Crooner 1.13 - Matlab Ki Baatein! Upd; Priya pg15! - Page 10

Originally posted by: mashira

And if I have to follow you, you will not rip this heart of mine in two
You cannot break this chain
But you can build a wall to shut me out if you so choose
I know that I have come and gone
But I can't keep pulling myself away
A noose around my neck
I walk around the city as the night becomes the day
And if you come around I may just not be found.
--Tony Sly.

I don't think words can do justice to everything that yesterday's episode touched upon. A day to just relive the episode, feel the pain in those depths and let it slowly sink in.

* Could you feel the dread of time passing by quickly in his eyes and her averting of his eyes? I could.

* Could you see how stilled she became when his thumb purposefully grazed her neck? And how he looked at her neck, tight in its tension and then lifted his eyes to look into her eyes? His heart must have been thudding as well.

* Did you hear how words thrown so casually on Diwali night boomeranged with as much force back? "It doesn't mean a thing" he had then said. "Koi matlab nahin" he asks today in desperate disbelief. Reminded me of this quote by Emily Dickenson: "A word is dead when it is said, some say. I say it just begins to live that day."

And yes it lived and waited patiently to return to ASR. For him redemption will not be a bird that will come, perch on his head and fly away. It will be in these small micro moments that will sneak inside his heart, twist it, churn his soul and go out. When Khushi lies to him in desperation, there it is, that sharp-edged pain that twists; when she refuses to look him in the eye, there it is again, the determined redemption bird with its beak sharpened. When she turns away and he repeats loud to himself.. 'tumhe wapas lekar aaunga' and in every hurtful and angry words he throws at her ...all of them hiding the desperate insecurity and fear.

As for Khushi, oh girl. Her escapism and white lies has always been her one weapon against all her fears and insecurities and finally, that weapon has been snatched away quite cleanly by her Rakshas.

It is interesting to see a twisted kind of parallel between Anjali and Khushi here. I don't know how right or wrong this is but it just struck me. Both are dreamers; both want to create bubbles of happiness but for Anjali, she is at the centre of this bubble and that is why it is edgy, dangerous and not all healthy. I am not saying Khushi's escapism is healthier...somewhere it is in danger of turning unhealthy too but most often, when Khushi is creating her happiness bubble laced with white lies, sanka-pan and what not, she is mostly not in the centre of it...she is herself at the periphery and is often doing it for others. That is the redeeming factor.


@anjali and @archu, I read two opposing viewpoints about why ASR behaves the way he does. Both are right. It is not that he is completely insecure and acting only out of fear and neither is it that he is acting completely in confidence of wanting a future together. It is a mix of both and this is a first for him and perhaps here, I have to say, his insecurity is weighing him much more deeper than his confidence can lift him. He is willing to take anything, do anything to get that time to make her his. Btw, great posts by both of you. Really enriching.



Sorry for this scattered post. There are too many threads and thoughts in my head. Just picked the most compelling of them.

Originally posted by: indi52

still looking into eyes that are trying not to show the hurt.

matlab ki baatein. funny how things come back, archu, lovely title. beautifully written post. but nothing is sticking in my head today. all i see are those eyes. even the cleverness at the end doesn't have any matlab, it's only survival. forgive me, if i go off track today. that was an outstanding piece of work from all at ipk.

update

spectacular cracking of the shell.

khushi yeh sab hone dogi tum?

you, who hold the dor of my life in your hands, you will let this happen? his ego shatters itself to reach out to her. his eyes lay bare his feelings. naked, defenceless, exposed.

ha-mari shadi yoohin khatam hone dogi?

a stutter in arnav singh raizada at even the thought of this unthinkable thing. to consider it would be to die.

itta easy hai tumhare liye?

even his language is losening as his heart breaks, itta, not itna, how can it be so easy for you? how? when it's so hard for me?

he has tried everything. he's done things for her he's never done for anyone before. he has tried to win her back her way. then the audacious move of persuading her the absolute asr way. provoke, threaten, do what you have to do, but get her back. he's even tried to make her accept her own desires, goaded her to claim her huq over him. you have a right to ask for something for yourself, you have a right over me.

patni ho tum meri. he has reminded her again and again. come claim me, make me yours. as you are mine, as i am here to claim you. i need you don't you see that? of course, you do. i don't need anything else, khushi.

aap aisa kyon hain?

tum jaanti ho ki main aisa kyon hoon.

echoes from another day: i don't know why i do the things i do... par main aisa hi hoon, khushi. by mistake, a confession to lavanya, how flawed is our angel.

i know what i have to do and this time it will work my way, he'd thought the night he realised the meaning of 13 days. for three days he'd pursued his goal relentlessly. looked like it was going somewhere. he was happy to see her reaction, she was coming out of her shell, losing her cool, unconsciously treating him like the husband he so wants to be. abusing, threatening back, even showing signs of buying into his philosophy.

he didn't want her to change or be someone else, just be strong enough to say to him i want you and i can't leave you. he needs that, today he needs that for survival. the man has only had his anger, his ego to protect him, today he instinctively seeks to heal himself with love.

the day had started on a confident note full of hope for him. he teased her, he cajoled, he turned off the electricity and water trying to blackmail her into coming home. she wouldn't want her folks inconvenienced.

ziddi jo ho, par apne zid ke chakkar me apne amma bauji ko kyon trouble kar rahi ho. mere saath ghar aa jao, that's all you have to do.

that's all. that's everything for him. but she isn't ready. her hurt doesn't let her do as you want, as she so desperately wants, but something is not right, she can't... just can't. the tussle over water. the touch on her pulse beat on the neck. yearning fingers linger. he's drowning in her. from a conversation across space echoes: aap sun sakte hain hamari dil ki dhadkan? haan, hamesha.

she's drowning too... no drawing away.

aap aisa kyon kar rahen hain?

you already know ki mein ausa kyon kar raha hoon.

... wapas aa jao mere paas.

but she won't relent, as hope fades, familiar anger surges back. yet she stops him and changes her mind. he can't believe it, say it again? at her confirmation, a return to asr-ness. only he knows how difficult all this has been for him. and in his relief, again a glimpse of his arrogance. i am always right. and that's all it takes for her to swing back: she's not going to him before the end of the contract, she avers in a beautiful sequence, even as he vows to bring her back before the end of that fateful contract.

did anyone ever think he wouldn't pay for his hasty decision that night, his wronging of her, his sin, if you will? he would pay with a currency far precious than money. he would pay with his love. he would pay till he was stripped of all he needs to survive, till that nakedness in his eyes, and maybe even beyond that.

when he comes to pick her up and she pretends she isn't there, he knows she is. when he sees her bandaged foot, he's worried, concerned, forgots his ire. when he sees she's lying, oh those averted eyes, he just can't take it. he hurts himself to prove a point. doesn't she see how much she loves him? he picks her up in his arms as she hobbles. she struggles, what are you doing?

tumhe ghar lekar jaa raha hoon! abhi uthakar lekar jaa raha hoon. agar zaroorat padi toh kheechkar bhi leke jaa sakta hoon. natak khatam ho gaya tumhara?

he will do anything anything to take her home. she won't give in. can't take the bandages off for a few more days...

problem sirf dus din ki hai. hai na?

pause, cut out sound, cut out breath. she realises he knows. look away. you can't bear to see the pain in him.

khushi, you can't lie to me.

yeh sab tum contract ki vajah se kar rahi ho na?

two onscreen, one before screen finding it hard to inhale.

baki dus din yahan rehna chahti ho taki tumhe humari shadi se azadi-

he can't bring himself to complete that last line. mein tumhare bina-, faraq padta hai kyonki-. incomplete sentences tell beginning to end stories sometimes. but who's listening.

kaisi shadi? humne jo kiya woh shadi nahin dhoka tha, ek sauda tha. ... ab dus din mein sharte khatam, sauda khatam, aur baki sab bhi...

khatam, he who can't complete his own sentences, completes hers for she may not be able to. or he fears, she will.

finish. his eyes say it would certainly finish him.

ab hamara in sab baton se koi matlab nahin hai.

koi matlab nahi hai?

while we all know how much he'd hurt her with precisely those words on a lamp lit dark night, i knew he didn't have her strength, maybe she does maybe i just think she does, but i knew he didn't have that strength, so i prayed for his anger to return. only that could keep him together now. mercifully, it did.

she said, as hurt as he was, as helpless.

...aap sab kuch jante hain.

issliye hum yeh sab bare mein kich na kahe, yeh hi accha hai.

ok, sure. he replied and his teeth gritted. i relaxed.

the path of love is never easy. it burns all those who dare to walk it. no one is spared. in fact, if it doesn't scorch your very insides, know it has not found you worthy, your love isn't all that love can be.

mere saath. mere paas. how many times he said those words today. tum ho saath mere, paas mere ho tum yoon. i need nothing else, khushi. he has been showing her just that for so many days, but us mere mortals, the furies won't let us escape a single mistake we've made. till we've paid for it.

...

i can give not what men call love;
but wilt thou accept not
the worship the heart lifts above
and the Heavens reject not:
one desire of the moth for the star,
of the night for the morrow,
the devotion to something afar
from the sphere of our sorrow?

shelley from my college days.

arnav singh raizada can't give what ordinary men call love, but then khushi kumari gupta is no ordinary girl. he will pick her up this morning he said. i'll wait to see what happens.

some more thoughts.

i have never ever seen an actor of this calibre i am beginning to think. and i speak of barun sobti of course. i literally had trouble exhaling at times.

sanaya irani was equally powerful in her role today, but the script was practically written for him, i felt. that koi matlab nahin, the khatam, the dropping of all his defences. unbelievable.

himmat, sach, jhoot kept coming at us today.

i got a feeling in those i'll throw your family out on the streets, there were agin hints of the past coming up.

anjali wore another lovely sari and misunderstood him once more. he never said buaji was unwell.

WOW superbly written Indi, yeah I agree with today Barun excelled, I was lost in watching his eyes the last 5 min. I wanted to cry seeing the pain in them. The script writers, dialogues were perfect today. Sanaya also was good, but my heart went out to ASR. waapas aajao mere paas👏, I loved this line.

Originally posted by: indi52

still looking into eyes that are trying not to show the hurt.

matlab ki baatein. funny how things come back, archu, lovely title. beautifully written post. but nothing is sticking in my head today. all i see are those eyes. even the cleverness at the end doesn't have any matlab, it's only survival. forgive me, if i go off track today. that was an outstanding piece of work from all at ipk.

update

spectacular cracking of the shell.

khushi yeh sab hone dogi tum?

you, who hold the dor of my life in your hands, you will let this happen? his ego shatters itself to reach out to her. his eyes lay bare his feelings. naked, defenceless, exposed.

ha-mari shadi yoohin khatam hone dogi?

a stutter in arnav singh raizada at even the thought of this unthinkable thing. to consider it would be to die.

itta easy hai tumhare liye?

even his language is losening as his heart breaks, itta, not itna, how can it be so easy for you? how? when it's so hard for me?

he has tried everything. he's done things for her he's never done for anyone before. he has tried to win her back her way. then the audacious move of persuading her the absolute asr way. provoke, threaten, do what you have to do, but get her back. he's even tried to make her accept her own desires, goaded her to claim her huq over him. you have a right to ask for something for yourself, you have a right over me.

patni ho tum meri. he has reminded her again and again. come claim me, make me yours. as you are mine, as i am here to claim you. i need you don't you see that? of course, you do. i don't need anything else, khushi.

aap aisa kyon hain?

tum jaanti ho ki main aisa kyon hoon.

echoes from another day: i don't know why i do the things i do... par main aisa hi hoon, khushi. by mistake, a confession to lavanya, how flawed is our angel.

i know what i have to do and this time it will work my way, he'd thought the night he realised the meaning of 13 days. for three days he'd pursued his goal relentlessly. looked like it was going somewhere. he was happy to see her reaction, she was coming out of her shell, losing her cool, unconsciously treating him like the husband he so wants to be. abusing, threatening back, even showing signs of buying into his philosophy.

he didn't want her to change or be someone else, just be strong enough to say to him i want you and i can't leave you. he needs that, today he needs that for survival. the man has only had his anger, his ego to protect him, today he instinctively seeks to heal himself with love.

the day had started on a confident note full of hope for him. he teased her, he cajoled, he turned off the electricity and water trying to blackmail her into coming home. she wouldn't want her folks inconvenienced.

ziddi jo ho, par apne zid ke chakkar me apne amma bauji ko kyon trouble kar rahi ho. mere saath ghar aa jao, that's all you have to do.

that's all. that's everything for him. but she isn't ready. her hurt doesn't let her do as you want, as she so desperately wants, but something is not right, she can't... just can't. the tussle over water. the touch on her pulse beat on the neck. yearning fingers linger. he's drowning in her. from a conversation across space echoes: aap sun sakte hain hamari dil ki dhadkan? haan, hamesha.

she's drowning too... no drawing away.

aap aisa kyon kar rahen hain?

you already know ki mein ausa kyon kar raha hoon.

... wapas aa jao mere paas.

but she won't relent, as hope fades, familiar anger surges back. yet she stops him and changes her mind. he can't believe it, say it again? at her confirmation, a return to asr-ness. only he knows how difficult all this has been for him. and in his relief, again a glimpse of his arrogance. i am always right. and that's all it takes for her to swing back: she's not going to him before the end of the contract, she avers in a beautiful sequence, even as he vows to bring her back before the end of that fateful contract.

did anyone ever think he wouldn't pay for his hasty decision that night, his wronging of her, his sin, if you will? he would pay with a currency far precious than money. he would pay with his love. he would pay till he was stripped of all he needs to survive, till that nakedness in his eyes, and maybe even beyond that.

when he comes to pick her up and she pretends she isn't there, he knows she is. when he sees her bandaged foot, he's worried, concerned, forgots his ire. when he sees she's lying, oh those averted eyes, he just can't take it. he hurts himself to prove a point. doesn't she see how much she loves him? he picks her up in his arms as she hobbles. she struggles, what are you doing?

tumhe ghar lekar jaa raha hoon! abhi uthakar lekar jaa raha hoon. agar zaroorat padi toh kheechkar bhi leke jaa sakta hoon. natak khatam ho gaya tumhara?

he will do anything anything to take her home. she won't give in. can't take the bandages off for a few more days...

problem sirf dus din ki hai. hai na?

pause, cut out sound, cut out breath. she realises he knows. look away. you can't bear to see the pain in him.

khushi, you can't lie to me.

yeh sab tum contract ki vajah se kar rahi ho na?

two onscreen, one before screen finding it hard to inhale.

baki dus din yahan rehna chahti ho taki tumhe humari shadi se azadi-

he can't bring himself to complete that last line. mein tumhare bina-, faraq padta hai kyonki-. incomplete sentences tell beginning to end stories sometimes. but who's listening.

kaisi shadi? humne jo kiya woh shadi nahin dhoka tha, ek sauda tha. ... ab dus din mein sharte khatam, sauda khatam, aur baki sab bhi...

khatam, he who can't complete his own sentences, completes hers for she may not be able to. or he fears, she will.

finish. his eyes say it would certainly finish him.

ab hamara in sab baton se koi matlab nahin hai.

koi matlab nahi hai?

while we all know how much he'd hurt her with precisely those words on a lamp lit dark night, i knew he didn't have her strength, maybe she does maybe i just think she does, but i knew he didn't have that strength, so i prayed for his anger to return. only that could keep him together now. mercifully, it did.

she said, as hurt as he was, as helpless.

...aap sab kuch jante hain.

issliye hum yeh sab bare mein kich na kahe, yeh hi accha hai.

ok, sure. he replied and his teeth gritted. i relaxed.

the path of love is never easy. it burns all those who dare to walk it. no one is spared. in fact, if it doesn't scorch your very insides, know it has not found you worthy, your love isn't all that love can be.

mere saath. mere paas. how many times he said those words today. tum ho saath mere, paas mere ho tum yoon. i need nothing else, khushi. he has been showing her just that for so many days, but us mere mortals, the furies won't let us escape a single mistake we've made. till we've paid for it.

...

i can give not what men call love;
but wilt thou accept not
the worship the heart lifts above
and the Heavens reject not:
one desire of the moth for the star,
of the night for the morrow,
the devotion to something afar
from the sphere of our sorrow?

shelley from my college days.

arnav singh raizada can't give what ordinary men call love, but then khushi kumari gupta is no ordinary girl. he will pick her up this morning he said. i'll wait to see what happens.

some more thoughts.

i have never ever seen an actor of this calibre i am beginning to think. and i speak of barun sobti of course. i literally had trouble exhaling at times.

sanaya irani was equally powerful in her role today, but the script was practically written for him, i felt. that koi matlab nahin, the khatam, the dropping of all his defences. unbelievable.

himmat, sach, jhoot kept coming at us today.

i got a feeling in those i'll throw your family out on the streets, there were agin hints of the past coming up.

anjali wore another lovely sari and misunderstood him once more. he never said buaji was unwell.

two onscreen, one before screen finding it hard to inhale.

@ indranidi, make that one to two...

Originally posted by: Omoraboti

"For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks. He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant..." - Kahlil Gibran

Arnav Singh Raizada reminded me today of Anna Scott in Notting Hill - "I am just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her." Arnav Singh Raizada was just a boy today, at least for one moment, when he wanted the girl to tell him - it matters. I had trouble going beyond Arnav Singh Raizada this time. So this post is mostly dedicated to this man in love.

The day Arnav Singh Raizada realized why his wife had left his house, did he break down? No. He was determined he will get her back & he set himself on a 12 day mission. The first day he made sure, even if she was away from his home, her 24 hours was for him only. He used his own way to buy that time from her but he used the time rightly to nourish their love. In the process, he lets her feel he understands her, he can read her. On the second day, knowing her love for him was right where it should be but also she will not change her stand, he started a new game to get her back. The man, who was known no to smile - stood relaxed, taking everything from his wife, enjoying & smiling at her tantrum. The next day he took the game a step ahead, still enjoying her Jiddi wife's efforts not to care. He threatens to bring misery to her family ' which he considers as the spade ' but still his wife does not give in. And there I see the first crack in the control-freak man's demeanor. "Wapas mere paas aa jao" ' he voices out ' it is to him she is to return, not Raizada Mansion. Home is where the heart is ' and he is desperate to get her back to her home ' his heart.

He throws away the pot to spill the last drops of water his wife could manage ' that is the moment that defines the desperation & insecurity in love for Arnav Singh Raizada. Does he really have to think that that small amount of water can hinder him to get his wife back? Can we really believe the Arnav Singh Raizada we were introduced with could bother about something so trivial? Such is his desperation ' he will leave no stone unturned. There I see the boy in him ' the boy just asking his love to come back to him ' the boy desperate in love, the boy scared of losing the one woman who has changed her for the better.

The problem does not lie in the said words ' it lies in the unsaid. Arnav thinks Khushi is leaving him for the contract. Khushi thinks Arnav knows she is leaving for Anjali. And this is where, they are failing to understand each other ' the gap of communication still prevails. The approach Arnav has taken might have worked if it was only for the contract. The message Khushi is trying to give him might have been reciprocated properly if Arnav understood the conscious decision from Khushi's part. Khushi asks him why he wants her back. He does not voice it ' he gestures ' caressing her neck lovingly followed by a simple .. "tumi janti ho". But does she completely or even really understand?

Arnav reminded me of Mr. Rochester too when he changes his stance as he understands Khushi is not giving in. "Will you hear reason? Because, if you won't, I'll try violence." ' such is the desperation of Arnav's love, such is the nature of Arnav's love. He just wants her back ' at any cost. He goes back to threatening her & goes back home complacent that he is winning as she agrees. He comes back to take her home ' you can hear the happiness in his silent voice. But is she really giving in? What comes following leaves me with a heavy heart ' Love, what have you done to this man? I saw the man who was all about riches, class & elegance, standing in front of his love, devoid of all those, only with his bare heart. The rest was just a display of this man's emotional turmoil ' anger, concern, love, desperation, insecurity, vulnerability, hurt, fear .. all packed in a 5 minute conversation. The man who always valued mind over heart was ruffling in the whirlpool of multi-faceted emotions. I saw the crack in his demeanor deepening as he finally pushes away the pretense of the games ' he tells her he knows she is waiting for the contract to end. The marriage he declared firmly to never be given any value, was the only thing which he could not talk of falling apart. The man who thought he controls his destiny asks her, "Khushi yeh sab hone do gi tum ? .. humari shaadi yuhi khatam hone do gi tum .. ?" For the first time, I hear Arnav Singh Raizada talking about a choice someone else can make.

He can read her eyes ' she knows that too. But can she read the hurt in his eyes? Can she see his soul through his eyes ' the soul that was yearning for her? She is not only his love, she is his need ' she needs her to survive. Didn't he say he does not need anything else? He has other priorities in his life but without her he cannot serve those too properly because she is the food for his soul, the reason for his heart beating. This is what Arnav Singh Raizada needs her to understand & this what Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada needs confirmation of.

Life always comes back in full circle. Months ago, he left her in the same house voicing it did not matter to him ' she stood heart-broken wondering, "Koi matlab nahi?" The same man now asks her in the same house, "Koi matlab nahi?" as his heart breaks at the thought of their nuptial bond may end. He cannot believe she says nothing matters to her because he is ready to accept now it matters. How can she deny when he knows it matters to both of them? "Itna easy hai tumhare liye?" The man who never wanted to talk is now speaking his heart out ' demanding answers from the one person, who never stopped talking. The man who understood only business was talking of facing the truth. The man who started the game, was willing to end it. I loved how he did not let the conversation end ' how he carried it on ' he just wanted her to open up her heart. He finally goes home a winner, promising to come back the day after to take her back ' but he did not leave feeling as a winner, he left as a desperate man in love, hurt in love, still hopeful in love. The next day will come full of hope for him & he will pursue his love ' with truth or trick ' that we yet to see.

Little Something on Khushi:

A lie is always a lie and a lie will always have its repercussion. No matter how much I understand Khushi's reason, I will never support her lying. She is only entangling herself into bigger messes with her lies and I want her to learn her lessons. The reason why Anjali felt cheated today was because of her & her only. Here is where she is wrong ' she lied thinking this will bring Anjali & Arnav closer but where is this lie leading towards? Arnav & Anjali will be punished because of her lie only this time, without any of them being at fault, rather played by her lie. I hope she understands ' her Devi Maiya has signaled her long ago that the answer to her questions is Arnav but she has ignored the sign only to run into more trouble. Arnav also has kept trying to make her understand she cannot solve everything alone ' she needs him. She even herself has experience that when they are together into something ' they come out together as the winners. The day she will accept it will be the day their union will be complete.

Just a thought:

Arnav promises to bring her back before the contract ends. Khushi promises never to go back before the contract ends. Whose turn is to win? This time .. I want it to be both.

Dialogue of the Day: Difficult to comprehend

Performance:

Barun Sobti, I have stopped praising you because I have already used up almost all the words of my English Vocabulary in trying to appreciate you. How you talk with your eyes, will always be a wonder to me.

Sanaya Irani, I have loved you before I started loving Barun. You have been constant as Barun has gradually improved and you are still just the right match for him.

I thank Gul & Team for giving us these two ' they have set a standard that will take a lot to reach. The only reason I loathe these two is because they have limited my entertainment from the Magic Box ' after them, no one else seems worth watching.

PS1: I wanted to relate the Gibran quote to Arnav today but the post is already long enough to hurt the eyes! So for today, just read the quote .. will write upon it soon. 😊

PS2: Had a tough time writing .. feelings were to intense to pen down. Sorry for not being able to do proper justice to the episode.. but it was just way beyond my capacity.

Gandhari! Well deserved, darling! 👏 You know how I feel about your post.
Mou & Sri! Thoroughly enjoyed your posts 😊