Rights, Wrongs, In-Betweens - Page 6: Apr 05 - Page 3

Originally posted by: _saumya_

Amazing post KD and Princess Dia 🤣
Honey you too, as I said , the opening lines of this post were just excellent.

Originally posted by: Heema22

abcd

Originally posted by: Ranjinikishan

indira was never alone for your information..Rishi was there for all her difficulties & again he is there now for her..may be u are talking just because of yest's epi..these things did happen earlier too but still rishi gave saat to her..dont worry..thats why people always say indira is one lucky woman to have a husband like rishi

Wow! Such stimulating responses!

In general, there is some irritation at Rishi's Eight Year Pause and his using his forced marriage to Shweta as an excuse for neglecting Indu.

There is no defense for Rishi not doing his bit in raising Indu properly during the eight years of Indira's absence. There is also nothing to be said for his not paying attention to her education. This is how they have written his character and this is how they want him portrayed.

I agree with all those who have said that Rishi and Indira need to talk and need to support each other in this matter. No blame game is going to help them resolve this. I do want to add my thoughts here on Rishi's Eight Year Pause and why I think that both Rishi and Indira are not good parents to Indu at the present moment.

I said this in the original post and repeat myself: there are some who can deal with decisions that are forced on them and some who cannot. This can be argued and counter-argued for endless years. But lets not attempt to judge the right or wrong in it because there is none and that is the truth.

When a decision is forced on someone, there are at least three ways of dealing with it. One: Grin and bear it. Which is to say, accept it and make the most of it. Two: Resist it with all your might and make yourself and the others around you miserable. Three: Accept the parts you want and reject the ones you don't.

It all comes back to what a particular person, with a particular personality type would do in a situation. In this exclusive case, it was Rishi, who made himself and the others around him miserable. Yes, it was irresponsible because he ignored Indu's needs. But to hold on to that and say that such a person is incapable of thinking and being Indu's friend and its useless to have such a friend would be trivializing it. At that time, he was holding on to Indira's memories with all his might and had he moved on with Shweta, I for one, would have had other things to say about him.

There was one occasion in the warehouse when Rishi tied Indira and forced her into marriage (the six phera one). Her reaction at being forced is there for all to see. I remember my reaction to the precap. I did not know of the forum at the time so could not vent, but I remember squirming and feeling used and overpowered. It was a visceral reaction. This was a reaction to something playacted. They did not go ahead with it. And yet there was disgust. This lasted a few moments because the whole thing was unreal. But Rishi was bound to a promise and forced into a marrying Shweta. Something that has the potential of lasting for a lifetime. That's not trivial.

Personal note: My cousin was forced into engineering. His only love in life was music and he had not thought of a 'career' in the traditional sense. His parents thought of his music obsession as an idle inclination on his part and forced him into engineering. He made a mess of it. Did not clear a single exam. Was depressed. Took to drinking. Parents were worried and estranged from their son because he would not talk to them. Finally, my father intervened and brought my cousin from the hostel to our house. He stayed with us for three years in which time he found a bunch of like minded folks. They meet for a couple of hours every evening and make music. He also figured that he might be interested in an MBA because music will remain as food for the soul and he needs to earn his bread. But first, he had to graduate. So, a commerce degree and then an MBA at an age when people are supporting their families. All I'm trying to say here is that its not uncommon for people to remain stuck at a single point in life bemoaning fate and the raw deal that Life has given them. Some people need time and patience to see what you might have known all along. They need other people to show them hope and a way out. Everyone needs some support and to that extent, I find Ila Bedi's view of the world singularly pessimistic.

Coming back to HD, I cannot accept the argument that Indira makes for a better parent than Rishi because she has Ishaan as a precedent. Ishaan was brought up by her from the day he was born. He was hers to mould. As things stand at this moment in the show, if she were asked to bring up Seher from this moment on, then the same things that apply to Indu would apply all over again. She would need to work around personality issues and first befriend Seher.

One thing I missed mentioning yesterday was the moment when Indira told Indu "Izzat maangi nahin jaati, kamayi jaati hai" She was talking to her then as an equal instead of ordering her to obey or comply. But the problem is that Indu is not your average sweet, mature, understanding child who easily lets go of rebuffs.

This brings me to the fundamental reason for my thinking that both Rishi and Indira are not being good parents to Indu right now. In both their cases, their strengths are also become their weaknesses. And these strength/weaknesses are not altered or adapted as needed by the situation. Indira should learn to keep a check on the immediate rush of anger and Rishi needs to know that everything is not okay. Kids are not adults who might know right from wrong. They need to be taught and told things.

But neither can be labeled right or wrong because like I said before, they are just two people who are learning to be parents.

RAMBLINGS

Another point which applies to Rishi and Indira (and to anyone who wants to change even the slightest thing in or around themselves): Change does not happen by asking for it or demanding it. If you want to change something, don't stand across a fence and demand that others change whatever is bothersome. Climb that fence, get on the other side, survey the landscape there, and then bring about the change you want. This applies to farming regulations, adoption rules, parenting, rape laws, and practically everything under the sun.

So, if Indira wants Indu to change, she needs to get down to Indu's level, understand her fears, insecurities, and strengths. Rishi is able to do this to some extent, but he needs to learn to channel it.

Another parenting point I want to add. In my humble opinion (strictly my opinion), the best way to bring up a child is to give complete freedom. The only caveat here is that it should be made completely and totally clear that complete freedom equals complete responsibility. While playing, if you break a window, that's fine, but own up for it. If you fail in the Maths exam, thats fine, but acknowledge it. In such cases, a lot of space is given to the child who makes plenty of mistakes, but only to learn from them. The parents keep a watchful eye on the kid and intervene only when absolutely necessary. That way, the child and parent both work towards creating a healthy relationship. Its possible to shower huge amounts of love and still not spoil a kid, but there is no way in which you can scold a kid too often and win him/her over to your side.

Done rambling...thanks for bearing with me. Please come back with any thoughts/responses/reactions.

Originally posted by: dhanya.r

@red bold: heema, i too am curious for an answer to this question.

I know someone who stammers because her mother has anger issues. The girl is brilliant and is well into her 30s, but is unmarried because of confidence issues. We Bombay folks have to put up with a lot of fighting and shoving in local trains. This girl can take the normal noise, but when someone starts shouting and fighting (even random strangers), she becomes nervous. Sounds stupid, but is true. Depends on the individual who is faced with the issue to come up with a coping mechanism, I suppose. Stronger folks take it head on and turn into something similar themselves (Indu seems like that). Milder, more sensitive folks approach everything with trepidation. Either way, rebel or nervous wreck, there are scars that stay for a lifetime.

Originally posted by: starasdf

I meant like the beginning of the show until Rishi came along. If they drag this track it will be like that again. I do know how much he has supported her when he came as a kiriadar.