CVs, STOP SENDING DANGEROUS MESSAGES TO KIDS! - Page 7

Originally posted by: sukri

I like your post Navin.

Actually I also believe that CVs should show how to tackle creeps like Shyam in real life. They have shown enough abuse so far (both Arnav and Shyam) However everyone from audience understand and already by now know that Shyam is a creep. We need not see the repeat of it. Please tell us how to handle this situation. How is a teenage who is not comfortable talking about this to anyome (not saying Khushi, I mean any teenager) handle such person.

From the SPA awards, it was very clear that IPKKND is very popular among 15-20 year olds.

Whether we agree or not, these kids are really influenced by what is shown in the Televison. Esp a character like Khushi, who every girl wants to be, they will try to imitate what she does. God forbid, if something like that happens to their real lives, they would have no idea as to what to do.

If Khushi is shown to be a simple girl with morals who will go to any extreme to protect the truth, to protect her family, CVs should show that she will go to any extreme to expose the villian too, will go any extreme to protect herself.

I have a real life incident - Please ignore if you feel its too long.

My friend and I had joined a hobby class when we were 16 yr old, just started our junior college. My friend wear chudidar, decent looking and does nothing to provacate any male into doing anything.. She had very few friends and kept to herself most of the time.

The person who teached in the classes was a guy around 30 yr old and he was married. He used to stay in the same locality as my friend and sometimes he would see her in the bus stop while she was going to college. He recognised her and they used to say Hi to each other.

One day he sat in a seat bebind her to talk to her, she talked a bit.
The next time he sad next to her.
Third time, he bought bus ticket for her and at the pretext of giving her the ticket, he held her hand and smiled at her. She got uncomfortable with this action but she didnt mention it to anyone, even me becasue she was afraid of being judged.
The next time he suggested her that instead of going by bus, he will get his bike instead and they can go together. She refused.
The next time he came to the bus stop in the bike, forced her to sit with him and he dropped her near the train station and told her he can pick her up after the college and they can go to movie or have fun. He also indicated that his wife was not in town.

She was scared to death and finally realised the seriousness of the situation and ran away and met me at the canteen.

From her face, I could tell that something was bothering her, I had to pester her a lot, before she finally gave me all the details.

Now we both 16 year olds, I am telling you all we were shit scared.. no kidding, had no clue as to what to do couple options we discussed after lot of brainstorming(that i remember now) were
- lets complain against the him to the hobby class owner. (we were worried what if he does something to us outside the class if we complain against him)
- lets talk to parents - but she were uncomfortable to open this topic in front of our parents, thinking what if my parents blamed me for joining the classes.

In the end, what we did was just stopped going to the classes, coz that seems the easiest solution. There was constant fear of what will happen, we knew that he cant do much, but we had college at 7 am and she had to get the 6 am bus. There usually arent many pple around that time.She started taking an auto to the train station instead of bus and after 6 months she was finally over the incident.

I am not saying what we did is right or wrong, but when people watch such shows, they have to show it such that it is useful for people. Maybe we could have dealt with him differently had we know of options.

🤗 I know you don't need comfort but this really exemplifies the REALITY of disgusting and unfortunate situations like this and what is shown on TV. Fortunately most of the forums members I've come across (no matter if I agree or disagree with them) seem like sane and reasonable people who can separate TV from reality and vice versa... but there is no denying that a majority of the audience of this show are impressionable and vulnerable .. Khushi remaining silent and wishing for Shaym's perverted behaviour to stop is not the right message to be sending out. I think that was at its peak when Khushi chose to remain silent after hearing about Anjali's pregnancy, I think the lines were something like "If this can be resolved without causing much drama, that would be better.." I mean for real?!?!😵 Lives can get destroyed by perverted incidents like this, people can be emotionally damaged and worst being physically violated and hurt which Khushi evidently has. I'm blaming Khushi here but the writers in general, the Gupta's choosing to remain silent?!?! Bua Ji threatening Shaym instead of contacting the police when she saw him disgustingly spying through the window watching Khushi. It's wrong.

Hello Napter,

i agree...however while its horrible to see how the role is being portrayed...it sometimes happens in actuality...the saving grace will be to see how she deals with it.

Originally posted by: tangam

Hello Napter,

thought long and hard because I was not sure if I wanted to put in my 2cents inot such a sensitive subject...

First in foremost let me clear my daubt you say you are tired of people blaming the victim yet yor wanna slap Khushi for innaction and I see many a reply post that says she is to blame...How?

This is difficult because we cross reel and real realms This is a real issue dealt in reel projected to a real audience and I agree with you that responsible film making needs to be key...

thus saying ...i jump head on I guess...into picturisation of victims...as u earlier pointed u have worked with rape victims so I donot have to tell you that they come in all shapes sizes back grounds emotional levels they come as diff as you and me and deal with things differently and when cornored act out differently and this also depends on the circumstance and support a victim has at that given time...and her/his use of same...and of course the biggier the perpetrators manipulation of this...it is after all power play and he makes sure that his victim is more or less secluded and feels at her/his lowest before the actual rape...In short you are raped emotionaly, spiritualy moraly before physically.

This is when the rape happens between known and a preplanned one (crimes of passion are diff)

I could go on but enough said I guess...

What you have said (highlighted in red) is so important, I'm warning you that this is a long response! I think the victim cannot EVER be blamed-the man or men who use their bodies to inflict some kind of control are the heinous evil ones who are and will always carry the full blame--No rape victim deserves her rape, they don't lie down and ask to be violated in a way that really just never goes away, and can never be fully recovered from. Of course their reaction to the rape, the aftereffects, etc are as individual as they are. But the common thread has to be a focus on educating people on both what to do after, and what to do IF you feel a sense of danger at all.

I am not saying rape victims are ever not empowered and do not move on and emerge strong.One thing I've seen and been in awe of is the incredible resilience of us women. But here is my point--would you walk down a dark alley, when there is a lighted footpath filled with people going the same way as you? Would you leave your door unlocked in a bad neighborhood, or forget to keep an eye out on the bus or subway for those creeps who try to cop a feel? You wouldn't, right? Why? because you have instincts, which are your first line of defense- by listening to them, you take charge of what you can control, avoiding or minimizing your danger.

Khushi should be given a slap, or a shake because she KNOWS this and ignores it, thus making it seem like going her way is the right way for a lot of young girls watching this show. The message should be, in this case, that she has to trust her instincts, which scream danger, and she has to value her own safety, before thinking of other people's feelings. To NOT do so is an insult to her own intelligence.

To deliberately court danger is criminally stupid. Khushi's reasons for letting Shyam off the hook are completely invalid. Actually she can have a thousand reasons to avoid the situation. Protecting family, being embarrassed, worried that she is overreacting, thinking someone wont believe it-. The horrible truth is that NOT ONE of these considerations will matter if she is raped or violated in any way. She wont be feeling better if this heinous thing happens to her and she thinks well, I thought Di's marriage would be saved, so at least I had good intentions.

I want to mention that the victims always regret one thing, in the aftermath of having been assaulted. If they were acquaintance rapes, if they knew their attacker, a lot of the times there were danger signs, or uncomfortable incidents, or something off, something abnormal. They always regret it the most that they ignored their own gut feeling, if they had it, that they were in danger.

But when you know that there is a man like that in your life, when he has expressed his obsession, you are no longer just uncomfortable by a weird look but are actually being touched and threatened-to still go on doing nothing , is the worst kind of message. THAT is my problem- Shyam is not an unknown shadow hiding behind the door. He is a potential rapist sitting across his would be victim at the Raizada dinner table. That is messed up!

Originally posted by: napstermonster

Oh my god, Sukri!
I am so so so sorry for what you and your friend had to go through because of that horrible evil bas***d! You must know what you did , which was to recognize this was a dangerous situation, and the way you stood by your friend were the exact right thing to do, and you did that! I applaud the fact you helped her see there was no one judging her, this was not her fault, and that she should do something to stop this creep's advances-that was amazing.

You were clearly a good friend, and you did what you could do, given your circumstances, which included, being there for her, and talking it out and helping her see she was not a victim, she could in her own way, fight back. I wish you knew of better options, I really wish girls of our generation had some of the resources the kids do in western society. But given your options-I am so proud of you right now, and proud of your friend for having the guts to fight back, by showing this creep this is NOT okay, and that you will go out of your way to show that.

I think, of course, that your parents, or hers, would instantly, immediately, totally see that what was happening here. Why would you be blamed for choosing a class, or going to college? They are older, they have seen the world, and they know their children and would fight like tigers for their girls, no matter how conservative or sheltered they are, or how strict. There was no one here to blame other than the adulterous creep taking advantage of his position of authority to abuse the trust a student had in him.

I'm positive this was not his first or his last time at this kind of stalking and abusive behavior-men like this dont just target one girl, they do it habitually until they are caught and jailed, or punished.

I'm just so happy you and your friend recognized this as what it was-sexual harassment (and the physical bike ride he forced on her-I'm still shuddering) and did what you could do! This was a dangerous situation, and hopefully you will both be there for others when the time comes. Trust me, this is so widespread, you should share your story and your support and you'll see how many people will tell you their own stories of this kind of stalking. Thanks for sharing, really!

This "Protecting Anjali" thing is getting OLD! I am TIRED of watching it! Protecting her from WHAT? From being married to a "Pervert, an attempted murderer and a POTENTIAL rapist"??? THIS is what she is being protected from losing??

Originally posted by: tangam

Hello Napter,

thought long and hard because I was not sure if I wanted to put in my 2cents inot such a sensitive subject...

First in foremost let me clear my daubt you say you are tired of people blaming the victim yet yor wanna slap Khushi for innaction and I see many a reply post that says she is to blame...How?

totally agree with you, it is disgusting and conveys a wrong message. I think you should write to Star plus about this, this <shyam thing is disgusting n shud npt be encouraged on powerfull media like TV. they have to do something about it,.

Originally posted by: sukri

Yeah tangam I also had problem with this part of Navin's post, but i was ignoring it coz I was concentrating on telling my real life incident here.

Why should Khushi be slapped for this.. whatever said and done, she is a victim, she makes lot of wrong choices in life, made decisions for other, but that doesnt me she deserves to be slapped for anything yet. So have to agree with Tangam.

Infact maybe its her dark past you know, she is not able to feel close enough to anyone and is unable to share things that are too personal, shocking or pleasant with anyone.

She needs love and care for being treated such by her husband and a creep. Cant even imagine slapping a girl facing such a trauma ..

Here i agree tangam and subha

I bIame the cvs for showing it right on the part of the girI to toIerate being vioIated by two men in the name f Iove, just for the sake of famiIy , i find it BS because somewhere it is sending the message it is right to not taIk about it and keep it to herseIf Iike what khushi did yesterday in pubIic i think it is dangerous

Khushi shouId be shown to handIe the issue first and formost taIk to her sister or somebody about it,

I reaIIy cannot understand the reason why she is toIerating this kind of abuse

As i said it is being shown as a househoId issue ,whereas it is not

It has reached the IeveI of crime, and aIso it is not safe to assume anjaIi is safe with this man

They wiII further diaIute the issue with some more comedy , i dont understand how can they shw her ignoring such a serious issue