They were coming to the end of their stay at the Gupta's and as he lay in bed pondering over the week just gone, Arnav realised that a part of him had actually enjoyed his time here. Yes he'd been against the idea initially - and was overwhelmed with the reception they got on their arrival - but as the days went by, he'd recognised and respected the warmth behind their gestures. Despite not having the kind of resources that were available in Shantivan, they had done everything they could to make his stay as pleasant as possible. Though he appreciated their efforts, it was the love behind their actions which had left a lasting impression. They had wholeheartedly accepted him as their son-in-law and for some reason it made him feel... content. He knew it shouldn't matter - it was only a temporary marriage after all - but he couldn't deny the fact that he had liked being linked to Khushi in a way that suggested eternity. Lying beside her every night had been the sweetest kind of torture and waking up next to her every morning had been blissful. He could easily do it for the rest of his life... No! Stop it Arnav! Don't forget what she's done! She's a cheat and a liar! He chided himself before recalling part of a conversation he had overheard between Khushi and her mother a few days earlier...
*Flashback*
"Tum khush toh ho na Khushi? Arnav bitwa ke saath?" her mother enquired.
Khushi paused before answering. "H-haan Amma... aap aise kyun pooch rahe ho?" she asked nervously.
"Tumhari aur Damaadji khi bilkul bhi nahin banti thi... jab tum unke liye kaam karti thi... uska bura bartaav... aur phir yeh achanak shaadi...?"
"Ohhh woh!" Khushi replied. "Woh pehle khi baat thi Amma. Ab Arnav ji badal chuke hai... woh bohot ache hai, aur humara khayal bhi rakte hai."
"Sach?" Khushi just nodded in confirmation. Her mother sighed in relief and smiled.
"Yeh baat sunke humein acha laga. Tumhe pata hai, har Maa-Baap ka yehi toh sapna hota hai... bacho ki shaadi karni, unko apni shaadi shuda zindagi mein khush dekhna... aur humein tumhari bohot chinta rehti thi. Jabse tumhari sag-"
Before she could finish her sentence, Khushi interjected. "Amma! Ab bas bhi karo... warna aap roney lago ghi, aur saath mein humein bhi rulaoge!"
They both chuckled before giving each other a hug.
*Flashback Ends*
He had wanted to see the look on Khushi's face at that point but her mother had obstructed his view. You see? Look at how easily she lied to her own mother! She can't be trusted! The voice in his head reasoned with him. Then why didn't he feel convinced? He had observed her a lot with her family these past few days... to try and get a better understanding of her, but all she had managed to do was confuse him. Her every action, every word, every gesture was filled with love, compassion and care. The way she looked after her father, didn't let her mother or Buaji do too much around the house, and tried to alleviate their every tension no matter how small... it was all so genuine! He'd even learnt that the money she made from her dabba service and tuition classes helped keep this house afloat. She was indeed a good daughter and it was pretty obvious that she was loved by her family. In fact, everyone in the neighbourhood adored her! It seemed like every time he stepped outside the house, someone would approach him and tell him how lucky he was to have a wife like Khushi. Had she fooled all of them too? Was the good-girl image just an act as he had previously thought? The idea seemed absurd, even to him. Urgh! When will I understand this woman?! He felt like he was at war with himself, and it was beginning to take its toll. Only one thing was certain... in this constant battle between his head and his heart, it was his heart that seemed to be winning right now. Frustrated, he ran his fingers through his hair before turning to look at the empty spot beside him on the bed. She had gone to change her clothes but that seemed like ages ago. He glanced at his watch. 11:30 PM. Engrossed in his thoughts, he hadn't realised that she'd been gone for over half an hour... but where?
It was still fairly warm outside despite the late hour. The cool breeze was her only respite and felt refreshing on her tear-stricken face. She felt miserable. Why had she insisted on bringing him here? She realised now that what had started off as teaching her so-called 'husband' a lesson in life was actually one of the silliest things she could have done. She knew their marriage was a sham, so why had she given her family the opportunity to build a bond with someone who was going to deeply hurt them in 5 months time? It was going to be painful enough as it is and quite frankly, he didn't deserve all the care and attention they were giving him! She cursed herself for not thinking this trip through properly. The first day or two had been fine. She had enjoyed seeing his discomfort at all the attention her Amma and Buaji were giving him. But then she had that conversation with her mother... in which she had to lie about being happily married to Arnav ji. It was one of the most difficult conversations she had ever had! At that point, she'd wanted nothing more than to rest her head in her mother's lap and tell her everything; to share with her the pain that she was silently suffering, to tell her that the bubbly Khushi they had all witnessed was just an act, a defence mechanism to deal with a broken heart that was crushed a little more every day she spent in this contract marriage, and to tell her that she was being punished for something yet she didn't have a clue what it was! But she didn't say a thing... how could she when she knew that she didn't have the answers to the questions that would follow? After that, every word her mother had said had felt like a blow in the stomach for Khushi and when she couldn't keep up the pretence anymore, she had made an excuse and cut their conversation short. She felt so guilty when she hugged her, but she couldn't risk her mother reading the truth in her eyes. Trying to keep up her happy-go-lucky act for the next couple of days had been immensely difficult, and seeing him engage with her family even more so. Occasionally, he looked like he was enjoying himself; she felt like he was mocking her. This is all his fault! Why won't he tell me the reason behind this marriage?! She'd asked herself the same question many times over the past month... had tried to get answers too... but to no avail. I hate him! She declared, in a futile attempt to make herself feel better. Or rather, she wished she hated him. But the fact remained that despite everything which had transpired between them since they met, she was still drawn to him and living in such close proximity was wreaking havoc on her already haywire emotions! What was it about him that compelled her to want to understand him better? Was it those moments when he'd completely let his guard down with her? Or was it because she knew that deep-down, there was more to him than what he wanted people to believe. Maybe it was those times they'd spent together when they had come so close... Stop it Khushi! He doesn't care about you! You're just making things harder for yourself! But how could she explain that to her aching heart, which was adamant that only he could fill the empty void it felt? Wiping the tears from her face, she looked up at the star-filled sky and realised that she had never felt so alone.
He found her sitting on the steps which led to the garden situated to the right of the house. With the aid of the moonlight and various lights dotted around outside, he could clearly make out her slumped shoulders... she seemed to be lost in thought. Arnav stood there for several seconds before taking a tentative step forward, unsure of whether he should approach her.
"Kya woh humein dekh kar khush hai?" she asked softly. He froze, surprised that she knew he was there. Khushi turned round to look at him, the man responsible for everything she was going through. He looked both taken-aback and puzzled.
"Aapko yaad hai jab yehi sawaal aapne humko poocha tha?" she continued, turning to face forward as she did so. He remembered. It was after that time when Di had asked him for Maa's kangan to give to Lavanya... the very same kangan that now adorned Khushi's wrists. When he didn't respond, Khushi stood up from the step she was sitting on and proceeded to make her way into the garden. Without even acknowledging what he was doing, he traced her steps until he was standing beside her. As he followed her gaze towards the heavens, he knew she must be thinking about her parents.
"Jab hum saat saal ke thei, Amma aur Babuji ne humare janamdin pe humein ek gudiya di thi... jisne ek shaadi ka jora pehna hua tha. Aapko pata hai humari Amma ne humse kya kaha tha uss din? Unho ne kaha-" she paused, trying to collect herself. Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears and her voice quivered with emotion. He looked at her crest-fallen profile, silently urging her to continue. Plucking up the courage to do so, she completed her sentence.
"Unho ne kaha tha ke unka bas ek hi sapna tha... humein uss gudiya ki tara ek dulhan ke roop mein dekne ka." She paused again. His heart contracted at the sight of the woman he loved, who looked so broken that he couldn't help but feel her pain. No matter what their personal equation was, when it came to their deceased parents, they understood where the other was coming from. He gulped, trying to get rid of the lump that was beginning to form in his throat.
"Jab woh guzar geh aur iss parivaar ne humein ek jaga di... unka adhoora sapna Amma aur Babuji ka bhi sapna bann chuka tha. Aapke Maa-Baap ne bhi ek aisa sapna dekha hoga... aap ke liye?" His gaze dropped to the kangan she was wearing and he was immediately reminded of the letter his mother had written for her future bahu... the one Khushi was never going to see. The thought pained him. He closed his eyes, trying hard to fight the tears that were threatening to make an appearance.
"Toh aap-hi bataye... hum dono ko iss jhooti shaadi ke bandan mein dekh khar... kya woh khush hai?" The impact of her words hit him hard, and he felt stunned as he let the words sink in. He didn't know what hurt more... his mother's unfulfilled dream or Khushi calling their relationship a lie. He opened his eyes just as she turned to face him.
"Kya mila hai aapko... sab khi umeedein thor kar? Kya yeh aapke liye ek khel hai? Ek aur moka... aapki taakat dikhane kha? " she managed to say in-between sobs. Again her words hit him where it hurt. Does she really think that low of me? Admittedly, he had always reminded her of his power over every situation in the past, but still!
"Shayad aapko koi farak nahin padta, lekin baaki sab koh toh farak parega nah? Hum unko kya jawaab deinge?" Her tears were flowing freely now, and he was reminded once again of how hurt everyone would be once the 6 months were up. A feeling of guilt washed over him.
"Kyun Arnav ji? Aapko abhi bhi lagta hai ke humein batana zaroori nahin hai?" He opened his mouth to answer and promptly closed it again. Just say it Arnav! Tell her you know about her and Shyam! But he couldn't. Why couldn't he say it? Was he afraid that she'd confirm his worst fear? Or was it because he wasn't sure anymore? He could hear Shyam's words mocking him at the back of his mind, but he could see the hurt in Khushi's eyes and he didn't understand what it meant. If she really was having an affair without giving a damn about others feelings, would she be so worried about how everyone in the family would react once they got to know of the temporary marriage?
"Ab humse yeh nahin hoga. Thak geh hai hum... iss natak se... iss jhoot se... iss khel se!" The desperation in her voice echoed her need for answers. She looked deep into his eyes, eagerly searching for them but got nothing. So he wasn't going to tell her, she concluded. How could he just stand there and not utter a word? After everything she'd just said? He had a heart - she knew he did - so why wasn't he using it?! She sighed heavily, feeling dejected once more. It was clear she wasn't getting any answers today, but she decided she would get them. She deserved that much at least, didn't she? Whether he knew it or not, he had completely broken her spirit and she didn't know if she'd ever feel whole again. I'll make him tell me... if it's the last thing I do! Khushi paused for a few seconds... giving him one last chance to say something... and when he didn't say a word, she turned away from him and retreated back to the house. As Arnav watched her departing figure, he again wondered why he had been unable to say anything to her. He realised that like her, he too was tired; tired of keeping his emotions in check... tired of trying to work her out... and tired of never coming to a conclusion. Feeling confused, he started to make his way back to the house... to his beautiful wife... and another sleepless night.
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Ye Hai Mohabbatein
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