Who Am I? - Page 3

Originally posted by: -Rinky-

I am a little girl who loved my daddy,I believed he was my idol. When I woke up in the morning the first thing I wanted to see, was his face . When I ran back from school the first voice I wanted to hear was his. When I lulled into sleep I wanted his lap to be my bed, lulling me into deep peaceful slumber.But...Where are you Daddy? Why did you leave me alone? I feel so lonely? I hate you so much yet I wait for you to return...

I accepted all your responsibilities thinking they were mine. Never could fit into your shoes though I tried very hard. They all blamed me, called me Hitler...But did I have a choice daddy? I was frozen from within, I did so much for them yet they never listened, they never cared...they blamed me, bruised me with their words. The more they did it I tried even more, all failed they never loved me the way you did daddy, but I still try. I always will, cause they remind me of you daddy...

I fell in love, he was a careless guy. I still can not bring myself to believe I loved him. But I did. I guess somewhere down the line he just entered my heart from some nook and corner and alighted a candle of feeling I never thought I possessed. From feeling lifeless and dead I felt alive again. My dreams seem to be coming true. Of having a family who loves me...

But he lied to me the same way you did. You had promised to be by my side for ever. You did not remain. He lied to me about my only hope and took my trust for a ride...For my entire life I am burdened with the loss of hope that maybe one day someone else would take away my responsibilities and I can live like a normal girl again..

Can I forgive him daddy? can I be a normal girl again daddy? I hope one day I could...

Yours,

anonymous

do let me know what you think guys...

Rinky

Originally posted by: moksha89

allo ji!

I LOVED IT! seriously, i keep a journal and some days when i reflect on old entries, i am surprised by what i write sometimes (whether it was regarding a book a i read, one of my running competitions, etc.) if you note an emotion down in its essence, than its not hard to recognize it. you have done just that. it feels like indira, whom i loved in the opening of HD giving a soliloquy, had written her momentary feelings upon paper.

anyway, so many good posts henceforth regarding why it's hard for indira, and how she is very much human due to her fear and apprehension. but there is another point that i must point out. she is fearless, moral, and cautious BUT i feel like her need to be accepted and appreciated is not only left at that. her desire to fulfill everyone's lives has lead her to follow a certain cycle... has made her a prisoner to her rules. every time she does anything, knowing its right, she will also take the scolding and protect her family because that's what "good children do."

so many times, when paraye (like raj mentioned) like jhumpa, rishi, radhey, etc have tried to point fingers (most times correctly), she has defended her family. i remember when indira put balm on kutumb's knee (because that's what dutiful daughters do in indoctrined society) she had calmly also accepted the taunts since it was the "good" thing to do.

to put it simply, in the many ways she tries appeasing her family through the understood concepts of societal and filial norms...she runs them parallel to keeping the sharma's structured. her desire for their warmth overrules her need to keep them on a tight leash; in effect, disregarding their huge errs which she might have not spared others. in this process, she further and further digs herself in a hole full burden regarding her families. no matter what she does, she just sinks deeper and deeper into that messy mire of sharma-craziness. (i really felt for kutumb when she burst out saying everyone one of her children were extreme in their personalities - indira definitely ended up VERY serious, very burdened, very stubborn, and VERY VERY complex emotionally)

anyway, i also liked how raj mentioned things Rishi needs to do in order to alleviate and vanquish these doubts, fears, and notions indira has on trusting others (and even within herself). Rishi knows what indira has gone through and what her surroundings are like, and he knows what he has done to her as well. i had two friends who lied about something trivial, and it hurt; but they did not break my trust since they had never promised me anything. my hope never relied on that trivial item. indira's case has nothing to do with a possible travelling trip (like i was thinking about embarking on); instead it concerned her essence and her hope, it concerned her life, vidit-bhai. Rishi never even hinted towards that past, and instead built a castle of faith, hope and promises for indira which all turned out to be made of straw. one simple storm lead to ruins.

i'm hoping that he proves himself to indira, like he had to vidit, because only then will these damages be fixed. inder sharma would greatly help on his credit of destruction if he only testified properly among other things. i see indira happy, as long as she knows that there is someone helping her build a future of security and ease. only then will indira learn to forgive and forget, and move on to live her own life.

Originally posted by: Private-Message

Its so touching . Reading some lines of beginning i felt as you written for yourself but hitler word in some line made me realized that its for Indra Sharma.

Written very well.