Rights, Wrongs, In-Betweens - Page 6: Apr 05 - Page 2

Originally posted by: preethimadhavg

I agree with you Indira should be less harsh with Indu but i also want to say it will sure take some time for Indira to adjust to Indu and the shock she got to see how Indu is rised without any manners. No one teached her what is right and what is wrong in last 8 years.

We should not forget how Indira rised Ishaan literally and she is a very good mother. Indira became a mother of Indu suddenly and seeing her as such a disobedient girl Indira couldnot control herself. In one way her belief in Rishi is also shattered.

As Rishi said Indira is the one asked him to marry Shweta, but she is also the one who asked him to take care of their child. Rishi failed in both matters either it is marriage with Shweta or rising his daughter.

one point i cannot accept here as you said Rishi understands Indu very well as a friend but what is the use. if a friend understands u but never stops you when you do something wrong and never guides you properly in right direction - is not a good friend and we never should have such friends. so in this case Rishi is a very bad father and a very bad friend to Indu.

One more point CVs completely sidetracked Indira's questions to Rishi, Indira is upset that Indu has taken another woman as her mother, a bar dancer. Instead of saying yes their daughter is wrong and both have to take care of this situation, Rishi supported the bar dancer where the whole scene left a bad impact and lame. I know CVs are hinting the next track but a beautiful scene is ruined. and once again Rishi escaped without answering few queiries like why he could not give proper manners to Indu and Indira is right here - marrying shweta is not a right bahana to say for last 8 years he ignored Indu to such an extent that she completely became an arragont and manner less girl.

and about Sajni - oops i once again missed her, i started watching HD from the point where Indira asks principle to demote Indu to 1st class... i am really looking forward to see this character Sajni 😳

Originally posted by: preethimadhavg

I agree with you Indira should be less harsh with Indu but i also want to say it will sure take some time for Indira to adjust to Indu and the shock she got to see how Indu is rised without any manners. No one teached her what is right and what is wrong in last 8 years.

We should not forget how Indira rised Ishaan literally and she is a very good mother. Indira became a mother of Indu suddenly and seeing her as such a disobedient girl Indira couldnot control herself. In one way her belief in Rishi is also shattered.

As Rishi said Indira is the one asked him to marry Shweta, but she is also the one who asked him to take care of their child. Rishi failed in both matters either it is marriage with Shweta or rising his daughter.

one point i cannot accept here as you said Rishi understands Indu very well as a friend but what is the use. if a friend understands u but never stops you when you do something wrong and never guides you properly in right direction - is not a good friend and we never should have such friends. so in this case Rishi is a very bad father and a very bad friend to Indu.

One more point CVs completely sidetracked Indira's questions to Rishi, Indira is upset that Indu has taken another woman as her mother, a bar dancer. Instead of saying yes their daughter is wrong and both have to take care of this situation, Rishi supported the bar dancer where the whole scene left a bad impact and lame. I know CVs are hinting the next track but a beautiful scene is ruined. and once again Rishi escaped without answering few queiries like why he could not give proper manners to Indu and Indira is right here - marrying shweta is not a right bahana to say for last 8 years he ignored Indu to such an extent that she completely became an arragont and manner less girl.

and about Sajni - oops i once again missed her, i started watching HD from the point where Indira asks principle to demote Indu to 1st class... i am really looking forward to see this character Sajni 😳

Originally posted by: Heema22

Kanan. excellent post!!! 👏👏👏 I read it twice! Today, One thing I came to know that you will be excellent mom . You understand child psychology and solution for the problems !!

Two people who are suffering from long depression , never had good parenting or good role models, trying to be good parent ! Is this possible ? They do not talks to each other to find solution but they try to find blame . Only thing we see they do ,is scream and blame!! They do not want to accept blame and take responsibility and they are trying to find excuses rather than solution . And Indu is in the middle . Honey! take a bow for these lines.But, I have seen people who have had excellent parents who failed to parent their children well. I have a real problem with parents who think they love their children and so hitting them is totally justified. its a big NO. In this respect Rishi is better than Indira. (i don't want it to be interpreted as Rishi is right, India hasn't shown us any other aspect of being a mom yet) And like someone has mentioned in above comment , Indira needs time. Really? i have a serious problem with that. you are a parent and you don't have that liberty to take time off. I know someone who failed and was treated like a shit pot by her parents. I know parents might have been really depressed too but who will see to the fact that it is leading to a suicide. A parent should know what he/she is up to. No time off. They think that they were hurt by their children, betrayed and what not but that's so stupid to think that their harsh attitude won't pin a child who is already stressed (from your lessons Honey! They are so stupid to think that their shit does not stink ! )

Today's episode really touch me! I was very sad. I was feeling Indu's pain. They really nailed it . Social issue well handle " How not to be parent " and "how not to be school principle " perfect examples . Most of the thing about " wrong parenting " are written in your post so I will not repeat them .

I see things differently . Both parent want to be good parent but they them self have deprived of good parenting so they had no role model . One grew up with money so he does not care about making money other had no money so money is every thing or solution for her.

Rishi understands Indu better because he had similar situation. Overpowering parents, neglecting patents and he never had any guidance so he can not provide one. so he knows what Indu is but not capable of setting limits for her because he had none. He knows what Indu is going though but does not know how to handle her because no one was there for him.. He probably depended on his friends so he sends her to Seher . . He grew up hating his parents so he knows what can happen in future with Indu . he is able to project it.

Now Indira.. I really felt sorry for her . She is the one who needs help . Anger control is the big issue . Only solution for each problem ( in her book) is hit, Slap , Scream and blame !! Very unhealthy defense mechanism in my book..she needs anger management training. She is victim of circumstance , I agree . Every one of us has reason to act the way do but if the approach does not work then we come up with different approach. she doesn't. . She does not see other people's view point . "My way or high way " mentality . It never works . Real question ! how does one deal with a such a parent? indu has no way out. I would love to know the answer to this.

We never saw heart to heart talk between this couple. They 8 yrs of separation . Indira never tried to know about their problems . every thing boils down to last 6 months. but last 6 months Rishi and Indu very hard time. very emotional time. ( this is not my excused for Rishi neglecting Indus education) .indira should be aware of this .. every one changes with age. They were separated for long time They need time to adjust to each other. Indira as became instant mother of 9 yr old girl . She need to get to know her before she tries to control he behavior . Rishi needs to help Indira to adjust to Indu .he is not working he should tutor Indu at home . He is a good teacher. And that's quite unbelievable , isn't it? You come back home after 8 long years and as soon as you are back, you ask for bachat khata from everyone i.e. Munna, Sunaina and Kutumb. You joke around with your husband about other women and in matter of hours you say that i have a lot of zimmedari. Not for once did she want to have a heart to heart talk with her family, husband and daughter. Reallly poor handling by the CVs.

In my view point they both need to sit down and talk and discussed their child and they need to save uniformed approach to big problem so they will not not manipulated . They both compliment each other so they should share parenting . Indu needs love , needs mother and father , needs security . She fought to get her Mom back in her life. She was craving for Mom. Indira needs to prove she is worthy of that fight and wait . Indu went though emotional turmoil and Indira needs to be aware of this to be good mom. i hope whatever Rishi said helps her. I also hope that Rishi keeps up the promise of earning . HD would be a better place 😛

Originally posted by: starasdf

I agree with you completely. Both are at fault - Indira in the beginning where she asked Rishi to marry Swetha (Haven't seen those episodes though) and Rishi for completely ignoring Indu. We can see that he loves her but the mannerisms that he should have given is a must. It is understandable that he was broken but because of him forgetting now Indu, Indira and he himself are going to be paying.

At the same time it will be hard for Indu who just got her mom back and now her mom is not giving her the kind of attention she expected.

Now my only problem is that I really don't want the Indu disliking Indira to be blown up and dragged endlessly. Because once again Indira is alone.

I have started watching Hitler Didi after a good year or maybe more only because I saw Indu-Indira bonding. They can have their tiffs, hitlergiri matches and what not but at the end of the day I want to see the love and support for each other from them.

-Star

Originally posted by: AllThingsNice

@bold-1: Seema, since when have you been watching HD? Kya aapko pata nahin ki logical questions are a strict no??HD walo ke gajani nature ka asar hai,kya karoon.

@bold-2: I really love the way you've put this 👏

Originally posted by: AllThingsNice

So Indu is actually caught red-handed by Indira. Her worst fear came true even if the spanking did not. I am glad she was caught red handed...because if she was not ...she would have repeated it again as there would have nothing like that in her mind that it was wrong...she was wrong . Not her mistake...nobody taught her the difference between right and wrong .

There are again too many questions with regard to today's episode. Those of you who deal with children and child psychology may have a more informed approach, but to my layperson mind, things needed moderation. Everything, I thought was at an extreme. Do not get me wrong, however. Not for a moment am I doubting the intentions and motives of Indira as a mother.
Yup it was...extreme...but it had to be as well...indira toh has come after so many 8 years...and it's just days only from which she knew indu...then did it...if i would have done this kind of mistake...taking someone else as my mom to meet my principal...and i was rusticated...hid such a big thing from mom...and was roaming on roads ...i feel even my mom would have given a tight slap at the moment . So that i remember it ...and never repeat it througout my life . Being slapped doesn't mean being insulted ...especially when the slap is coming for a parent . Of course for the moment...the parent will be the worst person in the world...but one does realize gradually that how right the parent was . Now coming back to indira...she was so happy that she has a child...right now she is the priority for her...she thought her child is best like every other mom in the world and even her family was making her believe that the child is the best . Suddenly she comes to know...she lied ( indira hate lies )...at such a small age she learned to hide the truth ...was a very big deal for indira...for every parent it always will be...she saw that principal wants to meet her and she reached there to find one more surprise ...her daughter have took another mother will her . And even after her entry indu never realized that how much wrong she was ...Indira's all trusts were broken...she knew she had to teach her to speak to elders but she never knew indu is a complete spoil child . It was too shocking to her...the whole family nd indu herself were fooling her . and comes the slap ...of course well deserved...now every parent has a different way to deal with the child..i know some parents are like ...don't react there...and react after coming home...but at least i know ...that would have never worked in this case...indu would have taken it as another bhashan...she is spoilt to that extent . ...so for me the slap has been realistic ...because it does happen in real...and it comes because parent is damn worried about the child .

The first thing she did was slap her daughter in front of her school principal and someone who is a rank stranger (as far as Indira goes, Sajni is a rank stranger). For Indu, that's worse than being locked in a room, deprived of food. All rotten behaviour is a defense mechanism and a loud scream for love and attention. Indira realizes this to an extent, I think, but does not know what to do with it or how to respond to it. Its not as though she is not capable of love, but she has her own personality issues which are a result of her own upbringing and mental makeup. If she lets go of her hitlerpana, she becomes vulnerable and uneasy in her skin. And yet, she wants to raise a good, decent, educated human being. But if she wants that, she needs to first befriend her daughter.
Indira doesn't become uneasy or something if she let goes hitlerpana...you will not ofcourse kiss your child if he/she committing such big blunders...such big lies at the age of 8 . She is just in third standard right now . Indira so confidently said to the teacher to ask whatever she wants as she knew ki first ka toh answer karegi but she wasn't able to do that even . I strongly feel she will manage her child well by paying attention to her...now with strictness or with calmness ...i leave in her hands ...i would love to see a mixture of it . It is said parents should become friends when children grows up...but indu is just 8...right now she needs directions and i hope indira help her in finding the ways she will always find light . Like every other parent...all indira wants is to give a life to indu where she doesn't needs to struggle much...and it's truth...if you are very good in studies...struggle does decreases . Studies and books are best supporters in life .

Okay, a couple of things I do not understand. Will a school demote a kid on the request of a parent? Does that happen? Indira's second request was: if she clears Class 1, promote her to Class 3. What would happen to Class 2?
Yes a school can demote if the child is not fulfilling the expectation...and yes it can be done with a parent's request if it is for a child's better future...if the child is forced pass...yes the rule is there ...no failing till 8th...now till 10th...but if its a mutual decision of parent and teachers for betterment of child...it is possible...i know this well as my mom is principal herself of a primary school...and thus i am quiet aware about these things . But in such cases special affection is there for student's who are going through this...all the teachers encourage the child to core...so that they never fail to understand that it's not a failure or an insult but understand that it's a chance which is given by the ones who love the child and is able to look at it positively .

Made me think if it would have been a better alternative to see to it that Indu is tutored and home schooled and brought to par with the class she is supposed to attend in the next academic year. Wonder if that is unrealistic. Because even if the humiliation is not of the type that Indu is facing in which knee high kids are making fun of her, surely, it would dent her confidence. Maybe for life.

Why tutor...?..why not parents teaching her...she is so small...just 8...why should tutors be there...it is a age when parents full attention is needed for the child . I feel even the idea of tution should not come before 6th ...because then subjects are divided...and student's need more attention ...and 10th...because after the stream thing came and a parent if of different stream is not able to explain . But atleast till 5th ...any parent can help...except if the parent is not literate...but in our case both indira rishi are educated . Regarding mking her study at home...of 1st , second , third together in one year ...i feel woud have been a difficult task...not for indira...but for indu to grip things . Courses are designed in a way that child can grip them with in a year...which is ample time . But making a child learn three year courses in one years...that too a child of 8 year ...will be injustice to the child . It will be too much burden . It was better in indira's way . First complete 1st...then start from third...in holidays...some things of second can be taught to her which are important for third ...why not of first doe like that...as indira said...jab buniyat hi kamzor ho ...us par imaratein nahi banai ja sakti . And here first is buniyat...she needs to have grip on the course ...should do it in a perfect way to make her base strong . Because its reality...if base remains weak...its is difficult for a child to excel ...even when he/she is putting his/her 100%...base is very imp . .Regarding her confidence beaten up for life ...now indira is a mother and she knows what she has done ...so she of course will take care of it...moreover even indu is not a kind of child whose confidence will break so easily...as indira explained her...that's its not punishment ...but a chance for her . She wants indu to prove herself . Now if the case is this...indira will keep communicating to teachers...and students ko ...woh bhi itne choto ko teachers can handle well . So i feel...if indira is taken such a decision...she knows the consequences as well . She will not let her child go in depression or something like that .

Rishi is at the receiving end for raising Indu so badly. There is truth in some part of that and some part of that is unfair. I have often wondered why no one keeps Indu in check. But all said and done, Rishi is more in tune with Indu's psyche and manner of thinking. He can read her well. Something that Indira is yet to begin doing. She loves Indu, no doubt, but does not know her well enough yet. And before she got to know her, she has started disciplining her. In Hitler style. Too much too soon.
So what...balki its so bad to know...that yes rishi can read indu's actions...still never paid attention on her daughter never thought of mending her ways...how careless can he be ???We have seen him supporting her wrong actions...where is the explanation for that ????...what's the whole purpose of befriending you child...when you don't care enough to show right directions to your child . And leave caring...he was not even bothered...that her daughter wasn't going to school for full 6 months...so what...if indira had come that time...even when my dadi ( i loved her the most ...bachpan se bade hone tak ...i learn so many things from her...i used to love spending my time with her...) was in hospital for a year and then left us...i din't stopped going to school . ...even i was hell disturbed...used to cry...even used to search her in house sometimes...but my parents did care to send me to school and i know that was for me . My mummy used to tell me dadi wants to see you as an engineer bache...and agar padhoge nahi...to apni dadi ka sapna kaise poora karoge . Nahi karoge unka sapna poora ? and that used to encourage me so much...So why wasn't rishi that careful ?...and he even din't know that her school fees is due for six months...that's such a big thing...a school will actually can rusticate the student for this ...but rishi gives a damn to it...actually usne kabhi pay ki hi nahi hogi...pehle shweta pay karti hogi...aur now meher kyun pay karegi ...i never got how can a father get this careless about his child ...i repeat...the only child .And regarding indira...at this point of time...what indu has made into...turned into...indira needs to be strict her...she will not be in control else . But yup i agreee...too soon...too much happened ...indira would have never thought that her daughter would have been upbringed like that . I just hope she takes care of her now...indu needs atmost attention right now ...

Rishi's "excuses" for being a bad father (according to Indira) might sound lame, mostly because he does not earn and run the family. But the fact remains that Indira was the one who forced him to marry Shweta. There are some who can deal with decisions that are forced on them and some who cannot. There is a huge patch of grey there which can be called a number of things. But at the end of it all, he understands Indu more as a friend than as a parent. He is able to put himself in her shoes and think from there. He has sensed that this incident will further fuel the rebel in Indu who, by virtue of being a nine year old, does not know how to deal with her emotions. Indu is feeling betrayed, let down, and insulted by her own mother. And he lets Indira know this without mincing words. For Indira, this is a revelation. It comes back to the same point raised yesterday: is it that Rishi and Indu do not expect Indira to understand them when they tell the truth? Or is it that they know that regardless of the situation, she will react in the only way she knows?
So...indira forced him into marriage thus he will not take any responsibility...because indira leaved her an shweta was her wife...when indar leaved indira...it was the same thing for her...she idolize her father...she had to leave the dream of her life...things which would have given her "sukoon "...she worked on family demands...even she would have given the excuse...that papa chale gaye...studies poori nahi kar pai...to main chidchidi ho gayi...but no...she did took all the responsibilities and did justice to them ...indira perfectly pointed out...6 mahine pehle toh chod di thi na shaadi...tab ...tab kaha tha...jab zaara ke peeche bhag raha tha . There is no way you can run from your responsibility...especially when the responsibility is of your child . Regarding rishi understanding indu as a friend...a friend who gets impress when you lie...a friend who even being elder never tells you the diffence between right and wrong...the friend who encourage your mistakes...is of no use ...is dangerous . And one more thing i will like to point here...if indu...did not took indira with her...she dindn't even took rishi with her . The letter asked parents not mother . If indira wasn't told the truth...even rishi was unaware of it . So if indu don't trust indira and thus din't told the truth...she din't cared to tell to rishi too . She fooled him as well...with crocodile tears and rishi...who is claimed to understand her was easily fooled too . So before telling indira that her daughter took someone else...he should look into this too...the daughter even din't choose him as well . It's so good na that a daughter feels that it's always easy to fool her father but is scared that if mom get's to know she will kill her . That scare is much better than the fooling idea...atleast that scare will stop her in future from doing such things . She will be scared that her mom will find out and she will get it .

Throughout I kept thinking what could have been done or should have been done. Is there really a right and wrong here? Sure, this could have been handled in a hundred different ways, but who is to say that any of those would have worked? Is Indira wrong? Maybe in method, but not in intent. Is Rishi wrong? Again, maybe in method but not in intent. This is what I meant about extremes. Both these parents are at extremes. One is too strict and the other is too lenient. The moderation is missing.
Not just moderation...the team work is missing in the case . In parenthood...its like when a parent went strict...other calm the situation by explaining and vice versa...but here only indira gets strict as well as explaining...a child will never be able to understand this change of emotion...like this indu will not get her mom's intentions are good...rishi should work here and talk to indu...telling her how much your mother loves you and all she is doing is for you . She is tensed for you etc etc . But no he will instead tell indira that your daughter will hate you . Abhi toh indu choti hain...slowly she will grow up...kaise tackle karenge yeh dono usse...yeh dono toh bas ek doosre se ladte reh jayenge . I wish rishi apni galtiyon ko realize kare instead of fighting back...exuses dekar bachne se kuch nahi milega ...and indira rishi ko maaf karke aage badhe ... because rishi se ladne se ...indu will not be back ...and ye dono saath milkar indu ki parvarish kare . I want to see indu shining .

Ultimately, Indira's sole aim, motive, and vested interest is to raise a 'good' kid who has her heart and principles in the right place. But her way of doing it is rough and tough. Rishi wants the same, but his approach to things and people are gentler and more accepting. He lets people be what they are and loves them for whatever they are. Hitler is a case in point. Not once has he asked her to change for his sake. In the short time that she was in Sharma Nivas, he understood Sajni. (His reference to her heart of gold would have had some more value if they had developed that track).
Once again...i don't find rishi's way accepting at all...he never cared for her daughter studies ...atleast indira's anger is a way of care for it...rishi is doing nothing . Regarding letting indu as she is...no...that's not right...parents are there to make the child learn in right way . Agar bhagwaan ko har bache ko khud par chodna hota...toh woh parents ko kabhi nahi bhejta . He has made parents so that they can look after the child...do change their feelings sometimes...do mend their ways when they are going wrong . ...do tell the difference between right and wrong . Regarding rishi not asking indira and accepting her as it is ... no he has done that...2 to 3 times as well...asking her to change . And regarding sajni and the heart of gold waala dialogue ...i was amused...he said bina kisi swarth ke...and they were showing her hathkadi for accepting the things there...and even offered her money...so what is bin swarth ke...i din't get . Now it was a irony that the first kadi came from her . They had not plan things . And last to say that she has a heart of gold...rishi ka usse jan na jaruri tha jo usne kabhi kiya nahi...two ya teen scenes the unke bas...so in short just for the sake of it ...he said that . To make her wife regret her words . Because she does not remember anything .

I am not sure either of them is right or wrong. They are just approaching it from their individual standpoints. Most of all, they are just two people who are learning to be parents.

I agree about learning parenting...parenting is never easy...ups and downs are always there ..because its not the same thing...so many things come and that too in so many different ways and its just the starting...all i want is both of them should care about what is happening in indu's life...she should not be left like a free bird . She is too small for that . She needs to be taught in various aspects of life .

It actually felt nice to see Neha Talwar. That scene with everyone talking to her as though she has polluted their surroundings belonged to the 80s. She has a nice face though I thought she is better at the light hearted scenes rather than these heavy-duty emotional ones. If nothing in this post made sense, please overlook. Those who stayed with it till here, thanks for reading.
I din't like the scene as well...i din't want that kichad dialogue ...what if she is a bar dancer...she is a human being as well...but then indira found her with her daughter...and that too in a wrong thing...so ofcourse anger was needed . Still i feel the kichad thing should have been avoided . It went way too much ...but i loved sajni words after that...not those she said to the person standing there ...i hated that...i loved what she said to indira in return...i wished at the moment and its confirmed from articles that she will understand things later . And i know she will surely apologize for her mistake . And i will love the moment .