Chapter 1
Sohai left and I got busy shuffling through the stack of those old photographs I was going to show her today. I thought we might have a good time going back in the past for a while. But oh God no, digging in the past is never a good idea; you come across things that are better buried. Feelings better unleashed. They can actually start fomenting again; but who cared. Nothing was ever going to change now.
I started shuffling through the stack in my hand...
This was the one we had taken when we were in grade four. Shlok was then our school soccer team captain and was tired and weary after losing three matches from Hashir's team. He had taken my handkerchief as a good luck charm, bonkers, always showed me signs, I was busy having a crush on Hashir to realize what that meant. What it meant when he had tied it around his muscular arm and ran around in the ground in that scorching heat of the sun. But see I was never a good luck sign for him. He lost all those matches with that silly cloth tied around his arm. Where did that handkerchief go?
And then came the one when he had stolen the keys of Varad's car and asked me to get inside for a ride; we picked Hashir and Sohai on our way and then the time seemed to fly somewhere and when we got home we were almost eaten up by our respected set of parents. That was inevitable we were a group fresh teens driving on the roads insanely; with loud music blaring; in the middle of the night. I remember not seeing anyones face for the next two months but Shlok had once sneaked in my house when my parents were out on a beach party with their lot. I love my mom for her crazy social gathering mania. He had climbed the gate even when there was no such need to. The stupid guard was asleep. Perhaps that was the first time I found that jerk handsome. Okay it might sound insane; who looks handsome while climbing a stupid gate; but im serious he did. And those were the worst summer breaks of my lifetime. We hardly saw eachother and the political situation in the town was bad. There was unrest amongst the mobs and my parents decided to send me to my aunt for the vacations in her village. I was aghast but not when I came back.
I flipped over before any memory from the village came hitting me hard... this one was when we were at our freshman eve. How Hashir and Sohai had tricked him to chat with a young female faculty member telling him she was only the final year student. It had surprised me how easy coquetry was for him. Even then; we were mere sixteen. And that sweet sixteen came with me getting over Hashir, even though he was still the coolest and most handsome guy in the college. There was another thing shadowing. I had developed a liking for Shlok but he grew so tall that it even became difficult for me to see him in the eye; oh of course level to level. But then he did bend a foot down so I could spread that chocolate stuck to my finger on his face. It was his birthday or perhaps mine. They were all the same. No one knew who was the birthday kid; all four went around like we were just born.
"He is still ready to walk on coals for you.." Sohai's voice came from nowhere. She always left me with such disturbing one liners that I dint know what to do with them after she left. Sometimes I wanted to believe in them but then reality would become too hard. So I keep myself in deception; its an easier way out. That always reminds me of him telling people...
"When the going gets tough; Astha gets nervous..."
But that wasn't always right. He was wrong; sometimes Astha also became insane more correctly blind.
The most annoying doorbell rang. Why wouldn't he just come inside; its always open.
"I have to leave for an important meeting in half an hour." He informed me; I didn't need to look at the clock to see what meeting went late till midnight.
That's Sameer; my husband. We have been married for six not-so-long years... mind my sarcasm. He was the one I was once pretending to love; never knew would end up doing it all my life too. Now I pretend I am happy with him. With him? Actually he is never with me... he likes spending his time out, in meetings during the day and in some other meetings during the nights. Sohai says I should get rid of him. Why should I when he never tried to hold me. Its like zabardasti getting yourself rid of someone who never wanted you in the first place.
I remember how radiant I looked when I told my friends about my all-so-sudden commitment with Sameer.
"Mun dho kar ao Astha" Hashir had laughed out aloud. And I wanted to dig inside my seat. Sohai gave me grave looks. Shlok seemed to have ignored it too. But the moment he saw Sameer coming out of Dad's study...I had never seen someone lose color like I did then. Shlok turned all white like a snow man. I wonder where did he get that smile plastered on his face. Sohai, with her pained countenance, stared at him wanting to hug him tight and console her friend or perhaps tell him this was just another outlandish truth of his life. It was so not original but the funny thing was only I knew it and perhaps Sohai and then perhaps perhaps Hashir too. He greeted Sameer like my best friend and not like...you know who.
"How can you do this Astha?" Sohai pulled me out of my bed with her late night phone call. I wasn't sleeping so their was no reason for not facing the inevitable. I clasped my fingers on the cold grill and hung around as if wanting to fall; not possibly an attempt to suicide. I was only 16 feet from the ground.
"I really like Sameer So!"
"Rubbish!" She yelled and I tried gathering some moisture in my eyes but it wont appear.
"You like Shlok..." She whispered more confident at it than her life. I gulped down the lump in my throat.
"Next Sunday...at 5." I hissed back in the phone; telling her my about engagement. There was utter silence.
"Why are you doing this? Don't!"
I always liked him since I remember getting over Hashir and that liking did eventually turn into affection at 20 but then she came in our lives...
She did all that I wanted to do for Shlok. She cared about him, made him happy, made him smile when he never wanted to, elated him when he was down. Still I was sure he loved me. Because no matter how much Swati was around. I was the one he would ring when worried. My hand was the hand he clamped under the table when Sohai told us those horrible stories happening to people in her village. The only insane thing was he never said he loved me. He proved it by every other gesture; but the gestures were gentle and one could mistake them for mere soaring level friendship.
I never knew until she came to me that day.
"Astha I need your help..."
"What help Swati...?" I asked.
"I need to confess... Confess my liking to Shok... yes I am head over heel in love...please you are his best friend..."
And I was stoned in my own existence wondering if I was dreaming; it must be a nightmare. Trying to wake up from this excruciating slumber I could not figure out what to say to the girl confessing her love for my love.
"Are you sure?" No that wasn't a question. But then I never knew why I said so.
"Of course... he told me he doesn't love anyone. That means I can tell him what I feel for him... he will understand..." She was in her own nirvana.
"He said he never loved anyone?" I asked more to myself.
"Yeah not that way...you know?" She told me ignoring the mist that had prevailed around me. May be she couldn't even see it.
"I'll do whatever it takes Astha... I promise to keep him happy... I promise to be what he wants from the girl he perceives in his life... You are his best-friend...you of all the people would want to see him happy..." And that lead me wondering... Hashir and Sohai were equally close to Shlok; she could have approached Hashir or more acceptably Sohai... but she chose to torment me?
"You will help me? Right?" She asked me with her pleading eyes; those eyes there was so much into them. Swati was always the one who could get around. The one who could convince... whether it came as a trait or her incredible talisman; she wasn't easy to resist. Complete in all accord... and a smile, although poignant, lingered on my face. Shlok was a perfectionist. He knew my flaws... he could never ever fall in love with me. He did love me, but like he loved Sohai or Hashir... of course. I wanted to laugh and that I did when I came home and saw my distraught self in the mirror.
Edited by AshesToDust - 11 years ago
Ye Hai Mohabbatein
