He looked at the stars above and then at the couch where her fragile form was crouches up sleeping an uncomfortable sleep. He stared blankly at the base beside him on the remembering all the times she had stood next to him, and they had together looked at the stars above, not because they were stars that lightened the dark night, but because they were stars that resembled the stars in their heart- their parents.
His gaze was fixed at the two twinkling stars that shone bright and majestically fading the beauty of the other stars. Somewhere he knew it was his mother, who was looking down at him, twinkling brightly, to show that she was always there at him. She had taught him to believe in things he never believed in, to look into stars that were mere objects of interest to him, to look at these celestial objects and derive symbolic meaning out of them. Why had she done this to him? Why had she so ruthlessly shattered his damaged heart? Was she not the one who had repaired it for him, to have it learning to beat once more? Was she not the one, who taught him that love was the most beautiful feeling that existed? Then why had she done this to him, why had she walked into and out of his life, like it was stage show that had come to an abrupt end?
In his heart pain hit him square constricting his breathing; he hadn't imagine it this way, never in his wildest dreams. A part of him was guilty, for blackmailing her into marrying him, for consciously killing all her dreams and virtues for his sister. But it was her fault. She had left him with no option at all, she had broken him, she had hit him right in the face, and the feeling sucked bad. She shouldn't have done this, she shouldn't have let him into her, when she had to walk away just like that. Had he not given enough evidence that he loved her? So what if he never said it, had he not made it clear to her? Why did she have to go to another man, for money, she could have asked it from him, if that is what she wanted, he wound't have denied, ever. But getting involved with his brother in law, threatening the peace in his sister's life, no she couldn't do that to him, not to him. She couldn't make him realize like that never.
For an eternity maybe, he had been hard towards love because it caused betrayal. His mother had suffered, his sister had suffered it, and he didn't want the same. But somehow she had changed it in him, and made her think of love like she thought of it. But what did he get in return? What he feared. Betrayal. Disgust. Who would tell her how deeply she had hurt him? How her truth had pierced way too deeply in his heart, cutting it from all sides? He was not use to of feeling helpless, nor gazing at stars that never spoke, neither looking at people he had disgusted. If she always wanted to break it, why revive it in the first place? He had learnt to live a life with a part of him non existent, part of him incomplete. Why had she mad him feel complete, when it was to end in him being incomplete again?
She had done wrong, she had broken him and as much as he wanted her to pay for it, by marrying him, he knew he couldn't do it. He was sick of hurting her, telling his how low she was, how she hardly mattered to him. She had memorized the thing probably, and learnt to consent with it, be silent on the matter, and agree to what he said, because she after all was just a weak water lily who couldn't stand the force of the brutal tide he was. She was tired of telling him things, tired of clarifying her true stance, so she had given up. Given up to his unheard desires, given up to her own treacherous fate, given up to her miseries.
A part of him yanked at him, to confront her, but what use was it anyway. She would tell him the truth he feared all over again, and it would hurt him even more, and have him hate her more than he did. He didn't want to hate her anymore; he was over with doing that. He had done enough, he had seen enough. He had done this for the protection of his sister, but somewhere only he knew he had done this for her too. For how much he denied she mattered to him, for everything she was, because denial couldn't eradicate the love in his heart for her, the heart that was still beating for her, for every breathe of hers, for every ray that she emitted, he was still there to look over her without her knowing anything.
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P.S: How was it? I hope not to bad, well I wrote it just too quickly, because I actually felt like writing something from Arnav's pov.
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Love,
Batool😳
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