ARHI OS - ALREADY GONE

ALREADY GONE

I look at the infinite sky that twinkles with stars enhancing its beauty . stars that are so small but their light is enough to make dark sky light with measures of hope .stars are always there but their companion Moon makes appearance once in while .stars wait for the nights when their light will brighten, its lover moon will come take all aguish of loneliness away .

Remember all the things we wanted

Now all our memories , they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye

As the music coming from the marriage hall reaches my ears , I couldn't stop my self but to fall back in the memories of past , memories of that dark brown eyes that had haunted me day night that had made my heart rejoice with feeling of belonging , belonging to someone who loves me for me . who embraces my imperfection ,who swallow my sadness , whose mere touch makes me forget the whole world around .

but good things never lasted I know that if it would have been so wouldn't I still have my mother by my side . who will nurse my broken heart , who will understand my pain , who will help me move on for better .who will make me see the light in the darkness

Even with our fists held high

It never would have worked out right ,

"I will love you Khushi , always ! . we will be together always " Arnav haider had said those words with so much conviction that I have fallen so hard , I have felt like I was flying , like arnav hadgiven me wings that I never knew I ever had . those secret kisses , those memorable nights being cradles in each other's arm till dawn . those passionate moments , those desireful moans , those heavy breaths , those still keeps me awake at night . being so careless to not give a damm about others .

We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out

I didn't come here to hurt you now I cant stop

but I should have been careful wings once lost can make you fall so hard on ground that you might never be able to get them back . foundation of our relationship was never strong , didn't everyone pointed that out to me .

relationships that started on mere attraction , grew in light of insecurity , nourished with carelessness , surrounded with uncertainties of future .

I want you to know

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

But someone's gotta go

Our intense chemistry was too hard to let go of . no matter how many time I tried to ignore it it came back to me with forces , strong enough to crumble walls of concrete into puddle of sand . his presence every where near me , made my heart beat in rhythm that it had never heard before .

. our first dance was so magical .we had danced in a unknown rhythm , our steps so much in sync as if we had practiced it for years together . our eyes that never left each other's even for a second . that dance had evoked feelings so strong that we were unable to back down . our bodies had danced in sync all night that day , not caring of consequences that our little adventure will result in . it was my first time and it would have been worth everything , I don't regret not even for a second . it was the most beautiful night of my life . even the thought of his kisses makes my stomach ache to once again burn my self in fire of that passion .

And I want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move on

So I am already gone

arnav had loved me in a way that I never knew one can love other. Though the journey to reach to the realization of love was not easy . after that amazing night of passion , he had acted as stranger to me . my heart had broken a little with his words had hit me when I had tried to question his behaviour and that words still pierce my heart .

" hey ! it was just a one night stand . its not some 90s movie that now we have to get married or something . forget it !"

How would I have made you understand for me it was more . I had my heart broken for the first time then . but some how seeing you enjoying yourself in the arms of other girls had make me let go of those feelings but they never left fully , they remained hidden in corners of my heart

Looking at you makes it harder

But I know that you'll find another

That doesn't always makes you want to cry

Seeing you with other girls had been harder but I had moved on or so I thought . I had mingled with my friends day and night drowned my self in work . I had acted with him with same indifference he showed me . when karan had kissed me one night in front of all declaring his love for me , his dishearten face had made me reciprocate his love , in my little revenge to somewhere make you will at least a ounce of pain that I had went through .

arnav's jealousy had no bounds from that day and I had relived in that fact . I had given karan more attention especially when he was around , this had lead to outburst of him finally .

"you thing just by slinging in his arm you can prove that you are attracted to him "

"stop playing with him , stop playing with yourself . you know that you don't reciprocate his feeling "

"I am the only guy for you khushi and I wont let anyone have you ever. "

"I don't believe in love but these attraction we have I don't want to let it go "

It started with the perfect kiss then

We could feel the poison set in

Our first meeting still remains intact in my memory as if its just happened tomorrow and not one year ago . I had gone to my friend akash's party where he have been busy talking all about the recent success of his business . my eyes had directly landed on him , his posture oozing the confidence he carries around , wearing a causal red shirt with white jacket and blue jeans adoring him , he had looked so young and enigma that he was . I only had seen him in magazines or interviews or rallies he took part in to promote his father s political party .

Maybe he had felt my securitizing gaze on him as he had looked at me in instant , I had moved my eyes to look at ground in shyness. But I had felt him checking me out .

My stupid friends had organised game that included a lot of vodkas , shots , beers . to end of it I had been to drunk to even walk properly . but you had been a real saviour when you had caught me before I hit the floor in my dizziness . our faces have remained so near to eachother that I can even hear you heart beat , we had been so lost in eachother's eyes before I disturbed it with my stupid comment

" don't you dare take advantage of me . my friends tell me that I become more fierce than cat women when I am drunk . so beware before I scratch your face " I had even made that cat women pose make you laugh and look at me amused

" I am sure you are . but let me tell you a secret I love playing wild cats , few scratches you got are always worth it " his word had made me look at him shocked , he had just smirked in response to open mouth reaction.

He had then dropped me safe to my house , I don't want to remember what wild ideas had ran in my head on his statement that day.

It was perfect .

"perfect " couldn't keep this love alive

You know that I love you so

I love you enough to let you go

We were perfect , weren't this the word who knew about us told us . we so happy , there were fight but there was also the love making that came after . I had loved you with all my heart and I know the love that I see in your eyes will never fade away . but again all these were to good be true .

" we cant get married khushi , my family would be devastated with the news . I could never go against them . my father is president of

Muslim front party , if the words get out of me marring a hindu girl it will destroy my father's image . my company it will also go downhill surrounded by controversies . I cant lose everything I build for it "

"I thought you loved me arnav "

" I do , I love you ! . but I love you enough to let you go "

And I am already gone. I am already gone

you cant make it feel right

when you know that its wrong

" would you be able to see me in the arms of another man , will you be able to see him making love to my body , will you be able to see my soul being ripped a apart as lay underneath him , imagining you in place of him just to have a little sanity ."

"I will learn . what importance to me is us being living and alive . whats that love that takes you life away . I want to protect you . I want to protect us from our families ,from our society "

"NO! NO! only thing you want is protecting your wealth , your reputation alas it get ruined my mere hindu girl you use to warm your bed "

"khuhsi !! Stop ! don't say this "

" I will die without you arnav . I will die "

I am already gone , I am already gone

There's no moving on

So I am already gone

" khushi come ! pundit is calling for you in the mandap .karan is desperately waiting to see his bride "

I lift my heavy red lenhanga and walk down the staircase to reach the mandap , I can feel everyone's eyes trained on me . my father had come to my side and helped me sit near karan . I gave my father a tight hug before taking my place next to karan .

My eyes meet arnav's instantly who stood clad in his blue suit looking the ever dashing handsome man he is . I gave him a full blown smile ,making him look at me with confused expression. Then I see a arm of a beautiful women holding his arm with authority then suddenly everything come back to me . alia' arnav's fianc of two months . don't they just look good together like just made for eachother .

I get up in stance , I can feel my body getting numb but still I encourage my self to reach to him . my action brings a lot confusion and mummers in the crowd . I hold arnav's hand in mine , bringing it closer to my heart , my vision clouded with tears or was it beginning of my life's end . I hug him tight , smelling his scent for one last time . he doesn't complete the hug , I can understand why .

"I love you " I say in slow whisper. I want to say so much more . I wanted to fight with him ,get angry at him for leaving my love incomplete for . but I know I don't have much time left maybe I have to wait for another life time for all these.

"you have to go back " arnav's small whisper reaches my ears

I pull back from the hug and let my tears flow without a barrier

" I am already gone . "

I say my words muttering all the strength left in my fragile body . as the poison rules my body making go limp in his arms .

His face marries the worry , care , fear that he is feeling in this moment . his eyes showing the love that he hold for me , I know it . but maybe our love wasn't strong enough maybe some day in some other life time .

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"I leave you oh! Moon

Alone to grace the sky now .

Now I am free from the eternal wait

To felt your presence .

It is now you that have to wait

Till eternity or more to even get a glimpse of me

I understand there million other stars

That surrounds you .

But I am sure I am one among those

Who will leave a mark in your heart forever.

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