than having someone in your heart but not being able to hold them in your arms- Anonymous

Rabba mere rabba, yeh kya ho gaya hai
Mera yaar mujhse judaa ho gaya hai
Judaa ho gaya hai

You could go drown yourself in a well for all I care... His own words echoed in his ears like a curse. He walked about numbly in his chamber. He hadn't wished ill for her but for himself instead. When he uttered those foreboding words he hadn't stopped to think for a second how he would live without her. He had always loved Jodha, from the second he had first laid eyes on her in Amer, but by placing her sword by his neck she had unknowingly woken a monster in him. He saw treachery in her beauty and he feared of losing himself to her. So he had decided to punish her for her charm and her beauty. How was it her fault? He cried silently to himself. Ever since he had lit her pyre, he had been in a trance. He had woken in his chamber. 'Jalal? Jalal aap theek toh hai na?' Ruqaiyya, bless her, was there waiting for him, by his side. 'I want to be left alone please...' Jalal whispered hoarsely to her. 'Jalal you shouldn't be alone right now.' Ruqaiyya tried to be the voice of reason. 'Ruqaiyya please...' Jalal all but begged. He was exhausted to the very depth of his soul. He shivered slightly from the fever. Ruqaiyya took him into her arms in a comforting embrace. Jalal put his arms around her mechanically but he sought no comfort from her. He didn't deserve peace or comfort. I deserve to be punished... He thought. 'I'm going to fetch you something to eat.' Ruqaiyya said. 'You need to keep your strength up and don't worry about anything, the baby is safe with Salima Begum. You just get better Jalal...' As Ruqaiyya left, she turned at the door and took one last look at the once proud Emperor. He stood up off his bed. His shoulders slumped in defeat. His gait was slow and unsteady, as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. His face was pale and his eyes glistened with unshed tears. Ruqaiyya sobbed silently. She had fought with him the past few months about the way he had acted with Jodha. 'This kind of behaviour is unbecoming of the Mughal Shehensha Jalal! She is pregnant. Ya Khuda she needs at least your kindness if not your company!' Jalal had scoffed at her. Ruqaiyya know he was paying for his actions but looking at his state now, even their Maula would have to take pity on him. I love you Jalal... Her heart spoke where her lips were forced to remain silent. No matter your mistakes and shortcomings, I know how deeply you regret your actions. I feel your pain and remorse. Don't worry my love... I'll help take your pain away. I know what happened to Jodha Begum was tragic but it's important for you to grieve and move on, and I'll help you. I'll be by your side fulfilling my duties as your wife. My love for you will help you to forget Jodha. I'll love your son like my own Jalal, and we'll be together forever...

Ruqaiyya left as silently as the wind but to Jalal, it's as if she was never there. He had cut himself off from everything around him. He wanted solitude, to reflect and to repent. He wanted to remember every ache and hurt he had given her. He wanted to rebuke himself by reliving the hopelessness that he saw in her eyes. He wanted to remember how he had carelessly trampled on her heart, her feelings and emotions so that his own heart would be damaged beyond repair. He wanted to die. Each and every second without her was more than he could bear. The thought of living an entire lifetime without looking at her innocent exquisite features, without seeing the wisdom and love in her eyes, without listening to her melodious voice, whether it was whispering entreaties of love to him or shaking in silent strength as she faced up to him, destroyed him beyond words. Her cries during her labour drowned his thoughts. He blocked his ears against the imaginary blood-curdling screams in agony. I love you Shehensha... Her voice, so pure, so nave. Her eyes brimmed with devotion for him before shining with desperate tears...Tum ek Begum nahin, bazaar mein bhikni wali cheez ho. The coldness in his own voice chilled him to his very core as he remembered that night. He kept playing it in his mind, constantly. But I love you Shehensha... Puri tarah se hochuki hoon mein tumhaari. Sab kuch de diya hain maine tumhe Shehensha... If you hate me so much kill me... But please tell me that this is a lie...Jodha had wept so brokenly. Jalal began flinging around every unfortunate object that he got his hands on. He took his pillow and was about to rip it apart when a small shimmer compelled his vision to look down on his bed. It was a dagger that he kept beneath his pillow in case of an emergency. He stared at it with a strange longing. This was no mere blade, to Jalal it looked like an escape. How easy it would be to end it all right now, too easy. I'm not even worthy of the shelter of death... He thought miserably. It was too less of a punishment for his sins. Besides, he had his son to think of. Jalal had craved for a baby for so long and now that he had finally got his wish, he could not even bring himself to be happy. He hadn't even held his little boy and Jalal could not bear to look at him. It was not as if Jalal didn't love him... No... He heard his Phuphijaan saying that his baby had Jodha's eyes. He didn't have the strength to face those eyes, to look at his angel of a son when it was him who had deprived that guiltless child of his mother. Despite his misery, the thought of his son made his chest swell with pride and joy. If only he had gotten an opportunity to make things right with Jodha, if only she hadn't tried to save his life, if only he could tell her how much he loved her, if only she were here so that they could gaze at their little miracle, if only they could be a family... If only...

It's hard to wait around for something you now might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when it's everything you've ever wanted. It's impossible to forget someone who gave you so much to remember- Anonymous

Jalal took the dagger out of the sheath and walked slowly to his open window. He had never known a darker night. Neither did a star twinkle nor did the moon grace him with its glow. He didn't hear a peep out of the night creatures. It were as if Nature itself was mourning Jodha's loss, plunging itself into darkness. There's nothing left... Jalal thought... Nothing beyond you Jodha.

Dil apna dena khata ho gaya hai
Tujhe pyaar karna saza ho gaya hai
Saza ho gaya hai
Tujhe is tarah se yaad karne lage hai
Tujhe is tarah se yaad karne lage hai
Lahoo banke aansoo barasne lage hai

He didn't even have to think about it. He was in a strange trance when the dagger first touched his wrist. Jalal closed his eyes and the tragic memories began to surface. He remembered the first time he crushed her wrist in his vice-like grip. He remembered Jodha's startled expression and her slight yelp of pain. He had watched with a strange mix of pleasure and pain as she crushed her lower lip between her pearly teeth to keep from crying out in pain. He then heard a slight crack as he crushed her bangles between his fingers. Jalal fed his ego with her humiliation but the power of the emotions that hit him after that was beyond belief. He felt the warmth of her blood oozing between his fingers. Immediately it had jolted him back to reality. He had looked at her blood on his hands... Both surprised and afraid of his own strength... Jalal opened his eyes to the darkness outside. No matter how many torches the palaces lit that night; it would have no effect on the endless blackness. It was as if the torches themselves had lost all zest and valour and gave in to the bleak night blanket.

His heart beat with a vengeance against his ribcage. Then, as fast as it accelerated, it began to slow to a gentle hum. It thrummed harmoniously. A sad smile played on his soft lips. His hands moved of his own accord. It was as if the blade was controlling him and not the other way around. Its feeling on his wrist was feather-light at first then, the blade thirsted for more. It thirsted for his crimson elixir as Jalal yearned for some release of his agony and anguish. His hand pressed the dagger harder. The harder his hand pressed the dagger into his wrist, the calmer Jalal's heart felt. He felt it before he saw it... His warm life blood oozed into his palm. He felt the familiar warmth of blood on his hands, only this time, it wasn't from the relief of the death of his enemies, nor was it from the sadistic pleasure he had gotten from torturing his beloved Jodha... This blood was his own, and shedding of which began to soothe him immensely. The more it flowed... The better he felt. His head began to feel light, his vision began to swim. His weakened body was suddenly felt an onslaught of conflicting sensations, the trauma of the blood loss, the hurt that he inflicted on himself, yet his mind felt peace in suffering for his Jodha and his heart was soothed by her memory. His wrist was soon immersed in his blood, as his mind was immersed in Jodha's worship and devotion...

'Jodha beta? Jodha aap theek toh hai na?' Hamida Bano's voice, like warm honey reached into Jodha's consciousness and steadily pulled her back to the world of the living. Hamida looked at Jodha with pity. It was a miracle that her tears hadn't dried up yet. Hamida began to cry and took Jodha in a warm and gentle embrace so as not to hurt her. ' Shukriya Jodha... Aapki wajah se aaj Mughal Sultanate ko uska waaris mila... He's so beautiful. He has your eyes.' 'Ammijaan...' Jodha sobbed... 'Promise me that you'll take care of him, that he will never feel the absence of a mother... Please Ammijaan... I want him to grow up happy, to be a good man... A good ruler... Please promise me Ammijaan...' Jodha's voice softened to a whisper. Hamida held onto her. 'I promise my child, I'd do anything for you and my grandchild... But Jodha... Why don't you want to take him away with you? I want you to leave this hell child. I couldn't bear to see you suffer by my son's hands anymore. But today... Jalal was... Jalal is ashamed of his actions Jodha... I have seen the pain and remorse in his eyes... He lov...' 'Please Ammijaan...' Jodha interrupted her. 'I can't hear anymore... Please' She begged weakly...

Mohabbat se hum bhi ab to darrne lage hai
Lahoo banke aansoo barasne lage hai

'I know the Sultanate needs an heir Ammijaan. But what matters to me even more is how much the Shehensha has always wanted a child. I knew that no matter whether the baby is a boy or girl, that the Shehensha will love them all the same. I couldn't take his child away from him. And when I leave, I don't know where I'll go. I can't go to Amer. I wouldn't want such an uprooted life for my baby. He deserves to be here with all of you, with his family... With his fath...' Jodha began to sob uncontrollably. 'All I've ever wanted was to take care of him Ammijaan... To love him... To build a life with him... So why did he do this to me?' The tears glistened like pearls on her cheek. Hamida began to sob as well. 'Oh my baby' She held Jodha, trying to comfort her. 'Forget about the past. Once you are healed I'll lead you out of here. Jodha it will kill me to let you go, but I know you have always wanted to be free... I had asked you before the birth if you want to go back to Amer.. So why did you refuse? Why did you ask me to fake your death?' 'I don't want to go back from one prison to another Ammijaan..' Jodha wept.'I don't want to go back to Amer as an abandoned woman. I want to live the life of a commoner. I want to be free Ammijaan. But I don't want my baby to think I abandoned him. I'd rather he think that I'm dead then to have him wonder what happened to me... Isme sab ki bhalayi hai.' Jodha began to wonder about her little boy. She would never be able to lull him to sleep, to hold him to her bosom and comfort him in times of need, to feed him the food that she wanted to make for him, to shower all of her love on him. She would never hear his first words, see him take his first steps. The idea ripped her heart to shreds. 'Jodha beta... Aap rukh jaaiye... Mein Jalal ko samjhadungi... Ruk jaaiye beta... We can be a family again... I know what Jalal has done is beyond forgiveness, but you haven't seen him Jodha. He is burning in the fires of regret. He actually told me that he loves...' 'Nahin Ammijaan... Please...' This was the second time Jodha refused to hear about Jalal. Hamida was distressed. Jodha needs to know that Jalal loves her! She thought... Then maybe she won't leave... 'Jodha beta... There's something you should know...' 'Ammijaan...' Jodha began to sob desperately... 'I want to leave here... Mera dum ghut raha hai... Please Ammijaan.. I don't want to wait until I'm healed... I can't stay here anymore... I can't bear to be near... Him...' Jodha began to cry and beg hysterically... 'Please Ammijaan! Mera yahan dum ghut raha hai... I don't want to wait anymore. I don't care what state I'm in ... I want to go!' 'Jodha calm down beta.' Hamida tried to soothe her. 'Please think this through Jodha.' Hamida begged her, trying everything to stop her beloved bahu from leaving... 'How can I let you go? Where will you go? Do you know how I will worry about you? What kind of a mother would I be if I let you leave here, with no idea where you will go, where you will live? Please don't ask me to do this beta!' Hamida pleaded with her. Jodha took Hamida's hands warmly in her own... 'Please Ammijaan... If you have ever loved me, if you have ever considered me your daughter, please don't stop me! I can't live here anymore, I'll die! Please Ammijaan... I want to go to the village. I want to be free... Please Ammijaan...' Hamida knew the second she looked into Jodha's glistening hazel orbs that she would give this poor girl the world on a silver platter if she had asked for it. She mentally cursed her son again. Jodha wasn't the type of princess who loved wealth, clothes and jewels. Jodha valued relationships, people and emotions. She was a person who always put others before herself; she would give her life without hesitation for her family. How then, could Jalal have ever seen any treachery in her? How could he have never appreciated her love? There were many who would die for a woman like Jodha, an exquisite beauty with a heart of gold, but all Hamida could see when she looked at the young Begum was her broken spirit. She would do anything to heal that fragile spirit no matter how hard it would be for her or how sad it made her feel...

Ruqaiyya entered Jalal's chamber and the sight before her made her drop the food in her hands with a loud clatter. She stifled her scream and cupped her hand over her mouth, but even she couldn't help the wave of panic that seemed to engulf her. Jalal stood in front of the window, his back to her... But the blood dripping steadily from his wrist began to pool at the floor, yet he never let go of his firm grip on the blade. He switched hands mechanically, his eyes never breaking focus from their far off stare somewhere over the horizon. The blade pierced the veins on his other wrist as he cut himself in some kind of sick trance. 'Jalal!' Ruqaiyya screamed in a panic. She ran to him, yanked the knife swiftly from his firm grip and threw it across the floor. 'Pagal ho gaye hain kya aap, Jalal?' She cried... 'Guards!' She shrieked angrily. Two burly guards ran in. 'You're job is to protect the Shehensha right? Where were you?' Two guards could only stand before her with their heads lowered in shame. When they looked up and saw the wounds inflicted on their Shehensha they began to panic! 'Ab khare khare muh kya dekh rahe ho?!' Ruqaiyya snapped angrily... 'Get me some medicines and bandages for his wounds! Jao naalayakon!' They left as quickly as possible, afraid of her next outburst. Throughout Ruqaiyya's tirade Jalal had not even twitched. His gaze never drifted from outside the window. He didn't even blink. Ruqaiyya turned to him worriedly. This was the first time in her entire life that she was afraid for him, the first time where she realised that at this point, the Mughal Sultanate's Shehensha, who cared for an entire Kingdom, who shouldered the greatest responsibilities in the world, could not even take care of himself.

Yeh judaai beqaraari, haai yeh majbooriyaan
Har kadam par saath hongi ab meri tanhaaiyaan

Ruqaiyya put her hand deftly on his shoulder and tried to jolt him back to reality... He swayed precariously on the spot. Ruqaiyya realised that he was weak from the blood loss but he refused to move for some reason. He began squeezing his hand forcefully, pumping his veins, compelling more blood to flow... 'Jalal?!' Ruqaiyya cried... 'Please...' She had to force his gaze away from the window as she dragged him to his bed...

Ab zamaana jaan lega pyaar ki dushvaariyaan
Meri dushman ban gayi hai meri hi parchhaaiyaan

Jalal looked out the window to the view of his palace. He saw her everywhere. He saw Jodha listening to Salima Begum as she recited verses from the Qura'an for her, he saw Jodha walking with Moti to give everyone the morning Aarti, he saw Jodha in his garden, feeding the pigeons and he saw her on the terrace flying kites with Rahim... He refused to blink... He didn't want his most beautiful dream to end. He no longer noticed the warm blood that flowed from his wrist, all he could see was his Jodha. The mirage was finally shattered when Ruqaiyya forced him from the window. She led him to his bed where the guards had brought the medical supplies. Ruqaiyya began to sob as she cleaned and bandaged his wrists. The guards cleaned the blood off the floor. Jalal's eyes continued to linger, gazing above at nothing. He felt like a living corpse, he walked but there was no path before him, he breathed but he wasn't among the living. He could neither die nor was he truly alive.

Khushi ke liye hum ab tarasne lage hai
Lahoo banke aansoo barasne lage hai

Poor unfortunate Jalal... If his gaze had lingered outside the window for even a split second longer... He would have had the opportunity to see his dreams turn into reality before his very eyes as a weak but determined Jodha left the palace with his Ammijaan in her wake...

Hamida led Jodha out half-heartedly. She knew that Jodha was weak, but she also understood Jodha's desperate plea to leave quickly. She knew Jodha better than her own daughter. Jodha wanted to leave quickly before her resolve weakened. She thought that she was a curse to Jalal and her baby and she wanted to remove herself from their lives while she still had the strength to break away. Jodha was the most pure and selfless soul she had ever had the honour of knowing. Hamida tried many times on their way to the palace doors to explain Jalal's state to Jodha. She tried to tell Jodha how much she was loved but Jodha did not listen nor would Jodha ever heed her words. Her self-esteem had been damaged beyond repair. It had gotten so bad, that Jodha had even begun to question whether she deserved love from anyone, forget her own husband. Jodha and Hamida just got out of the secret tunnel into the open air. If poor Jodha had just turned around she would have seen her dream come to fruition, she would have seen Jalal's state in his love for her. But as Jodha looked forward to the horizon, to her future, Ruqaiyya led Jalal away from his window, away from her...

Ho gaye hum kitne tanha pyaar mein dil haarke
Das rahi hai yeh judaai bin sajan bin pyaar ke


'Ammijaan...' Jodha held her hand as they cried and said their final goodbyes. 'Will you do me one last favour?' 'Of course beta! Anything! Bataiye?' A memory flashed before Jodha's eyes... From about ten months before... 'If I ever have a son I'll name him Salim.. After Khwaja Salim Chisti...' His voice had become a habit for her... Whether he praised her beauty and extolled his love for her with promises of a future together or whether it threatened her and yelled at her. His voice, his fragrance lingered on her very form, following her. 'I want my son to be named Salim... Shehensha had always loved that name.' Hamida cried openly at that and hugged Jodha for all she was worth. This girl had come into their lives as Jalal's forced bride, swallowed the misery that she had suffered there, only to give them the greatest gift before trying to leave their lives quietly forever... With no desire for thanks or appreciation. She was a gift from the Gods. 'Please find a way to let me know that you're all right...' Hamida cried, holding her most cherished daughter to her bosom. Jodha and Hamida soon broke their embrace. Jodha covered her head with a thick black stole and a dark cape. She had taken her family jewels from Amer to sustain her on her journey... Her journey to a new life... Away from everything she held dear...

Jodha turned and began to walk as fast as she could. She knew her poor health would slow her down considerably. She refused to turn back. One more glance at her Ammijaan and she'd break.

He clung desperately to her memories. Trying to remember her smile, trying to keep her alive in some corner of his world. How ironic that he would give his life to see her smile, one last time...

Yaad humko aa rahe hain chaar din voh pyaar ke
Voh adaayein voh sharaarat, haai jalwe yaar ke

Jalal suddenly began to toss and turn in his chamber, despite his best efforts to remember her in better times, the memories of Jodha's agonising screams robbing him of all respite. It was not just the dreams however... A strange anguish had settled in his heart. Jodha was dead to him and the world, but it was at that precise moment that it felt like his life was draining out of him... Leaving him. Ruqaiyya, try as she might could offer him no comfort. She held him in her arms but to no avail. He refused to eat and he could not rest...

Tujhe is tarah se yaad karne lage hai
Lahoo banke aansoo barasne lage hai

Outside, each step Jodha took led her further away from home, from Salim and Jalal. Your mother's blessing are always with you my son... She sobbed... And she refused to even think it but her love and her heart would also remain behind... With her Shehensha... Her footsteps were as light and breezy as the wind but her heart as heavy as lead...

Judaai ke gham bhi mujhpe hasne lage hai
Lahoo banke aansoo barasne lage hai

I can only apologise so many times for delaying!!😆😆😆 Lol... This one goes out to everyone!! But especially to Nancy who restored my faith in this story... Love you Jaan!!!❤️

The song for this chapter is Lahoo Banke Aansoo from Mujhse Shaadi Karoge