I feel for Gulaal

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rakni

@rakni

Inactive

Posted: 14 years ago

Everybody is pressuring Gulaal into accepting Kesar as her husband because she is the one who chose Kesar for the Deeyarvatu.

I understand that Deeyarvatu has taken place in front of the society and the panchayet has put their seal of approval on it, but love cannot be forced. Many said through various posts that Gulaal has to live up to her promises, but today Dushyant made the comment I have been trying to say all along. Not everything can be forced. A relationship cannot be forced. Yes, Gulaal can start living under the same roof with Kesar but can she love him as a husband? Why do I doubt it?

Those who have been watching this serial from the beginning would remember perhaps that Gulaal made the promise to get a wife for her "devar" when he grows up. Please refer to the Deeyarvatu episode. It was also very clear at the time why Gulaal picked Kesar. She truly had no other choice. What I find a little odd is that the elders who should remember the Deeyarvatu incident do not mention anything about that to Kesar. Nobody, not even Dushyant is telling Kesar what really happened. Gulaal now knows that Kesar knows about Vasant's murder, but even she is not telling kesar the truth. The question is why? Is there a good reason or the writers have forgotten those dialogs themselves?

After Vasant's death, Gulaal had just one focus - to take care of the family and fulfil Vasant's dream. To this day she maintained her promise to Vasant and did everything to make sure she filled Vasant's void in the family. Is it not possible that she loved Kesar the same way Vasant did? I know that Gulsar fans would hate this but really, think about it. If you do not have any romantic feelings for someone, how can you accept him as your spouse? Gulaal always loved Kesar, always cared for him, but certainly not as a husband, ever. She never planned a relationship with Kesar the way it is being forced on her. I feel like Gulaal is being cornered in every way - by a Mother who is too hyper and too overwhelming, by Kesar who is too passionate and too overbearing at the moment, by Jamna Kaki, who is too stubborn, cruel, and tactless, and now by her own Father - the voice of reason in that household. It seems like, the only people who can understand Gulaal are Motabha and Paanbha. By the way, where is Daima?

The bigger question I have is, why don't the people, who are forcing Gulaal to accept Kesar, see that they are in essence insulting Kesar's pride by imposing him on Gulaal. Gulaal has already mentioned several times about her feelings, why can't people respect a woman's wishes? Each and everyone in that house knows the circumstances leading to Gulaal's Deeyarvatu to Kesar, why can't anyone speak up and stand by Gulaal? I am surprised that the reformed Dushyant does not have the guts to face up and admit his guilt. What kind of a reform is it? Paanba knows everything but even she does not defend Gulaal or confide in her husband. I find that everyone in that household has LTM loss or total amnesia. How frustrating it all must be for Gulaal!

Finally I was wondering if the places were traded between Kesar and Vasant such that Kesar were her first husband who died or was murdered then would all the Gulsaar fans like to see Gulaal move on from Kesar after his death and accept Vasant as her present? I guess not. I do believe that some love are so true, so intense that ten years or a lifetime even is not enough to forget. Vasant and Gulaal's love was like that - it was a promise for eternity. I think that is what the show is trying to convey.

DISCLAIMER: I just want to say that these are only my observations about the show. I do not wish to offend anyone at all. I respect all your opinions, views, sentiments, emotions, and wishes. At the end of the day, it is a drama and the writers have probably planned the ending of it. It is fun to discuss the perceptions and opinions on this forum with like minded and not-so-like-minded people. No fights or arguments or insults, just clean debate and exchange of ideas. That's all.

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soapbubble

@soapbubble

Inactive

+ 7

Posted: 14 years ago

Nice cogent analysis! 👍🏼

A couple of reactions:
Not everyone is pressuring Gulaal - very significantly not Pan ba, not Mota bha, who are key decision influencers. Dushyant is on her side as well - he is also influential.

Among those pressuring her are Kesar (obviously), Jamna Kaki who thrusts her opinions everywhere but has very little weight, Poonam ba, who wants a good marriage for Gulaal, Revji bhai, who agreess but is giving Gulaal a lot more space to make up her mind.

Sudha would prefer it if Gulaal managed to shrug Kesar off. Talli, now doesn't care one way or the other (my reading 😉)

Neutral stances: Reva, Yogesh, Sudha's husband, everyone else.

So opinions are quite divided among the various players.

Now coming to the crux of the matter:

Forcing Gulaal to accept Kesar as her husband.

I agree she can't be forced.
BUT she can be made to see that her decision is selfish, and self serving. She has RUINED Kesar's life by being high handed, domineering and making all his crucial decisions for him. AND at least a few of them have NOT been with his welfare and his opinions in mind. They have been made out of her conviction that she knows best and in the end, out of a selfish desire to KEEP HER VOWS -- promises that she has scattered around like confetti!

The panchayat decision was quite just - you have caused harm and in reparation, if Kesar wants to stay married, you stay married to him.

Gulaal cannot be forced to SLEEP with Kesar - that is a matter between the couple but surely she must accept the FACT of the marriage? It is not an inconvenience she can thrust under the carpet. She wears colours, jewellery, she acts like a married woman and in her mind, she is not married! - her status is most ambiguous. Is this fair to Kesar, who would like a more regular set-up?

In any case, as her parents are worrying, what are Gulaal's options? She doesn't want a marriage but she wants to live in Talsagra in Motabha's house. She has used Kesar to retrieve her position as a 'mainstream' suhaagan woman as against a sidelined widow (Don't kill me - purely a sociological observation) but - this is where Gulaal's unfairness comes in -- she doesn't want to hold up her end of the bargain. She tried to MAKE Kesar want a convenient solution but he didn't and now she's upset becasue her well-laid plans have failed.

IMO, the way forward would be for Kesar to assure her that he would not harass her but ask her to come back to the house AS HIS WIFE - and to at least maintain that in front of the world. I think she owes him at least that.
And then, of course Kesar needs to thaw her out - but that's another love story 😳
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Ganga

@Avatarana09

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

One can't force a relationship or make anyone fall in love. But Gulaal tried the same with Kesar. What right does she have to decide that eventually he will have a blissfully wedded life with Talli. She can't force him to love Talli. He agreed to marry her but obviously he still says that he can't love her.

I agree that it is the physical proximity that worries her. She can't get into that phase of a relationship with him. Well, Kesar has never insisted that. She has not given Kesar a chance to clarify that. A guy who is screaming out loud that he loves her. And she plainly ignores and decided to return to her mother's house( I say mother's house because she always felt that Talsagra house is hers)

Kesar was a child to understand about Deeyarvatu 10 years ago. Now that he has confessed his love, Gulaal at least owes him an explanation why she cannot take him as her husband. She has no right to call his love as sin, but she very well has the right to firmly say NO to Kesar but only after explaining to him why she can not. If she explains about her issue about physical intimacy, he may be in a better state of mind, and may be assure her that he would never pressurise her on that.

It is definitely a personal choice to get married and enter into another relationship after being widowed.Life can't be chartered where human emotions are involved. Agree with Bubble and I would say THE BEST LAID PLANS all gone haywire. But then everything does not happen the way you have planned it out. The panchayat was called for. That was her choice. Had the ruling been in her favor, she would comply. Just because it didn't she is disagreeing.

The talk between the father and daughter was a very beautiful scene where a father tried to advise his daughter about life in general. They should have done this long time ago. They should have given her the time to grieve. Grieving and mourning is a healthy process towards healing, emotionally and spiritually. Why they did not realize this for 10 years is unknown. Actually if they believed in this Deeyarvatu, the process of preparing their daughter to move on in life should have happened long time back. Understood that they did not know how Kesar would take it when he grew up, but they should have helped her in the process of healing her over her loss of Vasant.

Her father is giving her space and time by explaining and asking her to consider moving on. If she is still firm on not accepting Kesar, it is still her choice. But she has to talk it out with Kesar and no one else.

Edited by MeySimi - 14 years ago

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Lennie

@Lennie

Trailblazer

+ 5

Posted: 14 years ago

Rakni nice post and well said

I am not gonna write a long reply, or what i feel about the deeyarvatu and what she did, ppl already know that and because i have said what i wanted to about Gulaal for ages and i feel for her, and its not an easy decision for her and be what ppl want her to be...

You cant force Gulaal into feeling something she doesnt and so on, and pressurizing her, it has to happen to her naturally if it does - if she opens her mind and so on, and its something her dad kinda did yesterday, talking about life in general...

About Kesar, yes he loves her - but if anyone else saw yesterday it was bordering obsession atleast (i do understand his dilemma and get him, but he needs something to take him forward as a person), and i think Kesar needs to get a grip of himself and give Gulaal time and space... and also give him time to get hold of himself, coz all i see is desperation from him (which i dont quite like to use word on him, but thats how he is coming across)

As for the marriage, they need a talk - and that being them carrying on their deeyarvatu as how it was in the first place nothing as more then that, thats their starting point...

Gulaal needs to also understand that you can move forward and keep Vasant in memories and so on, and fulfill his dreams by moving forward, living life rather then exisiting, coz thats all she has done exist... she has made herself be in the place she was 10 years ago, we got a idea of that in her and dad's talk yesterday, she has monitored herself like that...

Kesar's love is deep, but right now its getting way out of hand i think - all he wants is her to come home, and isnt understanding why it is such a big deal for her to what he has said when he knows fully why she left home.

Love isnt obsession, Love is patient thats what he needs to figure out and see

Edited by Lennie - 14 years ago

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Incense

@Incense

Sparkler

Posted: 14 years ago

nice post rakni and i love reading it ye we should feel for gulaal ...but what to do we only feel for kesar...so whatever he wants we are ok with it 😛

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*Reemz*

@*Reemz*

Trailblazer

+ 5

Posted: 14 years ago

^But Lennie, Kesar IS willing to be patient with her but he needs her presence with him in the house. He has to do something because Gulaal will never take the initiative. If she assumes Kesar is fine without her then that would just convince her that she made the right decision of leaving the house.

Kesar has been building up all these emotions for 10 years, he's silently waited and cried. That is patience. How much patience can you have? Even so, he is not forcing her to have a physical relationship with her. We saw how calm he was just knowing that Gulaal was there under the same roof. Thats all he asks for! He doesn't know what to do to get her home because just isn't willing to listen. This would tip anyone off the edge and here we're talking about Kesar!

Love can be obsession, Love can be patient too...in the fictional world its both 😳

As far as Gulaal is concerned. I don't like this whole forcing on her either but I think the main motive is to try and get her out of that past she has been hanging on to. That past which can never be her present or future. But one things for sure is that no-one can force her to fall in love with Kesar and even he doesn't expect her to. It's just about slowly getting her out of this caged box which she has put herself in to. Whether she admits it or not, its been suffocating her and her buried desires.

Edited by *Reemz* - 14 years ago

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Lennie

@Lennie

Trailblazer

+ 5

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: *Reemz*
^But Lennie, Kesar IS willing to be patient with her but he needs her presence with him in the house. He has to do something because Gulaal will never take the initiative. If she assumes Kesar is fine without her then that would just convince her that she made the right decision of leaving the house.

Kesar has been building up all these emotions for 10 years, he's silently waited and cried. That is patience. How much patience can you have? Even so, he is not forcing her to have a physical relationship with her. We saw how calm he was just knowing that Gulaal was there under the same roof. Thats all he asks for!

Love can be obsession, Love can be patient too...in the fictional world its both 😳

As far as Gulaal is concerned. I don't like this whole forcing on her either but I think the main motive is to try and get her out of that past she has been hanging on to. That past which can never be her present or future. But one things for sure is that no-one can force her to fall in love with Kesar and even he doesn't expect her to. It's just about slowly getting her out of this caged box which she has put herself in to. Whether she admits it or not, its been suffocating her and her buried desires.

I was thinking right now being patient as well as in giving her time and space for the moment, its been what one day atleast her being out the house

This is where i feel he needs to talk to her about the physical aspect that he isnt asking for anything as such (because he needs to gets why she left and what i meant as in space and time, and he needs to have a talk with her), just her in the house and do it properly i say... because its either gonna push her away or keep her in the place she has been all this time

Yep anything goes in the fictional world lol

I agree with you on Gulaal, right now it is about getting her out of the caged box like you say... and start dwelling on that, like i said the thinking process has started...

I think and hope that things settle down when and if Gulaal comes back home and they start their deeyarvatu how its been... and only for the outside world they are hubby/wifey

Like her dad says she needs to move forward with Kesar (good thing he didnt say your pati) and i think it was better he said Kesar... both need to go forward in themselves and together even if not properly together (if you get what i mean)

What was getting to me is that Kesar looked desperate and i know he is, but to other ppl it looks like obsession and desperation, well i know most older viewers will see that and say that... thats why i dont want Kesar to be labelled as that and not only that Gulaal will see that he is ziddi...

Edited by Lennie - 14 years ago

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*Reemz*

@*Reemz*

Trailblazer

+ 5

Posted: 14 years ago

I-F isn't letting me 'like' posts in this thread for some reason.

I completely agree that they need to talk,it's so important that they do but Gulaal doesn't even want to see his face :( So I guess the desperation for Kesar just comes out. But when they do talk I hope Kesar explains to her that he expects nothing back and she was going to stay in Talsagra for the rest of her life anyway. If she, in her mind wants to live as Vasant's widow then fine but there's no harm in acting as Kesar's wife for others.

I really want her back home now. Mujhe yeh talli aur sudha ka koi bharosa nahin!

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Anjalg

@Anjalg

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

I don't think she is being forced into accepting Kesar. When she was leaving the house, MB told her that if she did not want to accept Kesar as her husband...no one was forcing her into it or expecting her to act as his wife. Apart from Jamunaa, no one is expecting Gulaal to start living in that house as Kesar's wife and we all know that Jamunaa has her ulterior motives. What you need to understand is that Gulaal has had a hard life what with Vasant passing away so soon after they got married so the only thing her family wants is for Gulaal to be happy.

Kesar revealing his love for Gulaal is new to everyone and as you can imagine her mother is over the moon because this means that Gulaal gets a second shot at being with someone. What makes her mother even more happy is that this 'someone' happens to be the person Gulaal is married to. What more could a mother want? Gulaal's father wants her to come out of her past and try to move on...all of them realize that this won't be easy but she has to give life and love another chance...

Edited by Anjalg - 14 years ago