Okay, so before I begin my 'serious' bak bak here, someone please tell me when Talli and Kesar were busy recovering Gulaal from the waters, who exactly retrieved Talli's dupatta?! 😲 Abi to Kunnu is also so far from the scene?! 😳 Anyway, somehow she found time to swim back, it seems, and get it. I can't imagine Kesar doing it for her, when he has a life pressing matter at hand.
Which brings me to say - yes, Kesar would have jumped to save Talli the same way too, if she was really drowning, or anyone for that matter, I'd imagine. So what's different here? What is so wrong about his claim - uske badle koi aur hota, to usse bhi bachata main! The urgency yes, would have been there for anyone. But the despair - upon knowing she is fine, out of danger, but could have gotten it worse - the extremity of despair at the mere thought, so much that he can stand at the door hearing no more and must walk away - is what sets apart Kesar's attitude towards Gulaal in danger different from any other case.
The opening of this scene - Kesar's labored breathing is back, and how! If initially in the orchard, it had been a mere sprain to render him helpless against his own iron will and be compelled to help her - this is far more serious. For a while, however brief or not, he almost didn't know what had happened to her, he would have given anything to have her but open her damn eyes! For a while, he almost feared to fear his oldest fear... For a while, his old fear and despair gathered blood like a storm at sea, at the prospect of what if. The way it paralyzes him, and plagues him - the mere mention of that possibility of loss, even though he's been assured she is doing fine now, is what is different from if this had been any other damn person but her!
Its interesting how Kesar manages to say - in whatever defense - something very much like Gulaal, and nothing like himself, in his argument with Talli. Agar Gulaal ko kuch ho jata, to hum gharwalo ko kya jawab dete?! Its not something one expects from Kesar, although its typically a Gulaal statement to make. She is the one who would question his drinking, not because it let her down, but because how the household would take it. She is the one who would ask him to behave, remain in line, not go out but rest when he's injured, eat meals with family - blah blah blah - for his 'gharwale'. And now Kesar pulls off the same. Really Kesar, is that what bothers you? That you're answerable?! Not really. Not if you were honest. What shook the ground beneath your feet for that little while of gnawing fear was not about being held responsible, nada. It was only about her. About losing her.
I shall ever be pleasantly surprised by these occasional bursts of unbelievable wisdom Talli seems to have! Tujhe Gulaal ki bohot chinta haina? - Yes Kesar shoots her a gloare hex which reads oh no you don't ask stuff like that if you want to live 😆 But Talli, OMG Talli, is actually smiling a bit?! *head desk* She has little idea of what she just asked, and Kesar - has been cornered by a very unexpected 'accusation' of concern 😆 The way he gruffly pushes past her, rebukes her - really Kesar, how much more are you going to prove Talli right? And we've proved time and again, whatever else is wrong about her, Talli is one loyal friend. She sticks to her case. Questions his behavior with Gulaal when he cares so much - and drives him only into further denial. She takes it to an extreme retorting he would not worry whether Gulaal lives or dies - and no matter what, Kesar cannot hear those words. Not when he was this close to watch his fear coming true! He yells, tells her to quit it and leave him alone. But when Talli doesn't back off at Kesar's high warning alert look, he says something (in an agitated voice that is suspiciously sounding of being beaten down) which is like a key to unravel his mystery moods, except comprehending it like that would be expecting too much out of Talli - jis gusse aur taqleef ko itne saal apne dil mein daba rakha hai, use kuredne ki koshish mat kar - Talli may not know how much those words mean; she may not know what demons she is poking inside him, and she may absolutely have no idea that all the shattering denial Gulaal will receive from Kesar moments from now has somehow eventuated from this interrogation she is shoving down his throat - but I'll still give her the points to dare and question Kesar. That when he's breathing live fire.
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Scene 3
So this scene really bears not one, but two declarations - one each from Gulaal and Kesar. While Gulaal of course makes her first, and even otherwise the very first mention of 'love' factor - whatever tangent she applies it on in her own conviction; Kesar for the first time has been pushed over the wall enough to verbalize having his reason to hate on her, treat her the way he does.
What jumped at me most, in the initial KT bit of this scene, was that when Talli is listing out Gulaal's condition in his absence, the self imposed isolation of sort - Kesar is not just getting his reality check of how genuine Gulaal's pain has been, but also of how their existence over the decade, apart and despite the distance, has been seemingly identical. Because imagine Kesar in the hostel after each letter that he doesn't send back, and each visit when he refuses to meet her, imagine Kesar shut inside his hostel room angered and anguished by the 'betrayal' that never ceased to perturb him - and compare it with all the skipped meals and tears shed and lonely nights that Talli names in Gulaal's condition - to me, Kesar, as he struggles to pose indifference to Talli's volley of facts and accusations, is not just pained realizing Gulaal's pain, but is inconsolably restless in being forced to face this equality of what both of them have undergone in their own place. And any realization that confirms Gulaal's pain as equivalent of his own - just has to stand in contradiction to whatever conviction he may hold against her. The unshed tears in his eyes at this point, the unspoken many words desperate to come out but held back - are not just his pain for her, but his recognition of symptoms that have been identical in his own life. Its like he's hearing his own tale - and his mind is struggling to not process and come to the obvious conclusion hence, of how the parallel of this situation should only imply Gulaal's innocence, should only mean her heart is both pure and scarred like his own, that the blame he has held against her - really, truly, just cannot be her cross to bear!
Interestingly everything that Talli tells him, is everything that he subconsciously knows to be a fact - stuff that he needs no one to tell him, assure him of. But being cornered with it all, is like having to admit to himself that she has genuinely suffered like him, and then try to simultaneously grudge her for betraying him, even making merry of it with accomplice Dushy - which as parallel co-existent situations would just not make sense. She could either have lived with the tears of loss, or have lived in triumph, and good riddance of him. His heart knows the latter to not be true - whatever bitter convictions he feeds his mind off; but being confronted by it so candidly is not what he can deal with. Wo itni akeli hai ke usko khud ka bhi saath nahi hai, makes him look up despite himself, but he looks away again. The whole put to spot and shaken for answers ordeal makes him rebel in a way that he further seeks recluse in denial - even if only in silence.
And then in walks Gulaal. For a moment, the expression on Kesar's face is a gushing relief, but unlike Talli, he has bidden himself to 'not show' - at least whatever of it he can manage to conceal. The play of dialogues hereon is interesting in the way they contest each other. Talli defends Kesar's concern - more for Gulaal's sake than Kesar's - Gulaal surprises Kesar by resigning to his attitude and accepting whatever he chooses to dish out at her - her resignation rattles Kesar - her neutral reactions can never go well with her, so he begins with indignantly pushing his 'I care a damn' attitude further, saying he would have done it for anyone, even an enemy (almost like he's hinting she is one) - but when Gulaal still scores one up, by 'thanking him' for the favor if that't the case, Kesar can no better deal with this taste of his own medicine, and is compelled to defend himself - mere paas meri wajah hai!
Kesar, the eternal paradox personified. Wants to hurt her, and elicit a reaction satisfying enough that she's hurt. Then recoils when she not only submits to the hurt without a fight, but even okays whatever he thinks, feels and believes. Makes a 180, and tries to bait her the other way, declaring he has his reasons. At this point, Kesar is semi-consciously tempting her to ask him why he must be so cold and hurting. It would bruise his ego too much to both win an argument without a fight - as she lets him; or to have to confess his reason all by himself, without being pestered, implored for it. So he's like this little child who's dying to tell her why he's mad at her, but can't stake his ego by saying it simply till he's been pressed and pleaded for it by her. But what does Gulaal do? She okays that too. He has a reason, so be it. He trusts the reason more than her, so be it too! And she has a point. If he can and will trust his reason more than her - what does it matter what the reason is? What does she matter that she seek it out of him, and consequently try to justify herself, clear the misconception? If he can hold a reason against her in greater trust than her heart and person, what will make him trust her word denying any blame or reason? And so, be it.
But what really nails the scene, is of course, the final grand declaration from Gulaal. That she will not change. Nor will her love for him - oh the way Kesar looks up at this point, meets her eyes like he's heard some prophetic words, which unknown to him he has. And finally, mere liye tu wahi Kesar rahega, jise tu khud bohot durr chod aya hai... translates to - mera Kesar. For all the days that he has spent proving to her he is not the same Kesar, occasionally lapsing and managing to counter prove that claim - hearing her say this now, stating simply, that he will remain the same Kesar to her - is huge. And moving. Overwhelming, and simply impossible to ignore. Because only his Gulaal would know what these words can imply. In an inexplicable manner, Gulaal offers him a justification here to all his doubts and questions - by claiming he will remain the same Kesar to her, testifies she is the same Gulaal. But they are, as we know, still a long way to go. Its ironic that Kesar's gets to hear these words from Gulaal at a point where they may move mountains and boulders inside him, but still don't mean their explicit self to him yet - when for a long time after he will realize how he'd give anything at all, to hear them again - to hear her admit he is the same to her, her Kesar...
The fact that he doesn't comprehend their value at this point - reminds me of what Gulaal's friend tells her about not taking something priceless for granted, just because it came by easily. Both Gulaal and Kesar in their own ways manage to take the others love and presence for granted at different points - only to be briefly threatened by its grave loss, which brings the realization of value, and then the struggle to win it all back!
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ps: Sorry for how long scene 3 took, but I actually lost the post once This current version is almost half hearted, because I was so mad at losing the first one - excuse me for that :(
Shiv Shakti
Madhubala - Ek Ishq Ek Junoon
Cricket
