IPKKND 3 - The Alternate Trailer Breakdown

It's been a while since the IPK 3 trailer came out and let's be honest we're all pretty polarized by Gul's 40 seconds of doom. Which of course is why we decided to put together a full trailer breakdown

Ready?

Here we go!

Kairos: Cue overly filtered Mandir Shot. Who needs X-Pro II when you have Gul Khan? Time to move over Insta!

Soteria: Even if you have it on mute, you can just imagine the music here can't you? That classic duuun followed by an overlapping chorus of mandir bells

Artemis: How can we be new and relevant and fresh? Oh, I know, let's start with a dramatic shot of a temple. That should exemplify the nayi soch.

Kairos: OG Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki vibes Parvati is that you?!

Soteria: I mean, if the first episode of your show doesn't involve the main leads dramatically meeting at a mandir, are they even fated lovers though? And are un-fated lovers really even in love? Because why would the heroine ever forgive the guy all the horrendous things he's going to put her through if they don't have ~fate~ to make it all worth it in the end?

Athena: Who needs dating apps when you can hang around mandirs to meet "the one?

Kairos: Tinder for Dramaland Dinder.

Athena: Dinder: Devi Maiyyan Approved.

Kairos: Bruh, no one wears that much make up to go pray. No one wears that much makeup period. Seriously, why does this feel like the hundred layer challenge?

Soteria: FOR REAL. When you ignore the fact that she isn't Sanaya, you have to admit that Shivani is a PRETTY girl, you guys. But they've made her up like she's the villain. No female lead has ever worn this much eyeliner and NOT secretly been evil. Like HELLO? Is excess eyeliner = badass bitch not a well known trope since the Komolika days of Indian Dramas? Even my dad knows this.

Athena: Cue "Silsila yeh chahat ka in the background- I'm expecting Paro to dance into the frame any second now.

Kairos: Yes, let's wear a floaty highly flammable outfit to diya-central. What could possibly go wrong? Also see how my achal is just not-so-subtly floating towards the diya it's going to be shoved into in a bit? #scenception

Athena: LOL, ever notice that mandirs tend to be conveniently drafty? Perfect for accidental flying/entanglements.

Mialena: Ras al Gul meets Gul Khan From Nanda Parbat to Diya Central .

Kairos: ASR 2.0 wearing daddy's suit. How cute. Not. At least his old man's suits (shiny as they were) used to fit. Also, is that a dinner jacket? Surely not!

Soteria: For real I thought you were calling ASR 1.0 daddy in the YASSS DADDY' kind of way and was going to be like, surely bearded ASR 2.0 is daddy'er than 1.0 ever was? Though ngl, the impending setting-fire-to-the-female-lead kind of ruins the aesthetic...

Mialena: Guys, he got the suit from a car boot sale. Brought it off Mr Peters for 3. Bargain. Made ASR 1.0 fashion business go out of business.

Soteria: Maybe he doesn't have access to new suits, you guys. Maybe Advay doesn't have access to Arnav's vast riches and so has to resort to wearing Arnav's old suits instead?

Kairos: Okay a) someone needs to go tell Chadni that less is more, and b) He couldn't shave off the facial pubes? Really?

Soteria: You guys really aren't feeling the beard? I'm actually kinda feeling the beard. I'm really not into clean shaven men, especially clean shaven brown men. I think it makes them all look 12 years old. I mean, technically my preference is shadow but I dunno, I'm not as vehemently anti Sobti's beard as the rest of you seem to be.

Athena: NGL, I'm feeling the beard too hoping that it stays groomed for the entire duration of the show.

Mialena: Guys I'm feeling the beard too. I think it's getting as good as Virat Kohli's.

Soteria: Now there's a man with a daddy beard.

Kairo: *Cue PSY's "I got it from my Daaadddy"*

Kairos: Ohhh lookie my achal is almost on fire!

Kairos: Oh? Hold on...

Athena: Proper boy scout this one he's here to lend a helping hand.

Kairos: There you go. Be free Chandni! Escape from your traumatizing stylistic choices. Be free! (And now I'm thinking of the B-Free vs BTS drama). Also, that reminds me the BG music here totes needs to be Fiyaaa'!

Soteria: Bultaoreune!

Kairos: Random prop placement at bottom right to facilitate the burning of fashion disasters.

Soteria: What. The Hell. Is that blouse? I mean, setting the poor girl on fire is unacceptable you absolute psycho, but didn't Arnav run a fashion house on those rare occasions when he went to work? Maybe his son inherited that keen fashion eye and just could not tolerate seeing such a disgusting blouse. "Your blouse is burning my eyes, so I'm going to burn it. While you're still wearing it. Whoopsie, I'm a tortured male lead who hasn't learned civility/ the difficult art of not being a vicious sociopath just yet.

Athena: Those sleeves!! This blouse is a crime against fashion you guys!! I bet ASR is rolling around in his grave at this travesty unless its one of AR Creations in which case, I bet they went out of business.

Kairos: Sure we have the arson-happy version of Ted Bundy on the loose but let's focus on the outfit for a minute shall we?

Soteria: Have some sharam, Kairos. There's no way Chandni would ever drink beer or have her boobs so outrageously on display! What do you think this is, Game of Thrones?

Kairos: Imagine if it was though who'd be the Lannisters?

Soteria: Obviously 4Lions. With Gul Khan as Queen Cersei herself. "I am GK. Hear Me Roar.

Kairos: And now the question no one wants to ask Jaime?

Athena: More importantly, who's Advay? Joffrey?

Kairos: Gul Khan's How to Pataofy the Ladki 101: Set her on fire and then attempt to put out the fire with your diseased jacket. Yup 10/10.

Kairos: That look Shiva-ji is giving Chandini though. He's like girl, you better not leave this place with the desi Hannibal Lecter.

Athena: Then again when have Gul Khan heroine's ever listened to anyone elses monologues?

Soteria: Or warnings. Or logical, helpful advice.

Kairos: Why do both of them look like they haven't had a shower in months?

Soteria: Maybe that explains her makeup look? She hasn't washed her hair and the grime is making it stick out like that and she hasn't washed her face, just added more make up on top every day. As for him? Maybe he's just been stalking her and hiding in bushes- waiting for an opportunity to make the most dramatic entrance possible?

Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon?

Kairos: Stockholm Syndrome?

Soteria: Crimes against Fashion?

Artemis: Buddy, pal, mate...sorry to burst your bubble but, you've been trying for a decade now. Third time's the charm. Not?

Mialena: How to make sure your love story is (literally) lit?

Athena: All of the above.

Love always,

The Fortified