Why get married at all?

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Sarah

@Crazy_1001

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#11

Originally posted by: Rosyln419
Res?

Unres.

Yeah Sarah it was me who made that post "Arnav is Khushi's Saas"

Yeah Sarah totally agree with you. It's okay that those MIL who doesn't bash their DIL is good but we are talking about those who bash.

These days modern DIL is bashing MIL because they have already heard much about how so many girls were burnt alive because of dowry and some got killed because their husbands were doing as they want. So I would say what's wrong in that. Everyone has some expectations when the thing comes about life partner.

What if he doesn't gives u attention and still leads a normal life like earlier as though u never exist.
That would hurt anybody.
If MILs have that much problem with the DILs they really why get their sons married?
Make them your puppet and keep pulling their strings. And make them money printing machine so that they earn for you life time and doesn't live their own life.

I have seen so many MILs who get angry when their sons give money to their wives.
I mean this is crazy. If he will not give her money then whom is she gonna ask?

Well I have lots to say. Even this comment would be small.

All and all I agree with you.
Don't care about those who don't agree. As they don't think like a girl though they are girls.
And I have seen that nicely in past two days in forum that though they are girls still they don't think like girls and were bashing Khushi saying that it's all her fault and ASR was not wrong.
No offence.

I agree with you exactly! And I know exactly what you mean I mean the husband IS providing for his family which now includes the wife as well. So I really have a problem when the MIL goes to the son and says stop giving money to your wife. Plus on top of that, if the wife ISN'T allowed to work where is she suppose to get the money to spend!

The MIL just wants to have complete control over the new wife! I find that so stupid I mean the girl is now a part of your family and she should be treated like family!

I would say that if your MIL is treating you badly without any reason , then I would wholeheartedly say the girl has the exact same rights to stand up for herself!

I read some of the posts about it being Khushis fault and I was APPALLED! So what if she talked to Anjali even if she wasn't suppose, yes Arnav did have the right to get angry at her, but he had NO right to practically call her a wh***, and question her existent. WTH man?!

If other girls can't understand the plight of woman then thats just sad.

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Sarah

@Crazy_1001

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#12

Originally posted by: incandescent
This is a sad reality.

I am really pissed at Akash. Mami is a slightly different case because she never liked the Gupta girls from the beginning.

I am going to go a little off topic. You know long time back, someone made a post asking who would you pick as a husband Arnav, Akash or NK?

I said Arnav because guys like Arnav ( after they get over all their issues) make great husbands. NK type guys make great, understanding hubbies too.

But I personally feel that guys like never make good husbands and I think I said it in that post too. I have seen it happen in real life. Now I am seeing that reality being depicted on IPKKND too.

As for MILs, I really don't know. I am not married and I never witnessed a MIL-DIL relationship upclose.

Ye Mami I understand her dislike towards the too sisters, and its not like she hid the fact that she disliked them. She clearly said it in front of everyone. But Akaash really pissed me of I mean he knows his mother doesn't like Payal, he didn't even fight for her! Im sorry if he really loved her as he claimed in the beginning he would support her, and not yell at her for every little thing.

Im not married either but family and friends that I have seen get married and their lives Im just shocked at some of the things done.

Originally posted by: Risha.J
Love your post and completely agree with it. I honestly hate this attitude of MILs tol. Especially when they start believing that their bahus took away their sons. I mean helllooo??? They are LIFE partners now and are meant to be the closest to each other as compared to anyone in the world! Mothers should learn to let their sons go a bit after their weddings. Great post again!

Thanks! :)

I hate this mentality as well, if the mother thinks the wife is going to take the son away from her, then why do you want him to get married anyway?! The mothers really do need to loosen their reigns after marriage I mean it makes no sense. He has another person in his life, so holds just as much value.

Originally posted by: babes25
If I had a MIL like mami and a hubby like Akash I'd know what to do..Luckily i don't have any problems with MIL now but used to have but my hubby was 100% behind me so never had to face any difficult situations. I mean we knew mami was like that from the beginning but what about Akash..Seriously if men can't treat their wives properly why get married? A very good question...But this world is never going to change...

Thats great, too have a husband supporting you completely. Especially for a newly wed I mean she completely new to the family has no knowledge of how the family functions, so when she tries to stand up for herself she is taunted! She has no one in the house, so its great when a husband sticks up for his wife, with good reason!

I really hope that the coming generation of MILs does think about the actual girl, and not have this way thinking. That the girl is going to steal their son!

Originally posted by: Fan_ipkknd1
Im really of no age to be talking about something like this, but what the heck, i think about all of this too so i choose to talk about it too.
You are so right. Well im not against marriage, i mean in my family i haven't seen such problems! (THANKGOD FOR THAT!) but its depressing seeing others do such. Youre right. A woman's life shouldnt be changed whem they get married and specially not my MIL's. It should be between a husband and a wife to what a wife can do, should do and will do!

Well it doesn't matter if you aren't the right age to be talking like this, just share your experiences that you had with family or friends . Or if you didn't have any just write what you think is right 😊 Really happy for you that it doesn't happen in your family, and hopefully it doesn't in the future either!

Im really glad you think about this stuff I mean after all it does happen around the world everyday! I have nothing against marriage either, nor with MILs (just the mean ones ) but anything between the husband and wife should remain between them, a third party just creates more riff between the two.

Originally posted by: Mariam.Ejaz
i don't know about others but i personally believe that a Saas should treat her son's wife like her daughter and the girl should treat her like a mother! in a true sense, that way the Guy will not have to choose between his wife or mother and things will stay calm! but unfortunately sometimes Saas's and sometimes the Wife's they dont cooperate!
i totally agree with you! a girl's life shouldn't change when she goes to her susral, instead it should get better by acceptance from both ends

Exactly!! I mean Daughter -in-law, Mother-in-law the key words are Daughter and Mother its a whole new relationship! But one they have to accept!

A girl should be treated like a daughter in her laws house.Karma always bites back hard, if the mother is acting horrible towards the wife, then if she has a daughter thats going to get married her daughter may get treated exactly the same!

So they should really treat others daughters like they want their own to be treated like a family member.

Edited by Crazy_1001 - 13 years ago

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Sarah

@Crazy_1001

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#13

Originally posted by: karmachameleon
Interesting post...

I usually don't comment on posts like this, i usually liked to read other comments...

This is how I think it is...

I had a love marriage, my MIL tried to get my husband (my boyfriend then) to get him married anyone possible just so that he doesn't marry me...

WHY? I don't know... (maybe Religious difference, we both come from different religions)

Then he gave them ulitimatum and she was finally forced to agree...

We get married, everyone is happy...

BUT - guess what? She still doesn't like me?

And guess WHAT? I could give a sh#t !! And I am saying this in the nicest way...

Bottom line - when two people are married, it's very important that they have that understanding between them, so much that any MIL shouldn't be able to come in between!

I mean this lady even tried to all sort of crazy things to get us divorced - and i really feel bad for her because we had a 7 year courtship before we got married and if we didn't break up then and i dont know how was she planning on breaking us up after the fact that we were actually married? I don't understand this!

Why get married? For your own happiness! I always wanted to marry my husband and I did, he has supported me from day one! I am not saying he is joru ka ghulam or anything (he supports me when I am right and he also supports his mom when she is right - which is rarely) but if you have the right life partner, all these things don't matter. And i know it might sound harsh, since we come from culture where families are important - but i personally think that my own relationship and my own life is way more important than to worry about the fact that my MIL doesn't like me. Well, guess what the feeling is mutual - I am NO Kusum - u screw me - I screw u back! Sorry to say this but this is not 14th century where women were treated like sh#t and they had no say in anything...

Getting married is not a bad thing, just getting marrried to the WRONG person is a bad thing...

So wait and wait and wait until you find your Mr. Right (lol) and then get married cuz if you are happy with your life-partner, nothing else seems to matter...

I hope u guys don't bash me for this but I am talking about a MIL who didn't come to see me and my daughter in the hospital when I had her viz c-section and I was on bed rest for like a week! And that's just one thing - let's not get into details! And people who know me, they know very well that I could careless about that cuz I was happy my hubby took care of me like my own mother and we both had a beautiful child together and that's all mattered at that time!

Sorry for this super LONG post...I hope i made sense...

I love super long posts! No apologies needed!

And wow your life sounds like a typical Indian drama (don't take that offensively LOL)

But Im really truly happy for you! That you have such a loving and supporting husband who's fair to both sides!

I mean your MIL should see the facts I mean you guys were together for 7 years and didn't break up, why would you break-up after marriage. LOL that doesn't make sense too me!

Understanding between the couple if extremely important if there wasn't I mean then married life would be like an everyday serial where there are constant misunderstandings and the wife is the one too blame for all. You have a valid reason for being mad at your MIL I mean wow she didn't come during teh birth of her grand-daughter and that too for a c-section. Thats just wow!

I have no personal vendetta against marriage! Its a beautiful thing! But a girl SHOULD defend herself when accusations are being hurled! She can't just sit there like a doormat and accept whatever is being said to her when the accusations are False! I mean she deserves just as much respect as everyone else in the family! This is no longer the 14th century where woman are suppressed and the threat and shame of divorce looms over them.

I know in our culture divorce is still considered a taboo topic! And whenever a couple is divorced the family usually blames the girl, because her habits were bad?!

In a divorce its mutual! Both parties must have acted in a way, so why do the girls get the raw end of the deal!

Plus in our culture its not just a marriage between man and woman. Its a marriage between two families! That seem to think interfering in everyones lives will make everything better!

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Mariam

@--Amy--

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#14

loved your post...this is a sad reality...

don't know why DIL is always treated as a outsider when it comes to family matters...

as in see Payal is not allowed to enter Di room because she is the DIL...

I don't know why these MIL always want to come between husband and wife...

One of my cousins had a love marriage...Her MIL was not convinced at first...

but then for the sake of family peace she agreed...few days she was really nice to my cousin...

but now she is on a mission like Mami...she wants to convince her son that he had made a wrong decision...I just don't get these stupid logics of MIL...but this is the reality...

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Surbhi

@..Surbhi..

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#15

I sooo agree with u. I mean look at mami. She's back into her old mean avatar. I mean. Common. Seriously. N on top Akashi is following his mothers steps too. Being sooo mean to poor Payal. Really sad. Even my mom said that first he begged to get married n now look at him

I just don't get the saas Bahu problem geezz

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Sarah

@Crazy_1001

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#16

Originally posted by: amyrocks
loved your post...this is a sad reality...
don't know why DIL is always treated as a outsider when it comes to family matters...
as in see Payal is not allowed to enter Di room because she is the DIL...
I don't know why these MIL always want to come between husband and wife...
One of my cousins had a love marriage...Her MIL was not convinced at first...
but then for the sake of family peace she agreed...few days she was really nice to my cousin...
but now she is on a mission like Mami...she wants to convince her son that he had made a wrong decision...I just don't get these stupid logics of MIL...but this is the reality...

Ahh the classic "I love my new DIL I'll treat her like my own daughter, the moment she makes a mistake, OFF to the dungeons with you, a woman who makes a mistake, isn't perfect, its fit to be my sons wife! " Thats the logic behind it all LOL.They really are conniving sometimes!

Originally posted by: ..Surbhi..
I sooo agree with u. I mean look at mami. She's back into her old mean avatar. I mean. Common. Seriously. N on top Akashi is following his mothers steps too. Being sooo mean to poor Payal. Really sad. Even my mom said that first he begged to get married n now look at him

I just don't get the saas Bahu problem geezz

I never understood Akaash I mean he doesn't even get to know Payal properly before thier marriage, he had the love at first sight my a**.

I really don't get them either I mean it shouldn't be as complicated as some families make them out to be!

Edited by Crazy_1001 - 13 years ago