He stood in the balcony, a cup of coffee in his hand. The dinner was simple and uneventful. Yet it was the best he had had recently. It was a quiet dinner he had shared with Ragini, a dinner which Ragini had insisted that she cook from the scratch, now that her right arm has healed and the cast is off. As he took a sip of the coffee, he remembered how crestfallen Ragini had been to notice the children's absence from the dining table - he knew that she was living each of these moments in her heart and head, storing up memories to help her sustain in the coming days. But what would he do? Without her? Without them together?
It was dark all around, except for some squares of light spilling over into the streets, from the buildings surrounding them, illuminating those rooms which had some alternative arrangements. There was a slight wind blowing which made the situation bearable.
The soft clink of bangles at the doorway brought him back to his senses. He moved slightly to make space for Ragini as she joined him, and they both gazed out together in the inky darkness.
She smelled slightly of a heady concoction of spices - a wonderful reminder to the lovely dinner that they shared. All his favourites. All. She has always been a giver, Nachiket thought, as tears welled up in his eyes.
Thanks for the Dinner, he muttered. And Coffee.
She smiled.
I am happy that you liked the food, she replied. I am sorry though you have to do with vegetarian food, Nachiket. But you could eat outside anytime. You know that right?
He turned towards her slightly
But what if I don't want that? Not anymore? I just want to be here with you.
In the dark, he could hear her brain whirring.
Don't over analyse Ragini. Let it be.
You are right Nachiket, she said, as she moved closer to him, shivering a bit. The night was calm and the moon shone bright in the sky. Nachiket held her shoulder lightly, soaking in the peace and tranquility of the moment.
After a while, she continued
Look up Nachiket. Look at those stars. They are beautiful.
But he could only look at the Moon in his arms.
She continued,
See how bright they are. Do you think they miss somebody as well? From so far out in the galaxy, twinkling like small diamond beads? Do you think there are other living beings in the universe as well who look at those stars and think of their most loved and cherished ones?
She turned slightly and looked into his eyes
Like I have all these years? For you? For us? For our children? For our family together?
I tried to search for your smile, your touch, you ... in those stars, all these years.
Did you ever miss me, Nachiket? This bad?
Her voice was now overcome with unpolished emotions and she now choked on a sob. He pulled her tight across his chest, as his lips found her forehead, hers hands encircling his waist.
And now you will be gone soon. And my wait will start again. This time for eternity.
He could feel her tears staining the front of his shirt. The shirt was significant to him now. It was only during dinner that she had happily complimented him that he looked handsome in black. Though they were momentarily joking with each other, yet he knew that there was honesty in her statement. And his heart had swelled.
His Ragini was trying to find her Nachiket in him. All this while. The Nachiket that has gotten lost somewhere in the mess.
His finger felt heated against the cool skin of her back, Nachiket thought, as he deposited the coffee mug on the terrace edge and pulled her into an embrace
I missed you so much Ragini. And my kids. I wish I could make you believe me. But you were not with me then, and I didn't know what to do or how to rectify. And meanwhile, time just flew away.
Every time I tried to forget you for the pain I carried across my neck like an albatross, I hated you. And the more I hated you, I realised that I could never forget you.
I don't know how I survived.
Every time I looked up at night sky, I could not find the stars because my heart was too busy calculating the distance and differences between us.
He realised that by now her shivering has stopped, which he considered to be a good sign. She was stabilising. He really could not see her crying, even after all these years and so much in between.
Oh, it's been so long. I missed you so much, Ragini. I missed being able to just touch you and hold you close to my heart. Like this. And speak to you. And hear you speak.
She burrowed into his arms further and nodded her head in affirmation. Nachiket leant down gently and kissed the side of her neck once and she turned her head so that he could see her.
He tucked an errant piece of hair behind her ear and looked at her expectantly. Hoping that his eyes are able to display his true feelings for her, for what they have always been.
And Desire.
Her expression turned from curiosity to surprise and Nachiket shut his eyes to push his thoughts away at the deepest recesses of his mind. He knew this was not the time and place to express his desire though he was sure that any blind person in the same room as them, would have no difficulty in figuring out the intensity of their feelings for each other.
But he wanted to sort out the mess first - that was what he was working on, trying to find a way back to his Ragini. And he hadn't wanted to speak to anybody else about it, before he dissolved his so called commitment elsewhere. he simply couldn't do it.
He glanced at her again but knew it was too late. She'd seen it. Oh God. What now? he thought.
Realising that she has still not pulled away from his arms, he risked looking deep into her eyes and said
My feelings for you Ragini, will never change. No matter what happens. And as a man, I can no longer hide them from you. I want you to know that even today, I am waiting for you to give me the sign. But I do know it's not easy for you, given the situation. I promise I will rectify it soon. And then we will all be together. And then you will be mine. And I will be yours, if you let me be, that is.
His hands touched her face tenderly flew up to her face as his lips touched hers reverentially. Her arms moved up higher and went around his neck as she clutched him closer to her, and he kissed her hard, with passion, making her head spin.
Containing promises of the loving days to come.
The sudden sound of brakes screeching downstairs broke the trance and they broke their kiss hurriedly.
Ragini, you light up a few more candles, I will go get the children up the stairs, Nachiket said as he smoothed her hair with his fingers.
We need to continue this discussion very soon, he mentioned, as he picked up the torch from the side table.
Yes Nachiket, very soon, Ragini whispered as he turned around to smile at her, before alighting the stairs.
...
The END
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Anupamaa
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
