OS: The Lament [Part 2]

A sudden something in his own body made him jerk awake, and felt something on his arm. Something soft, supple, something like a feather..

Aran..

The heart shaped face stared back at his own. The only difference now was that they were closed, and lost in Wonderland, while his were open, admiring the little one's features, embedded with such skill and care.

His arms folded across his chest, as he ever-so-slowly turned to face his son, caring not to wake the little guy up. His hand slowly travelled up to lay underneath the pillow.

His eyes then caught another face beyond this one.

Khushi..

She was sleeping peacefully, like their son. Her foetal position still intact, and her face very near to their son's ear.

Deep breathing, mixed with a sweet meditation exuded from the two angels of his life. Oh, how he loved them so much!

Smiling to himself, he bent down to let his lips touch the small forehead, as softly and as tenderly as he could. The sudden coldness made him reflexively come up and look at his son in confusion. he touched the forehead with the back of his hand to feel an unusual drop in temperature there. His hands roamed around the small limbs to still suddenly on feeling the same unusual temperature.

"Khushi?", he whispered, panicking.

Khushi opened her eyes sleepily and impulsively shushed him to not speak loudly.

Arnav ignored her shush and asked, "Khushi, what happened to him? He is.. he is.. See, how cold.. he is?", his voice trembling in fear.

Khushi's head turned to Aran's small form, lying between them, peacefully. Her hands went up to his forehead and his limbs and then the chest, that felt as if it was about to freeze. Raw panic coursed through her, as her hands went up to his nose. She gasped.

No breathing..

Her hands trembled when they made their way to his chest, to feel his heartbeat. She couldn't feel anything, so she bent down and touched her ear to his chest, where his heart lay. Nothing. Not even a single beat. She soon realised that neither his chest was rising and falling as it usually did. And the face was slowly turning... Blue.. Dark Blue..

Arnav observed it all like a statue. Expressionless, and absorbing every gesture of Khushi, as she examined Aran.

Everything that followed was a blur.

----------

Fortis Hospital, Delhi

A pair of hands flew across the corridor to fist up a ball of the two corners of the white coat draping around the shoulders of the doctor.

Khushi cried, "This can't be true!! This can't be! How could that be true?! , shaking the doctor incessantly, with every word.

Arnav barked, "I hugged him last night and his body's temperature was normal like it always was!", frowning.

"You are lying!! Tell me that he is okay! Tell me that he is...", gasping for breath and her voice trembling with ache, as Khushi helplessly felt her strength ebbing away, "He is.. breathing..?"

The doctor, freeing his collar gently and squeezing them gently, "Ma'am, it happens with children--"

"What the f*** do you mean 'it happens with children'?", Arnav snared, while coming to his wife's aid. "You mean to say that children dying like this is normal?!", his hand flying up to indicate the doors.

"Mr. Raizada, please! This is a hospital. Please don't use such abusive language. Especially in the Pediatrics section.", said the doctor, sternly.

Arnav pressed the bridge of nose, letting the doctor's words sink in and setting his jaw firmly, before looking up straight into those green eyes.

"Mr. Raizada, children below the age of 5, have unusual habits, that can be categorized as Anemic. But there are habits that aren't exactly in the category of Anemic, but they do fall in unusual habits of kids below 5. Your son had a habit of stopping his breath for a few seconds or something. It is not abnormal, but many kids do that. I've seen some kids stopping their breaths for more than a minute, but they would be fine the other minute. I am not saying that it is good or okay, if it is normal, but it is something that has to be controlled by doctors and parents, so it doesn't lead to something fatal."

"Well, then why didn't you try controlling?" Arnav's voice pierced through the dead pan silence in the corridor.

"Because neither did you know about his habit, nor did I! Mrs. Raizada, did you ever see Aran do something like it? Holding his breath or something? Anything even close to it?"

Khushi, sniffing and wiping her tears off her cheeks, hoarsely, "I don't think so, Doctor! I mean, never!", giving a thoughtful look and then a determined one.

"Mrs. and Mr. Raizada, am afraid that that is what he did to himself... He held his breath for a comparatively longer time, leading to the sudden block in his wind pipe, and then the artery to his heart. We tried our level best to clear the blockage, but..."

"Don't you dare give me the stereotypical dialogue of every single doctor in this whole hell of a world!" Arnav warned, with a deathly glare and a dangerous whisper.

The doctor stood unnerved, and continued calmly, yet his face held a pensive expression, glimpsing of compassion, "Mr. Raizada, we tried and succeeded in clearing the blockage, but by then.. your son, Aran, was already dead. We tried to revive his heart, but then found that he was brain dead, because of the lack of oxygen."

The naughty yet sweet smile curved those lips up widely, and a giggled voice escaped his throat, "Dada, Dada!". His arms spread out to receive the big man in front with love and a kiss on his lips, waiting to be dropped desperately on those pointy-pointy cheeks.

"Aran!"

"But he was already dead"

Arnav sat up awake with a jerk, his head pounding hard with blood rushing in instantly to his limbs and chest, emanating a heat, contrasting to the coolth of the A/C, humming softly in their room. His breathing was shallow, as he opened his mouth to take in more of the oxygen present around him. His vision was blurred by the image in front fading away into oblivion. His eyes looked out and straight, at nothing in precise. As his vision cleared, he could feel his eyes dry up. He blinked, to moist it, but to no avail. He tried and tried, till he felt helpless and still stared at nothing. His forehead was wrinkled by the tired lines, while his eyebrows tensed. While his ears heard an echo of a voice.

A husky voice travelled into her ears, tickling her senses like it always did. She was about to smile, with her eyes closed, when she recognised the volume of the voice, and also a presence of a very important someone, who lay in between them.

She instinctively hissed and shushed the voice, indicating him to not speak loudly, or not speak at all. And then went back to clinging onto her pillow, like she always did to travel back to her Jalebi land. When she heard..

Khushi turned to her right and her arm hit the mattress's gentleness, but that which spelled vacancy. Her eyebrows contorted in confusion, as the sense of touch gave her no contentment of the same feel she was subconsciously looking for.Her eyes moved beneath those eyelids, trying to make out the emptiness beside her as the previous images faded into oblivion. Restless of the unanswered question in her senses, her eyes opened to see nothing but air and a sheet beneath her hands beside her. Her body slowly lifted itself off the bed, with her eyes wandering around, and suddenly resting on a figure standing out beyond the confines of the room, near the pool. His frame was tiredly standing with a slump on his back, indicating something to her.

She whispered, "Arnav?", for the silence was so dead that even a pin drop on the floor could be heard like some sound of a metal hitting the floor sonorously. She breathed out unevenly, on receiving nothing from him. She tilted her head to the side a bit to see that he was standing there unmoved. Staring.. but at what?, she thought, her lips parting.

"Arnav?" She tried again, a bit louder this time, but..

She made her way outside the tall French windows, adorning to the open poolside and the nature surrounding them. She stopped right behind him, Her fingers looking for the refuge they normally sought in the cloth draped around her neck, but failing to find one and clutching onto each other.

Her hand travelled up and just as it settled itself on his back, she could feel him stilling suddenly, and his muscles tensing up. Her hand reached the shoulder and gripped it, to turn him. She tried again, to realise that he wasn't willing to turn around. She stepped to the side to see his face, but he turned it away. A raw panic seeded itself in her chest. Her other hand reached out to his chest and then the other shoulder, making him turn fully to her. And as she did it, she could see his muscles resisting her grip and action, but failing, because of something. Still she couldn't see his face, for he had dropped his head and was looking everywhere on the ground, but her.

She squeezed his tensed forearm, cupped his face, attempting to raise his face. And as he stopped resisting and let her hand guide, she gasped.

His eyes.

They were.. they were.. He was..

His eyes were brimming with tears..

Tears..

Something, she had concluded, his being had forgotten about for years. She didn't know what to do. Astonishment, replaced the building panic, but not the fear, throbbing inside her breast.

Mustering up courage, Arnav raised his eyes to meet hers, and saw fear in them.. for him. He realised that she was perplexed at the turn of events and was in no knowledge of what was happening to him. But as he looked back again at her, he realised that what he was feeling now, was the same.. or similar to what she may have felt after what happened to Aran. He could still see the lingering pain of losing her son in those depths, that had settled down for the moment as a result of his pacification. Though he had witnessed it, he hadn't yet felt the pain of a Mother.. He was shocked to no ends on realising how Khushi must've felt on receiving such news.

Yes. A father he was too, and it was a pain a father had witnessed, yet he had suppressed it and it lead to this. The pain in his chest was throbbing and hitting at his ribs, attempting to break and tear him from the middle of him, from his sternum. He could feel it even in his ears drumming, as he started breathing fast. And before he could control it, he pulled Khushi to himself and wrapped his arms around tight, as if clinging for Life.

And then, the dam.. broke..

Khushi remembered being crushed suddenly underneath the heap of flesh and warmth, that suddenly had gone cold. When she came to her senses, the next instant, she could feel herself shaking with him, and his sobs. Her lips parted at the shock reverberating through her. And simultaneously, her arms shook. But the reflex came back to her, surging through her limbs, and made an instant attempt to envelop him.

And just as he felt her slender arms enveloping him, his control over his body, ebbed away, making him sob louder. His head searched the nape of her neck, that he used to so lovingly kiss every single time, he got a chance to, for refuge, for love, for faith..

The pressure of the dam, of the angst that had been bound by the shackles of his stubbornness, in the dark, scarred dungeons of his heart, was so powerful that his knees gave way, and his body, that till now was balancing itself on those two joints, slumped, making it look as if it had slipped off from those supports.

Khushi, reflexively, bent her knees and supported his arms and his torso, by gripping them tighter and pulling them closer to herself. She could feel how his want of suppressing emotions was turning into.

He was looking for something, and that was..

A need to break out. She realised he was crying for her too, because what she was now feeling from his body, and actions was what she had felt from inside when.. She pushed the thought away.

He was afraid to lose.

It echoed from every part of his body. And this double confirmed her questions.

Again.. she felt him slumping, but now heavier for her to hold him up. She did as much as she could to make their landing slower. As her knees hit something soft beneath, a thought of a single mattress lying outside near the pool, came across her mind. She remembered the events attached to it.

It was for their son. It was for Aran.

Khushi heard something. She turned to see Arnav's head buried beside her nape, and still shaking, but there was a sound coming from the same direction. Something muffled. She trained her ears again and exclaimed very softly, "Huh?"

Arnav heard Khushi's confusion and said it louder, "I tried!!"

Khushi leaped frightened at the sudden loud voice of his.

"I tried, Khushi!! I tried!..", he sobbed and choked. "I-- I-- I can see the qu-- questi-- question in your eyes.. and I tried! But these things.. these-- these--", his face scrunching up and his head shaking in negative. "These.. tears--", gasping in for air, "they just.. just would-- wouldn't come!", he said before clutching her shoulders and wailing for his son.

Their son.

Again it all came back to him. He choked, he gasped, sobbed, gripped harder trying to find some solace, greedy for the warmth in Khushi.

Khushi's eyes stung the instant he said that he tried. Her chest swelled with overflowing warmth, and love for the person, she so loved unconditionally. She hugged him tighter and tighter, as much as her arms could do it or more. The second he finished, she rubbed his back incessantly, trying to calm him and his sobs, increasing per minute. The waves of despair made her tremble with him.

They stayed that way for a very, very long time..

Till his wails turned to sobs,

Till his sobs turned to chokes,

Till his chokes turned to deep breathing,

Till his deep breathing turned to a steady one,

Till his hold loosened a bit.

Till Khushi tried to break away.

On feeling Khushi try to move away, a sudden surge of panic coursed through him like lightening, making him resist it. He didn't look up, but nodded in negative, indicating her not to leave him.

Khushi smiled through her tears. She gently pulled away, her hands exuding the sense of reassurance, and her eyes, on meeting his, conveying that she would never leave him, to see an Arnav, a father, who had lost his child, who had cried for his blood. All this time, she had felt, but now she could see. She could see and feel, simultaneously, a man of less words, sharing his pain through his tears and speech.

Arnav looked on, gazing at her with a question in his eyes, while Khushi raised her hands to wipe away those tears on his cheeks and his bloodshot eyes.

He took hold of her hands, and kissed them, every inch, one-by-one, turning them to all sides, with him leaning forward. Khushi leaned forward in turn, and rested her forehead on his bent head. Her eyes still open with tenderness brimming in those depths.

Arnav lifted his head, to look at her again. And as he did it, Khushi craned her neck and dropped a kiss on his forehead, while her arms reached up to his arms. As she brought her lips down, she pushed him to the side, indicating to lay down on the mattress.

Arnav obeyed and looked on, while lying down, and never breaking the eye contact or leaving her hand. She was about to turn and get up, when he pulled her back, gripping at her arm in fear.

She gently pulled and lifted his hand, and kissed it, reassuring him with her eyes.

She went inside and got the quilt out, to spread it on the mattress. As she settled down on the mattress, Arnav instantly changed his position, and settled his head on her lap.

Khushi was surprised to see this, and when she saw his yearning eyes, she smiled tenderly and let her hand play with his hair.

Arnav held her hand, trailed it to his heart and rested it there.

She looked back into his eyes, while he looked up into those kind, bright eyes, that now were puffed up with crying, yet were tender and caring.

A lump formed in his throat, on remembering those same kind eyes in his prodigy.

Aran.

The colour was like his.

Brown.

But the expression it held was of Khushi's. Bright, lively, enthusiastic, determined, content, and cheerful... all that could make up for Khushi.

Khushi was stunned to see Arnav hug her by her waist suddenly, burying his head in her lap. The sniffles, made Khushi lean forward and hug him, and rub his back to soothe him. He pulled away and looked up, to see her nod in negative with a faint smile lifting her lips.

Her hands came up to soothe those lines of pain, on his head lining his beautiful, clean heart-shaped forehead. While Arnav closed his eyes, letting her feather soft touch create magic to his exhausted senses.

Arnav opened his eyes to look beyond Khushi, to the sky, and Khushi followed his gaze.

He said, "Khushi.. will he... can he... Aran, can he see us?", choking in between.

Khushi looked back up to the sky, and felt her hand resting on his steady heartbeat. She said with a smile, "Yes..."

"He is...", looking down at him and then back up.

And out of nowhere, the stars embedded in the sky, started moving to form an outline of that face that brought the biggest joy in their Lives.

The face was smiling down at them.

They could here the giggle, the laugh, the gurgle, and his addresses to them. Each could hear the other's respective names from the sweet yet firm mouth of their blood.

"Mamma!"

"Dada!"

He waved at them and passed on a clumsy flying kiss.

Both their arms reached out to catch the flying kiss and hold it against their chests and close their eyes and reminisce the sense of the invisible kiss.

Acceptance seeped in through those barred and scarred souls, who sought refuge in each other. Who had found another reason to live, that was soon to replace the first. But as Fate had it...

As if on cue, the two leaned forward and looked into the pool beside them. The blues of the water, settled suddenly, reflecting their images, but even a third person's. Their eyes moved down to see the same smile and eyes looking back at them.

Arnav's hand reached out to touch him, instead felt a cool liquid washing itself on his fingertips, and on getting disturbed, creating ripples on the silent surface.

Ripples that soon faded out the only image they were interested in and gazing at with so much love.

"He will always be there.."

Arnav turned to see Khushi looking at him with tears in her eyes, dripping with Acceptance and Love.

"With us.", she continued, on seeing Arnav look at her.

Arnav straightened and cupped her face, letting his thumbs rest against her supple cheeks, that were being trailed by her tears endlessly. It felt as if the same acceptance and love was being conveyed to him and being induced in him, through those tears.

At last he said, "Yes. He will be."