"Come soon"
"You know I will"
"We can go together, you know"
"You are the bride!! You have to be there first"
"I will be waiting for you"
"I will not make you wait"
Despite his insistence, I denied flying in his helicopter and here I am sitting in a train that is taking me to Lucknow.
-----------------
Lucknow.
That's where I met him first. It seems like yesterday. Bauji had been transferred to Lucknow branch of the bank he worked. After having spent most of my childhood days in Mumbai, Lucknow brought mixed feelings to me. While the spacious house and garden was a welcome change, I missed the hustle-bustle and ever-busy life of Mumbai. I was missing my friends terribly. On the whole, life was not interesting.
Our neighbors belonged to an upscale family, the Raizadas. Devyani Raizada, the matriarch, was a very affectionate woman, who never saw any difference in status between them and us. She had two sons, the elder one took care of their agricultural and ancestral properties in and around Lucknow and the younger son was in Delhi, running a business empire. She treated me very nicely, only I was a little reserved with her, owing to their status and her loud elder daughter-in-law.
And suddenly one day, everything changed.
It was summer vacation. I had given my tenth board exams and was awaiting results. One morning, I woke up to find the next door very busy, bustling with activities, like I had seen never before. I asked Amma what was happening, she was too busy in the kitchen making loads of Jalebis, to answer me. Being a lazy Saturday morning, I was enjoying my tea, when Amma handed me a large bag to be delivered to the Raizadas. I resisted but was silenced by one glare from her.
I walked through the drive way of the Raizada house humming a song softly and admiring the flowering plants on the garden either side. A man was tending to some plants near the main door, his back turned to me. Just then Devyaniji called out to me from the balcony asking me to give the bag in the kitchen and come to see her. I looked up and nodded my head to her, but stepped on a shovel that was left on the way by mistake. It hit me on my ankle and I yelped in pain dropping the bag near my feet and losing my balance in the process. I was going to fall, may be fracture my hand in an effort to steady myself and closed my eyes not wanting to see how badly I was about to fall, only it never came and instead I felt myself wrapped in safe arms, which belonged to a man who also had a very handsome face, all the details registering in my mind when I slowly opened my eyes. He was dressed in a lime green full sleeve T-shirt and pair of faded jeans. His dense hair was gelled and combed back neatly, his unique jawline adding more to his handsomeness. His eyes were molten caramel, which had a magnetic power. And then he spoke, as if to show me his voice was no less attractive than his entire being. "Are you okay?"
He had made me sit on the nearest stair and examined my ankle for bruises. Finding none, he straightened up and looked at me to say, "I am sorry, I should have been careful about placing the garden tools."
I was at a loss of words, the events that took place in the past five minutes were extremely overwhelming, not to mention, straight from a daily soap and very hyperventilating. What was happening to me? Was it normal to react like this? Was I too young for anything that I was feeling right then? These self-directed questions were beyond my understanding.
Our little one-sided conversation from him was interrupted by Devyaniji. She had come down wondering why I hadn't come up to meet her, when he narrated to her what had happened.
"Chotte! Couldn't you have been a little careful? Anyway, thank God she hasn't hurt herself. By the way, bitiya, this is my grandson from Delhi. Arnav !!"
Arnav.
Devyaniji introduced me to him. I was told that he had just returned from America after completing MBA from Harvard. A party was being organized to celebrate his return. I realized Amma had prepared the jalebis for the party. He invited me inside to have a cup of tea. I excused myself, not wanting to make a fool of myself, since my heart was beating at a rapid rate that was having a very bad effect on my mind making it lose control. Devyaniji's reminder to attend the evening party barely registered in my mind and I did what I felt was best to handle my nerves. I fled.
In the comfort of my room, I tried to collect my nerves and understand what had happened a few minutes earlier. After several minutes of thinking, I decided that I didn't know what to think and that I should just go with the flow. And for the first time, I couldn't wait to go to the Raizada Mansion in the evening to attend the homecoming party of their grandson.
I took extra care in dressing up that evening and willed myself to not act silly in front of him. Bhaiyya had arrived in the afternoon from Ahmedabad. He was doing MBA at IIM. All four of us went to the party. After the introduction, bhaiyya instantly hit it off with Arnav. He followed him like a shadow throughout the party and Arnav also liked my bhaiyya. Amma and Bauji mingled with the elders. And I felt left alone. I settled down in a corner quietly and observed the proceedings. Honestly, I was feeling feverish, after all the determination to keep cool vanished into thin air, at the delectable sight of Arnav Singh Raizada.
"Are you new to this place? I have never seen you before !!"
That was when I noticed a beautiful girl sitting next to me, intently looking at my face. I introduced myself to her. "I'm Anjali, Devyani Raizada's youngest granddaughter from Delhi"
"Are you Arnav's sister?" I bit my tongue, cursing myself for sounding so excited.
"Oh! You know Bhai? Yeah. I am studying fashion designing in Delhi. What do you do?"
We sat talking there for some time and somehow I knew that my friendship with this girl was going to be forever. I didn't know at that point of time, if it had anything to do with her being his sister.
Arnav and his family left for Delhi in a couple of days. One thing that I felt was that Arnav was not affected by me as much as I was by him. That feeling was a little hurting, but then I told myself that whatever feeling it was, wouldn't last for long and that I would eventually forget him, only it never happened. I hung around my brother all the time until he left for Ahmedabad, for, he could not stop gushing about Arnav and his business ideas. Apparently, Arnav was going to start a fashion house in Delhi, as one of the many ventures of his father, and he had offered bhaiyya a position after his studies were over. Amma and Bauji were all praises for the young man who was respectful and grounded despite the affluent background and education abroad. I found myself frequently visiting Devyaniji, much to her happiness, just to hear her tell stories about her grandchild(ren?!) in Delhi. I conveniently forgot the fact that the concerned man had no idea about how badly he was missed.
School had resumed and I got busy with studies. My goals were set, I wanted to be a chartered accountant. Bauji was happy with my decision, although he never forced his decisions on us, he must have felt contended that one of his children chose his field of interest. I concentrated in my studies. My free time was spent in the thoughts of Arnav. Devyaniji had mentioned that he had gotten very busy with setting up his business and may be expected to come for Diwali. Hence I started to look forward to Diwali. I was in touch with Anjali over phone, although I was very careful never to mention her brother in our conversations.
Diwali was in two days. Amma had sent me to the bazaar to buy some groceries. After finishing the purchase, I was looking for a rickshaw, but none was spotted. I decided to walk a little further to reach the main road. The bags were too heavy and so I kept them on the road to give my hands a chance for proper circulation for a few seconds. When I reached back for the bags, I saw two hands lifting it off the ground. Surprised, I turned to yell at whoever it was trying to steal my bags, only to see a smiling Arnav Singh Raizada.
"Hi ! Remember me?"
Remember? When did I ever forget? But the damned tongue would not function. I could only nod. And reached for my bags that were now in his hands.
"I will take them. They are too heavy."
I walked with him silently, my heart choosing to run a marathon. After a few painful minutes of silence, he spoke.
"Anjali tells me you talk a mile a minute. But you look like you have never spoken in your life"
So he did remember that I exist. I had to talk. Otherwise, I would look stupid.
"Oh! Nothing like that. Actually I was a little surprised at your sudden appearance. When did you come? Has Anjali come too?"
"So you can talk. Good. I came this morning. Anjali has come too. She is at home having mehendi applied to her hands. In fact she is expecting you. Shall I tell her you will meet her in the evening?"
"Yes"
He refused to send me in a rickshaw and took me home in his car. He asked me about my plans for higher studies. He told me about his business. He made me feel comfortable in his presence. He sat with me and Anjali in the evening, teasing his sister and creating a lively atmosphere. His cousins joined him too and we had a great time together.
The next two days passed in a blur. Devyaniji had invited us to celebrate Diwali with them. I could swear that I hadn't had such a blast in my life. Arnav, Anjali and their cousins were a riot. Arnav was so much fun to be with. His family dotted on him and he loved them to the core. He interacted with my Bauji with immense respect and his family treated me like their own daughter. I fell into a comfortable friendship with him. Like all good things, this vacation too came to an end and they returned back to Delhi.
Although I could not put a name to the emotion that I felt when I thought of Arnav, I knew in my heart that he meant to me more than a friend. He spoke to me whenever he called his Dadi and I happened to be with her. Everytime someone spoke about him or he spoke to me, my heart skipped several beats. What was this? Was it love? Or just an attraction which I was not used to before? Was I overreacting, influenced by some mushy romantic films that I had watched recently? Should I talk to someone about this? Probably no. I may be ridiculed for taking fancy for a much older man. What was 8 years difference anyway? Weren't my favorite soap hero and heroine 8 years apart too?
The next few months passed in a jiffy. Summer coaching for board exams started. Bhaiyya finished his studies and was officially offered a very attractive position in Arnav's company and he had immediately accepted. Arnav and Anjali had come to be with their Dadi on her birthday which was two days later.
I went to see Anjali and she was happy to see me. She was doing her internship at Arnav's fashion house and was working on some upcoming fashion show. She showed me a lot of photographs of their office. I saw a woman present in almost all the photographs, and worse, standing close to Arnav in most of them. I learnt from Anjali that she was the lead designer at AR and Anjali was working under her guidance. I also understood that the designers had a very prominent place in Arnav's work, as he was a designer himself. Something started nagging my mind. I did not like the girl from the photograph. I did not have a heart to return home and went to the temple to sort out my thoughts. I was in deep thought about my career choice. Bauji had always encouraged me to take up commerce since I was good with numbers. I also had had a flair for dress designing. Suddenly I developed a one track mind to consider fashion designing as a career. I knew I was being silly, and this was not in my nature. But lately my heart had started to influence my mind. All that I could think of was about Arnav. By choosing fashion designing I would have a chance to spend lot of time with Arnav. I may even get to go to Delhi for studies, since bhaiyya was also there. But how to convince Bauji? Would that raise any suspicion? What will I tell if Bauji asked why this sudden change of mind? I was so busy musing that I forgot that I had been away from home for more than 5 hours and that I had not even informed home about my whereabouts. I was just about to get up, when I was roughly yanked from the place I was seated. I turned to see a very unusual sight of Arnav seething in anger. He almost dragged me to his car and stuffed me into it. He pulled out his phone and called my home to inform that he had found me. He sat on the driver's seat and started the car. I realized I had been irresponsible, so I started apologizing,
"I am sorr..."
"You are sorry? Are you too small to not realize that you have been away without telling anyone where you were for more than 5 hours? Do you even know what your parents went through when they found you were not with Anjali? Your bhaiyya and I have been searching all over the city to find you and you are sorry? I wonder what you were thinking so deeply that none of these registered in your mind."
"I was thinking, if I should be doing fashion designing instead of CA" I told him softly.
The car came to a screeching halt. He looked at me stunned for several moments before asking almost in a whisper.
"What? Why would you even think about that after already deciding about doing CA?"
Tears had already started brimming in my eyes and I avoided looking at him. He gently placed his hands under my chin and made me look at him.
"What is it? Why this sudden change of mind. Has Anjali got anything to do with this?"
"No its not her. Its...Its YOU"
"Me? What did I do?"
I started sobbing. But I had to tell him, now that I had started.
"You came into my life. You have adamantly occupied my heart and refuse to leave. You have taken over my mind. You are not allowing me to think about anything else. I...I think...I think I have fallen in love with you"
He looked at me with unbelieving eyes, stunned and shocked at the confession. I was surprised with myself and worried sick about the outcome. He then asked me,
"What has this got to do with your sudden change in career choice?"
"I will get to be with you always. I don't like some Riya spending all her time with you. I want it to be me. There is no way I can, if I were to pursue CA"
He smiled a little smile. There was a high possibility that he would mock at my childishness. He might even admonish me for my wayward thinking and think very lowly of me. He released a sigh and leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, perhaps in frustration. The silence that followed unnerved me and I sat there crying more anticipating a heart break.
Then he spoke.
"I am not going to judge you based on what you told me now. Love is a natural feeling. You are not a child anymore and growing into a woman, there is nothing wrong in feeling like this for someone. But you are still too young to understand this emotion. Your exposure is limited as of now and I may seem very appealing to you. However, when you will finish your school and get into college, your horizons will expand, you will make new friends, you will meet new people, you may even find someone more attractive and appealing than me..:
"I will never.." He raised his hand to stop me.
"Listen to me fully. Whether you like it or not, I have to tell you that you are too young to be bound by this emotion and label it as love. I am not trying to demean your feelings. I respect them. But all that I am trying to say is, don't be so burdened by this that it weighs you down to an extent where you try to compromise on your goals. You have always wanted to become a CA and now because of this, you are ready to change you career. This is not right, is it?"
"You think I am silly" I asked in a low voice
"No, at the same time, I would be failing in my duty as a friend if I don't tell you that it is not wise either"
"You don't love me?!"
"If I have to be honest, then yes, I don't. If you ask me, you don't either. You are attracted to me. Only time can tell if this feeling is temporary or long lasting. Until then, live your life like how it has to be lived, not tied down by a relationship. Chase your goal, make your parents proud. Everything else will come to you automatically."
I kept quiet, trying to absorb all that he told me.
"If my feelings are unchanged even after years?"
"We will talk about it then? Until then promise me you will not think about this evening. You will not allow any of these get in the way of your studies and your career."
"Promise"
"Good. None of these will change my equation with you. You are my friend, you will continue to be. And whatever we have talked about stays between us"
We reached home to a very anxious Bauji, crying Amma and a very worried bhaiyya. Arnav silenced everyone and asked Amma to get me something to eat. He told Bauji that I wanted to study in Delhi, but was worried how to bring up the topic for discussion with them and hence sat thinking about it in the temple. He also suggested that Delhi was a better place for my graduate studies and CA and since bhaiyya and their family would also be there, there was no reason for worry regarding her safety and stay. Bauji looked convinced at the proposal. Arnav reminded me to remember what he told me and left. In the confines of my room, I told myself that there was no way I was going to go back on the word I gave him. I couldn't think of disappointing him. I made my decision and started preparing for my boards with full vigor.
A full year had passed by. Bhaiyya had settled well in Delhi and loved his job. Whenever he called us, he talked only about his work and Arnav. Every passing day strengthened my feelings for Arnav by one more notch, although a sane part of my brain kept reminding me that it may all still be one-sided. But the fact that Arnav himself had suggested my education in Delhi, gave me some hope. I had cracked my boards with flying colors. I could not wait to go to Delhi. I even felt a little ashamed of myself that my excitement to live in the same city as Arnav was greater than my sadness of staying away from my parents. But I convinced myself that it was because Amma had promised to visit us frequently. I settled down well in Delhi with Bhaiyya. I loved my college and had gained a lot of friends. My preparation for CA was on simultaneously. Life was bliss.
Anjali was a very supportive friend. She had joined AR fashions. My chance meetings with Arnav were rare owing to his expanding business and my hectic schedule. He kept his word, he was as friendly as ever around me and never made me feel awkward. He asked about my studies and guided me whenever the need arose. His family was extremely loving and caring when it came to me. In the meantime, like Arnav had said, my horizons expanded, I got to meet many people and one among them is Aman Mathur. I never thought that anyone could become so important in my life. Aman was bhaiyya's friend, Arnav's right hand man. I had first met him in one of Arnav's parties and we instantly felt as if we have known each other forever. He became my confidante and I became his. I could talk to him about everything, but Arnav. I realized how indispensable he was to Arnav and I was so proud of him.
Before I realized 5 years flew by since I came to Delhi. I had finished B.Com, MBA and had given my final papers in CA. I received job offers from renowned finance firms and investment banks, but a corner of my heart still yearned for a place in AR. Again without asking, Arnav came to my help, and advised me to take up an offer which would ensure my growth. He said I could always go to AR during the later stages of my career when there would be nothing more left to achieve. In a few months I became a certified chartered accountant and had joined a London based investment bank in Delhi. Aman took me for dinner, one day, to treat me for my achievements, when something happened that changed my life forever. Aman proposed for marriage.
----------------------
I realize that I didn't notice that the train has reached Lucknow. I get down from the train only to be lifted by an exuberant bhaiyya while Amma and Bauji look on with tears of happiness. Bhaiyya had reached Lucknow a few days back to help amma and Bauji in the wedding preparations. I had a training program to attend which got over only yesterday and hence I have arrived late. On the drive back from the station to our home, I can't help but think how in a matter of year, my life has changed. Aman's proposal was a turning point in my life and here I am, preparing myself for a married life. We reach home, to be welcomed by a lot of our relatives and the Raizada family. Devyaniji hugs me and sheds tears of joy, exclaiming how big I have grown to be married off soon. Anjali is ecstatic and her husband Shyam has a tough job controlling his very pregnant wife from jumping around. Arnav hasn't arrived yet. He has gone to London for business and his flight is delayed. The wedding is day after tomorrow. Aman calls me to inform that he would be arriving tomorrow morning.
The next two days pass in a blur. Except for Aman and Arnav's arrival, nothing registers in my mind, while I go through all the rituals like a puppet at the hands of the elders in my family. The other thing that I remember is that Arnav danced for me in the Sangeet. It's time for the Muhurat. I am sitting in front of the mirror and look at myself. I am wearing a gorgeous red lehenga designed by Arnav himself. I can't forget the admiration in Aman's eyes when I wore it for fitting trial at AR's design studio. Amma comes to take me to the mandap, looks at me, cries some more and smears kajal at the back of my ears to ward off evil eye. As I reach the mandap, I lift my head to look at Aman, who has a huge smile on his face. I remember the day he proposed me, as I was led to the Mandap.
----------------------
"Khushi ! I don't know to use flowery words. I have struggled for long to say this to you. I can't hold it back anymore. I love you and I want to marry you ! Will you marry me?"
I didn't know how to react. Is this how it must have been for Arnav when I declared my love for him? I was silent for several moments before I spoke.
"Aman !! As much as I respect your feelings, I don't like to hurt you. You are a very important person in my life and I can't imagine losing your friendship. Having said that, I have to tell you, as brutal as it may sound, that I can't love you."
"Why?"
"Because, I don't have my heart with me to give it to you. It has been given to someone else"
"Who is not aware that he has given his heart to you in return too?"
"Who are you talking about, Aman?"
"The one who you love. Arnav"
"How do you know?"
"Because I am not blind. I have seen how you look at him when you come to AR to meet me or your bhaiyya Karan. I have seen the same look in his eyes also. It is unmistakable. The love and admiration he has for you, that is. I wonder why you haven't noticed it."
"I didn't want to be disappointed to not find it when I look into his eyes"
"What are you talking about?"
I told him about the day when I confessed my feelings to Arnav.
"He did the right thing Khushi. But I don't know what changed after that. But things seem to have changed. I could see pain in his eyes when I told him I was going to propose to you."
"Were you serious when you proposed?"
"No, silly. I wanted to know what was in your mind. I wanted to help him. You may have to take the step again, Khushi. What with that man becoming old and all."
"What if I had told yes?"
"I would have resigned to my fate and married you. Simple !!"
I slapped him in his hand. He laughed and asked me to talk to Arnav the next morning.
Arnav welcomed me with a smile in his cabin.
"Aman proposed for marriage yesterday"
His smile faltered a little, but he schooled his face and asked,
"Great ! What did you say?"
"I confessed too"
I hated myself to do that, but it had to be done. I had been silent about it for so long. This time he didn't succeed in hiding his disappointment. Still he managed a small smile and came forward to take me in a bear hug.
"I am so hap..."
"I confessed too that I still haven't gotten over my puppy love, which also happens to be my first and only love...and I turned down his proposal."
I cannot verbalize the play of emotions that I witnessed on his face at that moment, but will never forget it for the rest of my life. It was as if my penance was finally rewarded with the boon, I had wanted in all of my previous births and those that were to come. It made me forget all those sleepless nights I had spent with just one wish of seeing in his eyes that one emotion for me. Love. The next moment I was taken into a hug which was not only tight enough to knock the air out of my lungs but also very possessive and desperate. I didn't need to hear the words that came out of his mouth, for, I had seen it all in his face a moment ago, but still it felt heavenly when they did.
"I Love you Khushi. I have, for a long time now"
It made sense then, why Arnav had been dodging his family's efforts to get him married as soon Anjali was married to Shyam. He had kept everything to himself, so that I would not be tied down by this relationship and lose my focus or worse, change my priorities. Hell, was I not on the verge of doing that. He must have known that when it comes to Arnav, everything else would take the backseat for me. I withdrew from the hug and looked into his eyes. I didn't know when I had started to cry. He gently wiped my tears and took my lips in a gentle yet firm kiss, pouring out his heart and soul into mine through it.
----------------------
"Lost in the memories of that day, soon-to-be Mrs. Raizada?" Arnav whispers in my ears. I turn my head slightly to look at my groom, my Arnav, who is dressed in a beautiful cream colored Sherwani and looks like a Prince. I give him a shy smile and lower my head again. The rituals are soon over and I have become Mrs. Arnav Singh Raizada. After we take blessings from all the elders and Amma and I have shed loads of tears over my bidaai, here I am knocking the rice kalash and making my Grihapravesh at the very entrance of Raizada Mansion, where I had not only fallen into his arms all those years back, but also fallen irrevocably in love with him. In the past one year after the heartwarming confession and our subsequent courtship, neither have I asked him nor has he told me when and what changed between us that he realized that he loves me too. It didn't matter. He loves me as much as I love him. And that is all I have always wanted from him.
As we finish some more rasams, Dadiji insists that Arnav should carry me to our room. He picks me up in his arm and enters our room. After shooing all the teasing relatives and sulking Anjali for more nekh', he finally settles me in our bed and looks at me in my eyes and asks,
"Are you ready to be my wife in every sense, Mrs. Raizada?"
I hug him tightly expressing all the love I have cultivated in my heart for him and give him the reply he was waiting to hear, before taking me into a scintillating night and on to a love-filled life ahead.
"Hamesha..."
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A/N: That was it. Hope you guys liked it. Pamper me with your comments as usual dearies. And please scroll down to know what the occasion is.
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