Why get married at all?

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Sarah

@Crazy_1001

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

I know this is kinda off-topic but after watching Fridays episode and thinking about some previous posts in the forums. I'm coming to the conclusion that why do mothers want their sons to get married at all?!

This is mainly do to Akaashs, and mamis behaviour, and most mother -in-laws behaviours towards the bahus. Well I understand mami's behaviour towards Payal she never wanted Payal as a bahu in the first place.

Plus someone made a post about how Arnav was Khushi's saas, this really got me thinking! Its funny cuz my mom says that to my dad all the time! Since my mom never had a saas she says to my dad "apney kabi mujey saas nah honay ka ehsaas nahi dilaiya" (basically shes saying to my dad, you even filled the role of the mother in law) 😆

I digress...but seriously though. I have seen it happen first hand, and it gets on my nerves. Families of guys will come and check out the girl and her family, and the MOTHER or the head lady of the family will approve of the girl them-self. But then once the marriage happens its a 180 degree turn and the daughter-in-law get treated like absolute crap!! Like W*F is up with that!

And oh this is the icing on the cake I have seen it happen so many times, the guys family will come in looking for a girl that is well-educated, has a job, earns herself, has established herself. Then the moment she gets married she isn't allowed to work anymore! Apparently the thinking is a woman working will shed a bad light towards the family. So why would you want to get married to a well-educated girl who has a job and probably has her own hopes and dreams to one day be successful only to freaking destroy them!!

My questions too anyone out there is (especially mother-in-laws) are: Why do you treat the daughter-in-laws like absolute crap and completely break them down? Why do you want to get your sons married to a girl of your choice, if you are so reluctant on letting your sons go?

Why get them married at all, just let your sons live bachelor lives...

and if the real reason for marriage is getting offspring, then may I suggest the millions of orphans out there!

PS. This is just me venting my frustration from first hand cases that I have seen, this is not my life nor do I hope it to be like that. And all the dramas they show on TV (Pakistani, and Indian) They dont do much to help this way of thinking. If anything I think they just plant more ideas in the heads of mother-in-laws.

PPS. Nani in IPKKND is SO cool! I mean I would love to have her or someone like her as a mother in law in the future ahahha She has such a forward way of thinking, and shes not restrictive. I just loved how she supported Khushi when she wanted to work!

PSPS. The saying "kyun ki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" do they MILs not take that into consideration. I really hope my mom doesn't do that to my brothers wife if/when he gets married (InshAllah) . LOL if she does I will tell my mom that she is acting like a typical "saas" that will annoy her ahha

Thats the end of my rant would really love to hear your thoughts, and comments. Please do share them 😃

Edited by Crazy_1001 - 13 years ago

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Roslyn

@Roslyn1991

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

Res?

Unres.

Yeah Sarah it was me who made that post "Arnav is Khushi's Saas"

Yeah Sarah totally agree with you. It's okay that those MIL who doesn't bash their DIL is good but we are talking about those who bash.

These days modern DIL is bashing MIL because they have already heard much about how so many girls were burnt alive because of dowry and some got killed because their husbands were doing as they want. So I would say what's wrong in that. Everyone has some expectations when the thing comes about life partner.

What if he doesn't gives u attention and still leads a normal life like earlier as though u never exist.

That would hurt anybody.

If MILs have that much problem with the DILs they really why get their sons married?

Make them your puppet and keep pulling their strings. And make them money printing machine so that they earn for you life time and doesn't live their own life.

I have seen so many MILs who get angry when their sons give money to their wives.

I mean this is crazy. If he will not give her money then whom is she gonna ask?

Well I have lots to say. Even this comment would be small.

All and all I agree with you.

Don't care about those who don't agree. As they don't think like a girl though they are girls.

And I have seen that nicely in past two days in forum that though they are girls still they don't think like girls and were bashing Khushi saying that it's all her fault and ASR was not wrong.

No offence.

Edited by Rosyln419 - 13 years ago

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GodhuliLogon

@GodhuliLogon

Inactive

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

I dont know what to say.. In my surroundings I only see boys are acting according to their wives literally.. My little bro does whatever my sis-in-law wants.. and I have seen so many of like this..

Its from modern upper-middle-class scenario..

In IPKNND mami is one too much so its not even generalized.. its fun to watch ..

In real life I have seen opposite MIL is bashed by DIL ( modern DIL).. lol

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Sarah

@Crazy_1001

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: godhuli12
I dont know what to say.. In my surroundings I only see boys are acting according to their wives literally.. My little bro does whatever my sis-in-law wants.. and I have seen so many of like this..

Its from modern upper-middle-class scenario..

In IPKNND mami is one too much so its not even generalized.. its fun to watch ..

In real life I have seen opposite MIL is bashed by DIL ( modern DIL).. lol

See I HAVE seen that happen, but its the mother in laws that are complaining that the "girls have trapped their sons" But I know the girl wouldn't act that way because I personally knew some of the girls for a really long time, and would never do such things that the MIL says they are doing.

But I guess that does happen where the DIL does bash and mistreat the MIL.

ANd mami shes just too cool to say anything too, so Im going to leave her out of this category of MIL's 😆

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incandescent

@incandescent

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 13 years ago

This is a sad reality.

I am really pissed at Akash. Mami is a slightly different case because she never liked the Gupta girls from the beginning.

I am going to go a little off topic. You know long time back, someone made a post asking who would you pick as a husband Arnav, Akash or NK?

I said Arnav because guys like Arnav ( after they get over all their issues) make great husbands. NK type guys make great, understanding hubbies too.

But I personally feel that guys like Akash never make good husbands and I think I said it in that post too. I have seen it happen in real life. Now I am seeing that reality being depicted on IPKKND too.

As for MILs, I really don't know. I am not married and I never witnessed a MIL-DIL relationship upclose.

Edited by incandescent - 13 years ago

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Risha J

@-Risha-

Inactive

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

Love your post and completely agree with it. I honestly hate this attitude of MILs tol. Especially when they start believing that their bahus took away their sons. I mean helllooo??? They are LIFE partners now and are meant to be the closest to each other as compared to anyone in the world! Mothers should learn to let their sons go a bit after their weddings. Great post again!

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-SI-

@-SI-

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

If I had a MIL like mami and a hubby like Akash I'd know what to do..Luckily i don't have any problems with MIL now but used to have but my hubby was 100% behind me so never had to face any difficult situations. I mean we knew mami was like that from the beginning but what about Akash..Seriously if men can't treat their wives properly why get married? A very good question...But this world is never going to change...

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Fuj

@-ElmoFuj-

Stunner

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

Im really of no age to be talking about something like this, but what the heck, i think about all of this too so i choose to talk about it too.

You are so right. Well im not against marriage, i mean in my family i haven't seen such problems! (THANKGOD FOR THAT!) but its depressing seeing others do such. Youre right. A woman's life shouldnt be changed whem they get married and specially not my MIL's. It should be between a husband and a wife to what a wife can do, should do and will do!

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Mariam

@Mariam.Ejaz

Navigator

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

i don't know about others but i personally believe that a Saas should treat her son's wife like her daughter and the girl should treat her like a mother! in a true sense, that way the Guy will not have to choose between his wife or mother and things will stay calm! but unfortunately sometimes Saas's and sometimes the Wife's they dont cooperate!
i totally agree with you! a girl's life shouldn't change when she goes to her susral, instead it should get better by acceptance from both ends

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karmachameleon

@karmachameleon

Dazzler

+ 9

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

Interesting post...

I usually don't comment on posts like this, i usually liked to read other comments...

This is how I think it is...

I had a love marriage, my MIL tried to get my husband (my boyfriend then) to get him married anyone possible just so that he doesn't marry me...

WHY? I don't know... (maybe Religious difference, we both come from different religions)

Then he gave them ulitimatum and she was finally forced to agree...

We get married, everyone is happy...

BUT - guess what? She still doesn't like me?

And guess WHAT? I could give a sh#t !! And I am saying this in the nicest way...

Bottom line - when two people are married, it's very important that they have that understanding between them, so much that any MIL shouldn't be able to come in between!

I mean this lady even tried to all sort of crazy things to get us divorced - and i really feel bad for her because we had a 7 year courtship before we got married and if we didn't break up then and i dont know how was she planning on breaking us up after the fact that we were actually married? I don't understand this!

Why get married? For your own happiness! I always wanted to marry my husband and I did, he has supported me from day one! I am not saying he is joru ka ghulam or anything (he supports me when I am right and he also supports his mom when she is right - which is rarely) but if you have the right life partner, all these things don't matter. And i know it might sound harsh, since we come from culture where families are important - but i personally think that my own relationship and my own life is way more important than to worry about the fact that my MIL doesn't like me. Well, guess what the feeling is mutual - I am NO Kusum - u screw me - I screw u back! Sorry to say this but this is not 14th century where women were treated like sh#t and they had no say in anything...

Getting married is not a bad thing, just getting marrried to the WRONG person is a bad thing...

So wait and wait and wait until you find your Mr. Right (lol) and then get married cuz if you are happy with your life-partner, nothing else seems to matter...

I hope u guys don't bash me for this but I am talking about a MIL who didn't come to see me and my daughter in the hospital when I had her viz c-section and I was on bed rest for like a week! And that's just one thing - let's not get into details! And people who know me, they know very well that I could careless about that cuz I was happy my hubby took care of me like my own mother and we both had a beautiful child together and that's all mattered at that time!

Sorry for this super LONG post...I hope i made sense...