~~[CHAPTER FIVE- F A T E & C H O I C E]~~
With Shivaay, she had felt a draw. An inexplicable pull and an attraction which had burned through her every time she saw him and which had frequently made its way into her most guilty of dreams. Every step she had taken towards him had been met with pain and a humiliation made all the more unbearable because she knew that she had no right to challenge its cause.
No right other than a feeling, a knowing that he was hers and she was his and that anything else was simply unacceptable. Anika had long since learned to stop fighting fate, and with Shivaay she had truly felt with every fibre of her being that Shivaay was her destiny. When she reflected on the path fate had dragged her down to bring her to the doorstep of Shivaay Singh Oberoi, Anika honestly thought fate owed her. It owed her Shivaay. She could not fathom why else she would have been placed again and again in the path of a man to whom she felt inextricably tied.
Around Shivaay, her heart had raced and her breath had caught and her head had spun with giddying dreams.
And she knew he had felt the same. Hadn't he almost told her every time something messed with his brain and let his heart speak? The alcohol at Malika's party, the medication after he saved her from the goons. Diwali...
But Shivaay's head had won out and made the final decision which brutally severed whatever fragile, beautiful bond it had been that linked their hearts together.
Falling in love with Shivaay had been agonising for them both, Shivaay erecting a barrier between them that Anika had battered herself bloody trying to destroy.
Falling in love with Omkara had been so easy Anika could never pinpoint the exact moment it happened, nor the steps they had taken to get there.
All she knew was that somehow, somewhere... it had.
The reality of their marriage had hit her on the morning they were to be wed. "I can't do this. How can we make a sham of something so sacrosanct?"
"Relationships are what we make of them, Anika. This wedding will only be a sham if we call it that and treat it as one. We might not be in love, but we are friends. I trust you and I want you to trust me. A wedding is the sealing of a bond, and if we consider that bond to be just friendship, then I would be honoured to do just that."
Anika had felt the tears stinging at her eyes. "I don't understand why you're doing so much for me. You get nothing from this other than burden upon burden."
"I jumped out of the boat without looking and now I am the drowning man clutching at straws. I don't know why you think of yourself as a burden, but you and Sahil are the only things keeping me from just letting myself go under. You're saving me."
And the fact that he had mentioned Sahil meant more to Anika than even she could have imagined.
"Sahil, what's wrong, why are you crying?"
"I didn't mean to, Anika Didi I'm so sorry it was an accident. I didn't mean to." And he burst into tears and hugged Anika's waist.
"Sahil, it's okay. Stop crying and tell me what's wrong?"
Sahil dragged her towards Omkara's room and pointed. As Anika looked at what he was indicating, she realised immediately why he was so upset. "Sahil, did you do that?"
He responded by staring guiltily at the ground, stabbing forlornly at it with his crutch.
Omkara had been working on a sculpture of a dancer for the past month and where the graceful model had previously been, there was now a misshapen, squished lump of clay. "There was something on her head and I was trying to reach and get it off her but..." His words trailed off as he realised that Omkara had appeared behind them.
Silently, he walked over to what had been his sculpture and examined the damage, his back to Anika and Sahil. Anika held her breath, waiting for him to be angry or at the very least annoyed or upset.
But when he turned around to face them, Omkara was beaming. "Do you want to learn how to sculpt, Sahil? I was never able to persuade anyone in my family to take an interest."
Anika released a sharp exhale and turned her head to look down at Sahil, who excitedly scuttled over to Omkara. Omkara looked back at Anika and winked.
When two hours later, a clay-covered Omkara approached her with an equally messy looking Sahil, holding what looked like a deformed clown and proudly announced "Anika Didi, I made you!" The vice which had been clamped around her heart for almost a year loosened. Just slightly, and perhaps not enough that even she really noticed it, but it was a start.
It loosened again when Omkara woke up early on the day which happened to be both Anika's first day of work and Sahil's first day of school to make breakfast and help Sahil get ready. It loosened yet again when he saw Anika's withdrawn and quiet behaviour that morning and hugged her during a quiet moment when Sahil went to fetch his bag. "I'll drive him to school, I'll walk him to his class, I'll make sure he's okay. It's not your fault your new boss wouldn't give you today off. " He lifted his head and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "And Sahil knows that. Don't worry."
It had loosened so much that Anika stopped feeling its presence every time she looked at Omkara the day she muttered an off-hand "Hmm, this would suit you." while looking at a picture of an actor with hair slightly longer on the top- not quite as severe as an undercut, but somehow still extremely artistic- and he had come back two hours later with the exact cut.
Her heart had raced when he came close to her and bent his head, letting her run her hands through the silky black strands. She had done it again, clutching her fingers in the soft thickness of his hair and tugging gently until he raised his head. She swallowed nervously as she felt the blood pumping through her body, her breath fast and shallow. His eyes were so dark they looked like pools of ink.
She had pressed her lips to his and the current that had passed through her made her shiver. They'd been in the kitchen and he'd lifted her smoothly onto the counter, her legs wrapping around his waist and pulling him closer to her while his own arms went around her back. His kisses left her giddy, her mind hazy, her thoughts racing. And she more than enjoyed the feel of his body pressed against hers, the heat searing her through their clothes.
But that had been all she was ready for. Then.
It had been enough to lift the moratorium, however, and Anika was delighted to find that Omkara was just as grounded by touch as she was. After a lifetime of being neglected and feeling both unwanted and unloved, unloveable... Anika could not describe just how much the bruises on her heart were soothed by Omkara placing a casual hand on her waist while they prepared meals together, or putting his arm around her shoulders while she nestled into his chest when they watched TV in the evenings. The sweet kisses he gave her on the forehead before she left for work in the morning, and the ones on the cheek which were almost an absent-minded display of affection on his part meant just as much to her as the fiery passionate ones they shared whenever they gave in to temptation and kissed properly.
The first time she slept in his bed, they just held hands and talked until one or both of them fell asleep. Anika had woken tucked into his chest, one arm around his waist and her legs tangled with his. He had one hand over her hip and the other stretched out across her pillow.
The next time Anika slept in Omkara's bed, the only words they shared had been the ones torn out of them in their most intimate moment. Omkara and Anika, over a year after their marriage, had finally become husband and wife in truth.
They talked about Shivaay. Anika and Omkara were first and foremost friends, and friends did not avoid talking about things which upset them. Anika knew that Omkara missed his family dearly as she knew that he felt as guilty as she did about what they both, irrationally, felt was a betrayal of his trust. Though Anika no longer thought that what had existed between her and Shivaay had ever truly developed enough to be considered love, she knew just as well as Omkara did that had Shivaay made a different choice all that time ago... they would not be where they were.
Omkara would not be her husband and her heart would not be entwined with his.
She would not smile at random points throughout the day when she thought of things he had said or find one of the ridiculous poems he left for her throughout the house and in her bag. She wouldn't feel like crying tears of joy every time she saw Sahil talking to Omkara about things like the meaning of life' and females: crazy or genius? Discuss.'. Omkara was a man she respected and who taught her to enjoy her life. To take a moment to just stop and experience the world around her. He took her for walks that went nowhere and trips that achieved nothing. He taught her to live for the sake of living and not just to pass time before she died. He was her priority and he never hesitated for a second to reassure her she was his. He didn't have to tell her.
She knew.
The realisation was sudden and when it came, almost knocked the wind from her lungs.
Anika Singh Oberoi was in love with her husband.
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Rudra Singh Oberoi was not a man who thought about consequences. It was a conscious choice.
His older brothers were both ruminators: Shivaay by nature; Omkara by necessity. It was a shared character trait that Rudra had never seen bring them anyhing but misery.
So Rudra chose to always focus on the present, because the immediate present was rarely as terrible as what had just happened or what could happen in the future.
He lived in the moment, in the now of it all.
And somehow, a series of decisions made in "the now" of their respective moments had resulted in the now of the now.
His right now.
In a hotel bed somewhere in the middle of London.
Naked.
Next to what appeared to be an equally naked Soumya.
Rudra Singh Oberoi was not a man who thought about consequences, but as Soumya's eyes started to flicker open, he decided right now might be a pretty good time to start.
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To say I'm overwhelmed by the comments on the last chapter would be an understatement the size of Rajasthan (a quick Google search informs me this is the largest state in India). I promise I will reply to some of them tomorrow- but it's currently after midnight and I have to wake up at 6am tomorrow for my first day on placement in the Neurosurgery Ward and so for now, getting this chapter out was the best way I could think of to thank you. It means so, so much.
